r/wallstreetbets • u/OperationSuch5054 • Dec 04 '24

"CEO gets gunned down in the street outside an investor conference. Wow, I bet that's going to really destroy the stock price" Meme

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36.4k Upvotes

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507

u/DocPhilMcGraw Dec 04 '24 edited Dec 04 '24

They've already taken down the UnitedHealth Group and UHC Leadership pages. I am assuming so that nobody else will be targeted.

Edit: before anyone else comments underneath me, just know that what you are about to say has been said by just about every other comment ahead of you. You're not contributing anything new by posting a link to the wayback machine or saying "oh yeah like that will stop them".

739

u/Naskr Dec 04 '24

Hiding their pre-existing condition of being prime targets for revenge killings.

138

u/atheistunicycle Dec 04 '24

What a timeline we live in that this joke even makes sense.

94

u/unevenvenue Dec 04 '24

Not sure it's a joke. My first thought of this murder was that it was perhaps the significant other of/a scorned Insured.

47

u/Brief-Cod-697 Dec 04 '24

That or parent.

4

u/SirVanyel Dec 04 '24

Tit for tit 👉😏👉

4

u/make_love_to_potato Dec 05 '24

More probably a child.

6

u/Brief-Cod-697 Dec 05 '24

I'm saying the shooter is the parent of the deceased

2

u/SpecificRemove5679 Dec 05 '24

If UHC is the reason the shooter's child died, I would storm the court if they tried to prosecute him. The thought of this makes me so MAD.

-1

u/Electronic_Belt_2535 Dec 05 '24

The medical industry (doctors, insurers, hospitals, pharma, etc.) fucks up and kills people constantly. That doesn't mean they don't save plenty of lives, but they suck, and are reckless as hell.

10

u/Allegorist Dec 04 '24 edited Dec 04 '24

That was my first thought, my second was that it had something to do with his internal dealings. Maybe it was an inside job since someone didn't like whatever he was trying to do, put out a hit on him.

Apparently earlier this year he and some others sold hundreds of million dollars in shares ahead of an antitrust probe that tanked the price and pissed people off. Could be people think he is a liability.

3

u/TheColonelRLD Dec 04 '24

"their pre-existing condition of ..." makes it a joke. Jokes don't have to be untrue, just funny. Gallows humor is often true and funny. Making fun of reality.

4

u/Representative-Sir97 Dec 04 '24

It's that subtle vengeance part that really drives it home.

3

u/Electrical-Box-4845 Dec 05 '24

Late stage capitalism

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '24

[deleted]

72

u/StealthWanderer_2516 Dec 04 '24

Treatment (covered by UNH of course!) requires a prescription of bodyguards, armored transportation, and chartered flights only. Domestic commercial flights could cause complications of this condition.

9

u/KodakStele Dec 04 '24

The most cyberpunk2077 thing I've read

5

u/nanomolar Dec 04 '24

I'm sorry, your prior authorization for bodyguards was denied as not medically necessary.

4

u/AnotherThroneAway Dec 04 '24

If your election lasts more than 4 years, see a doctor

1

u/VulnerableTrustLove Dec 04 '24

Ironically this will be denied by the Internet since there are archiving services that still have the info.

1

u/ASaneDude Dec 05 '24

That will not be covered then.

269

u/KeyboardGrunt Dec 04 '24

Now they're gonna lobby for executive anonymity which I'm sure won't be used to commit fraud in any way.

55

u/Genneth_Kriffin Dec 04 '24

Now we're talking.

Unknown corporate leadership and board members including CEO,
Unknown majority shareholders,
and most importantly no requirements to actually document any of this in any way so that when shit goes crazy you can't even put the blame or prosecute anyone because no one knows who runs it in the first place.

Also enables us to have purely AI ran corporations, so that they can eventually own everything, evict humanity fully legal and tell us to get of their property (everything), and this shithole planet might actually be a decent place some day.

1

u/Btmaffiliate Dec 05 '24

I mean companies like free .fr are already promoting child porn in their link profiles. It's not like anyone is accountable anyways. (albeit a digital example not a healthcare one)

1

u/CurLyy Dec 05 '24

Remindme! 2 years

19

u/trip2nite Dec 04 '24

Like a shell company?

13

u/True-Surprise1222 Dec 04 '24

Secret service protection **

9

u/SweatyAdhesive Dec 04 '24

another great use of our tax dollars /s

3

u/ABadHistorian Dec 05 '24

Yep. This happened obviously (unless it's somehow a personal matter unrelated to Health Insurance) due to a lack of transparency in health insurance. Obviously we need less transparency to fix this issue.

1

u/SuffolkLion Dec 05 '24

That won't happen

117

u/GordoPepe Likes big Butts. Does not Lie. Dec 04 '24

Good thing nothing on the Internet stays forever, would be a shame if it was cached somewhere

48

u/UnNumbFool Dec 04 '24

It would be an even bigger shame if people took this as some sort of whistle call and started targeting other high profile ceos

28

u/Remarkable-Hall-9478 Dec 04 '24

Such a terrible, world-brightening shame 

16

u/Tysic Dec 04 '24

Has the day finally come to eat the rich?

18

u/ISLAndBreezESTeve10 Dec 04 '24

It was the right thing to do, the stock price went up.

9

u/Nilosyrtis Dec 04 '24

The other rich ate as well. Like sharks, when one drops dead, they whip into a frenzy.

5

u/ISLAndBreezESTeve10 Dec 04 '24

Eat the Rich has evolved into Shoot the Rich, better results, quicker.

3

u/Efficient_Mud_5446 Dec 04 '24

nothing wrong with being rich if you're a net positive to humanity and alleviate the human race. Everything wrong with being rich if its done, through the suffering of humanity.

8

u/VulnerableTrustLove Dec 04 '24

Sometimes I wonder if the world wouldn't be a better place if someone just started writing unethical leader/CEO names into a death note until they started acting better.

3

u/bdsee Dec 04 '24

Honestly with Trump having those assassination attempts I wondered why people like Elon wouldn't consider that they might become a target for getting so heavily involved and he might have a bunch of bodyguards around him but it isn't the same as Secret Service agents and as we saw, even they fuck it up.

2

u/cinnamintdown Dec 04 '24

yes, but what about the board member?

Won't someone think of the board memebers?

13

u/sterlingthepenguin Dec 04 '24

You mean like some kind of Internet Archive?

7

u/3boobsarenice Doesn't know there vs. their Dec 04 '24

Yes that is a wayback concept

2

u/libmrduckz Dec 04 '24

it’ll never happen…

2

u/_The_Protagonist Dec 04 '24

Yeah, not like a person planning this kind of shit out doesn't have headshots of his targets plastered all over his house or something.

2

u/mythrilcrafter Dec 05 '24

Or just go over the LinkedIn and look up UNH. LinkedIn is basically onlyfans for corporate execs to show off their careers (be they fake or not).

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u/johndsmits Dec 04 '24 edited Dec 04 '24

wayback machine time. Can't stop the signal, Mal.

Puts on event venues.

Calls on private security services...

and Citi ebikes.

8

u/K30 Dec 04 '24

Leader Headshots

Phrasing!

3

u/IJizzOnRedditMods Dec 04 '24

I noticed at the bottom it said "download headshot". The gunman did it with a backshot

1

u/bobrobor Dec 04 '24

Time to wbm deplatforming….. t - what?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '24

nice

12

u/XTSLabs Dec 04 '24

Makes sense, I mean, it's not like there's such a thing as a wayback machine or internet archive.

Hire some fucking security like every other rich person who's fucked enough of the lower class to be concerned about their own safety. Stop trying to not pay for shit!

3

u/BeMyFriendGodfather Dec 04 '24

Or readily available publicly disclosed financial documents.

1

u/XTSLabs Dec 04 '24

I did have the thought, but I'm a bit too high to phrase it correctly, so refrained.

2

u/SpacecraftX Dec 04 '24

Because assassins make their hit lists on the fly from the company about us page.

1

u/a_lil_louder_please Dec 05 '24

Anybody know who I’m supposed to kill? I have an image but its taking FOREVER to render off this slow ass website, I don’t have the time

2

u/wakeupwill Dec 04 '24

Oh. That's good. Not like whomever did this couldn't have jotted down those names before.

1

u/XI_Vanquish_IX Dec 04 '24

FBI would have immediately told them to do so

1

u/Rizzpooch Dec 04 '24

I like the idea that the assassin kills the top target and then goes, “alright, time to find out who else works there”

1

u/AccomplishedCat6621 Dec 04 '24

yeah as if someone thinking along those lines needs those pages. WTF?

1

u/Betaglutamate2 Dec 04 '24

also yeah the guy that meticulously planned the execution is going to be stopped because they took down the website

1

u/Jmich96 Dec 04 '24

Wouldn't this info just be available on the payback machine anyway? I guess they need to show an attempt for legal reasons.

1

u/bdl-laptop Dec 04 '24

I like butts. I bet no one has said that yet.

1

u/Slylok Dec 05 '24

If this was targeted and this person was planning to go after any others... Obviously they would likely already know all the information needed.

1

u/Mr_Style Dec 05 '24

I wonder if the cable company executives have gone into hiding or bunkers today. They are even more hated than the insurance companies.

1

u/TheFirstNinjaJimmy Dec 05 '24

Where there's a will there's a way.

1

u/ThouMayest69 Dec 04 '24

Damn those rich folks must be feeling a lil scared and vulnerable rn lol, I hope it lasts.

0

u/WeirdIndividualGuy Dec 04 '24

nothing the wayback machine can't fix

0

u/Raleighgm Dec 04 '24

Nothing is ever really gone on the internet.

0

u/Fantastic_Poet4800 Dec 04 '24

Because whoever did this has no idea who else works there. And there is no possible other way to find that info.

0

u/SirNedKingOfGila Dec 04 '24

I'm sure the guy who did this was depending on the website to choose his next target lol

0

u/bmore_conslutant Dec 04 '24

Edit: before anyone else comments underneath me, just know that what you are about to say has been said by just about every other comment ahead of you. You're not contributing anything new by posting a link to the wayback machine or saying "oh yeah like that will stop them".

first time having a highly upvoted comment?

0

u/Delicious-Customer-8 Dec 05 '24

Dude that’ll totally stop them.