Wow, I have dwarfism as well and I have never had this problem. My friends and family are always trying to get me to date normal people, or whoever I want I suppose. Also, from a genetics standpoint, if you don't have achondroplasia, which is one of the few dominate ones I believe, then the dwarfism is usually recessive. By dating another dwarf, you are only increasing the odds of your children having a disability as well.
Peter Dinklage has Achondroplasia. While Verne Troyer has a much rarer condition known as Cartilage–hair hypoplasia. I'm just basing this off wikipedia, but /u/vernetroyer is also a pretty active redditor, if he wanted to chime in.
/u/vernetroyer won me over with his shark costume, and quickly found himself one of the few celebs I actually care to pay attention to. Yes, active redditor and a good contributor to the site.
Huuuuge differences. One of the biggest is in whether your trunk is of average/near average size and your extremities are shortened (achondroplasia) or if you trunk is dwarfed with longer arms/legs (my weirdly rare but dominant form of dwarfism) Also whether your skull and spine are involved. Note that these all are types of dwarfism that involve skeletal proportions that are "not normal".
If the dwarfism is caused by hormonal issues, you will get a person with no skeletal problems, just tiny.
There are...over two hundred forms of dwarfism :)
we are..legion!
So... If a person has achondroplasia, is it plausible that you could cut off their arms and legs and replace them with bionics and they'd be a relatively normal size? Assuming skull and spine are not involved.
I feel like you know enough about dwarfism that i should ask you this question.
I suppose men with dwarfism are affected... you know... at all zones of their bodies. (I truly don't know how to formulate this without possibly offending someone or google this without fear of something finding this somehow in my search history).
Haven't you read A Song of Ice and Fire? Between the legs, Tyrion is made no differently than any other man.
No, but seriously, most dwarfism is caused by a genetic mutation that only affects the skeleton. Anything not made of cartilage or bone is not affected.
Just a random question for you since you said dwarfism. How do most people who have dwarfism feel about the phrase "little people"? My understanding is that is the politically correct nomenclature. But, as someone with no skin in the game, that seems like a really clunky way to describe yourself.
Is that really what most people with dwarfism want to be called or is that like the vocal minority pushing that?
Honestly I can see why people might not want to be called dwarves, as it may conjure images of folk creatures. But why did midget go out of style? To me it seems to have no connotations aside from stature.
So I know you probably have to answer these questions all the time. I don't mean malice or to annoy, but I figure it's not something I can understand from a Google search.
I can't remotely claim to speak for most people with dwarfism, and yes, "little person" is supposedly the preferred phrase, but a friend of mine with dwarfism absolutely hates this term.
He's a guy in his 30s... I would imagine that many adult men might not like the idea of "little" anything being part of a label for them. The way he sees it is that he has a medical condition, and he'd rather it be called by its appropriate medical term: dwarfism. Other people view it less medically and more as a part of their core identity, and I suppose that's why they prefer "little people".
If I knew they would have the same kind I have, I would have to really consider it. I'm pretty happy with my life, but I went through at least 6 major surgeries to get me here, most while I was pretty young. That's a lot to deal with, and I don't know if I would want to put that on someone else.
That being said, I just started a brand new enzyme infusion therapy that could effectively cure my type of dwarfism if taken at a young age. It's too late to cure mine, but if I had a kid with my condition, they might have a pretty solid shot at a normal life with next to no symptoms.
For starters, it's improving my endurance/how far I can walk. Used to only be able to walk about 300ft before, now I can make it about 500ft, and thats after taking the enzyme for a year. It also reduces the issues my joints could develop later in life, so I shouldn't have joint pain when I'm older. It may do other things, but it's so new that no one really knows.
It's mostly new people I meet or comments from strangers I interact with.
That seems weird to me. Why shouldn't a dwarf date an average height person? Hell, if she were cute, I'd ask a dwarf out, no problem. I'm sure it's a really god damn annoying issue to have as a dwarf, but as far as "disabilities" go, it seems pretty bearable compared to, say, deafness or blindness. I know if I had to pick a disability, it would be dwarfism. Everyone loves dwarfs.
It's like realizing how diverse reddit is when reading some of those /r/askreddit threads that call for "____ of reddit:" and scores of people respond. My favorite was one about divorce lawyers. Who knew there were so many in our community? Let alone who happen to see the post.
Can I ask a curious - but potentially dumb - genetics question then?
Without getting into the Wiki grind of it, based on /u/Indy12 saying the Achon is dominant, how is it that average-sized parents would give birth to an Achon child?
Is it literally a point-mutation that occurs in those cases? If so.. that's actually incredibly fascinating!
Edit: Also, as an aside, for what it's worth, even for average sized adults females typically prefer taller men. So I think it's probably "easier" for females with dwarfism to date average-sized males because it's almost status quo already. My roomie in college was 6ft (female) and constantly upset over the fact that shorter men never wanted to date her, even though she was more than open to it.
There's actually a lot of diseases that predominantly exist due to de novo (aka new) mutations (think anything dominant where the person with it wouldn't survive to have their own children).
You can also get the case where mutations happened in cells that went on to form lots of the later sperm, so all those sperm cells carry to random mutation that didn't actually run in the family, but the dad now might father multiple kids with. It does complicate things when the first time the family gets told it was just a random chance mutation, and then the next kid has the same thing, and we need to then explain this aspect to them.
This is actually a huge phenomenon that body scholars investigate. Another similar thing that happens is people who use wheelchairs for mobility dating others who use wheelchairs. This literature is pretty interesting.
Edit: also, a lot of women with dwarfism are hyper-fetishized which definitely impacts this stigma differently for different genders.
I was going to ask if you're a male of female, because I think there is a stigma again males dating taller women, but for women it's okay; so anyways I checked your post history to get an idea, now seeing how much you talk about DnD makes wonder if you role play a Dwarf in real life.
Aren't some of the forms of it homozygous lethal too? (I think actually achondroplasia is). So even more of a reason why, from a purely genetics standpoint, reproducing with a person without dwarfism would be easier.
Well, my condition is an abnormality, so I don't have a problem using the term "normal" for people without it. I know a lot of other people tend to use "average" instead, and I'll flip between the two, but don't really have a preference.
By dating another dwarf, you are only increasing the odds of your children having a disability as well.
I thought about it when I saw Warwick Davis's family. I mean no insult but I don't believe anyone would ever choose dwarfism if they were given the option. I have a problem with people who have children knowing there is great chance or even certainty that they'll be handicapped or have dwarfism. Am I so bad?
I have an honest question. You just referred to dwarfism as a disability, while others insist it is not. Is this stance to create a sense of empowerment, or do both viewpoints have strong arguments to back their definition?
While I don't like to think of myself as disabled, I also can't ignore the fact that there are a large amount of physical activities that I either can't do, or a have a difficult time with. I know my own limits, but I won't let others set them for me. You can admit to having a disability without letting it define you, and without using it as a crutch. I think empowerment comes from overcoming your disability, not by ignoring it or pretending it doesn't exist.
Do you think Game of Thrones has been a positive thing for dwarves? Having essentially one of the most charismatic and interesting tv characters of the decade be a dwarf?
It's very good, but it's definitely a character study. Dinklage is an exceptional actor. It's hard to to portray someone so introverted and quiet without coming across as flat, but he does it.
If you go into these movies expecting ridiculous , but fun, nonsense - they're great. I loved Knights of Badassdom, but i was looking to have a few drinks and watch a ridiculous movie about LARPing. I'm sure Pixels will be just about as 'terrible', but great if you're going in to watch a ridiculous goofy movie, with a little nostalgia thrown in.
Dinklage is the man. I found it pretty cool that his role in X-men as Bolivar Trask was (if I remember right) absent of any mention of achondroplasia - I don't even think there were any height references of any kind. He was just another character.
From what I remember, he was cast based on his audition. They weren't looking for someone with dwarfism, so they didn't write the character as a dwarf, so they didn't cock it up with the usual stupidity.
The Station Agent is a phenomenal film. I loved everything about it. Dinklage's performance was amazing, and the supporting cast worked well.
There's something about his situation in life that I really really related to. Helps I was into trains as a kid (and could totally see myself as one of those people who turns his basement into a giant train room).
Thematically the film feels in the same vein as A Fine and Private Place by Peter S. Beagle, which is equally a story I adore.
Oh, wow! I love A Fine and Private Place, and I've never known anyone else who'd read it. I used to read it over and over in high school, and even practice drawing the illustrations in it. I also loved The Station Agent, and you're right, they do have a similar tone. You just made my night with that reference, internet stranger.
That was my first Beagle novel! I actually read that long before I ever got around to The Last Unicorn. And The Station Agent is also terrific. That movie is why I was stoked when I started seeing Peter Dinklage show up in movies and then on GoT.
The Station Agent was the first time I came across Peter Dinklage. He was so charismatic and engaging, I remember I was comparing him to Tom Cruise after I watched it. I was totally unsurprised when he started becoming a big star thanks to GoT
I really liked it. Dinklage definitely gives a very subtle performance that works really well. And Bobby Cannavale's enthusiasm is pretty damn infectious. I loved his character.
I feel like for a long time, people's exposure to people with dwarfism in the media was limited to Verne Troyer as Mini-Me and so dwarfs were kind of a punchline. I think some of Peter Dinklage's early roles reflect that. But that man has almost singlehandedly cemented the radical concept that dwarfs are just average people into the American media consciousness. Between Tyrion and the bad guy from X-Men Days of Future Past, he's done an excellent job portraying a flawed man who just happens to have dwarfism, and I think that's awesome.
Honestly it is so weird to me that height is a punchline so often. I'm a very tall woman and we're a punchline pretty often too, though not to the degree you see people with dwarfism or even just men without dwarfism who are short used as a punchline. It's rare you see anyone outside the range of 5'5"-6'3" or so on TV and their height isn't remarked upon at least 6 times per season.
Personally, I just thought of Dinklage's character in Days of Future Past as a dwarf. As in, it didn't even register for me. He was first off a bad guy, and 2nd, it was Peter Dinklage. I never identified the character as a dwarf, and I don't believe it is ever mentioned in the movie.
That just goes to show how amazing of an actor he really is.
It's not ever mentioned. After I saw that movie I was like "Wow. He just played a guy who HAPPENS to be short, and no one mentioned it." Of course I think his dwarfism had something to do with his motivations- the mutants, like him, have a genetic abnormality- but not once did anyone bring up his height in the movie.
I haven't really thought of his role having such a large impact but after thinking about my own personal responses, it really is huge. I remember seeing The Station Agent over 10 years ago and being somewhat surprised to see a dwarf playing the lead role, but today, I wouldn't think twice. The Little Couple on TLC has also helped me better understand the lives and issues people with achondroplasia go through. If you haven't watched it, I'd recommend it. Yeah it's reality TV but IMO, those two are the most nice and genuine people on TV.
He is here showing people with Dwarfism are just... People. I mean seriously, how does anyone have a problem with this who is not playing some ridiculous character in GoT?
You know, that guy is so charismatic that I had to think twice after reading your comment. My thought was..."there's a dwarf in game of thrones??" What a testament to his acting...I don't even notice the height difference any more.
I would rather see people admire Peter Dinklage for bringing Tyrion to life than see the mockery that was the Wizard of Oz or Charlie & the Chocolate factory IMHO.
Slightly off topic, do people ask you really inappropriate personal questions? I find that when people are interested or don't understand something they tend to ask really invasive questions. For instance - pregnant I was asked if I was going to breastfeed, when she was conceived, and people would touch my belly. Now that my youngest looks nothing like me, I'm constantly asked if I adopted her or why she doesn't look like me or my SO. For the record, she looks exactly like SO did when he was a kid. But I would imagine that someone with your unique circumstances would get all kinds of prying questions.
There's so many different labels for so many different things nowadays that I have trouble keeping up with what words I'm supposed to use and not use.
"Don't call him a midget, call him a dwarf"
"Don't call him a dwarf, use 'little person' now."
"Actually dwarf is okay again"
"Okay, dwarf is acceptable, but no longer preferred"
Fuck it, I quit. No more labels, his name is Eric, can I go home now?
I often wonder if it's considered rude asking the type of nanism you have? I always found the condition scientifically interesting, but I never know if I'm going to offend someone by asking it...
Bah, sorry people suck so much. I feel like so many able-bodied people don't know how to behave around differently-abled people. I've seen people not speak to someone who is in a wheelchair and ask their partner questions that should really be directed at the person ("Does he want a water?" Uh...ask him!).
I used to know a woman (a Little Person) who goes around to elementary schools to educate kids about differently abled people. She said it's such a great experience b/c kids pretty quickly pick up new habits and they always learn a lot. Sort of a rambling comment, but basically it'd be good if learning about different types of bodies and abilities was a thing kids learned in school.
Mhhh, well, most of this is curiousity, it does make you wonder how it impacts, dwarfism usually impacts on the body, but all of it? Parts? Which ones? How much? Internet is okay but not the best for accuracy. And how much does it affect you, they don't know what it is like to grow as a dwarf, so, it is natural to wonder how much struggle did it cause you.
Like, I would love the idea of hearing Dinklage talk about how it has affected his life, how he grew with it, how he became an actor, and more about the whole ordeal, because many times they are put in situations where their size is used for comedy like a bunch of roles of Verne Troyer...
And the last one, is people don't want to say anything offensive, and the overall situation might be akward, because for many it is something outside the norm, and at the same time being able to reference this characteristic of you... kinda like how it's drill into everyone that you have to say "african-american".
Um, excuse me, this word doesn't seem offensive to me (as a person who is largely ignorant on this subject), therefore you are wrong to not want it applied to you. Why can't you understand that?
In personal experience, people will pretty much ask whatever the hell they feel like if there's something "novel" about you. I'm trans, and the amount of people who think i want to have a casual conversation about my genitals or, god help me, how I have sex is unreal. It's like "Friend, I just met you, fuck off"
Time to start asking them about their genitals, see if they like it. So, bro, are you circumcised? Girl, you got a flappy labia or one of those little scrunchy ones? What do you mean, that's a personal question? You were just asking me about my junk, its fair game.
I feel like someone who would ask a dwarf about his cock wouldn't really find it awkward to answer questions about their own genitals, as long as it was on topic.
I'm fairly awkward in conversation anyway, so like, that's a personal fantasy where i publicly shame them and everyone has my back, but like, i mostly just give them a polite "none of ur fucking business"
the "how i have sex" thing actually bothers me more because the answer is literally alway "stimulation til orgasm" for everyone o the god damn planet im not special or novel leave me the fuck alone.
I have a trans friend (male to female), and she told me that a disturbing number of people, when told that she's trans, will almost immediately ask about the current status of her genitals. That would be awkward coming from a close friend, but who the fuck thinks it's in any way appropriate to just jump straight to "oh cool, have you had your dick cut off yet?"
I think its just pure curiosity. I used to get the most ridiculous questions when people found out I was from south africa, including.whether I had pet lions or why I was white. I got offended for a while, but eventually learned to go along and have fun with it. There are still a few girls out there who believe the right of passage for south africans is to yank a tooth from a wild lion, and my family left because my little brother refused and we were run out of the country
God, my boyfriend is trans and it's the most bizarre thing. I particularly hate the kind of roundabout questions when you know what they're trying to ask because it's disgustingly obvious.
"So you like him, but you're gay. So does he have a vagina?"
I have red hair and the seriously inappropriate questions are constant. God, Kick a Ginger Day was hell in school. People will just come up to you like being different is a God-given excuse for them to harass you with the most idiotic questions. Why? Oh, they're just curious.
"Hey, how do you feel about the saying that all redheads are great in bed?"
"Is your pubic hair red, too?"
"Did your parents ever treat you differently compared to your other normal siblings?"
"Do you have a soul?"
"Do you hate having hair like that?"
"Do you have a temper?"
And then God forbid you tell them that they're being inappropriate. They just blink at you innocently. People don't seem to understand that when they ask me those questions in public, it's embarrassing. And if I tell them to leave me alone about it or fuck off, they just smile and joke, "Oh, well, I guess the whole 'redheads have a temper' thing is true after all."
Counter act with, "Oh, well, I guess the whole (depending on their hair color or what have you)'brunettes/blondes/bald people/etc being rude' thing is true after all." Sorry you have to deal with these weirdos.
One of the worst things about that is that people direct their attention towards objectifying trans people, asking if they've had surgeries, etc. It also distracts from real issues, like violence and workplace discrimination.
Genetics are a funny thing. I bet your father gets a kick out of you looking like him. Yeah my SO is one of those people whose looks changed as he got older (hair color, build) so strangers think my youngest is a mailman's baby.
I never understood, who cares if you are adopted? Is it really any of their business? It doesn't make you any less a child of your parents.
Oh god, pregnant women are like huge magnets for awkwardness. My coworker was pregnant last year and some lady got offended when she said no after being asked to feel her stomach. I don't get why people think being pregnant makes someone's body public property.
All the time, but part of me enjoys it cause I can be a snarky smartass about it. One time someone asked me, and I quote, "So how long you been...you know...like that?" complete with long pauses. I just kind of looked at him and went "Well one day I woke up and none of my clothes fit."
Had another guy ask if I knew that I had "Kind of a pointy chest" while making a pyramid shape over his own chest to show me what he meant, and now that's a running joke between me and all my friends.
I think humor is probably the best way to deal with stupid people. Good for you for taking it all in stride. When I was pregnant I wasn't nearly that gracious about it and I only had to deal with it for a few months.
Not OP but my wife is a foot taller then me (I'm 5ft and she's almost 6ft) and we get a huge amount of looks and comments. I sympathize with the fact that you aren't seen as "normal" and it makes me a bit self conscious. My wife just laughs at all the attention.
invasive questions [...] if I was going to breastfeed,
Honestly, I've never even considered this to be an invasive question. Well, I've never asked this question off-topic either, it is the norm where I'm from anyways.
But I guess it shows that there are a lot of questions that seem normal to the uninitiated, but invasive to people with a different cultural background.
Well, and how many people do you meet in your life that you think are good enough to marry? It takes a long time for people when they have no limitation to their dating pool. What are the odds that when you finally DO meet someone with Dwarfism that you are going to have one damn common interest with them? It's beyond silly to have this expectation for you. You do what you're doing! I support you!
I'm going to ignore the insulting question of whether you should or shouldn't date other people with dwarfism and just look at practicality for a moment. I think 1 in 12,000 is about the most generous number you could put on dwarfism from all causes (probably much less). That means in a massive city like New York there would be no more than 700 people, again, probably far less. That is not a large dating pool. Then factor in similar age, it drops substantially. Only then do you get to things like physical attraction, shared interests, etc.... It's like telling someone they can only date people who live on their block. If none of them are right for you, well, too bad. Spend your life alone.
Man, that's gross. Look at Peter Dinklage. His wife is a foot and a half, maybe even two feet taller than him. I'm sure they have problems, every couple does, but they're happy, they have a kid, and they're a completely normal couple. If people think that you should be restricted to dwarf women then they can go fuck themselves. You're a human just like every other person on this planet and you should be able to date whoever you goddamn please. Just try not to date Lorathi whores, my friend. Doesn't end well.
In sort of the same vein as you, I'm a tall girl with the expectation of dating an even taller man. I'm 6'1" and I've dated guys 5'6" or shorter. I've also dated guys taller than me. But when I was with the shorter guys I actually had people tell me I should be dating guys my height. If it doesn't matter to me or the guy, why should it matter to anyone else?
It's funny that you mention interracial dating. I'm Asian and I dated a black girl when I was younger. As an aside she was also taller than me by 2".
It's not just the dirty looks or the comments we'd over hear. People would walk up to us, stop us, and tell us that our dating was wrong. And this was the early 2000's.
People have some weird ass ideas about who should date who. Although virtually no one says anything when I date a white girl.
I hope you know that the people saying only fetishists would date you are wrong. I'm an average sized lady with no issues dating someone shorter than me, or dating someone who isn't "able bodied".
If you're a dwarf who is able to accomplish everything you want to accomplish with your body, are you or are you not able bodied? How do you feel about that term?
Your thread turned into an AMA. Does that happen every time you say you're a dwarf?
thats annoying as fuck. Its the same thing with people who think you should date your own ethnicity and only try to hook you up with people who are your race. I might be asian but i grew up in the midwest and I like white girls more than asians usually. stop telling me to get with every random asian girl you see
Well you've got Peter Dinklage making being a dwarf seem like a proper badass socially, and Gimli for the physical side, so I would imagine it can't be THAT terrible ;)
4.1k
u/[deleted] Jul 13 '15 edited Jul 14 '15
[deleted]