At one point in time, I was considering turning the car on in the closed garage and just staying in there with it. I’ve heard the exhaust will just put you to sleep before killing you. Did a google search, turns out that it will cause severe brain damage before death. The process takes a little while, so if I would get interrupted, then….brain damage for life.
Went there in January 2019 and there was still snow around. People were jumping up and down on the edge trying to take a jumping in air pic - one guy slipped and thank god his partner caught him otherwise it would have been a tragedy. People are morons.
I've been there quite a few times and while I've never actually seen someone fall off, every time there are multiple tourists going beyond the fences and traditional paths and are one slip away from being done in...
The young adult adrenaline junkie types are to be expected but the ones that piss me off the most are sometimes it's a parent with their young child...
One dude was being incredibly risky with his kid and when he got back and was venturing to another spot I straight up told him, "you know 3 people fell of that spot and died last year alone"
He just said "oh" and kept walking like I was the asshole...
I considered an overpass near my house but then thought of the trauma I’d leave for whoever hit me. And the inconvenience for whoever had to deal with the scene after.
I thought of that as well. What would be the least traumatic way for others but not leave me alive. I didn’t come up with anything and fortunately life got a lot better.
I actually tried this but with a lawn mower. Couldn't fall asleep and ended up with a severe headache. Gave up and vomited. The headache lasted for days. I get sick just thinking about the exhaust fumes.
My cousin tried that and can barely walk or string a sentence together now. He got interrupted before he died but after he'd damaged his brain pretty badly. He's been like that for about 30 years now, I think.
Also, the risk of someone else getting hurt trying to save you. Someone I knew tried jumping off a bridge onto a train track, a guy saw her and pulled her off but he ended up getting hit by the train instead. She’s walking around (still with injuries from the fall, but fairly alright) with the knowledge that her act killed someone else, I would feel so awfully guilty about that for the rest of my life.
I had a friend try that, but he was so drunk he couldn't think straight and tried it with a diesel pick-up. While not exactly healthy, a diesel isn't going to kill you
What if we had a tattoo on our chest or our will on our lap that says, "Do not resuscitate! Do not try to revive or save! Give no life-saving measures!"
That's how my brother died. I always kinda resented that he was smart enough to buy a second car so we wouldn't associate his first car, of which he was so proud, with his death. He knew enough about how to do it, somehow before the Internet was widely known. He was always smart though. 30+ years ago and I miss him every day
An older relative went out this way instead of fighting cancer for round three at 85. My cousin found him and he was "asleep" in the drivers seat with a smile on his face. There are definitely worse ways to go. At least he didnt leave a horrifying mess or scene. Had oldies on the radio and an empty Miller Light in the cup holder.
Yep. Worried about accidentally paralyzing myself for life in the event of a failed hanging, or having permanent liver damage from eating 3 bottles of Tylenol (I am no longer suicidal)
Yep, that's exactly what happened to a distant friend of mine. She threw herself out of the fourth story, went into a coma and ended up paralyzed since.. An insane tragedy..
One time when I was younger I almost jumped off a bridge not knowing it was not nearly high enough to kill me. Some stranger with his kid pulled me down. Now I know lol
One guy I imaged did that (I’m an ER X ray tech) he jumped off a bridge but survived, but was then hit by a truck. Talk about shitty luck…. And yes he survived with a shattered pelvis, both legs broken, broken ribs….
Ive heard that people that jump instantly regret it after jumping, of course this is from the account of people who survived. If you go high enough and there is a hard enough surface below you won’t survive. I don’t advise anyone to do this though because sooicide is not the way, its a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
The pictures of people who tried to shoot themselves in the head or face and ended up surviving with brain damage and/or massive facial deformity scared me out of that idea.
A friend who is a medical professional said that of all the options out there, dying from a tylenol overdose is the absolute worst. As I recall it’s exactly what you said-slow but steady decline, organs gradually shutting down, nothing can be done and you die an agonizing death.
How horrible! I knew of a person that tried to kill themselves by swallowing a bottle of Tylenol. They were found and really glad as they had changed their mind about wanting to die. Sadly, they waited in hospital for about 30 days, hoping in vain for a liver transplant that never came. It was so incredibly sad. I never knew that it was really physically painful for them as well.
Yes, overdosing on Tylenol/acetaminophen is arguably the worst method of suicide. People only attempt suicide with it because they don't know how it works, and they have heard about people killing themselves by overdosing on "pills."
Acetaminophen/paracetamol/Tylenol will not kill you quickly or painlessly. It will do irreversible damage to your liver, resulting in a long, drawn-out, painful death. People rarely receive a doner liver in time to save their life.
Personally, I feel that the dangers and efficacy of possible suicide methods should be made more widely known. A person destroying their liver, or rendering themselves disfigured and disabled by shooting themselves in the head at the wrong angle, is not a better result than a quick, successful suicide.
But hey, our society still largely pretends that it is immoral to allow assisted suicide for terminally ill cancer patients who have terrible quality of life and constant 9/10 pain, so teaching people about the realities of certain possible suicide methods is out of the question.
I recently saw a girl have her both legs amp*tated due to overdosing on meds and surviving. Not a good fate. Wish her and other people, who’re thinking about overdosing, peace and happiness
I took a bottle of nyquill one night trying to off myself and all I did was trip. And worry I fucked up my liver and was going to live the rest of my life with a failed suicide attempt and a fucked liver. Luckily all I got was a bad trip.
I hope you are in a better state of mind now. I understand that people can take only so much and that they are the only ones who can decide what that limit is, but I really just want people to find peace and serenity.
Yes, i read the Sykvia Plath book, The Bell Jar (one of my all time favorites) where she takes a bottle of sleeping pills and just goes under the porch and goes to sleep, thinking she will just fo to sleep and die.
She doesn't realize how awful she will feel... and look... in the hospital when she wakes up. The description of her bruised, swollen face was so vivid dreams, and how it was so awful the nurses were not allowed to even let her have a hand mirror...
I never thought an overdose gone wrong could cause such awful damage to the face and take such a long recovery in the hospital.
Plus the chances of waking up in a hospital may likely be coupled with having to be held in a mental hospital until deemed cured of suicidal ideation and behavior. Imagine being locked up without any freedom after waking up after a seizure-induced stroke or something, unable to move half your face.
Yeah my memory is not what it was before the overdose, I can tell you that. I just can’t retain information as well. I used to be able to glance at something and remember it for months. Now I have to look at things three times just to retain it for maybe a week. I also get frustrated quickly, when I used to have the patience of a saint.
When I’m feeling really really dreadful I always think about that guy who shot himself in the head with a shotgun, survived and now has a series of lumps for a face
I read this story about a lady who took a bunch of benzos, her body got up while she was unconscious and she woke up with her head and bathroom all smashed up. Hell no.
A guy in my town did this. He was at home and his family was too. On the 911 call everyone obviously screaming freaking out. When they arrived the victim was irate begging them to kill him while literally holding his skull together. I couldn’t imagine
to keep their family happy.. this is the unfortunate truth :( my grandpa begged to be allowed to die at home from his cancer but our family insisted the docs keep him alive in hospital as long as they can... its pure selfishness but nobody excuses it because it's "selfish" of the person for wanting to die and relieve their suffering for some reason
My own grandmother died of lung cancer, but she wanted to keep fighting til the very end, even when there was clearly no going back. That was her option, and she was the bravest person ever for choosing it.
I think everyone should have a say in their own life no matter the outcome. I think death should obviously be the absolute very last resort, but if someone is in a genuine lucid state, constantly burdened with things outside of their control, and understands the consequences, they should have the option.
The only issue in this society is that good mental health doesn't make easily shaped cogs, so it isn't as much as a focus at all.
This is why it’s so important to have your advance directives figured out before you’re in a situation where others are making medical decisions for you. How keeping your grandparents alive in agony isn’t considered elder abuse is beyond me but it happens every single day.
My Dad's brother had a son before I was born, who was hit by a Mac truck at age like 5 or 6. Somehow miraculously (?) Survived. He's like 45 now, a vegetable, doesn't talk, diapers, etc. He's lived his entire life in a chair, non verbal.
What kind of life is that? To not be able to walk, talk, etc?
Family can't let go, he really wants to, he's deformed but alive... sometimes mercy is necessary regardless of feelings, and perhaps it was the family who drove him to that point to begin with and he just never found the right words to say.
So many bottle up their emotions every day, secretly begging for a heart attack to whisk them away to silence until one day the stress pops.
I used to definitely relate to the last part. When I was a kid, I tried a few actual attempts, but I was too young to really think things through then. But then again, no kid should feel that way.
When I grew up, I just wanted to be in a bad accident or something. Something I didn't see coming. I didn't want to try anything because the risks were too high. There should be way more access to mental health support everywhere and in desperate circumstances when all options seem to fail, or someone is living in chronic pain, the suffering just isn't humane.
Because, medically, they HAVE to do it. If you come into the ER dying they have to save you...unless you are DNR. Also DNR's and suicide mix awkwardly and people can, and will, likely violate it. It's a very grey area to my understanding, although legality varies on country a lot.
I knew a guy in high school who did this. He shot himself in the head with a 9mm handgun after his gf left him, but survived. Totally changed his personality and he can't function without help. It also looks like half his head is caved in. I feel so bad for the guy. He's a decent person, just very depressed.
I dated a guy who shot himself. He has a hole in his mouth, most of tongue gone has to wear a dental piece, some of the bullet still in head, blind in one eye.
He felt
Like a failure and would call people out on their weaknesses, sadly. The latter I think was anger.
I’ve definitely been suicidal in my life, but I just couldn’t imagine being to the point of gun to head and shooting.. just to survive, and be even more fucked up. That’s horrible.
I’d have to imagine the thought process there would be something along the lines of, wow I’m such a fuck up I can’t even off myself properly.
This happened to my brother. He still has lead fragments in his brain. Not from a suicide attempt, but very well could have been, with the same outcome.. he’s paranoid schizophrenic now and serving a sentence for man slaughter. It’s been hell since the “accident.”
After sleeping through a hundred million centuries we have finally opened our eyes on a sumptuous planet, sparkling with colour, bountiful with life. Within decades we must close our eyes again. Isn’t it a noble, an enlightened way of spending our brief time in the sun, to work at understanding the universe and how we have come to wake up in it
This is part of why anti-depressants increase the risk of suicide. Before they take full effect, they improve your motivation enough so that some people will make the suicide attempt they've been thinking of doing.
IRL before antidepressants take full effect, you're going through a shitty acclimation process that ranges from An Unpleasant Week Or So to OMG I'm Coming Down Off Acid for a Month.
Omg I’ve never heard this theory!! That makes sooo much sense although wouldn’t it be nearly impossible to accurately test???? Anyways sounds valid enough for me to believe it holds true with many people lol
One of my kids works in a hospital in the mental health unit and has to manage suicide risk all the time. She's the one who explained it to me so it should be legit.
It shouldn't be impossible to test. These drugs would have gone through extended testing before being approved using hundreds of patients in double-blind trials (ie. half taking placebo without knowing it's a placebo) and this kind of behaviour would have been recorded. I guess it would also be observed in hospitals treating patients and experienced staff would start to recognise patterns.
double-blind trials (ie. half taking placebo without knowing it's a placebo)
I believe that what makes it double blind is that the people administering the pills also don't know whether the pills (or injections, infusions, whatever) are placebo or the thing to be tested.
Pharmacist— This is well documented in most pharmaceuticals. They did do double blind studies, it’s a basic requirement for regulatory approval in the US so any “drug” being sold in the last few decades has been through a few years of allegedly supervised research and trial. The general trend in some antidepressants sees physical effects — therapeutic and adverse — after 4 weeks, but mental effects — therapeutic and adverse — can take 6-8 weeks. In practice, it can take 4-6 months to know how well a medication is working and even not-working. (suicidality is not a reason to stop, but is a reason to support and monitor and adjust.)
After a month or so people might have more energy, waking up less tired, crashing out less, taking a shower gets easier, making meals is easier, the physical aspects are easier. This is what’s meant by “increased motivation” . While the physical condition is healing, the emotional and mental is slower. You have all the energy but still have the thoughts, and the energy sometimes can be channeled to action, especially if they were planning before seeking treatment. Sometimes people mistake the “sudden” suicide after improved motivation to undiagnosed bipolar disorder, but bipolar disorder is not as common as depression, presents in care differently, and requires months of monitoring to establish cycling. The risk is not scientifically attributed to misdiagnosed bipolar, but to the difference in the onset of action and the long term nature of psychopharmacotherapy.
This is documented and you should be counseled on it, and your prescriber probably knows about it. The studies have been done. Researchers follow up with patients and had some who did act and it was often at 4 weeks. “PubMed” is cool resource that can give you access to some of the literature. The studies include the number of patients who died and the causes. The patients that made it through the first few months of the study without an attempt (nor successful attempt?) had a higher rate of meeting defined treatment goals for efficacy.
(This also means physical side effects show up in the first few months, mainly nausea, vomiting, diarrhea. Usually normal, can be managed, and is usually what you’re really judging for the first few months. You can ask your prescriber or pharmacist about what side effects to look for and what severe side effects to reach out about.)
During the first few months of starting a new psych med you should be having a couple 2 week follow ups, then if you get through 2-6 months while meeting your treatment goals or trending that way, your follow ups should become less frequent as your condition is managed.
But yes this is a very real thing and not just an internet rumor.
The 2-6 month rule is good rule of thumb for most low risk medications, adjusting and monitoring side effects as needed.
I was put on an antidepressant that absolutely did not work for me at all and I understood firsthand why they increase the risk. I can’t explain it but it really gave me a very strong feeling that I needed to die as soon as possible. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety at the time more than depression but I had been that depressed like 10 years prior and this med scared the F out of me. Felt like I really could have died after 2 doses and nobody would make sense of it.
Prior to that I thought that a population of people seeking that type of treatment was a thumb on the scale of risk.
This is why there are warnings on certain medications that are supposed to make you feel better saying that It can cause suicide. It turns out that if you suddenly feel better, you might suddenly have the motivation to carry through your plan. It's an unexpected side effect
So, this was similar to my answer, because I’ve actually been there, somewhat. Not disabled, but I am not the same anymore.
In 2021, I had enough. I decided I was finally done being miserable. I swallowed 5 bottles of pills. My mom called an ambulance, I’m not sure how soon after. They pumped my stomach, I was in a coma for a few days. When I woke up I was so incredibly mad I was alive that they actually strapped me to the bed because I was trying to rip my IV out.
Once they deemed I was fit to be removed from the CCU and admitted to the BHU, they did so. My brain was foggy for days. I hated it in there. I remained mad I was alive.
I’ve had some intense therapy, was put on a different medication, etc. My life is much better, now, don’t get me wrong. I am no longer in my shitty marriage, my children are happy and healthy, I have a wonderful boyfriend, a job that gives me a purpose, a nice house, etc. I would be lying though, if I said it doesn’t once in a while cross my mind.
It took me months to recover afterwards though. I slurred my speech, my wit still has not completely returned, my IQ has absolutely dropped, my memory is much worse, my ability to think and reason at times is not what it used to be. I’ve lost recollection of events. My motor skills suffered, but are finally back to, I would say about 97%.
I think sometimes about how I’d have done it differently. I think sometimes about if I ever decided again, to make sure it was permanent. However, I have to remind myself that things really are better now and I am actually happy. As strange as it sounds, I think thinking about it is kind of a habit? I thought about it for so long that the planning is just always going to be there? I don’t really WANT to die anymore, but in moments I think about it- I get an intense fear that if I did try again I could be revived again and be even worse off.
Don't be sorry. Thank you for having the courage to share with internet strangers.
Thinking about it is a habit. Usually what happens is some stress in life happens. The energy in your brain starts ruminating on that subject during a quiet moment, that's track A. The next track it falls into is anxiety about what this stress might mean in the bigger picture of your life. That's track B. Then because track A and B have a powerful past experience that happened in the past, it falls into track C,, the past suicide attempt. Thinking about these together deepens the track.. like a wagon driving on a muddy road. The groves in the ground just get deeper every time thoughts lead you back to that memory. It also stirs up emotions which triggers hormones to be released that the brain may find rewarding (even if emotionally it feels BAD) people can even get "addicted " to getting scared or angry because the hormones those emotions release are rewarding to the physical brain.
It makes it easier to get back to those dark thoughts and emotions even if the initial trigger has nothing to do with that past memory.
I really appreciate how open you were. The explanation of how the planning can become a habit after you stop actively wanting to die is impactful.
I’m glad you survived and have found a happier existence! I hope things continue getting even better for you.
This 100% – I barely survived a drug overdose in 2020 – kidney failure, rhabdomyolysis, 2 weeks on a ventilator. They didn’t think I’d make it, I spent two months in the hospital, and they had to catheter me twice a day to drain my bladder (imagine a fire hose trying to fit into your... well, you get the idea). The first time I could piss on my own again felt like I just won the lottery.
I remember waking up and thinking "Well, looks like they weren’t going to let me out of my student loans that easy." These days, I’m just thankful for all the little things I used to take for granted – you don’t realize how incredible the human body is until it completely fails to function. Something (or someone) was looking out for me tho - I made a full recovery.
I think I’ve used up 8.5 of my 9 lives, this might as well be the afterlife, and I'm at peace with that 😌 A grateful human being never has to use again, and gratitude is the attitude to live by!
Hey man- I’m going to very real with you right now- I have had so many thoughts about doing it because of my loans. Going as far as finding insurance plans to cover everything once I was gone.
Going to be real bro, after reading this I had an epiphany that going through with it may have consequences I didn’t intend for.
Thanks for this. I wish you nothing but peace and to be well.
I’m not trying to diminish anything, but over loans? Please, for the love of god, stop paying them over doing something irreversible. Having debt collectors after you in the United States is far superior than leaving everything and everyone behind. Paying your loans is not a reflection of your character. You are not a bad person if you can’t do it.
Exactly this right here. Especially the things your body does for you. You tell the Universe/God/Whatever higher power you’ll never take a damn thing for granted again if you’re just given another chance.
Sending you love man, been there, hope you’re in a better place now.
Thank y’all for the support! I’m in a much better place today – I stayed clean for two years, got my life on track, and got in the best physical shape of my life at 31. I felt like I was on top of the world – so, of course, I thought I’d figured it all out. (Spoiler alert: I hadn’t.)
But here’s the thing: after all that progress, I started to think I was good. I thought I could just ride off into the sunset and leave the lessons that recovery taught me behind. You know, like those people in the movies who get their life together and don’t have to worry about anything anymore? Yeah, nope. That’s not how it works. I ended up using again and spent a year doing a little meth-and-benzos tour. By some miracle (and a pretty embarrassing seizure in treatment), I made it back and now I’m nearly 90 days clean. I'm getting back in shape, cleaning the skeletons out of my closet, and looking inward.
I always thought drugs were the problem, but the reality is, I was the problem – my thinking, my sense of entitlement, my obsession with instant gratification and validation. Honestly, I was like a toddler with a credit card. Selfishness was at the core of it all. And, no, I don’t want to keep writing that story anymore. Redemption sounds a lot better.
For anyone out there struggling, give yourself a break. Know that someone out there cares about you, even if you haven’t met them yet. If you don’t have anyone like that in your life, try showing up for someone else. Who knows, maybe being there for someone else will help you find your own person. Living selflessly has been the key for me, and I can’t lie – it feels like a million bucks after carrying around that heavy, selfish, suicidal weight.
And hey, I know our time here is short. I mean, look at how quickly 2020 went by – if I blink any harder, I’ll have missed 2025! No one’s got all the answers, and just because you haven’t hit rock bottom doesn’t mean you have to keep digging. Do your soul and future self a favor, and choose life. Trust me, life gets a lot easier and way more interesting when you get out of your own way. It’s becoming way better and more fun than I could have ever dreamed of
Same. Tried to OD, but was found half alive and taken to the hospital. They brought me to, I had multiple IV’s because meds couldn’t mix, oxygen, cath, nurses hated me, I’d have constant seizures and muscle spasms that made me want to die.
Are you in a better place now? You’re still here. Did that scare you from attempting it again or realized it’s not something you really want to go through
This is so freaky omg. I never really considered self harm/suicide but one time I read this story about this girl who crashed her car and shot herself in the head and she ended up surviving but was extremely disabled and I just thought that was so crazy & unfortunate.
When I overdosed apparently the oxygen deprivation and toxic substance completely annihilated my psyche.
I was convinced I was being tortured in some evil facility with doctors torturing me.
One of these delusions, and I don’t like to think of this, was that the doctors wanted to keep me there.
I’d say “I’m leaving tomorrow :)” (typical time spent in monitor post-accident)
And the nurse (knowing i’m decimated cognitively and may not actually exist as a cognizant person) would say “okay honey”
And I would interpret that as “Ha… yeah, okay kid, you’re staying here forever hahahaha you’ll never leave >:)”
I was scared of everything. Convinced the heart monitor stickers were electrocuting and heating. Convinced that the needle in my arm was being heated up somehow.
Convinced there was a ball in the bed the monitors (suicide attempts have to be watched 24/7) were controlling some mechanism in the bed to make me uncomfortable.
That when I laid on my side, they were blasting my face with ammonia to keep me awake as a form of torture - to make me SEEM crazy.
No, I was crazy.
I didn’t know the year, the president, constantly ripped all the shit out if my chest and neck and arms because… I didn’t exist.
And slowly, I come out of it. Took a week. And one day I was just myself.
I recall the doctor trying to explain that I might be a little different now and I cried and said “Will I still be funny?”
It’s horrific. Horrible. Horrible. A never-ending nightmare, truly.
When I was finally me again they moved me to the regular hospital side and my doctor talked to me for a bit and started sobbing. She said: “Oh my God you’re… so.. good you seem like a great guy. I had to watch over you the whole time and I didn’t know if you’d get better. And you’re here now, and we’re laughing, and you seem really sweet.
Please don’t ever end up here again.”
Imagining a person watching over my corpse, putting a tube in my lungs and manually oxygenating them, pumping my heart, waiting.
Then they get a pulse. They wait for the meds to wear off.
I wake up, but I’m not there. It might have been too late.. and then to MEET THE CORPSE / CRAZY PERSON YOU HAVE BEEN OBSERVING FOR DAYS?
odd stuff to imagine, to experience. it came out of nowhere. she just started crying and i was like wtf? and then she started talking.
The brain is more powerful than we could possibly imagine. Tampering with the body can be awful.
This is true for any form of suicide. My brother shot himself in the head. Survived but he is now permanently blind and is a completely different person.
Same. This is a big one. Carbon Monoxide/Helium failure risk brain damage. Drugs failure risk liver problems and damage. Even a gun you can survive but more likely not than other methods.
Or other disability like you mentioned.
We unfortunately live in a sick society (still in 2025) that doesn't allow us to use the medical technology to gracefully exit on any circumstance. It’s pretty disgusting that we care more about the rights of people including the mentally ill acquiring gu ns, than the right to end things quickly and painlessly. They are basically forcing other people to live no matter the circumstances.
A family friend of ours failed an attempt with a gun about 20 years ago. He regained full cognitive function but he has been blind since then. He is one of the happiest, kindest people I know now.
That’s exactly why we should stop shoving more innocent souls into this hellhole to experience unnecessary and immense suffering and struggle all throughout their rather miserable and mundane enslave existences without their consent.
I've been on a wait list for a therapist for a solid year. Good thing I'm not in crisis or I'd be dead by now. Providence going on strike doesn't improve my chances either. Hope is just magical thinking, such a waste of time.
See that's exactly it. If we can't kill ourselves then we will be forced to continue working and making more money for the ruling class. It's a lose-lose, you either die or live your life as a wage slave
On a related note I am a strong proponent of doctor assisted suicide for this reason. After watching my best childhood friend and my mom pass from cancer and suffer so much near the end, I only wish they'd had the option to end it peacefully and painlessly. I only wish I'd have that option should I be so unfortunate as to be in that position. It's actually cruel to me that we make people stay alive and drug them up so much that they're effectively vegetative until their bodies wear out in agony, just to...what? Not violate a religious commandment? Not break a law that is in many ways based on that commandment (except for death row criminals or war enemies...yep)? If we can lethally inject murderers, we should be able to give a terminally ill person the right to go on their terms.
Someone my husband knew when he was a teen, tried to do it via jumping in front of a train. He survived. Had one arm left. Years later he succeeded the second time with medicine. Fucking horrendously sad story :(:(
I could never do this, it's very bad for others too.
My sister works for London Underground and has had to unwind shit-filled intestines from train axles and got PTSD. Around 2% of train drivers who hit someone commit suicide within a year and 11% quit their jobs.
Same thing happened to a friend of my grandma’s. She jumped but mistimed it so the train sort of clipped her on one side rather than actually hitting her. She lost an arm and a leg and was brain damaged, serious enough that she requires around the clock care, but not enough that she doesn’t remember what happened. She couldn’t even try again if she wanted to with her reduced movement and the fact that she has live-in carers who deal with everything from going to the bathroom to eating her meals.
She tried to jump initially because her son died and then her husband a few weeks later. Genuinely feel absolutely heartbroken for her, knowing that she not only has lived a lifetime of grief, but that she also lost all her freedom and independence.
On the other hand, I also have immense empathy for the driver of that train because even though she didn’t die, they more or less cut her in half and definitely thought they HAD killed her for a long time. You couldn’t pay me enough to ever have that job.
I come from a railroad family, and I can say that suicide by train is a horrible, horrible thing to do to the engineer. He knows he can't stop in time, and there's no choice but to participate in taking a life.
There shouldn't be guilt, but there is, along with an unhealthy dose of PTSD. People leave that line of work because they can't help but think constantly while operating a locomotive that it's going to happen again.
when you have the chance, read up on the story of captain sobel (yes, from band of brothers). long story short he tried to kill himself by shooting himself in the head. instead it made him blind and left him to a lonely fate withering away until he died of starvation in a hospital bed.
there currently isnt a reliable and attainable way of dying that doesn't have a 1% chance of blowing up in my face instead, so soldiering on with life it is
It changes, years ago a therapist told me that it is okay to live for something else, but it’s a choice. I choose to make it to my sisters college graduation, her wedding, I live for my dogs, I live for my cats. If I am living for myself I won’t make it.
I worked in a nursing home once where there was a room with a special client who was only in his mid-40s. He had complete paraplegic paralysation, had to be peg feed via a stoma in his stomach, couldn’t talk; his mouth was only good for drooling. Had to be craned in and out of bed obviously.
His disabilities were from a failed suicide attempt and I’ll never forget the many photos on the wall of his former life. Dancing, traveling, photos with his sons whom don’t visit him anymore because it’s too hard for them. Devastating for this poor man, that he wasn’t happy alive and now his life was ever worse.
This bruh. Or suffering on the way to the hospital. Had a friend shoot himself after a party, everyone woke up to his brain splattered on the wall and him still somewhat conscious. It was insane. He didn’t die until he got to the hospital.
Man….if people only knew. I’ve been a surgery nurse my entire career(20 years), and the amount of unfortunate patients we’ve worked on that had horrific permanent disfigurement is astounding. One guy had a shotgun under his chin and it went through the jaw, up his facial bone, then out his eye socket. We saw him for months trying to give him a semblance of a face. Ultimately, he lost his tongue, most his teeth, half his jaw and nose. He could no longer eat, speak, or even breath. He’ll have a trach for life and eat through a tube. I can’t imagine his life was worse before, and I don’t mean that mean or ugly. Just that I can’t imagine he came thinks, he’s lucky to be alive.
My mother is currently going through this. Decided she wanted to end it, got hammered, and walked in front of a semi truck on the highway. Bc of the alcohol she survived, with her brain spine and organs all completely unharmed. But both arms and legs are shattered and she’ll never walk normally again.
I had one suicide attempt several years ago - I took about 4 times the lethal median dose of Xyrem (along with alcohol - to potentiate the effects).
IIRC, I was in the hospital for 5-6 days. The medication was technically still in my system at day 5. No damage to any of my organs (or brain damage) - but got to know what it’s like to be intubated. I wouldn’t want to go through that again. Extremely painful, and I’ve had both a kidney stone and spinal tap before, so I know exactly what pain is.
I survived and by all means I shouldn’t have. While I came away with no problems, I can say it isn’t an experience I would want to go through again.
Yea, that's such a heavy thing to think about... surviving but not being able to live fully, it's scary af, especially when you consider how many ppl don't have the right safety nets in place.
This has always been the biggest reason for me. If I was promised a 100% success rate, there would be no hesitation but after googling “can you survive getting shot in the head” and the answer was yes so I didn’t do it.
My daughter has heart damage from taking big doses of drugs that didn't manage to kill her. Not to mention the guilt and shame she carries for however long she can withstand the lure to try for a 9th time.
You're very kind to say all of that. I for one am glad you're still here, and I hope your mom is too. It is pretty rough to be on this end of it, and I know it's tough for you too. Please know that I am fiercely rooting for you to stay and find a path to peace here in this life!
Yeah I came across a girl on Instagram that tried to kill herself by overdosing, she survived but both her legs had to be amputated. Then her stumps got infected and so they had to amputate again. Horrific.
Pretty much this, if I could push a button for 100% success rate, I would've done it a long time ago. But I'm not risking making things even worse than they are.
Same here. I've had too many patients over the years who were each in various stages of unresponsiveness. If they knew what their families are going through right now, mentally, emotionally, financially... I say that, but when you are that distraught, you just might do anything to make that pain stop.
I always think of the kid that was bullied into attempting suicide but she ended up just having massive brain damage and then her bullies "visited" her at the hospital to post pics of her online, continuing to bully her.
Hey, I hope you know that I’ve been kinda suicidal for a while, but I’m pragmatic to a fault, and these stories have snapped me out of my line of thinking. My son needs me, and my husband needs me. I’m the glue of my family. I want to be here. I just want things to be better.
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u/justSmK 1d ago
The risk of surviving and remaining disabled for life