To me small talk is a way to take up time and share a semi-pleasant conversation with people. That's what you all were doing. The point of the conversation was understood by everyone, but it was played out anyway.
In defense of the weather-based small talk: it's a part of your daily experience that is universally shared, different from day to day, and often impacts several of your decisions and mood throughout the day. It can potentially spark conversations in a variety of directions and each person can have a different perspective, but still generally agree.
I'm no fan of small talk generally, but it's sometimes necessary. When that happens three are worse topics out there than weather, like sports.
Jeez, I always see this on Reddit. Small talk is the bridge you have to cross if you want meaningful conversation.
"How about that weather man?"
"Oh, you know. It's hot, but it could be worse. I've spent some time in the South and it's not so bad up here."
"Oh? What were you doing there?"
"I was in the Army for a little while, and I've traveled in Asia a little bit too."
Then there's a conversation! I could talk about what I did in the Army, what it was like when I was in the South, what Asia was like, if they've traveled, if they have family in the military, where they've lived, what they've done, etc. You can actually build a connection and a relationship off of that. Sitting in silence with someone doesn't help you connect with them- you won't learn who they are and how they became that person. If you want to really be close to someone, you need to start somewhere. Embrace the small talk. It's like panning for gold.
I usually try to talk to them about the silence if I sense they don't feel comfortable with it. It sort of eases them a little and I notice them contemplating what I said next time we hit silence. Mostly they don't hang around after that second silence.
Are you saying you are confused by the concept of weather, or that you simply haven't experienced the recent weather and therefore can't talk about it?
Don't you hate that?
Uncomfortable silences.
Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
I fall too deep into that sometimes though, like with someone I want to talk with. I'll let the silence happen, but then it gets built up in my head that the next thing I say has to be gold since I waited so long to say it.
That's why I think sometimes its situational. There are many times silence is fine with me, but occasionally there are times when I want to talk to someone but have nothing good to say and they aren't really giving me anything and being silent is just as awkward.
Or if I just met someone and want to make a good impression, sitting in silence isn't really selling myself well. Someone called me a bitch to my face after I had had a few encounters with them and they thought "I believed I was too beneath them to talk to them."
nah, awkward silences are bad. If you can avoid them it makes time pass longer for people waiting for something or a car ride etc. It's enjoyable. If you shut it down and someone keeps it going again and again when it's obvious that they don't want to then that's just bad reading. Usually you can enjoy a conversation with a stranger and it's actually fun and okay.
like you guys. If I notice you guys are not into it, then I move on and don't force it. Forcing it is the bad part of awkward silences.
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u/lazyass_tiger Jul 13 '15
That trying to fill up awkward silence with small talk makes things more awkward.