Poverty at the holidays. - r/povertyfinance

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u/kerfuffle_fwump 1d ago edited 1d ago

Christmas has zero to do with money. Gifts are just gestures of appreciation. That can also be conveyed by writing a letter, talking on the phone, visiting, or helping someone with chores. Giving the gift of your time will always mean more.

If it helps, just ask friends/family ahead of time if they would prefer to skip gifts and do something else. You’d be surprised how many people will agree and would rather just get together for cookies and a little wine.

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u/gta757 1d ago

It has everything to do with money in my family. Literally everything. It's why I have debt. I have tried for years to make my mother happy and she never is. People literally talking smack to me and about me all day today. My mother wasn't happy with her homemade mother's day gift and she thought I'd be making it up with a big Xmas present.

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u/Intelligent-Racoon 1d ago

Don’t worry about keeping up with the Joneses. Let those people be broke and in debt. We have bigger fish to fry.

The idea is that the thought counts. If these people do not understand the meaning of Christmas, sign them up for a missionary visit with the Mormons. They love talking about it! 😂

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u/VickeyBurnsed 1d ago

Time to go low contact or no contact for a couple of Christmases.

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u/gta757 1d ago

You may be right. I don't like the way this had me feel at all. I didn't do anything to be nasty, I couldn't afford the extras this year. That's it.

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u/VickeyBurnsed 1d ago

You don't deserve to be treated in such a manner. Next Christmas, give yourself the gift of staying the hell away from them. Treat yourself to something nice. Even if it's just a favorite food. You are not obligated to have anything to do with them. Ever, if that's what you choose.

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u/Inevitable-Place9950 1d ago

And you were smart to not let that pressure force you into further financial difficulty. I’m so sorry you had this experience. I hope your luck changes and that you find people to spend Xmas with that value your talents and presence.

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u/2much4meeeeee 1d ago

A few years ago, my sister had a windfall & was a millionaire overnight. I work my ass off for the very little bit of money I have. My family is aware of this yet after gifts were done & everyone said good night, my mom texted me and said “is that very thoughtful gift the only thing you gave to your sister?”. I swear I could hear the judgement through the phone. I answered that I owe my sister $400 & I’m sure she’d rather have it in cash than a few more gifts that I can’t afford. Definitely know the feeling!

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u/Ausgezeichnet63 1d ago

I'm a Mom and I love handmade gifts. My son's fiancee crocheted me Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk for Christmas this year. That was soooooo cool! Your mom is a grinch.

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u/gta757 1d ago

Aww that's awesome. She despises homemade stuff evidently. Sigh.

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u/LostButterflyUtau 17h ago

That’s so cool!! I would LOOOOOOVE if someone crocheted me some of my fave fandom characters!!

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u/kerfuffle_fwump 1d ago

Holy crap, I am sorry. What your mother did was utterly graceless and tacky. That is so shallow and unrealistic of them. I’m sorry they just can’t be appreciative of family.

Do they know you are struggling financially? Because if they are, WTH?

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u/gta757 1d ago

They definitely know. I'm just learning, as an adult, that my relationship with my mother probably hasn't been healthy. She's went on about it to anyone who will listen.

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u/Evening-Guarantee-84 1d ago

I kinda wanna slap your mother.

My kids have made things for me, and they are prized!

How dare she act like that!

Let me guess, she doesn't do anything to help you through this time either?

Grr.

Sorry your mom is such a b!tch. You deserve better!

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u/gta757 1d ago

Thank you. I felt like the b!tch writing this. I was feeling really frustrated leading up to Christmas because of these issues but I thought everything would be better once the holiday actually came. Nobody cared about time shared, they were into focused on who got what with mom being the ring leader.

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u/Evening-Guarantee-84 1d ago

Every family is broken in some way, but yours makes me hope they get coal next year.

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u/Nate7895 14h ago

Parents are supposed to take care of their kids. Not the other way around. Though it's of course optional for kids to do so. You're not doing anything wrong.

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u/Temporary_Let_7632 1d ago

I’m glad you are smart enough to make keeping a roof over your head a priority. It shows a level of intelligence and maturity that not everyone has. Good luck on the future.

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u/gta757 1d ago

Deep down I know that is the priority. But my family doesn't see it that way and it hurts. Thank you for your kindness though.

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u/raikougal 1d ago

No I get it, and I'm a Christian and I still get mad and resentful because I never have any money during the holidays and it absolutely kills me. I want to buy things for people but I can't 😭💔 Yes Jesus is the reason for the season (if you believe like I do) but the gift giving is also representative of Christ's gift to us and this year, I had nothing. I felt so horrible. 🥺💔

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u/Inevitable-Place9950 1d ago

I was raised Catholic and I say He was born in a manger to a poor family that knew what making do was.

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u/raikougal 1d ago

I do get it... but damn I feel sucky.

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u/Wise_Shoulder_4829 1d ago

It just makes me boil. I love giving

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u/CombiPuppy 23h ago edited 23h ago

Wouldn't a plate of homemade cookies also be a good, representative, lovely gift?

I say this as a non-Christian, so please forgive me if my interpretation is wrong, but I had understood from our friends that it's love, devotion, and trust that matter and that those are the real gifts. Anything you physically give is symbolic of that, and also unnecessary.

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u/Professional_You9490 1d ago

That seems totally fair to me. Were people having a problem with you not buying gifts? I couldn’t imagine giving someone a hard time for not gifting when they don’t have money to spend or time to create/do something extra for others. The Lord didn’t give you any money to spend this year 🤷

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u/gta757 1d ago

Yes of course they had a problem with it. It has been torture. I'm so far in debt they don't get it at all.

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u/Necessary-Depth9158 1d ago

Yeah, I've had a rough Christmas or 3, but a new year is coming up and that means a new start.

Don't beat yourself up. Work at getting that debt down! That's your new part time job. MONEY SAVED IS MONEY EARNED. And you can get good dopamine hits from saving money and watching your bank balances go up.

Focus on yourself, and put your head down and grind for a while if you need to. Ain't no shame in that.

Have any payday loans? Get rid of those first and get some breathing room. You can legally and easily stop the ACH payments.

There are good folks on this sub, stick around for a while if you want.

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u/WickedestCheese 1d ago

It's not even Blue Monday and I'm feeling the crunch…I feel like the holiday season is so hard to get through. With bills and everything I'm lucky to afford a bag of potatoes and a loaf of bread. 😮‍💨

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u/Different_Ad_6642 1d ago

It’s hard. I had to go to Marshall’s and TJ max and buy on sale gifts for $10-20. I ended up spending $126 for 8 ppl, and later realized some of them didn’t even deserve it so next year they’ll be getting stuff from dollar general no more than $5

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u/gta757 1d ago

I was too broke for even those stores this year 😔 But I did used to go previously and do the on sale items for people but you're right, it everyone deserves them. Spend your hard earned money on people who will appreciate you and the effort you put in finding them!

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u/Affectionat_71 1d ago

OP, if you believe you’re bitter please try to figure that out as it only hurts you. Being financially challenged shouldn’t make you come out of your character. Think about it, being bitter and challenged isn’t a great look.

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u/Inevitable-Place9950 1d ago

They were treated disrespectfully for their financial struggle, they’re entitled to be hurt by that. And they’re getting the support they need to recognize that they did not do anything wrong.

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u/Affectionat_71 1d ago

And what does that have to do with OP ing bitter as that’s something in their control. Feel as one likes and I didn’t need anything explained as I fully understand this person POV all I’m saying is don’t let anyone make you feel less than as that’s not going to do much for anyone.

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u/Inevitable-Place9950 18h ago

And people here are helping them realize they’re not “less than” since they clearly needed different perspectives to adjust their own.

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u/Equivalent_Section13 1d ago

I worked all over the holiday. No Christmas for me. I am looking for work. This is just the worst time of year Everything is shut down

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u/gta757 1d ago

It really is for some people. And I'm sorry you're going through a rough time as well. It's not very fun when you're struggling 😕

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u/Equivalent_Section13 1d ago

Not exactly treading water. I will get more stable in January

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u/S4tine 1d ago

I'm so sorry! My daughter stopped giving gifts a few years ago. The struggle is real and I understand. We still have her things. And made her son's special times extra from us.

Poverty at the holidays. Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)