r/Eugene • u/canooingdoob • 3d ago
Any ace/spec demisexuals around here? It’d be alright to run into one or two of yous if I were out and about. Like, just knowing there are others in this community would feel validating. I wouldn’t necessarily need to hang out, but that’d be chill, too.
I’m just wondering maybe how many other asexuality spectrum individuals I might randomly find myself running into on a yearly basis. Do we have at least a percentage point around here? I bet it’s more than 1% around Eugene. Also, I am asking broadly asexual spectrum, but if you specifically identify as demi/ace I’d love to hear from you.
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u/lvbuilder 3d ago
Fascinating OP. I just learned what all this means. I'm neither, but now I know what ace-spec and demisexual are. I had NO idea. Thanks.
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u/Boof_ur_Bacon 3d ago
Not me but I know of a few. Your not alone in this town.
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
Thank you, I appreciate your response. I know I’m not alone, I met one myself randomly the other day. It came up in conversation!
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u/AlmondDavis 3d ago
What they^ said. I’ll add to it that we’re glad you’re here.
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
Yay! OMG! I’m so glad that I decided to start being really open about it. It’s working, and it’s wonderful!
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u/Distinct-Horrors 3d ago
Howdy. We're around. Lurking.
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
I know! ‘Cause I am too! Haha! I’m joking, thank you for your response, I really appreciate that there are others, and that you were kind and comfortable enough to respond to my post.
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u/Raudiance 3d ago
Grace here, with a full Ace friend. Highly recommend attending PRIDE in the Park at Alton Baker later this year, you'll meet a good many.
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
Okay, so how do other asexual people deal with all the wild sexual things I always see happening at pride? Like I get that it’s for asexuals too, but I’m uncomfortable around anything blatantly sexual like inflatable genitals and stuff and that’s totally a personal preference… like my idea of the perfect pride parade is a disc golf outing.
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u/Oregongirl1018 3d ago
PRIDE in the park is a family event. Awful judgy of you.
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
Admittedly, I’m coming from a position of ignorance. What do you call someone who is sex positive strictly with their partner in their bedroom, and mostly sex repulsed otherwise? I love seeing people have fun at pride, but there’s conflict in my mind because the whole thing is about sexuality, and my sexuality is generally non-sexual… Like, I never talk about sex, I never make comments about it, so I really am here to learn. Do you understand? I just recently figured myself out and I’m obviously confused. Not trying to be judgmental or rude, I just don’t really know how to explain. I’m super extroverted but like I shut down mostly when people start talking about sex.
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u/Raudiance 3d ago
Eugene PRIDE does a fairly good job of separating the more sexualized vendors from the rest. They also release a site map every year that shows which booths are where so you have the option to avoid booths that may be activating for you.
There's also often community events leading up to and after PRIDE in the park, so you could participate in a more niche gathering.
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
Thank you for your thoughtful response. That sounds very welcoming. I appreciate this very much.
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u/Oregongirl1018 3d ago
PRIDE is about togetherness and acceptance. It's about celebrating everyone's differences in sexual/gender identity. As a community. It's not about sex. It's not a giant kink show. The majority of people are sexual in the privacy of their own homes but don't mention sex with random people. That would be weird. You know the saying "a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets". Lol. It kind of seems like by trying to avoid sex or sexual topics, you are making things overly sexual that aren't normally. I think you'd enjoy PRIDE if you went with an open mind.
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
I’m going to go to the next event with an open mind and heart. Thank you for taking the time to be kind and thoughtful. This post has already changed my life.
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u/coolincomrade 3d ago
We are definitely here, ironically I'm pretty introvert so not likely we will run into each other, but I'm here lol, additionally I don't know if you should decide people are compatible, just biased on their orientation, unfortunately being ace doesn't inherently make you chill, there are some ace people who are rude and should be avoided because they use people. I understand wanting to know your community but it doesn't matter what demographic, because there are toxic members of every community. I have heard of spots in town that you can go and they are like safe spaces for people to hang out and talk about their experiences and stuff Although I have never been, I've heard there are a few. I don't remember the names at the moment but something you could look into. I believe books with pictures is a spot but I don't know if they host events or anything like that
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u/UpasikaNerdicus 3d ago
I am demisexual. I know a few ace-spec people, one of my partners is ace-spec identifying.
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
Oh, yay a polyamorous demi? Am I learning? Yes I am! I love it, thank you for responding, I appreciate you. Please stay hydrated.
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u/coolincomrade 3d ago
Just because I'm not seeing it on other comments there are 3 types of asexuality. There are sex positive asexuals, asexuals who are okay with having sex and enjoy it. There are sex neutral asexuals, who feel indifferent about sex and don't mind having it. There are also sex repulsed asexuals, who feel physically repulsed by the idea of sex and have no interest in it at all. And in comments I'm seeing people implying the are all the same or that asexuality is only sex repulsed, which isn't true. The fact that this information is based on individual personal experience can lead to a lot of mis-communication, please don't take stuff in the comments as hard fact for all members of the community because it'll be from the perspective of the person commenting including my comments, this is what I know to be true but I'm not omnipotent or all knowing because no person is LoL
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u/Wh1ppetFudd 3d ago edited 3d ago
You should actually do some research on the topic before you go talking as if you are an authority, and I know you probably haven't because of your not using proper terminology. Also, this statement contradicts the attack you made on me claiming that sex-positive ace's aren't asexual at all and that demi-sexuals can only be sex-positive. Fact is that Demi is part of the Asexual spectrum and can be outright aromantic too, becoming attached to people on completely different levels. But I'm guessing you think are are omni-sentient as you seem to have already figured out exactly what I'm like on two comments without ever having met me or knowing anything about my history.
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u/Wh1ppetFudd 3d ago
I'm complicated but do fall within the category of sex-neutral ace.
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
Thank you for responding, I appreciate you. I’m here to listen and learn! If you’re comfortable enough to elaborate, would you, please? How is it complicated? Are you disabled?
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u/Wh1ppetFudd 3d ago
Well yes, technically I am disabled but not in a physical way. It's that I'm extremely autistic, but that's not how I mean complicated. It's just that all the labels I can put on myself aren't ones that most people would think work together. Like, when I fly pride flags, in addition to the general pride flag, I also fly trans pride, demi pride, ace pride and pan pride, and on top of all that, I can be extremely kinky, Then really, if you look into the full Ace spectrum, Ace and kinky often do actually go together.
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago edited 3d ago
Oh, wow, yeah I actually totally understand, but it’s time to do some reading up on things like pansexuality. Thank you for your response! I appreciate you. I’m 100% hetero, I THINK! There’s been a few gender bending queer folk around me with some huge humble confidence that actually kinda gets me interested, though, so I’m not ACTUALLY sure. Massive actual confidence with humility and kindness (NOT ego) is very intriguing to me. It’s the confidence that makes it even possible for me to ever establish an emotional connection. I can’t connect with ego. And, it still usually takes me a very long time to establish that connection.
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u/Wh1ppetFudd 3d ago
No need to go reading. I will save you the time: https://youtu.be/HdcWFjamQs4?si=_EUaXaI9-UO2KH1F
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u/coolincomrade 3d ago edited 3d ago
Don't listen to this person they are referring to sex positive asexual people, which is demisexual and not the same thing as asexual sex neutral or asexual sex repulsive, they are speaking as though all ace people are asexual sex positive which is not the case
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u/Wh1ppetFudd 3d ago edited 3d ago
Demi falls under the asexual umbrella whether you like it or not. Asexual means someone that does not treat sex as something they actually make any effort to pursue in their life. In addition, I take offense at calling me sex-positive when I clearly stated I'm actually sex-neutral. Also, the OP included Demi in the people they are looking for so you are narrowing their request for them? How inconsiderate of you. Oh, and for one final note, statistically, sex-averse aces (the proper term for what you called sex repulsed) are the most likely to be into kinks.
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u/Slugcatfan 3d ago
I’m a fat incel who’s short
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
If you’re tall in personality (that’s true confidence, not ego) none of that other stuff matters. You can be fat and short physically, but if you OWN it and be tall in your personality (confidence) you can go from being an incel to being a voncel.
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u/Lilhoneylilibee 3d ago
Homie, if you’re being serious: you gotta get off those forums. Physical appearance should be the least of everyone’s concerns
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u/canooingdoob 3d ago
Thank you for responding, I really appreciate that you took a moment to reach out. Being tall is also a kind of personality, so you can be tall while still being short and people of all types are attracted to any kind of tall!
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u/GarpRules 3d ago
If the first thing you want to know about me is my sexual orientation, I don’t want to know you.