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u/Xbox_truth101 1d ago edited 1d ago
My cat howling like he was hurt downstairs, he was just offended that he could see the bottom of his bowl. Fed him and sat next to him crying as he paid me no mind and chomped away.
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u/KovolKenai 1d ago
Somehow thinking about my cat hits me harder than thinking about my parents. They're great people, I have no reason for this preference, but like, I couldn't make my cat understand what happened to me. Aw fuck I'm tearing up.
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u/Aeonskye 1d ago edited 18h ago
I didn't have a cat until last year.
I didn't plan on having a cat or any pet.
Up until 3 years ago, I had had dogs for most of my life until i had to have my last one put to sleep.
Then she showed up as a 6 month old skinny kitten in the garden - meowing outside at me when i came home. I fed her and that was it. Now I would live for her
Black and white cat in pictures is my housemates cat
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u/Xbox_truth101 1d ago
I’m convinced nobody intends on getting a cat. the universe just decides you have one. I found my fur savior as a kitten chasing a rat twice his size behind a job I hated lol
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u/rommie 23h ago
Almost every story people tell me, ‘the skinny malnourished cat/kitten just appeared’ and they were compelled to take it home
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u/Xbox_truth101 1d ago
At least they wouldn’t wonder where you went forever. I miss that fur idiot.
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u/lulu-bell 1d ago
This is what gets me. Thinking of my dog just waiting and waiting for me not knowing. Thinking I abandoned her
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u/TeeTheT-Rex 22h ago
It was the same for me. In the worst depth of depression, even my love for my Mom and worries of how she would cope weren’t getting through to me. But my cat did. He needed me to care for him, and he was always there through the worst life had thrown at me, just quietly there, and I never felt truly alone because of him. I had him for 18 and a half years. Got him when I was 12. He saw me through years of severe bullying that pushed me to the brink, he saw me through the death of my Dad, through a horrible abusive relationship, a diagnosis of MS, a move across country, and always he was there. As a young teen, I would spill my soul to that cat, like a living journal that no one else could ever “read”. I told him all my secrets, all my pain, and sobbed until his wee head was soaked in tears so many times, and always he was there. Quietly offering his love, and his judgment lol. How could I disappoint this small being who seemed to believe in my ability to care for him, even when I couldn’t care for myself?
Losing him was almost as hard as losing my Dad. That cat was my soulmate. I thought I could never have another connection like that again. But 8 months later, I was picking up some pet food for my roommate when a small black paw reached out of a cage and grabbed my arm. He was the last left of a litter that had all been adopted except him. He had a weird and goofy personality, totally the opposite of my other cat with his wide old soul personality. And now here I am, living for another cat that’s stolen my heart as well.
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u/Moist-Question-4758 23h ago
Exactly except for me it’s my dog thinking about him just laying next to me as I’m dead thinking “I wonder when my owner will wake up and play” is actually so sad
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u/syrupy_pancakes2022 23h ago
Same. My dog was a rescue dog. He was horribly abused. And he didn’t trust anyone but me. How could I leave him.
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u/snubbullavocado 1d ago
This is mine too. I can’t/couldn’t bear the thought of my cats not understanding why I’m gone
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u/100LittleButterflies 1d ago
I just adopted my cats a few months before and it was a rough for one. But I came home and started really ugly crying and they both came. They did circles around me and brushed up against me. This cat who could barely tolerate me being in the same room was comforting me. I'll always be grateful.
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u/Preform_Perform 1d ago
Wait, is that common for cats? Mine does the same thing.
"There is no food in my bowl and now I'm going to starve!"
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u/Belachick 1d ago
While I still suffer with intense ideation, my dog is my sole reason for living now. He is worth it. He needs me. Just like your kitty needs you. You are needed and valued xxxx
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u/Eternally_Restless 1d ago
Realizing I didn’t really want to die, I just wanted the pain to end
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u/embracing_insanity 22h ago
For me it was this, and my daughter & my cat. With my daughter, even tho she's an adult I just can't fathom willingly choosing to opt out of life. I love her more than anything and want to be here for her when/if she wants/needs me and I do enjoy seeing her happy and doing well, etc. And when things get really awful - I do think of her and my cat and that is enough to get me through another day.
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u/Eternally_Restless 21h ago
Didn’t think my comment would garner so much agreement.
My therapist told me a few years ago, something along the lines of: “thinking of suicide is another form of trying to protect yourself.” I never thought about it in that sense. And she and I worked on other ways to help “protect” myself from the pain. Suicide is not the only option, but it is an extreme one. And finite.
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u/justSmK 1d ago
The risk of surviving and remaining disabled for life
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u/adhesivepants 1d ago
This was big for me. I'd research methods and what would turn me off was not the "CALL FOR HELP" messages.
It was reading about how "Well you could overdose but you're more likely to wind up disabled and in serious pain than dead".
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u/99sittingg 22h ago
At one point in time, I was considering turning the car on in the closed garage and just staying in there with it. I’ve heard the exhaust will just put you to sleep before killing you. Did a google search, turns out that it will cause severe brain damage before death. The process takes a little while, so if I would get interrupted, then….brain damage for life.
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u/kalirion 22h ago
On the other hand, jumping into the Grand Canyon ... is very inconsiderate to the staff there.
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u/veek61 20h ago
Thank you for acknowledging that! As a former Grand Canyon staff member, it was super inconvenient when a car went over the rim.
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u/secretlychugging 18h ago
Someone I grew up with witnessed someone slip over the edge a few years ago. I don’t think anyone gets over that.
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u/ClassyLatey 17h ago
Went there in January 2019 and there was still snow around. People were jumping up and down on the edge trying to take a jumping in air pic - one guy slipped and thank god his partner caught him otherwise it would have been a tragedy. People are morons.
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u/tryingthisagai_n 17h ago
Felt anxious just reading this.
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u/ClassyLatey 16h ago
It was really scary - so many people die in stupid ways for the sake of a photo
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u/i_t_s_c_e_e_j_a_y_y_ 20h ago
I considered an overpass near my house but then thought of the trauma I’d leave for whoever hit me. And the inconvenience for whoever had to deal with the scene after.
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u/Important_Rub_3479 18h ago
I thought of that as well. What would be the least traumatic way for others but not leave me alive. I didn’t come up with anything and fortunately life got a lot better.
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u/2ndIDArtillery 21h ago
I actually tried this but with a lawn mower. Couldn't fall asleep and ended up with a severe headache. Gave up and vomited. The headache lasted for days. I get sick just thinking about the exhaust fumes.
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u/Parsnipnose3000 22h ago
My cousin tried that and can barely walk or string a sentence together now. He got interrupted before he died but after he'd damaged his brain pretty badly. He's been like that for about 30 years now, I think.
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u/WetMyWhistle_ 19h ago
Now I’m understanding why people always wait until their family is away for the weekend or they are totally alone to do it.
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u/PrudentMission8511 1d ago
Yep. Worried about accidentally paralyzing myself for life in the event of a failed hanging, or having permanent liver damage from eating 3 bottles of Tylenol (I am no longer suicidal)
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u/sexysexyonion 20h ago
A guy in the next town over put a shotgun under his chin and disintegrated half his face but lived. Yikes.
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u/Capable-Self-809 20h ago
Yep, that's exactly what happened to a distant friend of mine. She threw herself out of the fourth story, went into a coma and ended up paralyzed since.. An insane tragedy..
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u/Alltheprettydresses 21h ago
The pictures of people who tried to shoot themselves in the head or face and ended up surviving with brain damage and/or massive facial deformity scared me out of that idea.
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u/Waveofspring 23h ago
A lot of deadly drugs take a long time to kill you. It’s not like cyanide which happens quick. Your organs slowly fail over days
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u/imagine_enchiladas 21h ago
I recently saw a girl have her both legs amp*tated due to overdosing on meds and surviving. Not a good fate. Wish her and other people, who’re thinking about overdosing, peace and happiness
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u/teddykoala 21h ago
I took a bottle of nyquill one night trying to off myself and all I did was trip. And worry I fucked up my liver and was going to live the rest of my life with a failed suicide attempt and a fucked liver. Luckily all I got was a bad trip.
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u/Doritowithnoname_ 1d ago
Happened to one of my mom’s cousins. Put a bullet in his head and ended up severely brain damaged. But alive.
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u/lulu-bell 1d ago
A guy in my town did this. He was at home and his family was too. On the 911 call everyone obviously screaming freaking out. When they arrived the victim was irate begging them to kill him while literally holding his skull together. I couldn’t imagine
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u/Doritowithnoname_ 1d ago
My jaw is still on the floor after reading this….. holy shit.
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u/kz45vgRWrv8cn8KDnV8o 1d ago
Honestly, unless there's a possibility of a miraculous recovery, I hope he died. What happened to him?
Whatever the outcome was I'm so sorry to him and his family for going through that.
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u/lulu-bell 1d ago
He lived disabled with a fucked up face
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u/catnuh 1d ago
That shouldn't be allowed. Why force someone who clearly didn't want to live a normal life into something like that?
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u/peppercorn6269 23h ago
to keep their family happy.. this is the unfortunate truth :( my grandpa begged to be allowed to die at home from his cancer but our family insisted the docs keep him alive in hospital as long as they can... its pure selfishness but nobody excuses it because it's "selfish" of the person for wanting to die and relieve their suffering for some reason
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u/catnuh 23h ago
My own grandmother died of lung cancer, but she wanted to keep fighting til the very end, even when there was clearly no going back. That was her option, and she was the bravest person ever for choosing it.
I think everyone should have a say in their own life no matter the outcome. I think death should obviously be the absolute very last resort, but if someone is in a genuine lucid state, constantly burdened with things outside of their control, and understands the consequences, they should have the option.
The only issue in this society is that good mental health doesn't make easily shaped cogs, so it isn't as much as a focus at all.
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u/rcplateausigma 1d ago
I knew a guy in high school who did this. He shot himself in the head with a 9mm handgun after his gf left him, but survived. Totally changed his personality and he can't function without help. It also looks like half his head is caved in. I feel so bad for the guy. He's a decent person, just very depressed.
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u/Letsgosomewherenice 1d ago
I dated a guy who shot himself. He has a hole in his mouth, most of tongue gone has to wear a dental piece, some of the bullet still in head, blind in one eye.
He felt Like a failure and would call people out on their weaknesses, sadly. The latter I think was anger.
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u/Flipin75 1d ago
For a majority of life, if I had enough confidence to believe I could succeed at killing myself I would have tired.
When your self-confidence is so low it actually saves your life.
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u/Separate-Ad-9916 1d ago edited 23h ago
This is part of why anti-depressants increase the risk of suicide. Before they take full effect, they improve your motivation enough so that some people will make the suicide attempt they've been thinking of doing.
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u/VeeEcks 23h ago
IRL before antidepressants take full effect, you're going through a shitty acclimation process that ranges from An Unpleasant Week Or So to OMG I'm Coming Down Off Acid for a Month.
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u/FuerGrissa0stDrauka 1d ago
So, this was similar to my answer, because I’ve actually been there, somewhat. Not disabled, but I am not the same anymore.
In 2021, I had enough. I decided I was finally done being miserable. I swallowed 5 bottles of pills. My mom called an ambulance, I’m not sure how soon after. They pumped my stomach, I was in a coma for a few days. When I woke up I was so incredibly mad I was alive that they actually strapped me to the bed because I was trying to rip my IV out.
Once they deemed I was fit to be removed from the CCU and admitted to the BHU, they did so. My brain was foggy for days. I hated it in there. I remained mad I was alive.
I’ve had some intense therapy, was put on a different medication, etc. My life is much better, now, don’t get me wrong. I am no longer in my shitty marriage, my children are happy and healthy, I have a wonderful boyfriend, a job that gives me a purpose, a nice house, etc. I would be lying though, if I said it doesn’t once in a while cross my mind.
It took me months to recover afterwards though. I slurred my speech, my wit still has not completely returned, my IQ has absolutely dropped, my memory is much worse, my ability to think and reason at times is not what it used to be. I’ve lost recollection of events. My motor skills suffered, but are finally back to, I would say about 97%.
I think sometimes about how I’d have done it differently. I think sometimes about if I ever decided again, to make sure it was permanent. However, I have to remind myself that things really are better now and I am actually happy. As strange as it sounds, I think thinking about it is kind of a habit? I thought about it for so long that the planning is just always going to be there? I don’t really WANT to die anymore, but in moments I think about it- I get an intense fear that if I did try again I could be revived again and be even worse off.
I rambled, sorry. Hopefully it made sense.
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u/Otherwise-Fox-151 22h ago
Don't be sorry. Thank you for having the courage to share with internet strangers.
Thinking about it is a habit. Usually what happens is some stress in life happens. The energy in your brain starts ruminating on that subject during a quiet moment, that's track A. The next track it falls into is anxiety about what this stress might mean in the bigger picture of your life. That's track B. Then because track A and B have a powerful past experience that happened in the past, it falls into track C,, the past suicide attempt. Thinking about these together deepens the track.. like a wagon driving on a muddy road. The groves in the ground just get deeper every time thoughts lead you back to that memory. It also stirs up emotions which triggers hormones to be released that the brain may find rewarding (even if emotionally it feels BAD) people can even get "addicted " to getting scared or angry because the hormones those emotions release are rewarding to the physical brain.
It makes it easier to get back to those dark thoughts and emotions even if the initial trigger has nothing to do with that past memory.
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u/tha_real_rocknrolla 1d ago edited 16h ago
This 100% – I barely survived a drug overdose in 2020 – kidney failure, rhabdomyolysis, 2 weeks on a ventilator. They didn’t think I’d make it, I spent two months in the hospital, and they had to catheter me twice a day to drain my bladder (imagine a fire hose trying to fit into your... well, you get the idea). The first time I could piss on my own again felt like I just won the lottery.
I remember waking up and thinking "Well, looks like they weren’t going to let me out of my student loans that easy." These days, I’m just thankful for all the little things I used to take for granted – you don’t realize how incredible the human body is until it completely fails to function. Something (or someone) was looking out for me tho - I made a full recovery.
I think I’ve used up 8.5 of my 9 lives, this might as well be the afterlife, and I'm at peace with that 😌 A grateful human being never has to use again, and gratitude is the attitude to live by!
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u/thefinalscore44 21h ago
Hey man- I’m going to very real with you right now- I have had so many thoughts about doing it because of my loans. Going as far as finding insurance plans to cover everything once I was gone.
Going to be real bro, after reading this I had an epiphany that going through with it may have consequences I didn’t intend for.
Thanks for this. I wish you nothing but peace and to be well.
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u/googlewizar 1d ago
I hope things are better for you pal. Much love to you, and I absolutely mean that.
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u/aIoneinvegas 1d ago
This is so freaky omg. I never really considered self harm/suicide but one time I read this story about this girl who crashed her car and shot herself in the head and she ended up surviving but was extremely disabled and I just thought that was so crazy & unfortunate.
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u/DeicideandDivide 1d ago
This is true for any form of suicide. My brother shot himself in the head. Survived but he is now permanently blind and is a completely different person.
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u/iamsurfriend 1d ago
Same. This is a big one. Carbon Monoxide/Helium failure risk brain damage. Drugs failure risk liver problems and damage. Even a gun you can survive but more likely not than other methods.
Or other disability like you mentioned.We unfortunately live in a sick society (still in 2025) that doesn't allow us to use the medical technology to gracefully exit on any circumstance. It’s pretty disgusting that we care more about the rights of people including the mentally ill acquiring gu ns, than the right to end things quickly and painlessly. They are basically forcing other people to live no matter the circumstances.
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u/8bit-wizard 1d ago
A family friend of ours failed an attempt with a gun about 20 years ago. He regained full cognitive function but he has been blind since then. He is one of the happiest, kindest people I know now.
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u/Few_Compote_3821 1d ago
I believe dying with dignity should be a human right. After all, we were all born without our own consent.
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u/AssistSignificant153 1d ago
I've been on a wait list for a therapist for a solid year. Good thing I'm not in crisis or I'd be dead by now. Providence going on strike doesn't improve my chances either. Hope is just magical thinking, such a waste of time.
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u/Gullible_Wind_3777 1d ago
Someone my husband knew when he was a teen, tried to do it via jumping in front of a train. He survived. Had one arm left. Years later he succeeded the second time with medicine. Fucking horrendously sad story :(:(
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u/Jean_Luc_tobediscard 23h ago
I could never do this, it's very bad for others too.
My sister works for London Underground and has had to unwind shit-filled intestines from train axles and got PTSD. Around 2% of train drivers who hit someone commit suicide within a year and 11% quit their jobs.
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u/Universeintheflesh 1d ago
Good reason, I failed and now have body wide tremors that get worse and worse as I age. Could have been worse, would have rather succeeded though.
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u/neduluva 1d ago
The thought of my poor mother. She’s been through a lot, I could never do this to her.
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u/Raven_Skyhawk 1d ago
Same. She lost my sister and dad two years apart. It's just been me and her together for 4 years now.
Although I have to admit, sometimes my vow to myself to not leave her alone like that is very hard...
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u/Everanxious24-7 1d ago
Goodness , exact same thing happened to my mother , she lost my brother and father in about a year and half , I’d hate making her go through that pain !!
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u/Individual-Fee1899 1d ago
You are loved and cherished i pray to see your story of success and perseverance in the future. No matter how much of a stranger you are to me
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u/rollerbriefs 1d ago
Yep, my little brother killed himself last year. I saw what it did to my mom and so now it’s no longer an option for me.
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u/OnlyThanks4821 1d ago
I lost my little brother to suicide too. A couple of years before you lost yours. My mom passed last year, and there wasn’t a day between losing my brother and her death, she didn’t wish she was with him. I couldn’t do that to my kids or my other siblings.
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u/Lazy_Ad5615 1d ago
Me too and I’m her only child I can’t do that to her💔🤦♀️ it’s really really difficult though
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u/No_Habit_2513 1d ago
When I was younger I was super blasted one day and just had enough of the shit. I tied some belts together, put my neck through was getting ready to step through and heard my mom turn the key. Never told her she probably saved my life that day ... many days in fact.
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u/bbqsauceontiddies 1d ago
Mine is my mom as well. She was the one that found her mother, my grandmother, after she had shot herself. They didn’t get along, but it’s still something no one should ever have to see. No way would i ever make her go through that a second time.
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u/Rare-Independent-341 1d ago
Someone finding my body. No one deserves to experience that.
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u/Background_Tower6226 1d ago
Same. I’ve met too many people who have found the bodies and I think it’d be incredibly selfish doing that to someone else. I don’t want my death to ruin someone else’s life.
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u/Moist_Ad_7580 1d ago
My best friend in Junior High found her Mother in the barn after she had hung herself. And one of our son’s best friends found his Father behind the barn after he shot himself with a shotgun. Horrible sights they will never forget.
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u/Nurse-Smiley 21h ago
agreed. the image of my daughters body hung in her closet is forever traumatizing… You do not recover from this.
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u/Moist_Ad_7580 21h ago
You have my deepest sympathy. We are now 75 but my friend can never forget that afternoon when she was 14 and found her Mother who had grown up best friends with my Mother. Her Dad had asked for a divorce, that he had fallen in love with someone else.
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u/Optimal-Bag-5918 1d ago
My boyfriend died two years ago, and I had never thought more about killing myself than the first year after he was gone... of course, the thoughts of my family and dogs were there... but the big thing was that he never killed himself. He had epilepsy due to an accident and the seizures were ultimately what killed him... but during the four years when we were together he confided that he had thought about killing himself... when the seizures were particularly bad... the headaches that felt like stabs to the base of his skull... but the thought of his mother, and then eventually me, stopped him from doing it... He stayed alive through all of his pain...and I can too.
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u/AVGVSTVS_OPTIMVS 1d ago
You are a remarkablely strong individual. I hope the Universe gives you nothing but the best. 🫂❤️🩹
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u/plzleavealoen 1d ago
Honestly? My dogs wouldn’t understand why I went away and it was too much
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u/flavius_lacivious 23h ago
I honestly believe that’s why many of us have pets. They are guardian angels to help us through the bad times by forcing us to care for them.
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u/Full_Possibility_224 1d ago
Basically I'm a coward
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u/Strong-Set6544 1d ago
I’m glad I was a coward because it allowed me to spend time facing the truth that I’m an idiot and an asshole with a lot of room for improvement.
I still suffer, still am lonely, and life still sucks….but every day I’m slightly progressing forward and slightly less of a loser. Some months the wins seem to multiply and fall like dominoes and I can hardly believe I deserve it.
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u/JackDaines 1d ago
Hey. For what it’s worth, try to not be so hard on yourself. When you’re at the stage that you’re considering ending it all, making that decision to keep living is one of the strongest things one can decide to do.
The fact that you continue plodding along even though life continues to suck is testament to that mental strength :)
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u/Abject-Difference767 1d ago
If you've ever seen a failed gunshot to the head attempt it's understandable
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u/smoothiegangsta 1d ago
I was scrolling reels yesterday and saw what I thought was a puppet playing a guitar. Realized it was a real person who shot themselves in the face with a shotgun and lived. Terribly, terribly disfigured.
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u/mhfishbowl 1d ago
My son overcame his cowardice a month ago and hung himself. I get that it's brave to actually do it, no-one does that shit lightly.
But it's a numbers game. Be brave once and end it or be brave every day and face life.
I wish I could tell you it will get better by being brave every day but what do I know? All I'll say is please don't frame it that way, if living is so hard then you're a real trooper. You have my respect.
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u/Teh_Pagemaster 1d ago edited 23h ago
I had my heart absolutely broken by the person I thought I was supposed to be with (this is in my late 20s so it certainly felt a bit more powerful in the moment). I ended up building one of those nitrogen set ups with the turkey bag. I started the gas and sat in my bed listening to a playlist of my favorite artists, and... nothing. I don't really remember if I ever passed out or if I was just in a weird mental state, but when I "came to" i was fine, if a bit dazed. I had no idea why it didn't work, but when I checked the bag, I saw a big hole and teeth marks. My cat, at some point between me making the bag and using it, had been playing with it in my closet. I'd love to think he was trying to stop me, but he probably just liked the way chewing on it felt. He has ruined MANY bags this way lol. I immediately went to the store to make another one, but on the way there I realized I'd have no way of really saying goodbye to my cat. He'd wonder where I was and what I was doing for the rest of his life. I couldn't stand that thought. I also realized that if I'm at the stage of my life where I'm willing to die, I might as well take some risks with my life. I made a big move to a new state, and over the past 3 years I've found a community that I love and an environment I thrive in. I met a girl and we've been together for a few years now. We have a dog and two cats, one of which is the boy that saved my life. It's a really annoyingly cheesy saying, but "this too shall pass" really applies here.
:EDIT: First off, sorry for the typos, was on my phone when I commented. Fixed what I saw. Secondly, I promise I'll reply to some of the direct messages in a bit, finishing with some work. Thank you for all the support, and for those who mentioned that this comment has helped you in any way, you are fucking awesome and are a net positive in the world regardless of what others have led you to believe. There is beauty in the world and peace of mind, even if it takes a change in environment and perspective to find it Keep on living and I know it seems lame but "this too shall pass." Also I'm not trying to come off as a life guru, I still have my bad days and make mistakes, but overall I promise you, it will get better.
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u/AlasKansastan 1d ago edited 1d ago
“I also realized that if I’m at the stage of my life that I was willing to die, I might as well take some risks with my life.”
This is a very moving, powerful statement. Plaster it wherever you possibly can.
I hope all continues going well for you.
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u/Icy-Journalist-1080 1d ago
As someone going through a divorce that I didn’t even want because I loved him (and still do) with every fiber in my being, it’s refreshing to hear that the pain might stop eventually. Without dying to make it stop.
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u/ElectionAnnual 1d ago
I’m in the same boat. My wife has ripped my heart out and she is completely stonewalling me. We really didn’t have that bad of a marriage just hit a rough patch where communication broke down. Sometimes I wish one of us cheated. It would make it easier to accept. I feel physical pain from this and I am trying really hard to not think about suicide. I didn’t even know I could feel this way. Sorry for this word vomit. My point is that we can do it. Time will help and we’ll be happy again. Keep your head up
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u/dark_sparklex 1d ago
I was going to, I said goodbye to my dog and shut the door so she wouldn’t have to witness or get caught in the mess. She looked sad. A bag of treats later I took the noose down
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u/Life_forged 1d ago
The suicide line put me on hold 😂 I figure I should wait till they answer
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u/Rosemerry-515 1d ago
This comment is kind of funny because I called the suicide hotline one time when I was in a really bad place and I waited so long for them to pick up that I ended up falling asleep.
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u/AverageOxygenUser 1d ago
Sometimes I imagine they do that on purpose so you’ll be like “alright I’ll call them tomorrow then”
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u/sleepychi2 1d ago
The only time I’ve called they put me on hold and then the line disconnected. It was so shocking to me that I just laughed
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u/dibella989 1d ago
I never call them when I'm considering it, because I'm worried they'll send cops to my house
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u/flavius_lacivious 23h ago
“Oh you’re depressed because you’re broke? Let’s add a $20k psych hold to that.”
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u/Clairethebear23 23h ago
That exact thing happened to me they sent the cops to my house. I ended up being stuck five weeks in the psych ward.
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u/gottogothrwawy 1d ago
Couldn’t really say. My plan was full proof, there’s no way that train does not kill me. I think it was the understanding that I’m not ending the pain, just passing it on to the ones I care most about. I’d take on an army for them, and yet I was going to hurt them in the worst way possible.
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u/OnlyTheBLars89 1d ago
Kinda interested to see where technology goes and if the world dies before I can.
Curiosity keeps me going.
Also I have a cat with separation anxiety. It wouldn't make it if I was gone.
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u/evolveonhold 1d ago
Random Phone call from my Daughter 30 seconds before i would have. Bike headset auto answered.
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u/Drunky_Brewster 1d ago
As a daughter whose Mom didn't answer the phone I'm glad you're still here for her. It's been hell the last 5 years and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. The feeling may never go away, but those moments are fleeting and there is good in this world. You're worth it to still be here, even if it's just for her.
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u/rabbitzi 1d ago
I read a story once where a woman was driving with her little kid (daughter I think) in the back seat. She was in crisis for whatever reason and was about to follow through with that obtrusive thought/urge (which is common enough that it has a specific name for it, but I can't remember it) to drive off a cliff or ram into a building. Ok but due to being so strung out in mental crisis, she was really about to actually do it.
She said what stopped her was her kid in the backseat all of a sudden piping up to sing the Mr. Rogers song "It's A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood." Sometimes I wonder how many lives that man saved. I sure miss him.
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u/vluggejapie68 1d ago
Jezus Christ man. Are you better now?
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u/evolveonhold 1d ago
I suppose better is relative. I'm not suicidal ATM but I'm certainly not better. I do have some help now tho so trying to work through stuff.
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u/Full-Auto-Asshole 1d ago
Pure spite against reality.
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u/Pale_Razzmatazz4460 1d ago
Facts. Living out of spite got me through some really dark moments.
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u/CoG_Brotato 1d ago
It's nice to meet similar people who refused to end it all because of spite. Honestly, probably the most motivational thing to have happened when nothing else did.
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u/tofuroll 1d ago
I've never been able to find it again, but I once read someone's motivational technique:
I hate living so much that I want to take revenge on existence itself.
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u/Puzzled_Trouble3328 1d ago
From hells heart I stab at thee!! For hatred’s sake, I spit at thee!!!
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u/HappyBartenderB 1d ago
This. I am chronically ill and constantly have the thought if I let go then my haters will WIN!!!
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u/Solomon_is_here 1d ago
I’m going to die sometime anyway, why not live the life that I’ll never get again?
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u/SameAsThePassword 1d ago
Yeah. I get thoughts but tell myself that’s where my procrastination is a literal lifesaver. When you read the stats on suicide, you find out most of it isn’t like the famous cases where they leave a note and plan out everything days in advance. Terrifyingly often it’s a heat of the moment thing and they use booze to get the “courage” (override their self-preservation reflex) to do it.
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u/IceThese3219 1d ago
Gun jammed. Here i am. 👍🏻
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u/TwoMoreMinutes 1d ago
Jesus Christ what was the feeling, adrenaline relief or holy fucking what?
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u/IceThese3219 1d ago
So, i sat there in my bed, pointed at my chest - (because i like my face) - and loaded the rifle, played some favorite music and breathed for some minutes, looking at pictures (parents, ex girlfriend blabla)
Breathed out, pulled the trigger and it just clicked. I had one in the chamber and the safety was off. I really panicked, breathed, throwing the gun in anger at the wall, it went off, breaking my window.
It definetly could've been the end there. but here it is dude.
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u/IDONTKNOWPICKLES 1d ago edited 1d ago
When I was 15 my brother found my suicide note. He came to me crying and he said " do you know what will happen to us if you kys? I will never go to college, get a good job, or get married because I will probably just stay home and be with our sad parents, dad will probably die young and heartbroken, mom will never forgive herself, thinking she was the reason, and our dog will always look for you" Him saying that to me made me realize how selfish I was being. People love me and their lives would be forever changed for the worse if I had done it. I never thought about suicide again.
So next time you're thinking "me killing my self will be better for everyone", You couldn't be more wrong and it's actually the opposite. You're burning down the village as you walk away.
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u/Classic-Bat1680 1d ago
The first time I couldn't carry a chair downstairs without making to much noise, the second was there was a neighbour's birthday party in 2 days and I didn't want to miss it, the third was I was mid season in the flash, and wanted to finish it. It's never some big reason. I just ended up finding little ones to keep going.
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u/Zieeloo 1d ago
The thought that I might reincarnate as soon as I die, which will make my death pointless in the first place.
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u/Pedizzal 1d ago
I always thought if I knew for a fact I would be reincarnated there would be no stopping me. I could just hit the reset button and start over.
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u/AtTheTopOfMyLungs 1d ago
Someone places their hand on my shoulder and asked if I was okay. I was about to jump in front of a commuter train. Never thought about suicide before that. Xanax really fucked me up and I got off of it that next day.
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u/Adventurous_Tree837 1d ago
I hope I can be that person to someone in their time of need, so glad you found a way off of Xanax!!
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u/SameAsThePassword 1d ago
I’ve heard of anti-depressants being linked wih suicide is because it gives the person just enough extra motivation to do something. Makes sense that benzos lowering anxiety could loosen up that self preservation reflex from death anxiety.
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u/Late_Law_5900 1d ago
Benzos are sedative hypnotics, left to societies influences what do they think a sedated highly suggestible individual will do?
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u/deardictador 1d ago
my cat, and not knowing what would (or not) happen after
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u/Cool__boots 1d ago
I got a kitten a few years ago to keep me here when my aging beloved cat son dies. Cats are my lifeline.
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u/Alternative_Mood4572 1d ago
My dogs. <3
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u/buttchuggin69r 1d ago
I think about how long it would take for my dog and cat to eat my corpse. Weird shit
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u/I_might_be_weasel 1d ago
Fear of oblivion and life is pretty sufferable most of the time.
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u/Asleep-Individual-96 1d ago
A volunteer at a popular suicide spot. They noticed I was acting odd, encouraged me to join them for a cup of tea and gently nudged me to confess my intentions to unalive myself. Then they called my family to come and get me. I’m so grateful to them, they saved my life and I’m so glad they did!
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u/TravelingAlia 1d ago
Wow I didn't know there were organizations like that. If I knew of one in my community I'd volunteer. So glad you're with us still. 💙
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u/krblairdc 23h ago
Sounds similar to this guy, but in Australia! Aussie man living by cliff saved 500 lives by offering cup of tea Happy to know there are people like your volunteer and him out there and very happy you’re still here!
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u/TiredReader87 1d ago
- My cat, who was put to sleep this morning.
- A fear of Hell
- Not wanting to hurt my family and friends
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u/SomberThing 1d ago
I was drunk and really depressed a year ago. Literally had the finger on the trigger of my Glock pressed against my temple. Then I thought of my two cats, the only family I have here, and how they would have to eat my face to survive. That was enough for me to put down the gun and get help. Doing much better now that I'm sober.
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u/EfficientPost4468 1d ago
I haven’t finished watching all of my favorite animes yet
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u/Mr_GIitch 1d ago
This comment makes me like anime more as a non anime watcher knowing that it saves lives.
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u/Whimsical-Cheese 1d ago
My best friend killing himself... before that, it was always in the back of my mind, always plan B if everything got too heavy... that heart smashing silent madness of learning he had done it wrecked my mind for well over a year... that helplessness you feel when someone so close takes the leap... it taught me that suicide is not the answer... It won't end my pain... it just multiplies it by 20 and then dishes it out to every single person that has ever loved or liked me... knowing how badly it would hurt everyone I love... that's enough to keep that thought from ever being an option again. Please check on your friends from time to time.. you have no idea what kind of struggles people face, a lot hide theirs well.. my friend had just gotten off the phone with me. He seemed ok, had a job interview within the week... that night, his thoughts got too loud, and he acted on an impulse... his Name was Ryan, and he was one of the kindest sweetest people I've ever known... It will be 4 years this march and I still think about him every day.
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u/Odd-Boysenberries94 1d ago
My children and my husband. I have CPTSD and I’ve accepted that I’m only here for them. There’s no fixing me. I live for them. Not for me.
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u/Pale_Razzmatazz4460 1d ago
This is will eat you alive. I had an EPIC mental breakdown when this was no longer enough. Living for the partner, the kids, the job. When you do this and something leaves or gets taken away (insert deity forbid) you are 100x worse then when you started. I’m trying so hard to find my worth outside of those things now. I only say this because your comment resonated with me, not as advice as I wouldn’t presume to advise anyone, but it helped to recognize only having external protective factors was seriously dangerous business. And if someone would have told me I may have recognized it sooner. If I would have given myself the grace to be ok with not being fixed, i could have starting forgiving myself earlier
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u/icecoldapples 1d ago
I ate an orange and sat in the sunshine. I was really depressed at the time but I was just marveling at how good oranges are and it was a sort of religious moment for me.
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u/DeimosMetus 1d ago
I would regret it. I think if I had killed myself at 16 I wouldn’t have experienced love. I wouldn’t have gotten my dream job. I wouldn’t have such a great relationship with my family as much as I have now. There’s so many great things I have now that I would never had experienced if I had killed myself. The bad is temporary. You have your whole life ahead of you to experience a better time. An improvement is just around the corner. Give it time.
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u/takethelastexit 1d ago
1st time: A Facebook post about a young woman in my town who killed herself after her husband did the same. All of the heartbroken and loving comments stopped me. Oddly I never found that post or anything about it again!
2nd time: my cat survived. She had eaten something and was in severe kidney failure and I planned to go with her, but she pulled through. It’s been over a year and she’s perfectly healthy now :)
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u/QueenAleenaB 1d ago
I used to have a long list...
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u/RevolutionaryLet120 1d ago
Hey add me to your list! I’m rooting for you and love you
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u/WrenTheEgg 1d ago
I couldn’t decided if i wanted to jump or hang myself from the water tower i’d climbed and my twin randomly texted me at 2am asking if we could hang out later. I don’t think i’ll ever tell him what he did for me but he knows how much I love him. I got on Hrt a month later and it’s been 7 months now. I’m doing much better :)
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u/SimplyEvelynn 16h ago
Aside from the burial costing a lot of money, I don't want to die a virgin.
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u/VelVeetaLasVegas 1d ago
Got caught. My actions lead to someone noticing signs and had me involuntarily committed. Been 4 tries, still haven't succeeded.
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u/Few-Variation-3546 1d ago
Cord snapped didnt have a replacement. I just started to feel the tingling in my face and my eyes felt weird, almost bulged like all the blood was trying to gush out. Then I dropped. Couldn't find another cord strong enough cried. I was 12.
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u/SergeantofMargaritas 1d ago
My cat. Was sitting on the edge of my bed, .40 loaded and in my lap. I don't remember much as it was like being on autopilot or walking through a haze, but before I put it to my head, she tried to get my lap. It made me think about what would happen to her if I wasn't there to care for her. Probably end up at a shelter, never to be adopted and eventually put down. So, for the next few months, I lived for her until the VA could finally help me.
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u/outerFoxie 1d ago
My dog always waited for me until I got home, one day I decided to not return, but my mom sent me a picture of my dog waiting for me at the door, she wouldn’t eat nor drink water, she stayed laying next to the door the whole day.
My mother said one thing: when the night came, my dog started crying, and I knew that I had no option but to come back home.
I’m sure she felt that I wouldn’t come back, and the thought of it is what’s keeping me alive till this day.
It happened in 2018.
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u/thefirecrest 1d ago
Honestly? When I was 12 and attempted suicide, the thing that kept me from trying it the longest was wondering how stuff like the Percy Jackson series or Homestuck or Harry Potter would end.
Yeah it’s just fiction. But that shit meant a lot to me and kept me afloat in a very turbulent time in my life.
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u/tlrohrer92 1d ago
In the middle of an attempt my mother walked in and said "maybe I should let you die it would be less hassle". After that moment if I survived I vowed that I would live. It let me know that I was strong and could kick this shits ass. I never attempted it again. In a way her harsh words saved my life. I knew that cruelty like that can't be the way every person is. It gave me the strength to strive to find love, friendship, kindness, and a better life that I deserved. No one deserves that cruelty.
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u/thriceinalifetime 22h ago
I'm so sorry you had to hear such evil, rotten words out of your mom's mouth. Be a hassle! Be loud! Take up space! You deserve to live and feel joy!
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u/eat-the-cookiez 1d ago
Sometimes a person can be alive just to spite people who are horrible… whatever works
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u/hedgerobber 1d ago
A book called a princess of mars by Edgar rice Burroughs.. if john carter could survive all the obstacles in his path .. i could and my life changed!
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u/importantbuissnes 1d ago
the realization that it's never too late to change. I wanted to be different, not die. I just didn't know how
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u/antarcticcardigan 1d ago
Knowing I’m gonna die anyway lol like don’t worry ITS GONNA HAPPEN DARLIN
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u/Bright-Sprinkles-887 1d ago
This song Last Hope by Paramore. The live version on YouTube. I read the lyrics while watching and it spoke to me. I had 3 things to live for when I was admitted to the hospital, now I barely have 1, but when I listen to this it gives me hope. Plus I sing it really loud and play on repeat until I find another distraction. Don't give in to the darkness. We know the pain, mental and physical. Stay strong, we're with you.
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u/Long_Buy9508 1d ago
The thought that my dog who was horribly mistreated before we adopted him wouldn't have the level of service that he has now grown accustomed to. I have a loving husband and two adults kids but without a doubt, my dogs.
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u/AskReddit-ModTeam 1d ago
If you ever need help, please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you.
These crisis hotlines are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services are usually available on these sites.
Just like caring for your physical body, your mental health is important. You matter.