Throwaway account here for obvious reasons.

Me (31M) and my partner (soon 30F) have a lovely kid who is now 1.5 years old. We've been together 8 years. She has always said she wants three kids, I knew I wanted at least one. I assumed that we would take it one kid at a time and see how we felt about the next one, I mean how can you know without experiencing what it's like to have a kid? But that was obviously a terrible mistake.

Now that I've experienced the reality of parenting, and had some severe PPD and anxiety from a bunch of my own childhood trauma and neglect being dragged up from becoming a parent, I feel very scared and uncertain about having the next kid. I'm in individual therapy near-weekly for the past two years. I could very well be one and done.

She had a very traumatic birth and was scared about doing the next one for over a year but now she's ovulating and wants to go for it. My partner says she HAS to have three kids, and that she'll be unhappy for the rest of her life knowing that two of the kids she should have aren't here. She just knows that three is the number she should have. She basically wanted to be done with all three kids by 30-31. She is very adamant that she doesn't want to be an old mother due to the increased risks and that she wants to be able to watch her grandkids grow up. 35 is too old for her.

She wanted to start at 25 but waited for me until 27 because I felt we had rather serious communication issues and I wanted her to go to therapy. Before she turned 25 I was regularly bringing up issues we had and it was pretty clear to me that the relationship wasn't ready, due to how our fights went and me repeatedly bringing up concerns about how she was communicating with me. I assumed that should have been clear to any sensible person but in hindsight I should have said it plainly to make sure her time wasn't wasted. However, it's long ago and I can't change that now. I have been clear about where I stand in the kid question since she was 25 every time we've talked.

I feel there should be two enthusiastic yeses if we are to have our next kid and that we need to talk this through without pressure before we conclude how to move forward, but this is basically not an option for her and she is extremely sad and upset now. She feels she is out of time and needs to get started NOW with the next kid, since she already waited for me 2 years when I felt I wasn't ready to start our first kid.

I feel an extreme amount of pressure on me and am quite devastated too. She's said that she'll go and have a kid via IVF / sperm donor immediately if I don't want to make her pregnant. Both staying together and separating are options for her if she does that.

If we stay together I'll basically become a dad again anyways, just not to my own biological kid. If we separate, I'll lose a woman I love, time with my kid, our cozy home and life that we've built. And I'll probably be a present adult to the IVF kid in some capacity if we separate, since I'd probably need to help my partner out even if we separate so she has more energy to be a good mother to our kid. I'm starting to feel like I can't stay if she gets assistance to become pregnant. But I don't want our kid to have a broken home either. She says she loves me but she wont choose a relationship with me over having her two missing kids.

She recently started ovulating again and has basically demanded that I make a decision by her next ovulation. I'm disintegrating under the stress and feel devastated that it's come to this. It feels impossible to make a rational decision when I'm so sad and stressed over this.

I also feel like even if I go ahead with kid 2, there is no way to know if I'll want kid 3, and so we might just go through this circus AGAIN in two years.

Anyone got advice on what to do?

TL;DR - Partner has stated that needs to have two more kids to be happy in life and demands that I either make her pregnant ASAP or she will go for a donor / IVF. I could still stay with her according to her but I'm starting to feel like I don't want to be in the relationship anymore if she does that. I feel lost and need help, advice.

My (28F) boyfriend (29M) and I have been together for about a year and a half. When we first started seeing each other, I was very clear (and kind, and straightforward) about my boundaries around food. At the time I didn't like to share what was on my plate. Whenever I made a snack or a meal or anything else I would always make more than enough to share with my boyfriend if he was over at my place, but he always insisted on having a bite off of my plate. He did the same with anything I was drinking. He wouldn't want me to pour him his own, but would drink off of mine. He would also do things that I found a bit strange, like insisting that we eat out of the same bowl or plate and use the same fork or spoon, just passing it back and forth between bites. I don't really like eating like this and I expressed that, but he would say things like "we're going to share and you're going to like it" and just generally get pouty and tell me that I was being selfish/weird when I attempted to hold any kind of boundary on this front.

Eventually learned to live with it. In fact, I actually started enjoying sharing food a lot more, and I now always offer a bite of what I'm eating, whether I'm at home or at a restaurant. I realize it's not okay to let someone steamroll over your boundaries like this, but I see the overall end results as positive. My boyfriend no longer does the dish sharing thing, but he will insist that I eat first and then he will serve himself using my plate/fork. This makes me sad because it means we often don't actually eat "together," but it isn't the end of the world, so I don't really see a point in arguing.

But here's my issue. There are still times, every once in a while, where I don't want to share my food. This is rare, but it does happen, and it's made me fully realize that my boyfriend cannot take "no" for an answer when it comes to food. He HAS to eat a bite of my food or drink off of my drink. I don't even think it's about him being hungry. I've taken to eating in secret if there's something I want to enjoy by myself because I'd rather not deal with the hassle. He will also get upset with me if I eat a snack and don't tell him (like on the level where if he sees a wrapper in the trash can of something I ate and didn't mention/share he will confront me about it every time).

I just can't express enough that I don't think I'm a selfish or unreasonable person. I just don't always like sharing my food. How do I communicate this to my partner in a way that lets us have a productive conversation where I don't get shut down? I'm trying to reflect on my ability to set boundaries in the relationship in general, and I'm starting to worry that my boyfriend and I don't have the healthiest dynamic.

TL;DR: Having a hard time setting boundaries around food in my relationship. Wondering if this is indicative of a larger issue and how I can more effectively communicate and enforce my boundaries.

This is long post.

Basically, my dad just gets super pissed at my mom for little stuff all the damn time. If me or my siblings do something wrong, he not only gets upset at us, but he also immediately blames her, asking her things like "Why did you let them do this? Why didn't you stop them?" When she literally DOES, and definitely more than him. He's the breadwinner, but she's done 97% of the emotional labor when raising me and my two siblings. If I'm being entirely honest, I think he doesn't know how to actually raise kids. If it weren't for my mother, he would have no idea what to do with any of us, besides just providing basic needs, telling us to do homework, or letting us watch TV. He doesn't know how to handle relationships or emotional issues properly, and it shows.

Just as a small example, today, my mom went out grocery shopping at around 4 pm. He knew, and he let her go. When she got back around 6, he was super upset with her because he "doesn't want to eat dinner after 6 pm". This is a grown ass man, we have plenty of food in our fridge that requires little to no prep. Most days, my mom comes home from her 8-4 exhausted (she has some physical health problems that contribute to the fatigue as well) and spends an hour in the kitchen cooking fresh dinner for him. This is one of the few times where dinner wasn't ready, and by the time he was arguing w her, it was around 6:30 and she was making him food as they spoke. She sounded so worried, and she was asking him why he was getting so angry, essentially trying to explain herself, but obviously he didn't really care. He just went back upstairs where he usually stays in his room.

He doesn't get up to get his own drinks, he doesn't make his own tea or any of his food AT ALL, he doesn't even do his own laundry. He does absolutely NO chores. I get that his job is tiring (it's a tech job with long hours, my mom works with special needs children) but my mom works a full time job as well and still manages to do all the busywork. Despite this, he gets mad at her over such small, ridiculous things, then accuses her of lecturing him and being dramatic when she gets worried/asks why he's so angry. He'll blast the TV when she's trying to sleep late at night, or tell her to go make tea at 10 pm. There are tons of other details about his behavior I could provide, so if anyone wants more info feel free to ask.

She's even mentioned to me before that if me and my sinlings weren't born, they would've gotten divorced years ago. I know it's not my marriage, so it's not really my problem, but seeing him be so ungrateful towards my mother is so insanely infuriating, and I really really want to help her somehow. She can't even stand up for herself because he just gets more and more upset, so life is a lot easier for her to wait for things to blow over. However, if I were to say anything to him, he'd just end up blaming my mom again. Does anyone have any advice on what to do, if anything at all?

TL;DR: My dad is ungrateful and short tempered with my mother. She can't do anything about it because he doesn't talk things out and he'll get even more upset. It irritates me to no end, but is there anything I could really do?

Me (21F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been dating on and off for almost two years. We have broken up two times (both initiated by me) and I have taken him back due to him saying he will change and it always falls back into the same cycle. This time it’s almost the same things as before, he will begin an argument while i’m out with my friends either at a hangout or a dinner or bar about me following “random men”, these are men that I work with or that I have grown up/went to school with OR that I somehow lied about what was happening while I was out because I didn’t inform him that there were men or even one of my friends boyfriends were present or that I didn’t tell him every place I was going or what I was doing. Another fight we have had multiple times has been about how I am not ready to move on with him (I am a full time student and work full time and live with my family still) and how I wasn’t ready to be married or have kids until i’m at least 25 and he felt as if I wasn’t taking our relationship seriously due to it but, at the time we had only been dating for a year, give or take.

Recently, we broke up for three months and got back together three months after and things were going great until I went to a birthday dinner for my girl friends and her boyfriend was also there (the only man with five other women) and I didn’t let him know he was going to be there because I didn’t know (!!). I let him know we were going to the bar down the street after dinner and all of a sudden there were at least four different issues that I never knew about brought up. I was fed up because this thing happens every time I go out and I told him I was done with being told I was being suspicious and sneaky just because I didn’t tell him about my friend’s ( the birthday girl) boyfriend was at the dinner and that I was following a few men he never met on instagram (friends from school/work). I ended up turning my phone off while I was out and told him I would talk to him later so I could be present for my friend on her birthday. Is this a normal reaction for a boyfriend to have? I have never had a healthy relationship in the past, being cheated on multiple times and lied to for years, so I don’t know if this is something that is okay or if he was being insecure. What should I do about this? Is this something that can be worked on or is my relationship over?

TL;DR: My boyfriend always starts a fight when i’m out with my friends and it feels like it’s based on his insecurities, is this something that’s normal?

18(M)I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend(17F) for the past year, though I’ve known her for three years. She loves and admires me deeply, but she often lies to me and disrespects me during arguments. She uses generic insults, calling me things like dumb or insecure. Now that I’ve decided to end the relationship, she’s crying and begging me to stay, promising not to repeat her behavior. However, I’ve already given her several chances, and she hasn’t changed.

TL;DR : my gf disrespects me during arguments should I give her another chance because she's begging me to stay

should i keep going with a situationship? we both love each other but he's extremely jealous

tl;dr, guy doesn't want a serious relationship because he says he's not ready yet since his last partner cheated on him; he wants to be sexually exclusive, treats me romantically but I'm not his gf.

I (F26) meet a guy (M29) last year around august and even tho i wasn't looking for anyone in that moment, we instantly matched. we share a similar type of humor, sarcasm and views of life, we also have some differences in the way we see some other things but respect each other as it should be. we started seeing each other a lot, spend lots of time together, had (and have) great sex and laughs and everything. it was perfect. i knew there would be difficult times with the pass of time, since every kind of /relationship/ has them, even more since we are both adults, but i didn't think it would be this hard.

We met, we connected, we started acting like a couple, i stopped fucking around to be just with him, i asked him if we were a couple, he said no. we had this conversation a lot of times. i always made sure to tell him that i want something serious/formal and exclusive, or else, i can't be with him. he always cried while telling me he's not ready for commitment even tho he loves me, which is funny bcs he did ask for sexual exclusivity. i agreed but still remained telling him about me wanting a real relationship and not a situationship.

nothing has changed, but everything became a problem.

Context: we both had past relationships that hurt us really bad; our exes cheated on us and since them, we both thought we didn't want to be with someone in a long time. For me, i left my ex back in December 2023; he left his ex in January 2024. - In my case, after the breakup, i went to therapy, fucked around, did not isolate myself bcs i spend a lot of time with my friends. in that period of time, i didn't meet anyone important, it was just sex till i meet /this guy/. therapy was important bcs i have bpd and the break up broke me completely, to this day, i'm still on treatment but i feel good and mentally stable now. i'm not perfect but my symptoms are in control, I'm medicated and just, feel great. - Since his break up, he isolated, wasn't with anyone romantically (just some one night stands) and just spend time with friends, family and work; He bottled up his emotions after his last breakup and just three months ago he started going to therapy because while being with me, he noticed he had some issues that were unresolved.

It all went downhill since he started going to therapy. he became extremely possessive over me and jealous of everyone around me; he started controlling almost everything about me and my social media, which always ends up in serious fights because he's always asking /who's texting me (literally no one aside from my friends)/, why did my followers went up (i literally have a concert from my fav group coming close and started mass following others fans to share the same experience)/, what am i doing if i'm not with him, questioning the types of photos i upload, the memes i share, the guys that talk to me (again, just friends). he questions everything & treats me as if i was cheating on him constantly, which i'm not doing, lacking confidence and trust in our bond.

At first i didn't have problem with explaining and over explaining, reassuring him, etc., bcs i understood he was hurt. the problem is, he always comes back to asking me the same question, judging the same things, treating me like if i was some kind of undercover w h0r3 (?), etc. i didn't have a problem until these last three weeks, where i got tired of always being questioned. Every times he's jealous, i started to explain what he wanted to know (the same as always) but also, started to ask him for some space so he could think about what he said and i could just: breath.

I even made sure every time to reassure him that me asking for a lil bit of space doesn't equal me leaving him.

That's were i question myself:

how can someone that loves you so much and treat you so good, be so fucking different and crazy when he's jealous? i never cheated on him even though i actually im pretty aware that we are not dating or are in a serious relationship and i can't cheat because of that bcs there's nothing official about us. he has told me many times we're not gf and bf -yet- because he's not ready.

he posts me on his social media, wants me to go see him when he has sets (he's a musician), he wants me to spend time with his friends, treats me his wife in front of his friends (even tho he always reassures everyone that im not his gf) etc. i don't wanna post him as my /partner/ bcs i only do that if I'm exclusive with someone,,, he knows that. i still post him sometimes, as /whoknowswhat/. he gets mad when i dont repost what he posts about us (in part, i don't repost them bcs i get a feeling that he only does it when he's jealous and by posting us, he wants others to know that im some kind of taken by him,, idk (?))

i have talked to him like fifteen times about how much it means to me being official in our relationship, how much it means to me being able to communicate and how much it hurts me to be left in uncertainty. he knows about everything my ex did to me, how hard it is to be constantly fighting with my own mental struggles, he know about how much it hurts me every time he treats me bad.

He also knows and is very aware that i, even when im hurting, have ever made him feel bad. i never try to control him or his social media, his friends, i try to even not feel jealous or anything bcs i trust him. i ask for the same level of trust and he doesn't even try to.

he's always doubting and making me feel like it's my fault because i'm /pretty/ and ppl around me tries hitting on me (and thats bullshit bcs even if i am, or not, i respect him and never led anyone into thinking they've a chance, i always put a stop if anyone tries and even let him see my chats, my close friends on insta, etc.). he doesn't trust my word, so every time someone looks at me, talks to me or even exists around me, he goes crazy thinking everyone is hitting on me and im letting them do so (i do not and that doesn't even happen).

i know he's going thru a lot, i also know how much his self steem suffered bcs of his ex and how she treated him. but i'm not her, i'm not like her and i already told him that. to me, /this guy/ is the most precious guy on earth. i love his soft smile and brown eyes, the way light reflects on them, the way he talks and how intelligent he is. he understands me, he jokes with me in a way no many ppl does,,, he's so beautiful but he can't see it :(

long story short, he knows how much i hate this behavior, he knows everything about my friends, he knows who i follow, who i talk to, he just knows. he also knows how much it hurts me this lack of trust. doesnt seem to change anything but he's always saying he's trying to change and that's why he's in therapy. and still, when he's not jealous, he's a sweetheart.

im aware that the answer might sound obvious for some, i know that, but even if i'm not trying to act like a superwoman who can change him,'i don't wanna leave him because i know he's a good guy; i know he loves me i know i wanna spend time with him.

am i dumb for staying? :(

[edit] with him i feel a connection i never felt before w anyone else. he was so sweet and funny,, he's like everything i ever looked in a partner... but this situation makes me feel so mad.... i don't even want to hurt him but he's committed to the idea that everyone lies. i don't wanna lose him but i also don't want to lose myself by isolating and losing my friends just so he can feel secure

[edit 2] for fucks sake, its so sad to be so in love with someone so sweet but so jealous. i thought i could wait for him, now i just... wanna cry. how do i get out of this without hurting him and me in the process,,,, aa

how can we have so many beautiful moments and still, keep fighting over and over again about the same things, just because he can't get it into his head that i love him and idc about anyone else

I (F, 25) have been in a 4 year long relationship with my boyfriend (M, 26). From the beginning, he has shown obviously signs that he would benefit from therapy, but it has gotten progressively worse through the years.

We moved in together after a year of dating, and he finds it hard to find motivation to cook for himself, stay on top of tasks, take care of himself, as well as general depression and anxiety, potentially ADHD, as well. Which, is something I struggle with too heavily but I have been in therapy for about 2-3 years and have implemented a lot of positive changes, and have mentioned to him that he deserves to have the ability to make those changes as well. Each time, he has provided excuses about financial worries, not being able to take time off work, etc. We are on year 4, and he’s salaried now with a ton of PTO, his excuse now is that he can’t see himself opening up to someone. At this point, I’m unsure of what to do. It’s affecting our relationship heavily, and I’ve tried to relay my concern to him but he just shuts down and says that he “can’t do this right now”, but is never willing to re-bring the conversation up, it just feels very dismissive and avoidant.

I have also tried to help him with “self-therapy”, or implementing routines that may help us on our days where our mental health is acting up, and he typically doesn’t entertain those ideas, so I’m kinda at a crossroads on if this is worth investing in, or if I just need to be more patient. If there anything else I can do to help support him better? Or would it be best to step away from the situation and let himself find this path on his own?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of 4 years struggles with taking care of himself in his day-to-day life, but won’t seek therapy.

TL;DR: My wife spends more time on her phone—whether it's following a new religion, talking to her sister, or scrolling social media—than she does with me or our children.

My wife and I have been married for 13 years, we’re both 36, and we have two children. Things were relatively straightforward in our relationship until about 4–5 years ago. Around that time, several life changes occurred: she started following a new religion, her sister went through a divorce, and she got deeply involved in some of her friends’ personal dramas. These changes have led to a situation where she now spends more time on her phone than engaging with me or our kids.

It started with the religion. I’m not entirely sure of the specifics, but she began observing a Sabbath from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. She also started listening to podcasts filled with conspiracy theories and following an American preacher who focuses on topics like Christmas being pagan (which is true but not the entire point) and wild theories about the New World Order. She’s often glued to her headphones, and I’ve stopped sharing details about my day because she either doesn’t hear me or seems impatient to return to her videos.

This change affected our lifestyle. We stopped watching TV shows together because anything with witches, magic, or Christmas themes led to her asking to switch to something else. It’s also become challenging to meet friends, as she refuses to go out on Friday evenings or Saturdays.

Then came her sister’s divorce. My wife spends most of the day on the phone with her sister now. Sometimes, they’re not even speaking—they just have the phone on as background company. For example, I pick my wife up from the train station at 5:30 PM, and by the time we’re home 10 minutes later, she’s already on the phone with her sister. She even lets the bath overflow because she’s so distracted by their conversations.

Thursdays are the one night she’ll sit with me to watch TV, but she’s usually scrolling through Instagram instead. On Mondays, she goes to bed early but wakes up at midnight for a prayer session, which she says is the time when spirits are most active.

Saturdays are particularly tough because of her Sabbath. She spends the entire day in bed, reading the Bible or sleeping. I recently watched an old video of me playing with our son at the park, and I heard my daughter’s voice in the background. For a moment, I couldn’t figure out who was watching her, but then my wife appeared in the video. It hit me that this was over four years ago—the last time she came to the park with us.

To sum up, my wife is almost always on her phone, whether it’s following sermons, talking to her sister, or just scrolling. It feels like she’s disconnected from me and the kids, and I don’t know how to address it anymore.

I should've posted sooner as I'm leaving soon but anyway

We've been having issues since I was like 12 years old. She is legitimately narcissistic, bipolar, immune to any fault or responsibility, and just plain mean. If you think I'm being dramatic about this, a therapist that I was talking to agreed on all of these points, my father and her absolutely hate each other, and she (and by extension, me and my sisters (both F22) has been completely cut out by our entire extended family.

We've been fighting for a few days now, as we usually do when we have a fight, a and I am on the border of dropping out of college so that I never have to talk to her again (she pays for my college)

After going to college, I realized I am so much happier without her, there is no life for me back home with her, but I thought that we had spent enough time apart where I could come home for winter break and have a calm vacation with each other. I was very, very wrong.

I just don't really know what to do. I know that asking her to change her behavior is just out of the picture, it's never worked why would it now. Also setting boundaries is never going to work, she just breaks them. But when she gets all upset, and angry, and starts screaming and getting in my face, what strategies should I use that won't escalate the situation father? I'm out of ideas, I've tried everything and she either gets more mad, or I say something I mean and regret it because she gets to play the victim.

TL;DR: My mother is driving me up a wall, what strategies can I use to avoid taking blame while also not giving her any ammunition to get more angry about

Hello everyone,

I (31F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (32M) for around 1 year. We were living in the same town when he was transferred 4 hours away from me, despite his initial wish to stay here.

Before he left, we talked a lot: he agreed that I didn't want a long-term, long-distance relationship. He had explained to me the possibilities of requesting a transfer as soon as he had taken the position to return, then that he would make a request for a transfer if it had not happened (but would have to wait 1 year).

It's now been 5 months since he left. We see each other once or twice a month, and everything is going well between us. But when I broach the subject of his return, it remains vague. He even told me that he hadn’t made the request yet because he had “just arrived”. However, before his departure, he had let me understand that he would do it as soon as possible, he had even warned his future boss that this was not his initial wish and that he had been in some way forced to come , and therefore let him not be surprised if he saw that he was asking for a permutation.

My feeling about this situation is that he likes it there and that he doesn't feel the need to come back (at least not right away). He has had long-distance relationships before and seems to be okay with it, but that's not my case. I would like to point out that it's not an option for me to move, because my whole life (family, friends, work) is here and I don't like where he lives.

I feel a little betrayed by the fact that he didn't keep his word and I'm having trouble knowing how to approach this situation.

Should I continue talking to him about it or wait some more? Is it really early? Am I expecting too much from this?

I'm afraid of wasting my time if no concrete project is put in place to bring us closer, but at the same time I tell myself that we are in sync on everything else and I don't want to give up on first difficulty, especially since I've had a lot of romantic disappointments in the past, and I feel like I've finally met someone really healthy.

Thank you in advance for your feedback and advice.

TL;DR: my boyfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for 5 months. Before he left, he had promised me to request a transfer to return quickly, but he still has not done so and remains vague about his intentions. I have the impression that he likes it there and is in no hurry to come back. I can't move. I feel lost: should I continue to insist or wait for him to take the initiative?

I (32f) have been with my partner (37m) for a year and a half. We are living with my family at the moment as last year we were meant to move away but I got sick and needed to recover.

But yesterday everything was fine then all of a sudden he changed his mood. I asked was he ok, he said he's fine, I asked was he sure cause he doesn't look ok. He answered sharpy so I said nothing and left him . I understand that he needs space when he's not feeling good. My mother then asked me to go to the shop with her, he smiled at her and made a joke. Then went back to ignoring me. I said bye to me and he looked at him said bye but seemed annoyed. I said I didn't want to leave the house with us not being good, he gave out to me saying he needs space and peace. I left. When I came back nothing from him.i left him alone, then I went I to our room and he continued to ignore me, I asked him if this is really how he going to treat me. We had a few words, he went for a two hour walk and then a shower , again I left him alone. I went to bed and got sick . We had a few more words and he told me he's done with me.

We talked it out.

But today I'm not feeling physically well or emotional. And I'm trying to give space as he said it might take him days, but my mum is unhappy with what is happening.

While we were alone I asked if he's ok and how he's feeling and I got "again with these questions" . So I've tried to stay quiet. I asked him if he wants dinner. If he needs anything.

Now while we are in bed, he has gotten up and sat at the desk and put his head down, I asked "what's up" no answer I said his name no answer. I asked if he needs anything, he said no I said why are you at the desk He sharpy said why are we talking. So I left the room.

I know this brings out my anxiety. But I've been trying to be quiet and give him space but Everytime I ask something related to him I'm being met with aggression.

I am a talker and like to fix problems or at least know what's going on . So this is the opposite of me.

Anyone else process this way? And am I doing too much or any tips on how to navigate?

Tldr : avoidant partner is getting mad at me when I ask is he ok? And giving me silent treatment . Need some perspective,

I’ve (32F) been dating a lovely woman (34F) for almost three months. Things have been going really well. We made things official a month or so ago, and we kissed for the first time a couple of weeks ago. We have been taking things slow, but also being serious about each other. We are both autistic and I’m auDHD.

A few days ago she told me she loved me, which sent me into a very frustrating headspace after I went home from our date. I was also feeling insecure about whether she knew me well enough to love me, or whether she simply loves the idea of me. I am her first girlfriend ever. It made me very angry to think that she might just love the idea of me, and it made me feel used and not appreciated for who I am.

Then I started processing and considering whether I might be having intense urges to self-sabotage due to a fear of intimacy. I’ve had one partner previously, whom I married, and the breakup was pretty nasty. She left me for some guy I’d never heard of and left me in a bad situation by sticking me with the cost of our formerly shared lease. That partner was also emotionally abusive and the entire experience was very painful for me.

So I started considering that I may have felt angry out of more of an unconscious desire to self-sabotage to not be hurt like that again. I started thinking maybe I have a deep fear of intimacy and that was the root of the issue. I processed this and communicated to my girlfriend that I’m struggling with fear of intimacy, and she seemed very understanding.

But how do I cope with these urges?? The urge to self-sabotage, the urge to push people away? I am very thoroughly looking for coping methods, because I really care about this person and I want it to work.

TL;DR, After past relationship trauma, I’m struggling with urges to push my partner away and sabotage the relationship. How do I cope with and manage these urges so that they don’t do damage?

EDIT: My breakup occurred over three years ago, and the divorce was finalized over two years ago. I haven’t spoken to my ex in well over two years.

My boyfriend (25m) told me his cousin invited us on a trip 4 hours from our hometown. I told him, we could talk about it and see what we do. Hence, we’ve been together for 6 years. He immediately lashed out and said if I go or not he doesn’t care. That it’s his family. And that I’m controlling.

This past year, 2024. We took two international trips for his cousins birthdays. Two separate trips in February and May. August came around and I started telling him, that we should take a trip solo. I tried initiating and getting the talk going of an idea for us do and where to go. Everytime I would bring it up he would make an excuse and or not show interest. He would say he had bills to pay, and no money. So I wouldn’t budge and would understand. For months from August to December I tried to plan something. We left off, saying we would do something January or February of this year.

Suddenly his cousin texts him, about her birthday trip this coming month. And he immediately said yes to count him in. And that he would see about me. . But he told me no for months for us taking a solo trip together? How is that fair? I brought this up to him and he kept saying he didn’t care. That I’m controlling. And basically said I’m the worst person on this planet. I feel like a complete burden. I’ve tried to get him to understand where I’m coming from. I feel extremely hurt bc he can tell others yes without hesitation and when it comes to me he makes so much excuses.

I feel extremely heartbroken and sad. My heart feels heavy and don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should tell him not to go. And not give him an option about it. But he told her yes for him only. She said to let him know a week from now.

Tl;Dr: I don’t know what to do. Should I tell my (25m) boyfriend to not go. I don’t know how to approach him since he’s closing off and making me feel less than. Am I exaggerating? Any advice would help.

TL;DR : after our one month anniversary my boyfriend is suddenly acting weird and is more hostile towards me. He seems annoyed at me for bringing it up.

So, I (F18) am having trouble with my boyfriend (M21)… The last time we saw each other was on the 5th of January. Shortly afterwards I got sick: a cough, fever, headaches and a sore throat- the works. I’m still sick right now, and in between today and the last time we saw each other, we had our one month anniversary :)

I was open to seeing him even though I was sick, as long as we went somewhere close by (I should mention he doesn’t live in my city and it’s a 50 minute train ride away) but he cancelled due to some health issues he was experiencing himself. Afterwards he couldn’t stop asking me when we would meet each other again, when I could get to him, If I wanted to visit the next day or the day after etc, all with the intention of a sleepover. I, of course, continued to tell him that I was still very sick and couldn’t get on the train. After that, we didn’t dwell on it.

Now, to the weird parts… We regularly play Minecraft together, and we also did the day after our anniversary. I just went though a major event in my friendship with another girl (not a positive one) and was still kind of torn up about it. Well, he started going off on my friend, which at first didn’t bother me since I was also kind of angry with her, but suddenly he also decided to go off on me? He didn’t get angry, but told me it was „weak“ not to get answers out of her „just because I was sad“ and that what I did was „bullshit“. I was really confused, since me and him have never had a fight, and it felt like he was trying to get into one. I stayed calm and didn’t engage with it, but it didn’t sit right with me.

When we two met, he was the sweetest, kindest and maturest man I had ever met- loved to communicate, open about his feelings and took the train to me, just to see me for just over half an hour! We went on dinner dates and held hands, it was really amazing… he also always told me he never wanted to lose me, how much he loved me, that he wanted to be with me 5, 10 years from now etc So, since he really wanted to see me he wanted to set up a date this weekend (which would be today and the day after) and I already knew I had to tell him I couldn’t do it since I’m still in bed, coughing my soul out :,) but since he kept repeating how sad he was that he couldn’t see me or how angry he was all the time because of it, I was really scared to tell him.. so when I finally did tell him I was somewhat prepared- or so I thought.

He told me that it’s awful we can’t see eachother, how we wouldn’t get to see each other until next weekend etc. when I asked why we couldnt meet in the week after Uni, he told me „what, so I’d have to wait for 3 hours?“. I understand this would sound reasonable normally, but he has waited longer than that multiple times just to see me for the evening… so what was the difference now? He seemed unwilling to discuss it and told me we shouldn’t talk about it anymore. Yesterday evening I got the courage to tell him I didn’t know what was going on with him and that I was feeling a lot of pressure- to which he reassured me I shouldn’t pressure myself and to get some rest. Since I was tired I waited till this morning to also tell him that the pressure didn’t come from me, but from him :( and that I was scared to even tell him I couldn’t make it this weekend, as well as the pressure I was feeling from his repeated remarks regarding a meet-up.

Now what I expected from him, since he was always empathic and sensitive was an apology and maybe a „get better soon“. Nope. He started telling me „how could you expect open communication when you don’t even tell me things like this?“ „I’m sorry but what am I supposed to say? I’m supposed to listen to you telling me I can talk about anything and then you do this?“ „it really messed me up that you were acting this weird, I couldn’t sleep a bit and was overthinking the whole night“ or „you should have told me THAT was stressing you“ (I’m emphasizing THAT, not because he did but because I thought it was funny that he completely disregarded that he was the one putting pressure on me, which I specifically told him…). I’m just so confused why he is acting like this, he never got like this with me before and it just seems like he wants to argue? He’s putting all the blame on me, which I can agree with partially, I should’ve told him sooner, but I also told him I was scared to because he repeatedly told me how sad it made him?

I don’t know what to do. He also told me „it seemed and seems like you want to break up“ which I don’t!! I love him, but I honestly feel like he’s pushing me towards it? I texted back „I need a moment to answer“ and he just wrote „so I guess I was right“. What the hell?? I know he’s incredibly afraid of losing me, but he shouldn’t be, I really really want to be with him, however him acting like this is making it very hard… I really need advice with this :/ and answers!! Why the hell to boys act so different after you get official??

Hi reddit, this is my first time writing on here but I really need advice from some outside perspectives.

I (32M) and my ex, let’s call him ”Toby“ (33M) had been together for 7 and a half years until summer of 2023, when he confessed to cheating on me a couple of times, including a short affair. He also said he had fallen out of love with me for no particular reason. That absolutely crushed me because I seriously thought we would spend the rest of our lives together, we had been living together for almost 6 years and I had been planning on proposing soon. He couldn’t give me any perticular reason for why he didn’t love me anymore, but I understood that that can just happen, as sad as it is. I didn’t resent him one bit and saw that the whole situation was just as hard on himself, if not harder.

For more context: Toby had been using drugs quite frequently since before we even met and a little in the beginning of our relationship, then it got less and less since we moved in together and he got a new job. But over the last couple of months of our relationship his addiction got worse again, he would spend nights out without coming home and without me even knowing where he was, that’s also when the cheating was happening apparently. I was clearly concerned and sat him down multiple times and suggested looking for therapy/rehab opportunities together, but he just put it off further and further, not really wanting to put in the effort for getting better. I was at my wits end, then the breakup followed soon after.

After he moved out and the whole separation was sorted out, we had no contact for about a year, but we were still following each other on our socials and still had some mutual friends, but they only hung out with us separately.

Our lives went in quite opposite directions after the breakup, Toby lost his job, struggled even more with his addiction, dated about 6 different people I think within that year, and from what I’ve seen struggled a lot with depression too. I‘ve stayed single that whole time, focused on myself and my happiness and career, got a job promotion and overall my life has been pretty good. I never stopped loving him, I believe if we’re meant to be we will find each other again, but I don’t excessively hope for him to come back or anything. I honestly just wish him the best, whether that’s with me or not, and just hope he gets the help he needs to get out of his addiction and other mental health struggles.

In summer of 2023 I thought I‘d reached a point where we could be friends again if he wanted to as well, and he did, so we started hanging out with our mutual friends together again. It was really great, no awkwardness, we talked and laughed together just like everything was normal, just minus the romantic relationship. We started hanging out more often again, sometimes with other friends and sometimes just us two, and I was just happy to have him in my life again, because I just really adore him as a person, whether as a partner or as a friend didn’t matter to me.

So fast forward to last week, I was at his place and he asked me if we could talk, I said sure, then he asked me (paraphrasing here): ”Do you think we could start dating each other again? It doesn’t have to be right away, and we could keep it all without any pressure, just try and see if we could work as a couple again?“ I said I‘d have to think about it, we continued watching a movie and I went home in the evening, and I haven’t given him a proper response yet. I’d really like us to be dating again, but I‘m concerned about his addiction etcetera, I don’t know if I could handle that again and if that’s a good place to start a relationship again. I think he should get help for that first, but am I in a place to tell him that? Would I be an asshole for giving him an ultimatum to ”fix himself“ before we could date again?

Plus I‘m also a bit concerned about the fact that he cheated on me, I really don’t resent him for doing it when we were still together, I‘ve forgiven him completely, but I don’t know if I could build that trust with him again, I‘m worried that I might never feel as safe in our relationship as I did back then again.

What should I do in this situation? I can’t really ask my family & friends about that, because they still resent Toby more for ”what he did to me“ than I myself do, so they would likely be too harsh on him and I‘d just find myself defending him to them.

Thank you for reading through this and thanks upfront for any advice.

TL;DR : My ex, Toby, broke up with me in 2023 after he admitted to cheating and falling out of love with me. His drug addiction had gotten worse, and despite me suggesting rehab, he refused help. We went no-contact for a year, but recently reconnected as friends, and things felt easy between us. Now, Toby asked if we could try dating again, and while I still love him, I’m concerned about his addiction and whether I can trust him again after the cheating. I’m unsure if I should tell him to get help first before dating and if that’s fair. I can’t talk to my friends or family since they still resent him. I’m torn on what to do.

My (19F) friend (19F) is having the most difficult time accepting that no one (as far as she's aware) has ever liked her romantically for long periods of time. It seems as if whenever she starts seeing someone she has interest in/a crush on, the other person immediately loses interest in her.

We've been friends our entire lives. We grew up neighbors and even though we live in different cities now, I'd still consider her one of my closest friends. That's why it's hard for me to see her blame herself for being "so discustingly naive thinking that someone could love her", as she puts it. I really want to support her somehow, but we live ~4 hrs apart so I can't really plan all that much face to face time with her. On top of that, hanging out and talking with her has begun feeling a little dreadful to me, since it feels like she has to vent about this stuff every time, and the vent lasts exactly as long as we talk so I don't really get to chat about stuff happening in my life any more.

I, personally, think her biggest issue isn't craving romantic love so much per se, but rather the social media use related to the issue. She vents in her instagram stories a lot for hundreds of people to see, and she feels like everyone keeps rubbing their happy relationships in her face. Whether y'all think this is the problem or something else, please give me some input on how to be a good friend through this issue. Should I talk to her more about this (it's basically all we talk about atp anyway)? Should I talk to her more about unrelated, distracting stuff? Should I tell her how I feel that she's never listening to me anymore? Should I just give her space?

TL;DR My friend feels bad about not having anyone ever like her romantically. She talks down on herself and I want to help her, but her constant vents are draining our relationship.

When should I, 21M, leave the relationship with my fiance, 19F?

My fiance, we’ll call S, cheated on me back in October of 2023, I didn’t find out until June of the 2024, after I proposed to S. At the time, I wasn’t financially in a spot where I could leave, and I’m still not.

Since then, I don’t like leaving her alone, get super insecure when she mentions a guys name, and I’ve become consumed with finding stuff on her phone. I’ve tried to work through it, and she’s completely moved on from it. I can’t trust her anymore, and I don’t want to be in a relationship where I can’t trust her.

Ive been trying to become more independent from her, so I can save and leave, but she bought us new phones without telling me, so I’m sending her money for that and we’re still paying for an apartment together. Our lease ends in a few days, so should I bite the bullet, leave her after we finish paying the apartment and be done? Or should I wait?

Tl;dr, fiance cheated on me over a year ago, and I’m having issues moving on, leading to me wanting to break up but not being in a financial spot to do so.

TL;DR, I just received proof that my girlfriend was cheating on me in some capacity over 7 months ago, and now i’m stuck on what to do.

Me (19M) and my GF (18F) have been in a long term relationship for just under 2 years now. During the second semester of our senior year of HS, there were allegations of her cheating on me, but everyone around was extremely silent about the details of it when I asked, and due to it really upsetting her I took her side (due to lack of evidence) and brushed it off. It’s important to note that we took a short 1 week break around the beginning of April where we were no contact.

Fast forward towards the end of the summer, and one of my friends messages me asking about the nature of my gf over sharing about our relationship and the problems she has with me (communication has been a consistent struggle with us, primarily her, within the relationship due to past trauma but we’ve been working through it). Apparently my gf was comparing me to one of her friends (18M) and saying that “everything I wasn’t he was”. Immediately I asked the friend for proof of it, and she said that she didn’t have any of the screenshotted evidence, but it did exist in some form. Once again I asked my gf about it and she denied all of it again, and so once again I brushed it off.

Fast forward to now, and i get another dm about the same friend with way more information about what really happened between my girlfriend and her friend who she was allegedly comparing to me. Although this time she had multiple screenshots and pictures of messages from within one of her group chats where she talks about her crush on her friend, and how he “unhooked her bra while sucking her tit” and how she couldn’t stop thinking about him, along with messages of him telling her he loved her and sending kissing faces. Not only this, but multiple people have said that there have been men who came and went through her dorm, and even a guy slept overnight despite her telling me “both her and her roommate have a no guys rule in the room” (we go to different schools 1700+ miles apart and we’re doing long distance). I know this is true because one time when i facetimed her she had a guy in the room who she quickly shooed out after picking up my call.

I’m typing all this not even a full day after finding out, and I have no idea how to fully confront her. I thought this would be the girl I was gonna marry, our families have become so close i wouldn’t even know how to tell my own family that she cheated. Additionally, her mom was going to refer me to an internship as long as we stayed together, but with me finding out this information I don’t know if I should just pretend like nothing happened or try to confront her and move on. I really do love her and I don’t know how I’d even begin to explain what losing her would mean to me, but at the same time how can i be expected to stay with her??

The closest friendship I've ever had ended 2 years ago. Like all friendship fallouts it was some silly argument over nothing. At the time I was pissed because I felt she had been pretty deranged a lot and I had let it slide, and that she owed it to me to be more forgiving given how patient I had been with her. Afterwards I did try to reach out a few times soon after and eventually gave up because she wasn't receptive. I felt really awful because even though we had been so close it seemed our friendship had meant more to me than it had to her, and that she didn't care and was happy to wipe me out of her life without any effect.

But I never really properly reached out or even apologised, each time I was quite dismissive of it because it seemed really dumb to me. At the time I really didn't think I did anything that bad, and I didn't think it was worth degrading myself with a pointless apology. Cos, it wasn't just me, everyone had stories about this girl, she was a LOT, which is why I've basically just shrugged it off that she was a terrible person and there wasn't anything I could really do, and an apology would be a waste.

Recently I had a similar fallout with a similar friend and it made me realise that clearly if this has happened twice I'm the common denominator and I must not be as self aware as I like to tell myself. And looking back I can see I probably have been an asshole a lot more than I knew. now I guess I realise maybe the friendship wasn't as one sided as it seemed to me. And I know she did really care about me at the time and told me a lot, I do wonder if I genuinely did just hurt her badly without realising and thats why things went that way. Maybe she wasn't being unreasonable at all. Ultimately its not even really about who was right its just that I do miss the friendship and the fun we had and it seems a shame it all went so irreparably bad so quick. I wish I could look back at it without feeling a bit of guilt or shame or sadness at it due to how it ended.

So I'm wondering if I gave an actual, mature, sincere apology now that I've matured and can finally see I was an asshole, would that be worth it?

I think I'm just trying to muddle through the truth. I had basically just accepted that she sucked and was a shitty friend who had treated me badly, and that reaching out was pointless and only going to make me look like a fool in front of someone who clearly didn't value me. But recently I have been like, hm, I probably did really hurt her without realising, and she probably was kinda valid. Idk, cos its not even necessarily about reconnecting and being besties again, its just that I hate that theres such a black mark over all those great times we had. I want to know that she doesn't hate me, that she can appreciate how important our friendship was. But I also don't want it to be a case where, she really is a selfish asshole and I'm just further humiliating myself AND making her even more of a selfish egomaniac by taking all the blame. Also I don't wanna seem like a pathetic loser who still cares years later if she really does not.

I think I just want the peace of mind and clarity. I tried to make amends at the time a few different ways and she didn't seem receptive, and so I tried again a few months later and same thing. Up until now I've basically felt I did all I could and clearly things weren't going to work out, and the friendship was not as solid as I thought. But now I feel like maybe I didn't try all I could. I really never did properly apologise or have empathy for her and that must have been really shit. At least if I reach out sincerely and get shut down I will feel secure in that closure. Or is it pointless and I'm digging up old shit, making myself look like a loser and embarrassing myself? Am I even doing it for the right reasons or is it because deep down I wish we could reignite some kind of friendship again?

Keep in mind we fell out a few months before we turned 19 and now we are 21. We've moved around a lot, been at university, both had several relationships and been through different friend groups, haircuts, etc in that time. We have both changed a lot since I last reached out for the final time 2 years ago. I guess I'm hoping now that we both have matured a lot it will be possible to have a calm closure but maybe time has only made it even weirder. She has absolutely no other tie to that time in her life; all her friends and boyfriend from then she cut off pretty quickly after me, she lives in a different house in a different area, she doesn't even speak to her dad anymore (he was the only family member she spoke to at that time we were friends).

TL;DR; me and my friend fell out over 2 years ago, just before we left for university. I had reached out before but it wasn't received well. Now I am realising I probably didn't go about it in the best way and am rethinking things and wondering if a mature apology would be worth it, even if just to clean my own conscience ?

So, this is my first time writing something in reddit because I need advice. i want to apologize for any mistakes right away because English is not my first language.

About a year ago, I (15F) moved to another country with my family. Almost immediately I went to school, where I met a girl (14F) from my country, let's call her K. In this school year we were in the same class and that's how we started our communication (this was about 6 months ago). At first, everything was fine and I didn't notice anything strange. She didn't take her studies seriously and sometimes interrupted the lessons, and she didn't learn the language of the country we live in, but I didn't pay attention to it. After all, it was her business. Once, during a physics lesson, she took my hand and started stroking it. I thought it was strange, because I hadn't noticed this behavior from her before. Then things only got worse: she started taking my hand in other classes, during breaks between classes, she hugged me and tried to create physical touch between us in every possible way. However, I again ignored it, thinking that it was some kind of an inside joke between us. It got to the point where she called me "her wife" and eventually confessed her love for me. It came as a surprise to me, because I was sure that everything between us was a joke and she was straight. I mean, she told me that she used to be incredibly in love with a guy, and I even saw what she wrote to him in her diaries. I told her I didn't have feelings for her, but we were still friends. After that, her attempts to create physical touch did not stop, but even intensified. She even kissed me several times (not on the lips, but just in random places on my face).

I also want to point out that I can't call K polite. She does almost nothing at school, instead she disturbs others. On our first day of this school year, a boy from our class came up to me and my other friend, let's call her V (15F) and asked me something. Before we could answer him, K started yelling at him and telling him to leave. Almost everyone in the class doesn't like her because of her behavior, even the teachers. Our history teacher even threatened to kick her out of class several times because of her behavior. K and V have extra classes at school and they always asked me to stay with them until those classes started. V always asked me verbally, but K almost every time grabbed my backpack or my jacket so that I wouldn't leave. I also recently found out that she considers pedophiles to be a sexual orientation (I found this out through a message in one of our shared groups in the manager), and she thinks some of them are adequate. She added me to a group with her friends, even though I told her "don't add me", and said that if I leave, she will stop communicating with me and block me everywhere. There, in this group, one of her friends started saying rude things to me. But K just wrote "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH". She also constantly tells V: "we will stay for the second year because we have bad grades", even though V asked K not to say that. V also noticed that K seems to be jealous when I or V get a better grade. She sarcastically tells me "it's good that you know everything", and V "you got lucky this time". And recently she hit our classmate on the backpack when he was going down the stairs.

Recently her behavior towards me and V has started to get worse. She wasn't respectful before, but now it's almost critical. She used to try to make physical contact even when I told her no. She would hug me and my sweater would get dirty because of her makeup. She would touch my face, but because of her long nails, she would just scratch my face. She would sometimes pull me, which almost made me fall. When I would start saying that I didn't love anyone, she would say "oh shut up" because she wanted me to love her. But now her behavior has only gotten worse. For example, one time I noticed that we had almost the same earrings, so I took mine off to show her. K took my earring and accidentally dropped it, after which I wanted to take it back. I mean, the school floor is dirty, I didn't want my earring to get dirty because I had to put it on later (yes, I can be a little paranoid about things like that). However, K refused to give me the earring and just held it in her hand. After a few minutes, she threw it on the floor. V, who was next to us, said, "K, you could have broken her earring, it's not funny anymore," but K just replied, "It's really funny to me." After class, K, while I was putting on my jacket, grabbed my backpack and left the classroom. I immediately ran after her to get my backpack. I tried to stop her, to snatch the backpack from her grasp, to stop her by grabbing her hood. But K only stopped after I grabbed her hair (don't think badly of me, I didn't pull her, and I wasn't trying to hurt her, I was just stopping her). I took my backpack, but K pulled me by my hair and went to the stairs. Now, when I and V were discussing this situation, V wrote to me that K pulled my hair with "so much hatred" (quoting V).

I and V agreed that her behavior is becoming too strange. I think it may be because of her upbringing. After all, she has a younger brother, let's call him T (M9), and he grows up in a complete lack of discipline and order. K sent me a video of how they celebrated New Year: T threw a tantrum, turned the Christmas tree on the floor, threatened to cut their mother's sneakers with a knife (he even did it), shouted and showed them the middle finger. K filmed all this and laughed, while their mother listened to music. Considering that T allows all this and is not scolded for such behavior, I think that K grew up in the same atmosphere. Could this explain her behavior?

Anyway, dear reddit, what should I do about K? I have to study with her for the rest of this school year, and maybe next year too, but I feel like her behavior is getting more and more toxic. I wouldn't want to hurt her, if I cut off contact, it would be awkward. So I'm asking for advice.

TL;DR: It seems like my school friend is becoming too toxic. Can I get some advice on what to do about it?

I’ve never had a gambling addiction. I don’t know how hard it is to recover from it.

We’ve been together for 4 years and he has been wonderful, caring, loving and patient with me as I dealt with my own traumas. At the beginning of the relationship he told me that he used to have a gambling addiction that has caused him to go into debt of around $20-30k which he has been paying off. He told me to be transparent before we became official. I said it was okay as long as he doesn’t do it again.

2 years later he comes clean that he has relapsed and from memory it was around $200? That he lost. He came to me straight away as he couldn’t hide it and he said he would understand if I wanted to leave. At this point I was quite disappointed and I said I needed proper proof of his finances for the time being as I couldn’t trust him.

Since then he has been completely transparent with showing me his bank statements, even when I don’t ask. And for the last 2 years to today there has been no problem.

I want to have a financially secure future without worrying about my husband blowing my entire life away in a gamble. If it was active addiction I would’ve left in a heartbeat. But because he only relapsed the one time during our relationship and his addiction was prior to when we met, I’m hesitant to end this relationship just based on that when everything else is wonderful. Apart from this flaw he is a great person.

I should probably mention that he has never tried to extort money from me, whenever he has needed to borrow, he has always returned at least 110% back. He always makes an effort to look after me financially and provide even when he can’t afford to.

Is it really that hard to get over a gambling addiction? I’ve never really thought this hard about it but now it is starting to play on my mind a lot because we are planning on engagement soon. I don’t know whether I am leaving something great behind just because of something that happened in the past.

Should I treat this as just a bump in the road or is it a red flag?

TL;DR: Boyfriend had a gambling addiction ($20-30k debt) prior to when we met. Relapsed once lost about $200 while we were together and came clean immediately. No issues since - wonderful partner and is a provider. Is it stupid to leave him?

EDIT: thank you all for your insights. Regardless of his past I have always planned a strict prenup with whoever I will marry in the future as that is what I have been brought up being told. Would doing this help to mitigate most potential relapses that can happen? I’m not well versed in the legalities of marriage yet.

It's going to be a very very long post. So, please bear with me.

I am 26 and I have been in relationship twice. My first relationship (1.5 years) was with a playboy kinda guy (let's call him EX) who manipulated me into thinking that he is in love with me, he pursued me hard and I fell for him. Turned out the relationship was mostly physical and toxic and draining and the worst thing that has happened to me in my life (there was ghosting and cheating and gaslighting and everything). Calling that approx one and half years of torture a relationship itself is an exageration. For a long time I just wanted to erase that relationship from my memory so I never told anyone about it. I knew from the first day that we have no future but I had excessive attachment with him and noone to tell me otherwise, so I kept hooking up with the guy for a long time even after we officially broke up.

[Oct'22] Admist all of this, I started talking to my current boyfriend (27, let's call him R) on instagram. Let me also mention I am his first girlfriend. We are from same college and had a couple mutual friends (so technically I considered him sorta friend although we rarely talked) so I knew him as one of the most serious and decent guys I have met in my life (or so I thought back then). We jokingly flirted sometimes (very clean and sophisticated though) but I repeatedly told him that I'm not interested in dating ever again and he didn't seem to be into me either (our conversations were pretty hollow and he showed interest in dating other girls). At that time, I lived in Noida and he was in Bangalore. One day I told him that I am planning a solo trip to Wayanad and he asked to join me. We asked all our mutual friends to join as well but at the end, only two of us went on that trip.

I want to highlight that I was still hooking up with EX all this time I was talking to R. I was in depression and was taking therapy and medications for the frequent panic attacks but neither did R ever asked me any personal questions about my life nor I told him about my situation. A month before going on the trip, I cut off (ghosted) EX suspecting he was hooking up with other girls too and it was too much to handle for me since I still had feelings for him. Then a day before the trip, EX came to my place and admit that he in fact slept with another girl after which he realised I'm the one he wants to be with (Stupidest logic ever). I was devastated to hear that (I suspected he might be but was never sure). He begged me to get back together but I stood my grounds that I no longer want him in my life.

[Dec'22] Wayanad Trip: I was pretty shaken by the events from previous day so I was mostly lost and distracted on the trip. But from my pov, that trip was exactly what I needed back then. And I found myself getting attracted to R on the trip. He was exactly opposite of EX - responsible, caring and down to earth (he still is). I felt that liking was mutual. We sometimes held hands during trekking or while walking. I had booked my flight back to Delhi from BLR and our trip ended earlier than we expected. So, on the second last day of the trip we came back to to BLR and stayed at his place. He went to sleep in his flatmate's room and I took his room. But in the morning, I woke up to find him sleeping next to me, with his hand on my waist. At first, i felt weird but I liked him so I ignored that and then again in the afternoon he asked me to lie down beside him, but I said no giving excuse that I'm not sleepy at all, I suddenly started to feel a bit uncomfortable around him so I avoided him the whole afternoon. Then in the evening again, while we were in the cab going to a restaurant for dinner, he wrapped his hand around me which I didn't mind but he rested it inappropriately on my chest. After coming back from the dinner, he again asked me to lie down next to him and I said no giving excuse that I'm not sleepy. I didn't doubt his intentions at any point because I knew the guy was super decent. I thought this is all unintentional. We then sat up all night, watched a movie and then talked. He asked me what I think about him - I told him that I like him but the timing is really bad (and that I broke up with my ex recently). He said he likes me too. Post that we just cuddled for some time and fell asleep. (I am a pretty old school person so cuddling is as big as getting physical for me).

[Jan'23] I came back from that trip thinking of it as one of the best memories of my life and that this is the best guy I've ever met. Ever since I came back, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Although I didn't want to date him at the time because, I didn't think I was good enough for this super decent guy plus I needed to get my shit together before I even think about dating again. But I couldn't resist so I texted him a few days later only that I really like him even though the timing sucks and he just says "Thank you, you made my day!". Eventually I realised he has started to ghost me since after the trip. At first, I thought I'm just imagining things but then it became quite apparent. I started to overthink that maybe I made him think that I was using him as a rebound so I asked him a couple times if something is wrong and he said he is just busy. Finally, I couldn't take it and I wrote "We need to talk". He calls me next day and starts with "See it was a nice trip but our vibes don't match" and the whole conversation ended on a bad note with him getting mean and rude with me. I felt so rejected and confused at that time but it was a momentary infatuation so I got over it.

[April'23] R came to Delhi and we along with our mutual friends went to party. Nothing happened but after meeting him in that party, I again started to think about him on and off. But I was so over relationships by that time that idea of dating anyone at all didn't entice me anymore plus I had too much self-respect to date someone who has ghosted me in the past. So, I supressed my feelings.

[April'23] Meanwhile, EX came back a changed person, and he kept insisting to give him another shot. For a moment I lapsed back into the idea of trying again with him rather than a new person but I asked him for 6 months to think about it. We kept in touch and had some good moments but eventually I realized I didn't want to go back to him, irrespective of how I feel. So three months later, I told him clearly I am done, after which he had a very hard time moving on and also, he lost his job. So, I kept in touch with him for a long time out of genuine concern. It was completely platonic on my end and we talked once in a while but it made my current boyfriend insecure so we had some problems because of it. But then I finally cut EX off because he started to call me too much and blamed me for leaving him.

[May'23] I made the mistake of sharing with our mutual friend that I still sort of like R. I'll never forgive her for this.

[Aug'23] R texted me for the first time after ghosting me. He was coming to Delhi for a week in September so asked me to join and then he started talking and flirting again as if he never ghosted me. When questioned about ghosting, he finally said that I gave him mixed signals and he is a simple guy. He thought we were going on that trip because we had something but my behavior was off. I clarified that I went on that trip like friends but I ended up liking him. He asked if I want to try again and I said let's talk when he comes to Delhi. Until then, we kept talking strictly online. This time he started flirting even more (I didn't flirt at all) and it got a bit creepier. Also, he would often express his desperation/interest in dating any girl at all (using phrases like "koi to mil jae"). It didn't seem like he was actually interested in me but just wanted someone/anyone (I believed this is not his real personality but it was very much turning off for me).

[Sept'23] He came to Delhi and we all gathered at a common friend's place there. From there, we all went to party at some club together. I got a bit drunk. He came to ask me for dance and I just blurted out that I like him. He said he likes me too and gave me a peck on the cheek and just like that before we knew it, we were a relationship. I was having really bad cramps that night and I told him that so he offered to go back to home with me but I insisted we stay and he looked after me the whole time (how sweet, right?). Later that night when we reached home (friend's place). We slept in the same room - like any couple we cuddled but then suddenly he initiated the intense make out and I started to panic really bad so I asked him to stop. We didn't talk about it again. Went for date next day (it was nice) and then he left for BLR. I was pretty terrified about getting into relationship again (because of my past experience) so there was some freak out by this rush but I was also very happy because I thought I have bagged the best guy in the world. I was 100% in, in that "relationship" from Day one.

Two days in and I already started to feel that something is off. He didn't seem much keen to text or call or meet me. I waited for hours for him to get back to me. Our conversations were hollow (it was like talking to a prospect candidate for an arranged marriage) and he made no efforts at all. He never asks me anything personal and never shares with me anything personal. I liked him but it seemed like he didn't. So, I started to freak out. On controntation, he said this is his first relationship and he don't know what are the things that one should do. I was determined to handle this relationship maturely so I suggested that we talk everyday and ask questions about each other. That improved things a bit but the feeling that he isn't really into me never went away. So, I asked him straightaway a few times, if he really likes me and he always said yes. So, one day I rather asked him "why is he with me?", to which he responded "he wanted someone to talk to and cuddle" (someone... anyone... not specifically me). After that day, I started overthinking a lot, at times I wanted to break up with him but I thought at least he is a decent guy and I guess, I had developed deep feelings for him. Not to mention, I was scared to lose my friends too (I was the Rachel of our group, who joined the group through a Monica but you don't get a friendship like "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" in real life). After a month of long distance, we decided to go on a trip to Goa with our two other guy friends.

I want to highlight that, in this one month of long distance, we never talked about getting physical and given my past experience, I had PTSD about the idea of getting physical (EX had used me for only getting physical in the beginning of our relationship). I wanted to take it hell slow this time. Like maybe initiate the physical stuff after being together for at least a year or something. And R was a virgin and a super decent guy so I also assumed that he might not initiate so it's on me which I'll do on my timeline. I thought I'd open up about my past relationship and all my anxiety surrounding the physical stuff, to R on the trip.

[Oct'23] Goa trip: We first stopped for lunch and I suddenly saw some dating app on R's phone and as I was about to take his phone, one of our mutual friends snatched the phone and deleted his account. But by the look of R not being worried at all when i was taking his phone, I assumed, there must be nothing bothering. We booked a 2 bhk homestay. I and R took one of the rooms. As we entered the room, R locked the door and started kissing me. A second later, he hit the second base too and then gesturing to remove my top, he literally asked "Do you mind?". It all happened so quickly, and I was so shocked by his behaviour that I couldn't get a word out of my mouth and he went ahead with it... and there I was, having a mini panic attack, little bit crying too and I doubt he even looked at my face once all that time and then he reached for my pants, I said "No". He abided but then 10 min later, he tried again, and I said No again, then sometime later he tried something again and I gestured No again. He then looked so embarrassed and disappointed that I finally gave in (thought it had to happen sometime). He hit the third base in no time and then, we did it. I realised he had brought condoms and more than enough for the trip as if that was only motive of that trip. Later that night, we again got physical and then he went to sleep on his side of the bed away from me. I couldn't sleep that whole night wondering how could this guy be R. So next day, and I don't regret it, I snooped into his whatsapp and I searched the word "sex". And my bubble of "he is a super decent guy" broke and shattered into pieces.

I read all his conversations with my mention in them. I got to know he was deperately hoping to get physical with me in Wayanad. He described the whole incident of us cuddling in BLR like a vulgar story of how he hit partial second base with me (apparently he must have tried something while I fell asleep). There were objectifying and disturbing texts about doing things to my body, he exchanged with his best friend (not one of our mutual friends) throughout that trip, memes making fun of me and also abusing me on a couple occassions (one of them was just from a week before we started dating), talked about making me a backup and desperately trying to bag some chick from Bumble who liked his profile, sharing a one time view photo from the night we started dating, followed by his friend's vulgar compliments on a female body (I assume me), talks about trying to get some return on investment on his second Delhi trip by trying to kiss or get some action with me, his friend rather suggesting to bang me if he gets the opportunity, him amused by the idea... also objectifying texts about every other girl in their office in the worst possible vulgar languages you can imagine, abusing girls who have either rejected them or not showed interest in them even after some friendly hangouts, super desperation to get laid with any girl at all, talking about idea of calling me to his hotel room on his first Delhi trip and assuming that since I probably liked him, I might come. I also got to know from his texts that he ghosted me because he found this other girl in his office who started giving him attention and he saw a potential to get laid there (I rejected him). And the reason why he got in touch with me again is because our mutual friend (who I told I liked R), while consoling him over rejection by this previous girl, told him that if he had kept trying on me, I would have said "yes".

I wasn't angry. I was heartbroken. Completely shattered. I confronted him about those texts on the third day. We talked about breaking up and it was clear at first he wasn't even half into me, I started having panic attacks like all the time on that trip. Although I did a good job pretending to be normal in front of our friends. I felt cheated, betrayed, like my worst nightmares have come true. I trusted this guy blindly. I never ever doubted him for a second. I saw future with him. I anyway told him about my past relationship, about my PTSD with getting physical. He told me about this previous girl who gave him attention and he got attached but she was only interested in casual and said No for relationship (that same girl he met right after Wayanad trip). At the end of the trip, he promised me that he would change and I am the best thing that has happened to him. He asked me to not give up on him. But I had already lost the trust completely. After coming back from the trip, I broke up with him. For a month, I would wake up crying everyday cursing my luck.

[Nov'23] He didn't give up on me. He started texting and calling me more, without piling on. He grew caring towards me and asked all our mutual friends to keep checking on me. He told one of our guy mutual friends his version of the truth. He bore my increasingly erratic moods (somedays I would say okay let's try again then another day I was done). After a while, it became a pattern. My heartbreak started to turn into anger. We will fight, I'll cut him off for a few days, and then we will start talking again. Most times, he would apologise but sometimes, he would immaturely argue back by accusing me of having it preplanned to dump him (I know it makes no sense at all). I totally gave up on the idea of a future with him but due to his changed behaviour, I decided to stay friends with him.

[Feb'24] His company changed his job location to Delhi. Now we lived just 60 km away. One day, we got pretty drunk on a weekend party and slept together (I was in a blackout so I don't remember how it happened or who initiated but I didn't mind it). Since that day, we started hanging out almost every weekend. I still liked him but this time, I conditioned my mind that this is casual and I shouldn't get attached. In fact, ever since he shifted to Delhi, I desperatly started to try for a job switch to a different city, scared of getting attached. On the other hand, he grew more and more serious. I later realised he thinks we are in a relationship since that day we hooked up, drunk. I didn't want to hurt him so I didn't correct him. But I made sure not to put much efforts, trying to keep it physical most of the times, not to make date plans, not to call him much, always reply late and over the time, i became natural at it. Idk at what point I stopped taking interest in knowing about his day or his life in general. I thought I was protecting myself from getting hurt again by him. I never checked his phone (either because he gave me no reason to doubt him or maybe I was too scared to find something disturbing again or little bit of both). I thought we will end it when I leave the city. While his behaviour was completely opposite. He was always there for me. Sometimes, he would complain about us only getting physical, or not spending much time with him and I would rather just avoid those conversations. I would sometimes bring up past and he would apologise yet again. I still liked him, just not the same way as I did before Goa. Don't get me wrong, I did care about him so I was the understanding girlfriend. I was the mature one to resolve every fight. I was the one to always say sorry even when it was his mistake. I stopped hanging out much with my guy friends, let alone talking to any random guy, because he used to get super jealous and insecure. Due to this, I started to feel a bit distant with my friends. But we grew closer anyway.

[June'24] I was already giving interviews at few companies but I wasn't motivated because my next career move was to switch to my dream company. Finally in June, I got an interview opportunity in my dream company and I got super serious. I had too much workload plus agrressively studying for the interviews. R supported me throughout this phase. Took care of me when I was sick. Took care of any and every problem in my life. He would keep me company whenever he felt I'm getting anxious for any reason at all (which I did often). I stopped going to his place much saying I had to study so he made the efforts most times. At some point, I finally admitted it to myself that we are in a relationship and this is not casual anymore.

[August'24] I cracked interviews at 2 companies, and was waiting on the result of my dream company. I put in the notice period and for the first time in months, I actually had time to think about our relationship. I realised I didn't want to end it for now at least. So, from then on, I started to make efforts - planning dates, planning trips, spending more time with him. I started to take him more seriously and most of all, I started to trust him again. It wasn't all roses and the past did come up many times, more frequently now that I started to give shit about us. There was still resentment and I still was much detached and, at times, pretended to be too cool to care if he hooked up with other girls. Now, we started to fight even more. And I started to get too tired of his jealousy and getting mad at insignificant things.

He had a female friend (let's call her L) back from his office that he always thought was into him. He told me about it a few times and based on his reasoning to think so and the chats he showed me, I thought he was super delusional and in fact, he seemed to be the one texting her first most times and she talked pretty formally and called him bro. Months ago, he had told me that she is leaving the country so he had written something for her as a farewell and I should read it. But I didn't. She randomly texted him months later now to say "Hi" or something and he told me about it. I wasn't insecure of this girl in anyway so I teased him, maybe she wants to confess to you after all this time.

[Sept'23] I got the job in my dream company and was moving to HYD in October. On my farewell party, R got drunk and took L's name. I didn't mind it much but I mentioned it to him next day. I don't think I cared enough for that but somehow the conversation escalated and I asked him to show me the farewell message he sent to her. I was overly disappointed to see a heartfelt long passage in which he mentioned how he thought they were once very close and has beautiful moments together, there were somethings he wanted to say but couldn't. More things like that. And then it all came rushing back to me - this is the guy who got together with me for only sex and disrespected me in every possible way, but for this girl, he developed enough feelings to write a passage like this, also he wrote this while he was with me. A girl he never even said he liked more than mere physical attraction. I wouldn't even hangout with my guy friends without him because he is so insecure that he would get mad over little things but he writes a passage to another girl. But I'm a cool girlfriend. So, I told him I have a feeling that he likes her, and if so, he should tell her and get his closure, maybe she will say yes. He assured me that he doesn't like her but I started to feel off with him precisely from that day.

[Oct'23] I didn't think he'd actually do it but he did. And he very casually told me about it, in the name of being honest. Said I cleared it with her, there was nothing from her end, so he's relieved now. I got skeptical so later that evening, I checked his phone to see their chat. Here is what I found - "he proposed her, told her he got together with me for lust, he tried to make it work but he probably doesn't have those feelings for me, he thinks I'm a good person and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore, said he wants the closure from her, what was it from her end." as if he meant "You say the words and I'll leave my girlfriend". And she rejected his proposal so casually, yet politely like she didn't give rat's ass about this guy.

It wasn't as shattering as what I found in Goa. We never told each other that we love each other. At least I believe I don't love him but this was hurtful nevertheless and more than that, it was disrespectful. I had my flight for HYD two days later. So, I packed all my stuff and just left from his place. He cried, he begged, he didn't give up this time either. He came to see me off at the airport with my sketch that he drew as my farewell gift. He even flew to HYD for my birthday, planned the whole day for me. He kept clarifying his words were wrong but he didn't mean what I interpreted out of the conversation. When I repeatly expressed how that girl would be thinking of me as a looser, he texted her again, this time to tell her "how he was wrong to say whatever he said about me and that I was the best person in his life who taught him to love and she shouldn't think of me as a looser, and I broke up with him because of this confession of his and he misses me.... and so on." Did he have to say LOOSER to her?????? Anyway, he told me this and he told me he loves me. Although that love fumed off in a month.

[Now] He still cares for me a lot like he always has, he still listens to everything I say, he still call me everyday and he still is always there for me. But he proposed another girl and now I don't trust him at all, again. Maybe I have finally grown to hate him, or maybe my resentments have overpowered so I keep bringing up the past. I feel inferior to a girl I've never met or seen. My self-esteem has dialed down to zero. I don't feel pretty or good enough. I shudder everytime the past flashbacks in my head. I take it on ego that he pursued two girls after I have been in his life and when they rejected him, he bounced back to me, like I'm his backup option (just like what he said to his bestfriend). Our mutual friends are my only close friends and they either don't know the shit we have gone through or they are too busy in their life to care or they side with him needlessly (I should mention most of them are guys). So, I have eventually lost my bond with them and now that I'm living in a new city, I don't have any friends here too (I'm an introvert). I should also mention I had a rough childhood and grew distant from my family as in emotionally over time, so I rarely talk to them either. The only person that I'm now close to and I can talk everyday to is R himself (and one other friend back home that I call once in a week). A month back, I lapsed and agreed to give R another shot but keeping it low this time. We now fight every few days. Lately, we talked about our feelings and he said he has mixed feelings for me now. and I have no fucking idea how I feel. The only thing we both know for sure is that this relationship feels like an arranged marriage. He gave me the option to leave if I wanted but I couldn't. Even though I have desperately wanted love my whole life and a relationship where I have an anniversary to celebrate and I feel lucky to have the other person, I am more than terrified to try with a new person because I might not recover from the one more traumatic experience in my life. I have gotten comfortable physically with R but my PTSD for getting physical with a new person still exists. I see no motivation to get out this relationship. And let's be real, R is probably stuck with me because he doesn't have other options. Everytime he goes for a girl, he gets rejected (I'll never understand how, he is way better than average indian men in every way or maybe because, he always go for looks and attention). He has been open to the idea of future with me for a long time and I'm starting to as well now. I like his family and we, even with an arranged marriage couple vibe, are somehow more compatible than most couples out there. Except I'm not happy. Even if I want to try to improve our relationship, part of me want to punish him for what he did to me, forever. The other half is scared what if I fell for him but he didn't. I don't want to have my heart broken again. I know that's not how relationships work. I don't know what to do. I'm just going with the flow and preparing myself to be strong enough to not be shocked if he pulled something like before again and stick with him anyway. If it isn't for him, I feel like I have noone in the whole world. I have felt this way before and I hardly survived that phase. I don't wanna face it again.

Please tell me what should I do?

TL;DR -
Had a first toxic relationship with EX. EX used me for physical benefits, cheated, gaslighted, was manipulative etc
Met R, a seemingly decent guy, (had mutual friends so trusted him) and rushed into a relationship without getting to know him first. Later, got to know he also just wanted to get physical, also he disrespected me by objectifying and abusing me to his friends right until before starting a relationship with me.
Broke up, R changed into a better person, started a healthy relationship again,
R proposed another girl, broke up again, but got back together after sometime.
Now, have declining self esteem and trust issues but continuing the relationship due to fear of loneliness and also, because of R's caring nature.

My (30F) friend (30M) is dating a girl (30F) who has been so mean to me and my boyfriend (29M). I was really excited to meet her (making friends is hard as an adult) but when I did, she kept telling me that she loves being racist and that it’s fun. She also judged me for all my interests, berated me for eating foods that are preserved and not freshly made, made fun of my boyfriend’s height, and told me my name sounds like an old lady (right after I told her that she has a pretty name).

I asked her questions about herself to get to know her and she got offended because she thought I was just interrogating her to see if she’s a gold digger. I just wanted to get to know her because I wanted to be friends. Fast forward to the next time we meet, she ignores both me and my boyfriend when we greeted her and wouldn’t talk to us for the first half of dinner unless we addressed her directly. When she did start talking, she only talked about herself and constantly brought her boyfriend down. She also openly talked bad about his family. We gave her a birthday gift and she acted really unhappy and quickly shoved it in her bag without looking at it.

The next encounter, she once again ignored both me and my boyfriend when we said hello. She wouldn’t speak to us until my boyfriend started asking her questions about herself. She only spoke when she wanted to correct us on something (but she was completely wrong when she corrected us). I didn’t talk to her at all because I felt uncomfortable. When we left, she ignored us and didn’t say goodbye.

I really tried to give her a second chance but she’s made me feel really negative and I don’t have it in me to keep pretending to like her. My boyfriend doesn’t want me to confront our friend or his girlfriend about her because he thinks I’m gonna cause drama. I am always honest with my friends about things like this while my boyfriend prefers to just let friends make their own decisions.

They have known each other for less than a year. My friend has always been more serious about her than she was about him.

How do I go about this? Is keeping my mouth shut really the way to go?

TL;DR: my friend’s new SO is mean and disrespectful and I want to tell him but my boyfriend doesn’t want me to.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (17m)and I (17F) are each other’s first relationship. I tend to get a little jealous, but he doesn’t at all, which can feel frustrating because I enjoy playful jealousy. I recently asked him to stop talking to one specific girl, but he said it felt controlling, which I didn’t intend. He’s okay with me talking to other guys, but I choose not to because I respect him. Is this normal? How should I handle it?

Story: Hi, so my boyfriend (17M) and I(17F) are each other’s first relationship, so we don’t have any prior experience with dating. I’m the type to get jealous sometimes, even though I fully trust him. But he doesn’t get jealous at all—he says I should do whatever I want, which is sweet, but it can also be a little annoying.

Personally, I like guys who show a little jealousy, not to the point of arguing, but just for fun. Recently, I asked him to stop talking to one specific girl because it made me uncomfortable. It was the first time I’d asked for something like that, but he thought it was controlling. I don’t see it that way, especially since it was just one person.

He also doesn’t care if I talk to other guys, but I don’t because I want to respect him. I’m just wondering if this is normal, and how I should handle this kind of situation. Any advice?

Hi, I (16m) have been dating my boyfriend (18m) for almost 1.5 years now. We get along well, we’re really happy, and have been planning our future.

In November, he lied to me about where he was. I’m going to try to compress the story because it’s not what this post is about. Basically, he told me he was at Target, when he was hanging out with our friends. He lied to me over text and call, and only told me when I asked. I knew he was lying because 1. I have his location? And 2. our friends said in the groupchat that they wanted to go to the store he was at.

It was a big argument. He said he didn’t know why he did it, promised to never do it again, etc etc. A lot of crying. Last night, I found out he was lying to me about stuff he was doing. I want to clarify that I’m not comfortable sharing what it is(it’s not cheating), but he still lied to me about his actions and activities.

He said he forgot he promised me to not lie. I feel like I’m overreacting, but this hurts a lot. I was sleeping over at his house and crying all night while he kept asking how he could fix this. It doesn’t help that earlier this week, I had to ask him to set boundaries with our friends because they were making jokes about him cheating on me with someone in the friend group.

Today is his birthday. I couldn’t bring myself to go to the party. Stuck in a horror escape room with people who joke about my boyfriend cheating on me and said boyfriend who lied to me again? We struggled trying to figure out what to do, but he went. I left his house shortly after. I’m just laying in bed so confused.

I would really appreciate any advice. This is my first relationship. I really love him and want to make it work. I just don’t know how to move forward with my trust issues.

TL;DR: boyfriend lied, promised to not do it again, lied again, what do i even do