I'm scared but I'm ready 😵‍💫

1.4k

u/Luway_lucas 12h ago

You look like Danny DeVito in Batman Returns

1.2k

u/Detachabl_e 9h ago

Humpty dumpty knocked up a whore, The whore had a daughter built like a door, She went on r/roastme and posted some pics, that dried up all pussies and shriveled all dicks.

288

u/Top_Presentation379 11h ago

That’s what male prostitutes tell you, once you pay them double their original fee?

323

u/faucetpants 12h ago

I bet you can really fill up your diapers.

228

u/Godleastfavourite 11h ago

I would never roast a pregnant woman, enjoy the rest of your day.

501

u/hamabenodisco 11h ago

Are you todays date? Because you are 1/10

75

u/Slug_Overdose 11h ago

My uncle's a cattle rancher. Looks like I need to tell him one of the cows got loose again.

118

u/mfdoorway 11h ago

You’re shaped like Violet Beauregard after she chewed wonka’s gum

167

u/Fit-War-3486 11h ago

That lip ring isn’t edgy enough to distract from the fact you’re built like a snowman

97

u/JoshuaSHyman 11h ago

How are you simultaneously the 16yo babysitter AND the 50yo Latina from the Bronx with six kids??

397

u/Fredhotchillipepper 11h ago

Pronouns are ‘All. You. Can. Eat.’ And you identify as hungry.

37

u/sublimetirade 11h ago

Built like an egg.

25

u/Morose-MFer81 9h ago

You trying to bust into Chipotle at 3AM.

50

u/gordonramsayskitchen 11h ago

OOMPA loompa lookin ass

41

u/diabolical_zebra 11h ago

Do you put the rings in your face since nobody wlll put one on your finger?

40

u/BillsDownUnder 9h ago

Ahh thigh tattoos, the last grasp at sexiness before exercise

16

u/yeboi227 8h ago

You look like how someone appears through the looking hole on hotel doors

42

u/Majestic-Wallaby-483 12h ago

That's what a hobbit would look like if they ate only cheeseburgers and had a twitter account

12

u/Competitive_Cut_1228 9h ago

Frumpy Dumpty

11

u/bludvic_the_cruel 8h ago

Saw the first pic and thought the Mcdonald's Grimace shake was back.

36

u/Hour_Engineer_974 11h ago

18

u/Eat_it_With_Rice 10h ago

You should have gotten your piercing through both lips to keep you from eating so much.

10

u/Prudent-Curve-6552 6h ago

You have the furniture disease. Your chest has dropped into your drawers

31

u/TheTranquilOne Golden Roaster 12h ago

You're built like a short bus and you look like you get off them too.

23

u/WonderfulBudget8129 12h ago

Every picture you take is a zoomed in picture

14

u/Emergency_Scholar237 11h ago

You look like a ziplock bag filled with water

7

u/TrumpsColostomyBag99 8h ago

Everyone mocking the weight and proportions are completely disregarding the other things like..

Shitty tattoos

Shitty piercings

Morose lesbian face

Cavernous clitoral hood that reeks of cat piss

12

u/Ok_Camel4555 11h ago

The face of a 12 yr old. The body of a middle aged bored housewife, that wants to bang the amazon driver.

7

u/XBL_Tough 8h ago

16

u/Rustii87 11h ago

Pigs your size take about 8 hours! You are not ready, put it back in the spit !

10

u/dcondemned 9h ago

Screaming her body her choice at a campus near you!!!

13

u/shapeshifter57 11h ago

You look like half melted ice cream.

9

u/ChopNon 11h ago

You look like the IT department at Hot Topic sent you to manage their TikTok account but forgot to tell you it’s unpaid. (I felt so bad🫠)

11

u/Fluid-Remote1649 11h ago

You've got a nose ring and a lip ring. I'm confident you'll add more. Just never a wedding ring.

10

u/robeywan 9h ago

How many pics do you make girls swipe through before they get to the big reveal? Portrait, portrait, portrait, portrait, portrait, A 5'3 PEAR

4

u/LunaMagicc 11h ago

You are beaching allready.

4

u/Eamonnshaman 9h ago

You have every right to be scared! Dunno why you set yourself up for this. Haaaa. Good luck 🍀

5

u/Icy_Share5923 8h ago

You look like you’d actually date…me. Oof.

9

u/JadeHarley0 9h ago

Definitely gay, but I don't know about majestic

4

u/bespelled 11h ago

If this is a test of your self esteem you should just go ahead and start counseling

4

u/jcpham 10h ago

You’re like six years old why the hell would we roast a child

4

u/DejectedDonut 10h ago

Looks like the only thing you're scared of is a salad.

3

u/Icy_Mc_Spicy 9h ago

Listen, if you’re too fat to wear a particular shirt, that doesn’t mean just wear it over another one.

4

u/Flimsy-Jello5534 9h ago

lmao why does everyone into polyamory look like this

4

u/DANiMALtheDamnable 9h ago

That's the face of someone who owns way too many mirrors for their looks. You're built like Baymax- just without the health and care

4

u/threexk 8h ago

Body type is chicken nugget.

7

u/Illustrious-Exit1825 11h ago

You look like Indiana Jones’ sidekick Short Fat

7

u/NachoBacon4U269 9h ago

Don’t be scared, you are still young enough and cute enough to capture a man before you finish your transformation into a mature hog beast. With your current level of hair dye, piercings , and body fat I’d estimate you have a 2 year window to secure your first pregnancy. After that you’ll need to descend into the darker depths of the ghettos to find a mate.

3

u/samoStranac 12h ago

Hannah Montana after a year at Wendy's coupled with a few bad tattoo choices.

3

u/Weary_Accident_6399 11h ago

You look big for a small person

3

u/DownfallOfAHeart 11h ago

I guess when you got tired of being the grenade that couldn't even pull pity-dick, u switched teams hoping for better luck with the girls, amiright?

3

u/LiamPorter95 10h ago

No wonder your gay

3

u/TrumanCapote666 10h ago

On the bright side fat chicks give the best blow jobs. But afterwards you need a crane to get them up off their knees.

3

u/Suitable_Freedom66 10h ago

You look like you’re every age you’ll ever be all at the same time

3

u/Haggis_McHaggis_ 9h ago

Pics 1 - 3 "I'm ugly and have no redeeming features...)

Pic 4 "but I have TITTTIIIIIIEEEEEESSSS

3

u/avitony 9h ago

Ok let’s start with this question: how many dinners have you missed ?

3

u/GeneThaDancinMachine 9h ago

Got a body like the Mucinex monster.

3

u/manfezzefnam 9h ago

3

u/MMito_Logical 9h ago

I wouldnt bully her, i Heard She ate the Last persons family Who bullied her

3

u/QueezyCrunch 9h ago

I’m scared but I am ready. Words that will never be ushered again outside the context of this post

3

u/fattymcfattzz 8h ago

Jorts, really? Jorts, all the clothes you have you picked Jorts. FUUCK

3

u/Flaky-Scholar9535 8h ago

You like a white Thundercat, but more manly. Can you play Bass?

3

u/CaptainCasey420 8h ago

You look 15 and 35 at the same time

3

u/Mounjabro5 8h ago

You look like an anaemic hamster.

3

u/TropicalFishGamer 8h ago

If i did roast you, you’d feed a small village for weeks

3

u/Limitless_foundry349 8h ago

You look like a soccer mom who stole the youth from a batch of 20 year olds

3

u/Neat_Chi 7h ago

Did Kirby absorb and duplicate Peggy Hill?

3

u/pickachuiisajew 6h ago

I don't make fun of slightly heavy girls. I was always lean and those kinda girls were always so loving to me. I didn't need to do anything just sit there and have em go down. Love ya big girls 😘

3

u/TanneAndTheTits 6h ago

The first woman I've seen where if someone goes down on you, they can get the Benz if they come up too fast

3

u/_NotWhatYouThink_ 6h ago

Your body fat distribution is that of a toddler.

3

u/Fun_Imagination9232 6h ago

3

u/Future_Parsley740 6h ago

She has her own gravitational pull

3

u/mulleintea5 5h ago

3

u/Good-Establishment-9 3h ago

Oompa Loompa doopity doo, I’ve got another riddle for you.. what do you get when a mother smokes crack? Gets pregnant by a meth head who never calls back. 9 months later she’s out scrounging for pennies, and ends up having the baby in the Bathroom at dennys. If you had a genie this is not what you’d wish…The baby grows up to be a fat worthless bitch. But she soon joined Willy Wonkas crew, cause she looks just like an Oompa Loompa too…doopity doo…

5

u/UnhappyProfessor7658 12h ago

SpongeBob if he was working as a prostitute for the minions

5

u/JustAUserLikeMe 11h ago

Body like a pillowcase filled with mashed potato

5

u/Appropriate_Copy8285 11h ago

I didnt know the penguin was an autistic trans glutton.

6

u/TheOpalHut 10h ago

You look like someone put glasses on a marshmallow

6

u/Relative-Ordinary-64 10h ago

I bet your weight your cholesterol level and the amount of times you’ve been turned down are all the same number

6

u/Reasonable-Fix-8111 8h ago

Trump won, get over it.

4

u/ANALEX_ 11h ago

You look like bane suit filled with 4 peaple

4

u/Only_Charge9477 11h ago

You look polyamorous.

3

u/ultimacunt 11h ago

If the Goodyear blimp and hungry hungry hippo had a child.

Sorry that's fat shaming.

Fact is we probably could roast you. And end world hunger.

Fuck I did it again!

4

u/pan0o0o0o0o0o0o0o 9h ago

3

u/ElkMotor2062 9h ago

That fupa has its own zip code

4

u/HumorAwkward8893 9h ago

Posterchild for type two diabetes.

2

u/SigorneysBeaver 12h ago

2

u/Shizzlevizz 10h ago

Honey Boo Boo going through a phase

2

u/Triggered-cupcake 10h ago

I refuse to believe the God I love and worship created that shape

2

u/Ludramor 10h ago

Better start digging, you dug your own grave and I can see that it's gonna take a while

2

u/Greedy-Stage-120 10h ago

I see big things in your future. And the past and present.

2

u/Informal_Stress_9953 10h ago

“Tell me daddy didn’t love you without saying daddy didn’t love you…”

2

u/Anklebiterrrr420 10h ago

I was NOT ready for the whole body photo 😭🙏🏼💀

2

u/DavidDoesDallas 10h ago

I bet when she leaves the house wearing heals, she comes home wearing a pair of flip flops.

Oh, by the way, 95% of men don't want to date a woman with a BMI over 25.

Have a great day :-)~

2

u/Pidrshrek 9h ago

Gender: pancakesexual

Pronouns: she/ate

2

u/leanne_claire 9h ago

There's alot of you isn't there?

2

u/polygurl87 8h ago

I'm not here to roast... this just came up on my feed but I couldn't not comment to day dayyyymn you look like a real life version of squirrel girl from marvel rivals..

2

u/Kryton101 8h ago

‘Look dad I caught a big groper by the lip”. …… “omg throw it back, throw it back!”

2

u/Arse_Kickerson 8h ago

You should be teaching SpongeBob to get his license

2

u/peev22 8h ago

Your handwriting has room for improvement.

2

u/donkeyoh 8h ago

Fupa Fupa

2

u/MedRare88 8h ago

Dont be scared, we're not a vegetable

2

u/Dmexicanwolverine 8h ago

How old are you , you look like 16