Slightly off topic, do people ask you really inappropriate personal questions? I find that when people are interested or don't understand something they tend to ask really invasive questions. For instance - pregnant I was asked if I was going to breastfeed, when she was conceived, and people would touch my belly. Now that my youngest looks nothing like me, I'm constantly asked if I adopted her or why she doesn't look like me or my SO. For the record, she looks exactly like SO did when he was a kid. But I would imagine that someone with your unique circumstances would get all kinds of prying questions.
I dunno, saying "It's like a crevice in a glacier that could devour a mammoth" might get some odd looks, but would probably discourage further questions.
I'm NOT trying to be rude here, but do normal sized people parts "fit" like normal ?? My wife about when through the ceiling back in the day, without some serious effort on my part beforehand and she is my height. I can't imagine what it would be like for a even smaller person?
You can want an honest answer from someone, but that doesn't stop it from being a pretty rude and obtrusive question. You could probably get an answer from a medical professional, internet search, or individual who has not expressed distaste for intrusive questions.
My husband was in a wheelchair temporarily because of accident and it knew people were shitty because of the stares and mutters I'd heard in the past but it's a bit mind boggling how stupid and cruel people really are. He even had a woman in the supermarket shove his wheelchair and tell him to get the fuck out of her way.
I guess most people get the curiousity over most "body differences" questions out of the way in highschool, when we are all tactless. But when it comes to rarer shapes and sizes you might not have had chance to learn during that "expected to be graceless" period, and some people never do learn to shut the fuck up.
Hell, I'm ginger, and i still occasionally have people ask questions about my body hair. In highschool i was asked daily about my pubic hair.
There's so many different labels for so many different things nowadays that I have trouble keeping up with what words I'm supposed to use and not use.
"Don't call him a midget, call him a dwarf"
"Don't call him a dwarf, use 'little person' now."
"Actually dwarf is okay again"
"Okay, dwarf is acceptable, but no longer preferred"
Fuck it, I quit. No more labels, his name is Eric, can I go home now?
Well, I can't remember the last time I needed to specify someone had dwarfism. I know a few people that have dwarfism, but I can't even imagine a reason why I'd need to mention that. It's never really been a salient attribute.
This site has everything you need to understand proper terms and nomenclatures
You're joking, right? It's just a bunch of middle class white girls inventing problems and disorders and seeing who can collect the most special snowflake points.
Yet another person who has never had a Tumblr account, yet seems to know exactly what it is.
It's a blogging site, dude. Like Wordpress? You have a blog, and you share posts from other blogs or make your own. A lot of it is dedicated to book, movie or TV show fandoms, others to writing, science or arts, some to social justice, etc. It's varied, just like the world is. Many celebs use it. Yes, many teenagers do have Tumblr blogs - perhaps because they feel safer there and more able to express their views than on a site like Reddit because of people like you.
Also if your next comment is going to include any version of "fee fees" don't bother.
To be fair if you're describing Jim the dwarf using his name and the other person doesn't know who you mean, that's an attribute that will narrow it down pretty quick.
I often wonder if it's considered rude asking the type of nanism you have? I always found the condition scientifically interesting, but I never know if I'm going to offend someone by asking it...
Bah, sorry people suck so much. I feel like so many able-bodied people don't know how to behave around differently-abled people. I've seen people not speak to someone who is in a wheelchair and ask their partner questions that should really be directed at the person ("Does he want a water?" Uh...ask him!).
I used to know a woman (a Little Person) who goes around to elementary schools to educate kids about differently abled people. She said it's such a great experience b/c kids pretty quickly pick up new habits and they always learn a lot. Sort of a rambling comment, but basically it'd be good if learning about different types of bodies and abilities was a thing kids learned in school.
Mhhh, well, most of this is curiousity, it does make you wonder how it impacts, dwarfism usually impacts on the body, but all of it? Parts? Which ones? How much? Internet is okay but not the best for accuracy. And how much does it affect you, they don't know what it is like to grow as a dwarf, so, it is natural to wonder how much struggle did it cause you.
Like, I would love the idea of hearing Dinklage talk about how it has affected his life, how he grew with it, how he became an actor, and more about the whole ordeal, because many times they are put in situations where their size is used for comedy like a bunch of roles of Verne Troyer...
And the last one, is people don't want to say anything offensive, and the overall situation might be akward, because for many it is something outside the norm, and at the same time being able to reference this characteristic of you... kinda like how it's drill into everyone that you have to say "african-american".
Um, excuse me, this word doesn't seem offensive to me (as a person who is largely ignorant on this subject), therefore you are wrong to not want it applied to you. Why can't you understand that?
Man, I thought my battle with the schizophrenia stigma was tough, but at least it's invisible most of the time. I just hope most people you meet can forget the novelty of your apperance and just learn to accept you as a fellow human.
It's almost like some people care less about what someone feels because they're different. Once you build up a thick skin it becomes less of a downer and more of a finely-tuned people barometer.
I'm not a dwarf, I'm just short (5'5") and I get pretty much all of the things you've described in this thread other than the dwarf specific things and people wanting pictures.
I think most of the stigma is less dwarf focused and more short people focused (inb4 Napoleon complex). I don't know about you, but I find it more annoying than actually being short
Haha, I just scrolled down and read this comment. Two minutes ago I posted and asked you if the label dwarf was ok or little person is better. Sorry for being one of the dickhead interrogating people!
I've also been interrogated (I feel like that's the appropriate word) about the various label
Shit...and here I was going to ask what is the most acceptable term to use. Thought I was going to be non-ignorant for a moment by asking what you personally prefer.
I admire people like you who, despite the insulting and invasivness of the questions, take the time to answer or explain. All you can hope is that they will pass on awareness.
Explaining my daughter with cerebral palsy, or even my ADHD, is hard enough sometimes.
I have a black friend who got irritated by people asking him for his picture in china. I never understood it, but I guess when you realize it's not because of any of your endeavors but of something that you have no control over it might feel dehumanizing.
Since this is reddit and you brought it up, I do actually have a question about the various labels. Why does the preferred terms seem to be Little Person, that seems horribly offensive (even more so than midget), especially for a man? Not that I often have the occasion to use a term, but I think I would go with dwarf.
what is the reason that midget isn't used anymore? like I have no idea it was just like one day somebody said don't say the M word, and I couldn't figure out why...seriously wondering...
The next time someone asks about the size of your genitals tell them it's wrapped around your leg three times and tucked in your sock. When they get all offended tell them inappropriate questions get inappropriate answers.
Can you kick yourself in the head...for five dollars?
I knew a dwarf when I was in high school. He...well, he was a dwarf, and he was a capitalist. Smallest baller that town ever had. You don't have to actually answer the questions ;)
Is it not common knowledge that dwarfs aren't another race like in The witcher, but that it's a genetic thing? Also, I would like to add that until I read your comments, I thought midget was a normal word, and not derogatory at all.
I've gotten this so many times with my hearing and my disabilities. It's like people don't realize how wrong they are being in making these sorts of assumptions and asking about them.
I have to admit, I've always been surprised that the term "little person" is okay with dwarfs. It seems kind of offensive to me, implying diminutive or cute or somehow lesser. I always use "dwarf" because I know it is accurate and acceptable and I'm uncomfortable with the other one even though people like you have told me that they don't mind.
I was hit on mercilessly by a little dude at a bar in Portland. I was honestly not interested for the wrong reasons (in my stupid world view, some things are intangibly unclean. Dwarves, with full apologies, were in that group). But he wouldn't let up. His general humor about our height disparity (I'm 6'4) was winning. And ten he showed me what he referred to as his "literal third leg". All told, his personality killed our casual relationship (arrogant prick, angry at the world, eventually passive-aggressive about my tallness), but holy moly that dude had a big dick for such a little guy. He had a big dick for a normal sized guy. He just had a huge dick, period.
In fairness, I would ask a little person what they preferred to be called (besides their name, obviously) not to interrogate but simply to learn and to be polite. I encounter a lot of genderfluid or genderqueer persons, for example, so I ask which pronouns they'd like me to use so I don't accidentally offend.
Hi! I hope you don't mind me asking you a question! Do you, like you singular not the plural, prefer to be called a little person? If not, other than person, what would you like to be called?
I find it remarkably disturbing and yet oddly touching that your experience with the tactless questions of blithering dumbasses, as a dwarf, is almost identical to mine, as a transgender woman.
I guess it's kinda funny how everyone can be reduced to "describe your privates!"
My cousin is a dwarf. Its really inspiring to see her have a sense of humor about it. When we go out in public and people stare she just shrugs it off. Also when little kids stare at her or freak out she just plays along with it. Its awesome to see how open you are, it reminds me a lot of her. People always forget that your body means nothing, there is the same exact brain in your head that everyone else has. Who cares how someone looks.
I was told by a dwarf friend of mine that he get laid a lot by women who are curious about the size of of his... little person. Has that been your experience as well. I am just thinking, that's one kin of inappropriate nosiness I wouldn't mind. :P
TELL you that you're adopted? Dude, I would punch a bitch. Do people just think dwarfism is always 100% dominant or something and doesn't show up as a mutation or isn't expressed?
No wonder there's so much climate change denial. These people need some science up in this bitch.
I have a friend/co-worker who's a dwarf and honestly he's great. The two of us make a great pair as I'm a big guy and he just about reaches my waist.
I asked him once about what he thought of words like "midget" or "dwarf" and he just said "little person" is fine. But I'd never call him anything like that because he's just a person. I always offer to help him with things I know he physically can't do but it's a rarity he ever needs it. The guy is on the school football team, he can handle himself just fine.
I think that stigmas surrounding people of any minority can only really be broken apart by actually getting to know and like someone from that group. I never knew a pure-bred German native until I spent three weeks in Germany two summers ago, and now I absolutely love the people and their country. Any stereotypes flew out the window because the image I had in my head of what Germans are like is now replaced with the facts. It's like watching a movie after reading the book; chances are the way you visualized the setting and story are now influenced by the way a director visualized it. It's the same with people.
I honestly don't know what possesses people to think that randomly asking a stranger about their genitals is appropriate at all. That's something you google, or ask in one of those 'ask your inappropriate questions' reddit thread.
Honestly, I don't think that most people know the politically correct terms to use. I'm really short (5'4"), and I don't even know what the proper, or unoffensive terms are. So, I stick with calling everyone people. In your case, I'd just refer to you as a very short person, until I learn what wouldn't offend.
Honestly I don't understand why people would expect everyone with such a condition to identify as "dwarf" or "little person" or whathaveyou. It's a medical condition that affects your outward appearance in a recognisable fashion that needs to be managed. It has no bearing on who you are. I have hypothyroidism, which is a medical condition that affects my outward appearance in a recognisable fashion (fat deposits are larger due to water retention, especially in my neck) that needs to be managed (through medication). I don't identify as a hypothyroidifac, and asking me if I did would be a silly question. Someone asking if you identify as a little person would be equally so.
Ok, thanks. I really appreciate the honest answer. Please know that I was not at all wanting to offend you, and apologize if i did so. I really did want to know this, and will put it to use, given the chance!
Like your comment upthread where you refer to people without dwarfism as "normal people"? I think with pretty minimal effort you could come up with terminology less offensive than explicitly confronting a person with their abnormality.
Yes, when comparing two people where one is a dwarf...the one who isn't a dwarf would be referred to as 'normal'. Like it or not, I didn't invent the language, or the logic used to cipher it.
I am going to ask this because out of curiosity and I would probably never ask this is person but I am curious if your dick is proportionate to your body or of it is like huge (like 7+ in)
In personal experience, people will pretty much ask whatever the hell they feel like if there's something "novel" about you. I'm trans, and the amount of people who think i want to have a casual conversation about my genitals or, god help me, how I have sex is unreal. It's like "Friend, I just met you, fuck off"
Time to start asking them about their genitals, see if they like it. So, bro, are you circumcised? Girl, you got a flappy labia or one of those little scrunchy ones? What do you mean, that's a personal question? You were just asking me about my junk, its fair game.
I feel like someone who would ask a dwarf about his cock wouldn't really find it awkward to answer questions about their own genitals, as long as it was on topic.
I'm fairly awkward in conversation anyway, so like, that's a personal fantasy where i publicly shame them and everyone has my back, but like, i mostly just give them a polite "none of ur fucking business"
the "how i have sex" thing actually bothers me more because the answer is literally alway "stimulation til orgasm" for everyone o the god damn planet im not special or novel leave me the fuck alone.
I have a trans friend (male to female), and she told me that a disturbing number of people, when told that she's trans, will almost immediately ask about the current status of her genitals. That would be awkward coming from a close friend, but who the fuck thinks it's in any way appropriate to just jump straight to "oh cool, have you had your dick cut off yet?"
I think its just pure curiosity. I used to get the most ridiculous questions when people found out I was from south africa, including.whether I had pet lions or why I was white. I got offended for a while, but eventually learned to go along and have fun with it. There are still a few girls out there who believe the right of passage for south africans is to yank a tooth from a wild lion, and my family left because my little brother refused and we were run out of the country
Yea, but you also can't expect every person you meet to behave respectfully. They might not even realize they are being offensive or how dumb their questions are. Its definitely better to just have fun and start giving th bogus answers, see just how crazy answers you can get away with
This can be a weekly, extremely invasive event, I sure hell have enough respect for myself to know that this shit is unacceptable, and I'm gonna be mad. It's dumb and rude to ask about a stranger genitals or sex life and anyone who doesn't realize that is socially inept in the worst way
Once again, I realize this. Which is why I'm not asking these questions myself. But is it really worth it to sit there and let some random person upset you on a weekly basis cus they don't understand their questions make you uncomfortable? I mean, that seems like a lot of wasted energy to me, especially since you can turn their dumb questions back on them and have a good time with it instead. I guess I just don't understand the point of getting offended.
You don't see the point in getting offended? There's no point! It's a human reaction and completely justified. Although one could argue that another 'point' in getting offended is that it leads to many social justice movements, because people don't take that shit lying down. I realise there's great risk in even using those words on reddit.
the only people who say shit like "dont yourself get upset" are those trying to remove fault from the guilty party and place it. "Just deal with it" is not a solution, it's letting people.
I really truly don't think you understand what dysphoria costs my mental energy and wellbeing. If it was as simple as "don't think about it" then, don't you think i would have fucking done that already. People casually bring up some of the most painful shit i have to deal with day in and day out just so they can get their kicks learning about "the freak" and I'm just supposed to be cool with it? No chance.
Heh. The way I see it, you are almost turning yourself into a voluntary victim instead of controlling the situation and coming out on top. You can't control what others do or say, only how you react. Reacting by being offended means the only person coming out of the convo upset or in a bad mood is you. I would never let some asshole have that effect on me. Turn their stupidity back on them and walk away smirking. My situation isn't as enotional as yours, simply being from a different country, but I think my view can be applied to both situations and doing so ends up better for you.
some fucking asshole: "learn to love it or you're making yourself the victim"
Alternatively, we could hold grown adults accountable and not try an turn it on me, because it makes me feel like shit to have invasive questions asked of me. If yo're not trans you have no place telling how to deal with shit you have no frame of reference for.
God, my boyfriend is trans and it's the most bizarre thing. I particularly hate the kind of roundabout questions when you know what they're trying to ask because it's disgustingly obvious.
"So you like him, but you're gay. So does he have a vagina?"
I have red hair and the seriously inappropriate questions are constant. God, Kick a Ginger Day was hell in school. People will just come up to you like being different is a God-given excuse for them to harass you with the most idiotic questions. Why? Oh, they're just curious.
"Hey, how do you feel about the saying that all redheads are great in bed?"
"Is your pubic hair red, too?"
"Did your parents ever treat you differently compared to your other normal siblings?"
"Do you have a soul?"
"Do you hate having hair like that?"
"Do you have a temper?"
And then God forbid you tell them that they're being inappropriate. They just blink at you innocently. People don't seem to understand that when they ask me those questions in public, it's embarrassing. And if I tell them to leave me alone about it or fuck off, they just smile and joke, "Oh, well, I guess the whole 'redheads have a temper' thing is true after all."
Counter act with, "Oh, well, I guess the whole (depending on their hair color or what have you)'brunettes/blondes/bald people/etc being rude' thing is true after all." Sorry you have to deal with these weirdos.
One of the worst things about that is that people direct their attention towards objectifying trans people, asking if they've had surgeries, etc. It also distracts from real issues, like violence and workplace discrimination.
Genetics are a funny thing. I bet your father gets a kick out of you looking like him. Yeah my SO is one of those people whose looks changed as he got older (hair color, build) so strangers think my youngest is a mailman's baby.
I never understood, who cares if you are adopted? Is it really any of their business? It doesn't make you any less a child of your parents.
My wife's father is Filipino-American. Her mother was born in Texas to a Polish-American father and a mother with a very sort of typical white American melange of European ethnicities - British, Irish, German, et cetera. She's also dyed her hair blonde since she was a young mother.
It's impossible for the family to count the number of times my mother-in-law has been assumed to not be part of the group of her brown-skinned, black-haired husband and his two tanned, dark-haired children.
Oh god, pregnant women are like huge magnets for awkwardness. My coworker was pregnant last year and some lady got offended when she said no after being asked to feel her stomach. I don't get why people think being pregnant makes someone's body public property.
All the time, but part of me enjoys it cause I can be a snarky smartass about it. One time someone asked me, and I quote, "So how long you been...you know...like that?" complete with long pauses. I just kind of looked at him and went "Well one day I woke up and none of my clothes fit."
Had another guy ask if I knew that I had "Kind of a pointy chest" while making a pyramid shape over his own chest to show me what he meant, and now that's a running joke between me and all my friends.
I think humor is probably the best way to deal with stupid people. Good for you for taking it all in stride. When I was pregnant I wasn't nearly that gracious about it and I only had to deal with it for a few months.
Not OP but my wife is a foot taller then me (I'm 5ft and she's almost 6ft) and we get a huge amount of looks and comments. I sympathize with the fact that you aren't seen as "normal" and it makes me a bit self conscious. My wife just laughs at all the attention.
invasive questions [...] if I was going to breastfeed,
Honestly, I've never even considered this to be an invasive question. Well, I've never asked this question off-topic either, it is the norm where I'm from anyways.
But I guess it shows that there are a lot of questions that seem normal to the uninitiated, but invasive to people with a different cultural background.
Holy shit. I've never understood that. Why the FUCK would people think it's okay to just walk up and touch a pregnant woman's belly and start asking personal questions? I'm very overprotective (my friends call it a "guardian complex"), so if my wife were pregnant and some stranger walked up and put their hand on our unborn child my first instinct would be "threat" and I would not be nice about telling them to back the fuck up.
For instance - pregnant I was asked if I was going to breastfeed
Oh jeeze. I have a coworker with a baby (the cutest fucking baby ever) and pretty much every time I mention her or her baby my mom asks if she breastfeeds. Uhhh I'm not going to ask my coworker what she does with her boobs. We're friendly and shit but that's not something you ask people you aren't good friends with. It's not my business.
I don't think asking if you are going to breastfeed or when the child was conceived are invasive. Those are pretty normal questions to ask. You are just uptight.
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u/whitefox00 Jul 13 '15
Slightly off topic, do people ask you really inappropriate personal questions? I find that when people are interested or don't understand something they tend to ask really invasive questions. For instance - pregnant I was asked if I was going to breastfeed, when she was conceived, and people would touch my belly. Now that my youngest looks nothing like me, I'm constantly asked if I adopted her or why she doesn't look like me or my SO. For the record, she looks exactly like SO did when he was a kid. But I would imagine that someone with your unique circumstances would get all kinds of prying questions.