People always try and fill the silence, just shut up, it is fine. I seriously don't care if we are sitting in "awkward silence" for twenty minutes, it isn't awkward to me at all.
That's where we draw the line? I mean it's not the sensual pantless dancing, it's the chewing with your mouth open that got you. Actually on second thought you're making some sense. LET THE DANCING BEGIN.
In defense of the weather-based small talk: it's a part of your daily experience that is universally shared, different from day to day, and often impacts several of your decisions and mood throughout the day. It can potentially spark conversations in a variety of directions and each person can have a different perspective, but still generally agree.
I'm no fan of small talk generally, but it's sometimes necessary. When that happens three are worse topics out there than weather, like sports.
Jeez, I always see this on Reddit. Small talk is the bridge you have to cross if you want meaningful conversation.
"How about that weather man?"
"Oh, you know. It's hot, but it could be worse. I've spent some time in the South and it's not so bad up here."
"Oh? What were you doing there?"
"I was in the Army for a little while, and I've traveled in Asia a little bit too."
Then there's a conversation! I could talk about what I did in the Army, what it was like when I was in the South, what Asia was like, if they've traveled, if they have family in the military, where they've lived, what they've done, etc. You can actually build a connection and a relationship off of that. Sitting in silence with someone doesn't help you connect with them- you won't learn who they are and how they became that person. If you want to really be close to someone, you need to start somewhere. Embrace the small talk. It's like panning for gold.
Don't you hate that?
Uncomfortable silences.
Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
I fall too deep into that sometimes though, like with someone I want to talk with. I'll let the silence happen, but then it gets built up in my head that the next thing I say has to be gold since I waited so long to say it.
That's why I think sometimes its situational. There are many times silence is fine with me, but occasionally there are times when I want to talk to someone but have nothing good to say and they aren't really giving me anything and being silent is just as awkward.
Or if I just met someone and want to make a good impression, sitting in silence isn't really selling myself well. Someone called me a bitch to my face after I had had a few encounters with them and they thought "I believed I was too beneath them to talk to them."
nah, awkward silences are bad. If you can avoid them it makes time pass longer for people waiting for something or a car ride etc. It's enjoyable. If you shut it down and someone keeps it going again and again when it's obvious that they don't want to then that's just bad reading. Usually you can enjoy a conversation with a stranger and it's actually fun and okay.
like you guys. If I notice you guys are not into it, then I move on and don't force it. Forcing it is the bad part of awkward silences.
Two Finnish friends from childhood meet for the first time in over a decade. They decide to go out to catch up, and order two vodkas.
After a few minutes, one guy says "so... how have you been?" - the other looks at him and asks "did you come here to drink or did you come here to talk?"
Damn, I must be Finnish as fuck. If I don't have anything to say, I just watch what's going on around me. It throws people off all the time. Like "Sorry I don't want to fill the air with conversation neither of us wants to have".
Whenever someone mentions companionable silence I think about the Top Gear episode (s12e03) where James May goes to Finland. They made it humorous to watch him sitting there with someone's grandma or something just hanging out in their living room not speaking but the idea that you don't have to fill a room with talk always appealed to me at a base level.
i always wondered why is that? why try to say something when you dont have anything to say. i can drive with my buddies in the car and listen to the radio and we dont say a thing unless someone remebers something or has something to say.
Swedes are considered "the Americans" of Nordic with the constant irritating small talk, but I'd guess Norwegians, Danes and Iceland-ians (?) are almost as silent as us.
God yes. I like my breaks at work to be quiet before I have to go back out and deal with customers. One of my coworkers does not stop talking. She could walk into the break room, see me sitting there and just start talking about her stupid shoe racks or something else that has nothing to do with me. Not even a "hello" or warm up. Straight into whatever pops into her head. She will keep going on forever, even if I don't say anything. It is maddening.
My family and some friends recently took a small vacation to go to King's Island amusement park. When we went there, we got a nice cabin to stay in .We had a day that we spent "camping" at the cabin as well (really we just hung out outside the cabin, went swimming, or played football in a nearby field) and at the end of that day, we were all sitting around a campfire. At one point everyone stopped talking and was just staring at the flames or looking at the stars. It was such a peaceful and serene moment that lasted for maybe 30 seconds before my aunt pipes up and goes "Wow, awkwaaaaard!" and my uncle said "Shut up and enjoy the moment Nikki"...which sparked an argument that ruined the night before everyone went to sleep. I really want to go back to that place and have one of those moments again.
As a Finn I was expecting this story to be about at least 1 hour of silence, but 30 seconds of silence being something unusual? Note to self: never, ever visit America. I'd go crazy if less than a minute of silence is considered awkward. Finnish campfire etiquette is something like 90% silence, 10% talking.
A few years ago I was sitting in silence with a friend at my flat. My fiancé walked in and commented that it was weird.
My friend turned round and said "it's not weird at all, in fact it shows how close we are as friends that we are that we can sit in silence together.".
I was really pleased because it showed that she and I were actually good friends despite me meeting her through my fiancé only a few months before.
Usually when I try to fill silence it's because I like and want to continue talking to a person not because I feel awkward. Small talk leads to big talk
Yes! I was in a hospital for 4 days recovering from surgery, (I'm under 18 so I needed a parent to be there the hole time) and my dad was talking non stop.
This for me. I don't mind sitting in the quiet. If we're going to talk I want it to be something of substance, I don't want to listen to inane commentary, or as I call it narrating. My MIL and oldest kid are so bad about narrating. "Speed limit is 55. Oh look...a horse! Refi your mortgage for 2.1%, that seems like a good deal. Oh they have Minecraft toys here. There are a lot of people here today. Wow traffic is really bad right now. etc etc etc"
Will you PLEASE Shut the FUCK up if you can't actually talk about something!??!
I can't have silence. I constantly have to making some kind of noise. Firstly, because I have epilepsy and if I go quiet and people are around they get nervous and think I'm having a seizure. Secondly, I fucking hate silence.
Maybe that's because you equate not feeling the need to talk every opportunity with social ineptitude? Or maybe all your quiet friends ARE socially inept, shit dude idk
I don't know if I can agree with this. Some cultures are simply less chatty. Some people are more introverted. Someone who talks 'at' people (as opposed to 'with them') is not necessarily socially adept.
I went on a first date last night. It was nice, I really liked him and we're going out again this week. There were a few silences though that he kept trying to fill because he was shy and felt awkward. I don't know why people feel the need to talk none stop. It's ok to be quiet and just enjoy being in the company of others.
My mother does this and it drives me crazy. She won't even be fully in the room and will just start going. I can't even say anything because otherwise i look like a jackass. Thank god for ear buds.
This is the difference between someone who is socially awkward and not socially awkward. The socially awkward kid will try to fill the void because to them it seems weird that no one is talking. Then they get stares and feel even worse about themselves.
Interestingly enough, my girlfriend taught me to like this. I have always been a bit of a talker (and to some extent still am) but after being with her for 2 years, I have realized that she is not super awkward, she is just comfortable being quiet without having to say anything. As our relationship has progressed she has become more talkative than before we were dating, and I have found myself being quieter than I was before, and actually enjoying the silence. Being able to just enjoy time together without having to talk is actually kind of nice.
The thing is, if you're hanging out with someone, silence can be a bit awkward if you're not really close to them, watching something, or playing video games. It's sort of a "well if we were going to just sit here in silence, I could have just stayed home alone." thought process. It's a tad uncomfortable for people who hang out with others to socialize rather than just share each other's company.
If it's at work or something like that, then yeah it's fine to just shut the fuck up and mind your own business, but imo in a social setting, it can be awkward. I'm also someone who has trouble shutting up, so just giving you my point of view ha.
Right? Just sitting, hanging out for 10 minutes watching the sky does not require talking. I've had people comment on the silence, and my response is always "It's not awkward. You learn to enjoy silence."
I remember this scene in Voyager between Tuvac and Seven of Nine. They were in a shuttle and she randomly says, "we haven't spoken for 2 hours and 4 minutes" (or something like that) and he asks, "do you find that significant?"
This is my roommate. When I get home from work, my ears are filled with constant words. Like, dude.. Is it alright if I fuck around on the internet in silence or maybe with music for an hour or two when I get home? Is that too much to ask? Every day, there's always some new song or band he wants me to hear, or some story about what happened at his job. What's funny is when we smoke a bit of the ol' wacky tobaccy, he says "I'm sorry, I get so talkative when I'm high." and in my head I'm thinking "no, my friend, you just notice it when you're high."
The time for a polite correction is fast approaching. At first, it didn't really bother me. But when I find myself yearning to be left alone in my own house, there's a problem. But it's difficult to say you need more personal time without sounding like you need more jerk-off time, heh.
I end up driving around a lot, it's just what I do part of my day job. Sometimes friends will come along for the ride to make it less boring. After a couple hours, sometimes we just sit in silence and listen to music or the wind from the car. It ain't bad.
For me it's the biggest indicator when two people actually enjoy each others company. When simply being around someone is enough that neither feels the need to fill the air with words.
There's a woman I work with that will ask "how are you?" every time there is a moment of silence. She finds a different way to word it every time but it's still just filler and it drives me insane.
"That's when you know you've found somebody really special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share silence." - Mia Wallace, Pulp Fiction
The other day I was fishing with my brother and a friend of my brother. My brother would constantly talk about anything, mostly fishing. He had to leave for a good 15 minutes, me and his friend didn't say a single word in the meantime. I felt really relaxed and comfortable because I knew his friend also values a good silence.
Nothing says "I'm boring" like not having anything to say.
I hate silence, especially if you know the person. Took a colleague from Italy, who came for a few days to the UK office, out to London as he wanted to go. I spoke to him more on the phone in a meeting than an entire afternoon in London. Even getting dinner. Fuck me, talk bro.
Meet up with his friends and he's talking at last! YAY HE'S NOT BROKEN! Then suddenly he goes quiet for like an hour.
I'm chatting to his friends, asking him stuff as well and he's giving me one-word answers.
God.
I hate silences because I can never figure out if it's my or the other person's fault.
Yeah I have a friend I used to work with. We would both be in an hour early and we would just it out side in silence. Him on his 3DS, me reading a book. I really appreciated having someone who I could share company with that we did not have to feel awkward for one seconds brake in conversation. I actually miss that a lot.
Well if you're in a conversation and stand there looking at each other for longer than 30 seconds without saying anything, yeah someone needs to say something or just run away.
This is my mom. I love to be in silence and she can't stand it. On the way to the gym at 7 am she wants to share every anecdote she can think of from her 50 years of life and listen to her music but I really just want silence.
My brother has always said you know you are really good friends with somebody when you can both sit in a car for an hour and nobody says anything and you're both completely ok with that.
Amen. I am more than content with not saying anything at all and enjoying the company of someone without the need for bullshit small talk. I know you, these stupid questions can be redundant.
That and my grandparents forced me to be OK with silence, I was always able to be quiet when needed but one day we were drinking coffee, not fast like I was used to, but sipping it and enjoying the quiet and sometimes the sounds of nature and it clicked.
Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
In person I agree with you, but for phone conversations I'm like "30 seconds silence we've got nothing to chat about? alright we can hang up then right? right?"
I like not having to deliver all the time. Breaks and silence can be just fine. Conversations need to breathe sometimes. It's something our culture feels the need to smother. Watch any talk show from 40+ years ago. Dick Cavett, Merv Griffin, Ed Sullivan, and all those guys were okay with there being lulls. It's uncomfortable from a modern perspective, but it shows we've lost the ability to appreciate silence.
I agree man, and usually I mark the first occasion of that add the time in truly "friends" with someone. We aren't trying to like, keep each other's attention actively or anything, we know we're chill and comfortable being around each other and have plenty of time to hang out, let's just ride to the store with light music on.
At the same time, 20 minutes without talking would have me questioning what it is were supposed to be doing together as friends. Sounds like one of you is pretty boring in general if that was a literal statement.
5.1k
u/[deleted] Jul 13 '15
Silence.
People always try and fill the silence, just shut up, it is fine. I seriously don't care if we are sitting in "awkward silence" for twenty minutes, it isn't awkward to me at all.