r/AmIOverreacting • u/SufficientTrain5884 • 1d ago
Am I Overreacting on how i feel about my christmas gift? ❤️🩹 relationship
for some context my boyfriend got me a bottle of perfume for Christmas which i actually love but it’s more about the situation, not that price matters but i ended up spending over $400 on him total for his gifts, so when christmas came i opened my gift and he went on to talk about it first thing he mentioned was that it was $75 which i didn’t care about but i could clearly tell he was lying about it, after that i looked online and actually found out it was under $5 which is fine but him lying about it was off putting, and i also feel the need to mention he makes way more money for me so i know he wasn’t broke . he also talked about how it was special in some way but i was confused on how because the one big thing is its a coconut scented perfume i absolutely HATE coconut and he 100% knows that he also knows exactly what my interests are and what i like so it can’t be that he didn’t know what to buy me. its not about the money or the fact of it being one thing, i am grateful for it because he couldve not gotten me anything. i just feel as if there was no thought put into it, aio or should i bring it up to him? (picture of perfume attached)
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u/OtherwiseLocksmith98 1d ago
I would say it's the thought that counts...but I don't think there was much thought in this
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
yes that was my exact reason as to posting this, especially considering the gifts i gave him had thought put into them.
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u/Flying-Half-a-Ship 1d ago
I mean, is this indicative of the relationship? You find yourself doing 98% of the work?
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
honestly no which is why this whole situation really threw me off
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u/PotatyTomaty 1d ago
So I don't think you should necessarily take the advice of someone just saying outright leave. Clearly, a discussion needs to be had, and go from there.
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
yeah that’s my thing if there were prior issues like this i would but im not leaving this man over a christmas gift, everyone has their own thing of what they would do and thats just mine🤷🏻♀️ definitely going to have a talk with him and go from there
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u/PotatyTomaty 1d ago
His responses and his honesty(or lack thereof), which seems you can easily discern will tell you everything you need to know. Good luck to you!
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u/Kokospize 1d ago
May I ask why you didn't simply talk to him about it without gathering what others thought about it first? If most comments said you were overreacting, then what? You'll just convince yourself that you're not bothered by this? He picked this body spray up at the discount bin for Christmas wrapped in a lie for how much it costs and a made-up connection to why he got it for you. You were so disturbed by this gift that you've mentioned that you 1) spent $400 on his gifts for him, 2) mentioned that he makes more money than you do, and 3) looked up the cost of the body spray.
but im not leaving this man over a christmas gift,
No, you shouldn't. But you should definitely find out why he lied about the whole thing. The cost of the spray and your gift being an afterthought. Hopefully, the gift was the only afterthought, not you as his partner.
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u/MissionReasonable327 1d ago
I would definitely never get him a gift worth more than $5 again.
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u/AdEuphoric5144 1d ago
Rational idea! Don't find those often here. But definitely have a talk. He's gotta do better. Heck. He could hire a shopper.
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u/Artistic_Chart7382 23h ago
The lie is a bigger issue than the gift. I feel like everyone is focusing on the wrong thing. He casually just told a bold faced lie and totally insulted her intelligence while also basically admitting that he knew what he got her was cheap rubbish. But instead of being honest and apologising, he casually lied to her face
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u/accents_ranis 20h ago
And he got her a present with a fragrance he knows she hates. The whole thing smells awfully fishy.
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u/Kimalenasplay06 1d ago
I agree with talking about what happened and really use those words. What happened? Ask why was that your gift? Did he forget? .. did he run out of time? If you have a good relationship with him.. honestly, it should be something you can discuss. The main question is why lie about it. Hey, maybe he's got himself in a bind and didn't know how to handle it. But on the other hand, don't take it too lightly that he gave you a gift you don't like. You are right to want at least something you would use. And maybe for the future set gift giving spending limits so you also don't overspend and keep a budget. Best of luck to you with that talk!
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u/Flying-Half-a-Ship 1d ago
Sometimes it takes a while for people to drop their masks. But this could be just a one time mistake. You’re going to have to pick his brain and use your intuition
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u/lmd12300 1d ago
Do not put any more effort into him. You deserve better. And if he'll lie about the cost of a gift, he'll lie about anything
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u/flindersrisk 1d ago
This is the nub of the matter. A liar lies. At least he demonstrated clearly that he IS a liar and unrepentant, embroidering his story with lying details. Save yourself years of misery. Begin to peel away from him. Better things and better men are out there.
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u/HaveNoFearOnlyLove 1d ago
OP mentioned that he is great otherwise, but I'm willing to bet this is just the first time he has been caught. It doesn't make sense for him to lie over something like this.
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u/WiddleSweepy 1d ago
When you find out your partner is a liar, suddenly that’s all you know about them. Everything else could be a lie, there is no way to know what you don’t know.
Especially over such a stupid small thing, if he can lie about something for no reason then he can certainly lie about something when he actually has a reason to.
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u/Chemical_Ad_1618 1d ago
Most women know body sprays are cheaper than perfumes…he was laying it on thick (the lies not the mist)
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u/catsandplants424 1d ago
This is my thing. If he lies about little things that don't matter what else is he willing to lie about. How do you trust someone who will lie about something that doesn't even matter, in terms of importance, when it comes to bigger more important things.
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u/Fweenci 1d ago
The thing that stood out for me in your post was the part about how he knows your interests. I think that's the key for me. This gift seems to not acknowledge who you are, so I can understand why you feel the way you do. I would feel the same way. Is he just not a good gift giver or is this a sign that he doesn't care? Only you can answer that and only you can decide if he's worth it.
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u/WolfgangAddams 1d ago
My theory is that he gave her the gift he intended to give to his OTHER girlfriend and got their interests mixed up.
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u/murphy2345678 1d ago
Don’t ever spend that much money on a man you aren’t married to. NOR
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u/mr_trick 1d ago edited 1d ago
This IS your warning about how much consideration you’ll get from him for the rest of your life, so pay attention now! Those moms who have to buy themselves gifts, have empty stockings, and receive more from their kids than their partner— those all began with a lack of consideration that only grew worse with time and stress.
My partner and I were only official for a few months before our first Christmas, and we hadn’t talked about budget, so he kept it low cost but high effort— my favorite candy, my favorite snacks, an incredibly thoughtful handmade card, and a watercolor painting of one of our first dates. It probably cost about the same as your gift, but the effort he spent showed me that he knew and cared about me and my preferences.
There are ways to be thoughtful and stay low cost, so the lack of effort is really off putting. However, for me it’s the lying to make his gift sound more expensive since it tells you he thinks money = attention, and that he’s happy to lie to you to make himself look better. None of those attributes sound like a good match for you in the long run. You deserve to be with someone who gives you back the effort you put into them.
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u/ScarMoney5990 1d ago
no i think saying there’s no thought is downplaying it. he’s testing to see how much negligence she’ll let him get away with. he got her a 2 dollar perfume in a scent he knows she doesn’t like… like does it get more deliberate than that?
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u/i_love_lima_beans 1d ago
Sadly I agree. I have known too many people who did things like this and knew exactly what they were doing.
They want to see if you’ll bend over backwards to assume they just forgot you hate coconut (or even better, find a way to blame yourself - ‘I should have reminded you’).
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u/Global_Ant_9380 1d ago
I don't think he was thinking about her enough to be that deliberate
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u/Weary_Yard_4587 1d ago
Oh yeah that is all absolutely a test. I had one that knew the lavender literally made me gag and every holiday birthday occasion. Lavender lavender lavender. He's f****** with you.
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u/IOwnTheShortBus 1d ago
It's the Lying that does it for me. He told her it was a certain price when it wasn't.
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u/Absolutely_Fibulous 1d ago
Either there was zero thought put into it or there was a lot of malicious thought put into buying something she explicitly doesn’t like.
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u/Tails28 1d ago
He doesn't care.
If you hate coconut and he bought that for you, that's showing that he doesn't care.
It's got nothing to do with money either. Most of the time we don't care what something cost, so long as it's what we like.
I feel like this is enough of a reason to break up.
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u/melodysmomma 1d ago
Worse, it’s showing contempt. It’s too bad that the objectively right thing to do (breaking up with him) is exactly what he wants.
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u/HungryAdvertising336 1d ago
That’s what I think. It’s a “get the hint” gift as in “I don’t live you anymore” kind of gift
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u/Your_Pretty_Baby 1d ago
This. At best, he just barely even likes you. You deserve better. This is weird and shitty. He sucks and you should go live your life. Clown ass behavior and he’s gotta go.
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u/Bakugan_Mother88 19h ago
I'm going a step further and say he did it on purpose. Why get you a $3 cheap body spray you wouldn't give a stranger? Why specifically a scent he knows you hate. Actions are so much louder than words.
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u/Competitive-Iron-270 1d ago
My man worked 70+ hours the week of Christmas, makes less than me, and still found time and a way to buy me a nice perfume (over $100 normally but he got it on sale!). It’s a scent he thought I’d like, that he loves, and I do love it. It’s also my first perfume which he knew I’ve never received as a gift from anyone so that was special. That’s what people mean when they say “it’s the thought that counts.” Yes I spent at least 2x more on him but he put so much thought into this and I love it. You deserve someone like this.
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u/SorrowfulLaugh 1d ago
This is a perfect example of what it’s the thought that counts truly means. Honestly, it doesn’t even have to be a gift that is remotely close to $100, it just has to be thoughtful because when you care about someone, you want to be thoughtful.
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u/D0gTh0t 18h ago
Yes!! OP, there are dudes out here like this and you deserve one too! My husband braved the Target swifties the day the new vinyl/tour book came out. I already knew it was going to be a zoo and wanted no part of it. I had no idea he had gone on that day and I still can’t believe this man with social anxiety, who gets overstimulated by crowds, did that for me. On Black Friday no less. The right one will not only put extra thought, they will also endure what they need to to get it done.
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u/Deep_Confusion4533 1d ago
$2.50. Omg.
It’s not about the cost. It’s about the lying and the fact that is some cheap shitty perfume that nobody fucking wants. Getting you the cheap shit is as insulting as doing nothing.
There is literally nothing here to appreciate. “Thanks for getting me something that might cause a rash and lying about it.”
No.
Unless you want to be with an inconsiderate lazy liar, I’d end things.
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u/Disastrous_Code_3473 1d ago
"Thanks for getting me something that might cause a rash and lying about it"
😂🤣
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u/JadedDreams23 1d ago
The lying, to me, is the biggest thing that no one seems to be focused on. It’s one thing to give a cheap and thoughtless gift, but quite another to then lie about the cost and meaning behind it. Shows he knows it’s a crappy gift and rather than get something better, he just lied that it WAS something better.
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u/Secretsally420 1d ago
He is prob lying about buying it in the first place. He prob got it from his mom to give to you or something and just picked a random price for it. If he lied about this so easily and carelessly I promise he is lying about a lot more
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u/juliaskig 1d ago
It's about the cost too. Guys a shit, a liar, and cheap.
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u/FunAd1406 1d ago
Thank you! Lol every comment “it’s not about the cost” I’m thinking, yes the hell it is when it is 2.50!!! Insulting. Let’s revisit “if he wanted to he would.”
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u/MiddleWitty3823 22h ago
My thoughts exactly. I'm happy with cheap gifts but $2.50 is the cost of a redbull lol That's taking the piss. If we're going that cheap I'd rather get a handwritten note.
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u/rshores9 1d ago
I’d rather get a $0 thoughtful gift any day over someone lying to me buying some cheap shit and telling me it’s expensive
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u/purple_1128 1d ago
The bottle says it’s a “Five Below Exclusive.” He either went to Five Below or grabbed something off his mom/ sister/ friend’s vanity and gifted it, AND tried to lie about it. Throw the entire man away. Completely thoughtless and deceptive.
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u/Grouchy-Equipment-71 1d ago
I might get downvoted for this but… don’t be appreciative of this at all. He knows you dislike coconut and went out of his way to buy you a cheap spray in a scent you dislike. It’s giving he doesn’t like you very much to me. He could’ve got you a book or maybe an item you need that could be useful for the same cost and I’m sure you would’ve appreciated more. I’m taking this as a crappy head game and I don’t like the mentality and behavior at all. There are so many “tests” all over social media and bad advice on these podcasts that could’ve made him to decide to do this. I would say have an open dialogue about this and try to get to the root of why he went in this direction.
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u/NightmareB1tch 1d ago
Hes probably gonna throw in the “you just want me for my money” type bs and the testing how “loyal” your gf is. God I hate these losers.
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u/Hello_Hangnail 1d ago
"I SPENT 5 WHOLE DOLLARS ON TH- UHHH I MEAN... 75 DOLLARS YOU UNGRATEFUL B*TCH!!"
🥳👌
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u/KetoLurkerHereAgain 1d ago
Yup. I'd throw in somehow getting her to apologize for "making him feel like a shitty boyfriend" for even bringing it up.
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
yes now im just trying to figure out how to mention that doesn’t seem in a way that im unappreciative because its 100% not that
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u/Grouchy-Equipment-71 1d ago
You just come straight out with it. Hey (insert bf name). I appreciate the gesture in the gift you gave me for the holiday. In all honesty I’m hurt and disappointed that you would give me something in a scent that I quite frankly detest. While I gave you a thoughtful gift, the one you provided had thought but in a negative way. This leads me to ask, how do you really feel about me? Moreover, why did you make the decisions you did? I need to understand where your mind is at because right now, it definitely doesn’t feel like it’s with me. (Or something like the above. Just be firm and open to dialogue. No harsh emotions or words. Your objective is to listen and watch body language. I’m sure you’ll get the answer)
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
thank you i appreciate this.
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u/Devanyani 1d ago
Ask him to return it and take you out to dinner instead. Choose a fancy restaurant and promise not to go over $75, the cost of the perfume.
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u/IDunnoReallyIDont 1d ago
YES!! This!! “I don’t like coconut scent. Can you please return it? I’d love if you could just take me out to dinner with the $75 you said you spent on this”. Watch the reaction 😂
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u/frothygurfer 1d ago
and please please touch on the fact that he went out of his way to LIE about the price for NO reason. He could have just not brought it up at all and it wouldn’t have mattered but that’s kind of crazy
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u/Luculentus-Thought 1d ago
Just to add something: avoid “Why did you” questions and just explain how it makes you feel. When we “Why” people it can make them defensive and the convo can derail from there.
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u/KnightPezz 1d ago
Yeah, the big thing here is to see their reaction and how they respond. You just don't want to be too direct because they seem like the person who would immediately get defensive.
I would personally change the wording a bit here, airing on the side that they were just not thinking or ignorant and also try speaking a bit more informally.
Saying something like you wanted to try the perfume but since it's made of coconut you wanted to change it for something you'd enjoy. Then you could transition to a short little shopping trip to quite literally show him some things you like.
Unfortunately it's a little awkward to have that conversation, but you seem like a very open and understanding person despite them clearly not realizing the disparity here.I wish you the best of luck! :)
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u/Ex-ConK9s 1d ago
I’m positive she already has the answer. No need for a convo. Kick him to the curb and move on.
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u/Formal-Mongoose9903 1d ago
Honestly tell him you don’t appreciate it… see what he does and live your truth. I would not appreciate a gift that very obviously had no thought or meaning behind it.
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u/SpicyMilk8 1d ago
Hey sooo it’s completely reasonable to be unappreciative when someone buys you a cheap gift with no thought on something they know you don’t like and then LIE about it.
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u/Diolives 1d ago
I don’t know anything about you other than this small message and some of your other comments, however as someone who has been in neglectful and abusive relationship relationships in the past the fact that your first and only concern is to make sure that he knows he’s appreciated gives me a hint that You may fear that he’s going to be violent or reactionary. Maybe something even small like turning it around and blaming it on you, so you’re being very very careful and walking on eggshells as to make sure that he knows you appreciate it.
But the real question is … DO YOU appreciate a $2 shitty gift that he knew you’d hate? I mean, come on. He stopped by CVS on the way home one day and took about 40 seconds picking this out.
I put together some small gift baskets for the homeless in my area this year and even though contained small items worth about $15 per bag. I would never dare do that to a partner.
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u/kimariesingsMD 1d ago
Why are you trying to spare his feelings? He obviously does not even LIKE you, at the very least he is gearing up to emotionally abuse and control you. Break up with him. You are worth more than this.
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u/lawnguylandlolita 1d ago
Do not make yourself small to accommodate and manage his feelings when he was being a lazy POS. This is not a gift of the magi situation. He’s seeing how much he can get away with.
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u/jenjenjen731 1d ago
You are under no obligation to be appreciative of a $2 gift given to you by a liar who lied about how much he spent on it. You're too nice. He doesn't deserve the courtesy.
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u/Zayabibu 1d ago
Exchange it for a scent you would prefer, same brand, size, etc. Just tell him you had to exchange it because you can't handle coconut products. You wouldn't have to say anything else, he'll know you know.
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u/Electronic_Squash_30 1d ago
Appreciate the gesture? He clearly just grabbed a random thing because he forgot to get you gifts……. The main scent is one you hate! That he knows you hate!
Come on! This wasn’t a nice gesture this was an afterthought, you don’t need to appreciate that. Set the bar higher…. And this isn’t about monetary value of a gift. This is the complete lack of thought of the said gift. He could have spent less than $5 on you and still attempted something meaningful….. like a fucking dollar store card with a lovely handwritten note.
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u/ChurchyardGrimm 1d ago
I mean not to be a bitch but you should be unappreciative. This isn't a good gesture that you contrast against a totally opposite "he could've given me nothing." Both this and nothing are bad! If it was gift exchange time and you handed him a $400 pile of gifts and he gave you a paperclip he found on the floor, would you feel like you have to appreciate his absolutely shitty gesture? How terrible does a gift have to be before you think that maybe somebody who cares about you ought to give you more consideration than this?
He didn't just buy you the lowest possible effort gift, he gave you something you'll actively hate. Then he lied about it, in a pretty huge way. I saw somebody suggest that maybe it's one of those absurd relationship tests... if it is, he's the one who failed the best by lying and also ruining your holiday.
Totally understand that it's the mature and adult thing to talk about it, I'm just trying to think of a single explanation that, if I were you, would actually turn this situation around so he doesn't look as incredibly bad as he does right now.
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u/Economics_Low 1d ago
I would ask for the $400 in gifts that you gave him back. Tell him you need to return it and buy him a $3 gift, just like he did for you. If he complains, explain that you can’t afford to be exchanging $400 for $3. You understand if he can only afford a $2.50-$3.00 gift, but he should have told you the price range, so you could gift him properly. At this point you want to remedy the situation by reciprocating only what he gave you. If he refuses to return your gift to him so you can get your $397 back, tell him to consider it a parting gift and break it off with this mooching cheapskate.
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u/Spirited-Lime96 1d ago
Print that sheet out that has a picture, description, and the whopping $2.50 price tag! He should be embarrassed!!!
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u/Historical-Limit8438 1d ago
Does he want you to be the bigger person and split up with him because he doesn’t have the balls to do it ?
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u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 1d ago
This was a "fuck you" gift. Either he wants you to break up with him (because he is too weak to do it) or it's a fun new way to devalue you.
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u/Ex-ConK9s 1d ago
My thought exactly
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u/Pretty-Equipment- 1d ago
It’s possible you’re giving him too much credit, maybe he’s just incredibly fucking stupid, ignorant, lazy, and inconsiderate.
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u/Sea_Thingo 23h ago
I feel bad for her. She's so in love with someone who could be laughing behind her back with friends about this grift of a situation and how she's still too nice to say anything.
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u/Radiant_Bank_77879 1d ago
Yep, this. Other comments are saying to talk it out and ask him to take OP out to dinner instead, etc., but why? He’s already shown he doesn’t value OP, so why do anything but leave him?
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u/LadyShittington 1d ago
You’re under-reacting. He lied multiple times to your face.
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u/Formal-Mongoose9903 1d ago
Just call him out for lying. And every time he tries to spin it on you for being ungrateful remind him he lied and then decide if you wanna deal with this forever. Good luck 👍
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u/JadedDreams23 1d ago
I think nothing would be better than spending less than five bucks on a scent he knows you hate and then lying wildly about its cost and meaning.
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u/Tattsand 1d ago
NOR. I actually buy these "perfumes" for my 8yr old daughter because an 8yr old doesn't need real perfume, especially not $75 perfume that she would probably lose, and these are absolutely perfect for a little kid. But even at 8yrs old i make the effort to pick scents she will actually like. It's insulting he thought you would ever believe this cost $75, it's not even real perfume it is fragrant mist. Where I live, it's literally stocked next to the hello kitty body spray, which I also buy her. How he bought this as a sole gift for a grown woman he is dating, I do not know what he was thinking -_- I spent more than that on buying my ex a present (had to buy a present for our kids to give him) despite knowing he wasn't even getting me one, and even put more thought into taking my kids to a shop that sells his interests (EB games, since he's a gamer, I knew if they picked from there it would be more likely to be something he would like).
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u/smolbrunetteee 1d ago
NOR. Sounds like the issue isn’t the gift itself, but the lack of thought and honesty behind it—sometimes the sentiment is more important than the price tag, but when both are missing, it’s hard not to feel hurt.
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u/Lumpy_Square_2365 1d ago
Umm the lying part is concerning. Have you called him out on the cost yet? That is a huge red flag. He's not only thoughtless, cheap and selfish but a liar about crap for no reason.
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
doing it tonight, tbh wanted to be 100% sure i was valid before i did
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u/Lumpy_Square_2365 1d ago
Please update us on what he says. I just find this so crazy. Why get your gf a $2.50 body spray in a scent she hates and you make decent money and lie about how much it cost. If he says he was joking I'm gonna scream because no you weren't sir😭
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
i will at some point when i do it will probably be in response to your comment, starting to get overwhelmed with all the comments tho so update will probably be later 😭
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u/Lumpy_Square_2365 1d ago
Ya I don't blame you. Especially a post like this is gonna get some traction and get overwhelming quickly. Take care and hope it's not too bad
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u/monkeysandmacaroni 1d ago edited 1d ago
Literally wtf. Unless you and your partner discussed not spending much on gifts or he's actually broke, he should be spending a decent amount on you and actually getting you a gift he knows you'd like. And the fact he lied about the price indicates he knew it was a bad move. This literally just screams "I'm cheap and don't want to put in any effort." If this happened to me it'd be grounds for a breakup tbh.
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u/Rzrbak 1d ago
Lying to you should be more than “off putting”. It’s a serious character flaw that he will likely never overcome. You’re NOR
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
at the time when i initially opened it though i thought that he couldve lied because he knew how much i spent on him and i thought it could’ve possibly been because he felt bad
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u/Rzrbak 1d ago
Do you always try to find excuses for why people lie? He should feel bad but that doesn’t excuse the lie.
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
key word was “at the time” past tense. i didn’t actually get the chance to genuinely think about the situation until i had went home so like i said at the time thats what i thought it could have been
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u/Pitiful_Customer_833 1d ago
Did you like talk on pricing maybe? But you also mentioned that he’s not broke, so I’m sure he could’ve gotten you something better than the thing you hate for 2$. Like you should definitely bring it up to him, because if you don’t, it just won’t change. It’s going to evolve and evolve. I know it might be awkward to bring it up, but know what you deserve! You deserve a more thoughtful gift than just the thing you hate the most in the world.
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u/Pitiful_Customer_833 1d ago
Also did he really think that you can’t just check the pricing? Like I’m sorry, that’s kinda crazy.
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
it is and im a very bad overthinker so i honestly initially felt bad for even checking the pricing and not to sound like an ah but i mean anyone would know a bottle like that isnt going to be 75 which is the reason why i checked in the first place
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u/hobostylist 1d ago
You knew he was lying before you checked. I imagine you checked to see how big a lie it was. Regardless, you could have easily checked to see what other fragrances were available because, as he knows, you don't like coconut. This really does feel like one of those ungrateful golddigger girlfriend tests, though.
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
for more context, he mentioned before christmas that he was just going to five below to get everyone gifts which i had no problem with but i also didn’t expect something with no thought. thought to possibly mention for a little more backstory
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u/KoomDawg432 1d ago
wait, so he told everyone he was going to a dollar store to shop and then he had the audacity to tell you your gift costs $75? Now he's dumb in addition to being a liar LOL
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u/Mathagos 1d ago
Don't be disrespecting five below like that. They have gifts that can go BEYOND $5. Sometimes as much as 25 whole dollars.
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u/rxinhardt 1d ago
this is true, he could have made a cute lil gift basket with items from there, they have plushies, blankets, snacks, etc 😭 or he could have just asked her what she wanted, that’s what my bf did bc he didn’t know what I would want (which makes sense bc we had to get gifts for both sides of his family so it was mentally draining)
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u/conmanmurphy 1d ago
That’s what I was thinking! I stuffed stockings full of 5 below stuff! Literally could’ve gotten some self care things, a cute plushie and they even have the international snacks so he could have just said he wanted her to try something new! A bottle of perfume in a scent she hates is such a middle finger when he could’ve purchased ANYTHING else
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u/Spiritually_Sciency 1d ago
While I agree with your sentiment above that it’s the thought that counts and not the price, he sounds particularly stingy over all if he did all of his Christmas shopping at 5 below.
Have you had a birthday since being in a relationship with him? How did that go?
If this is a pattern in his life, you have to decide if you want to continue to invest in him, as people that are very stingy with their money are also often stingy with their time and emotions.
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u/breakbeatbot5000 1d ago
We're his gifts to everyone else this thoughtless or just yours? You don't mention how long you've been together but has he given more thought out gifts to you before? How is he when it comes to anniversaries and birthdays? Do you feel like he doesn't match your energy in other parts of the relationship? Has he lied to you about other things? You don't have to answer me but this is one of those things where I would take a step back and look at your relationship as a whole. NOR and I don't think you should have to feel like "its better than nothing" when it comes to people you love.
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u/FennelPretend3889 1d ago
If he told you he was buying all his gifts at Five Below why would spend $400 on him? I feel like he probably mentioned that as a way to tell you not to spend a lot on him. He was probably embarrassed when he saw how much money you spent and lied and said it costed more. Still no excuse for why he chose coconut. I hate to say this but maybe this relationship isn’t as serious to him as you think it is.
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u/IDunnoReallyIDont 1d ago
Five below has a shitload of other non-coconut scents he could’ve selected.
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u/LuxidDreamingIsFun 1d ago
It's kind of significant he lied about something so stupid and so easily disproven (the price). Not sure if he didn't have as much extra cash this year, but you seem like you could've understood that if he were honest about it. The fact that he went on about how much it was and how much it means makes it even worse. I used to have a bf that lied about the smallest most insignificant things and it turned out he was lying about some pretty huge things as well.
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u/DramaticMushroom4726 1d ago
He went to 5 and Below and bought you a single gift, a scent that you despise? Then lied and said it costs $75? Like you wouldn't be able to check the price?
I'm insulted for you.
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u/Big-Violinist-2121 1d ago
I mentioned a lipgloss I liked as a teenager months ago and my husband went out of his way to make sure he found that exact lipgloss to put in my stocking. Lying aside, this guy does not give a single fuck. A $2 perfume in a scent you don’t like? I don’t know you and I could pick out a better gift.
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u/NurseMLE428 1d ago
Did you say in the original post that you "actually love" the gift because you don't want to come across as unappreciative? You hate coconut, and it's ok to say that you don't like it. Scents are so individual. I love florals like rose and gardenia, but a friend of mine has a negative mental association with gardenia specifically. You know what I would never buy her? Gardenia scented perfume (even an expensive one, like Gucci)! This is not a healthy moment to be people pleasing. You're going to have your boundaries walked all over by saying that you "love" This perfume.
Not only that, but cheap cosmetic things like this get recalled all the time and often contain unsafe ingredients in levels that are higher than they disclose. 5 Below is like shopping at Temu. You might get something great, or you might get lead poisoning.
Not only did he get you something that he knows you don't like, he lied about the price by a lot! Lying about something insignificant means that he will lie about anything.
Giving a great gift doesn't mean you have to spend a lot of money. My sister and I used to make one another's gifts every Christmas. My friends and I used to get together to make and share cookies when we were all young and broke. I get such a thrill out of finding the perfect gift for someone I love.
Please leave this relationship and find someone who respects you enough to at least buy a scent you like in a formulation that won't poison you. I looked this up on my Yuka app, and this perfume has an ingredient that releases formaldehyde. Please throw the perfume and that poor excuse for a man away.
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u/zanne54 1d ago
That’s an awful gift.
He’s definitely doing it on purpose. Two possibilities why:
he wants to break up and is treating you poorly so you’ll break and dump him so he doesn’t have to own the “ask”.
he’s testing how much abuse you will quietly take.
Choose your path forward wisely.
NOR
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u/user20999089 1d ago
FYI never like a man more than he likes you. When you end up pouring so much time, effort, devotion to a man you diminish your own value. Then the man will go give his all to the next woman. I definitely feel like this is a test of bread crumbs.
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u/Powerful_Elk7253 1d ago
Nor :( do you know if he just put it’ off for too long?
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
it could possibly be that but it’s also the big part of he knows my interest and i think that’s important to mention because i LOVE hello kitty, and if anyone in this thread yall know if anywhere has hello kitty stuff it would be 5 below 😭
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u/splithoofiewoofies 1d ago
Damn, you don't even want real Hello Kitty. You're happy with 5 below Hello Kitty. You definitely don't have "I'm in this for the money" taste. Shit, you could want proper branded Sanrio with the holo-tag Hello Kitty and you still wouldn't be expensive to buy for.
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u/lolplsimdesperate 1d ago
5 below has a TON of hello kitty stuff!!! This is a shitty gift… you definitely aren’t overreacting.
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u/KoomDawg432 1d ago
NOR - dude forgot to buy a gift and ran into the corner pharmacy late on Christmas Eve and concocted a story. Thoughtless.
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u/splithoofiewoofies 1d ago
I got my partner a $1 puzzle from a charity shop (the pieces were bagged so it was good!). I accidentally left the tag on. Straight up says I paid a dollar. Partner immediately goes, "OOOOH the photo on this is crisp but the angles still look challenging" because, get this, my partner likes puzzles. This would be an utterly shit gift if my partner didn't like puzzles.
It's not about the price, it's about the fact you don't like coconut and he LIED.
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u/Extension-Issue3560 1d ago
It's not the gift that would bother me....it's the fact that your boyfriend is a flat out liar.
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u/KimmyJinIsMyFriend 1d ago
Did you ask him what way it was special to your relationship? Tell him you've been trying to figure out the significance of it in regards to your relationship but you are coming up short. I'd be curious to hear what his thoughts were.
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u/freyaOriginal 1d ago
He said it was purfume which was another lie it’s just a body spray isn’t it ?
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u/Minimum-Rip5766 1d ago
Not overreacting… behavior is a language and he just told you he is an inconsiderate stingy asshole…
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u/bunnyfuuz 1d ago
I’m just gonna say a few things here.
First, NOR. I’m sorry he put so little thought into your gift and then also lied about the price to try to cover.
Second, nah don’t be grateful for it. This is a shitty gift, it’s not even perfume, and it’s in a scent he knows full well you don’t like. And again, he lied about the price to cover the fact he stopped at whatever store real quick and grabbed the first cheap girly thing he saw. Gifts aren’t about the price tag, absolutely, but in this context with the info you’ve given, this is clearly a big sign saying, “He doesn’t care about showing you he cares about you.” And…does he care about you?
Tell him to consider the $400 worth of gifts you got him a severance package and tell him he’s fired from your relationship.
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u/SurrealOrwellian 1d ago
Ma’am, this is worthy of ending the relationship. He put ZERO thought into this, got you a scent he knows you don’t like, AND lied to you about the cost. I’d ask for the gifts you got him back and cut him out of your life.
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u/54radioactive 1d ago
Y'all are giving him too much credit about thinking this out and testing her boundaries.
He was on his way home and thought, oh s**t, I didn't get her a gift. Ran into the drug store and bought the thing closest to the front door that looked like a female would like it - ooh, it's pink.
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
yeah this isnt how it was tho, he literally told me he just went to five below for everyone’s gifts which how i stated is fine but this man knows what i like specifically the fact that i hate coconut there was just no thought put into it
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u/thiccandcurvy 1d ago
Oh there were so many other things at five below he could’ve picked that aren’t this 🫠 he could’ve probs gotten you a squishmallow there and it would’ve been better than this. I’m sorry.
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u/SufficientTrain5884 1d ago
yes and like i said above i absolutely love hello kitty and anyone who has ever been to five below knows how much hello kitty stuff they have.
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u/Ifonliesandjusts 1d ago
This seems like something he bought at a gas station or pharmacy without any thought. It’s not about the money spent but the effort, of which he Cleary put none.
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u/ksullivan03 1d ago
Give him the same energy back. Buy him some random shit that he may or may not like.
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u/ScarMoney5990 1d ago
no this really sucks. does he think you’re stupid?