r/FridgeDetective Oct 23 '24

what does my fridge tell you Meta

Post image

let me hear it

7.3k Upvotes

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178

u/BonezOz Oct 23 '24

Your liver, kidneys and heart hate you. You've got enough fat around your heart and internal organs that certain Japanese research vessels are actively hunting you while Greenpeace is trying to keep you from being harpooned. The only time your lips touch water is when you go swimming.

37

u/Choice-Click-6457 Oct 23 '24

Almost made me spit out my drink! I heard “fuck you whaaale” in my head after reading this 🤣

29

u/BonezOz Oct 23 '24

Oh, shit, I just realised this wasn't posted in r/RoastMe

7

u/rrrriley Oct 23 '24

Na it’s accurate. Carry on.

2

u/frobscottler Oct 23 '24

He did say “let me hear it”!

1

u/txracin Oct 23 '24

And a fuck you dolphin!!!

1

u/GottLiebtJeden Oct 25 '24

Fucka you dolpheeeennnnn!

3

u/dickdogbeforesunset Oct 23 '24

…except, you never go swimming

1

u/HalfPriceFrogs Oct 23 '24

Jesus christ that's brutal. I'll be using that IRL 😂😂😂

1

u/ughughughx3 Oct 23 '24

when you go swimming

lmfao 😂

not even in the shower

1

u/morning_star984 Oct 23 '24

Damn, you beat me to it. Swimming?! Uh huh, yeah. His resting heart rate of 127 doesn't allow for much swimming.

1

u/New_Breadfruit8692 Oct 23 '24

Swimming? Can you actually play D&D while in the pool?

1

u/Informal_Meeting_577 Oct 24 '24

Fucha you dolpheen!

1

u/avprobeauty Oct 24 '24

Japanese research article: 10.3390/nu14214446

1

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '24

You think this person swims?!?

1

u/PassTheCowBell Oct 26 '24

The only time your lips touch water is when you go swimming.

The health consequences of this will be enormous down the line.

1

u/BonezOz Oct 26 '24

What's sad is that this was me 30 years ago. Then I dropped the Mountain Dew for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for something that didn't eat my stomach. Then I switched to 2L of water every day about 10 years ago, and only 2 sugar free sodas/pop/colas a day. That, plus switching from cigarettes to vapes 3 years ago, has greatly improved my health. Now if I wasn't such an alcoholic I'd probably live forever 👼

1

u/PassTheCowBell Oct 26 '24

I have to constantly harass my wife to drink water. She will only drink Coca-Cola. She says that she hates the taste of water and I'm like there must be something wrong with your brain if you don't like water

Probably her parents let her have soda whenever she wanted. As a child. My parents didn't even let soda in the house. I don't like carbonated beverages, just fruit juice or water for me

I also hate alcohol. It just doesn't taste good so pots for me

1

u/BonezOz Oct 26 '24

We had heaps of Kool-aid and Iced Tea growing up with the occasional Dr Pepper. So water wasn't ingrained into us. Probably why I always struggled with my weight.

Water was finally introduced into my life during my Army days. But even then it took another 15 years of civilian life before I started choosing water over fizzy drinks.

1

u/PassTheCowBell Oct 26 '24

Anytime I go to a restaurant it's either sweet tea, lemonade or water.

Sometimes I get the occasional craft root beer.

But if I drink a can of Coke I would probably vomit it up immediately. My body rejects things like McDonald's and Coca-Cola

Like if I hit McDonald's, it's like a 95% chance that I'll throw up all of it