Decluttering a hoarder’s study tips?

[u/Cool-Alfalfa]

My father has reluctantly agreed to let me declutter his study.

It is stuffed with old machinery, houseware, technology etc - half the room is inaccessible.

Do you have any good tips on being ruthless when disposing of unnecessary items?

So far I have:

• If you haven't used it in a year it can probably go
• If you haven't "got around to fixing it" in a year you probably won't

Thank you

[u/Pennyfeather46]

Respect the hoarder’s wishes by letting him have the last say in disposing his stuff. He will want to touch everything so he might be better in his favorite chair while you bring him some bins. Let him take as many breaks as he needs.

[u/Cool-Alfalfa → u/Pennyfeather46]

Good point, I will be taking a firm* but kind approach and avoiding obviously emotional items on the first round. It will certainly take several sessions, likely over the course of a few weeks to get the room to a reasonable state.

*I don’t say this to be mean, my father is the sort of person who does not listen to an overly passive communication style and I am clearing the hoarde primarily for his (and my mother’s) benefit.

[u/CatCafffffe → u/Cool-Alfalfa]

If you can bear it, OP, the way I do this with my hoarder brother (probably your Dad's age) is I let him sit in his recliner and I bring over a bin and literally take out things one at a time and let him decide. I also point out that there are other people who would love to have this thing (if it possibly can be said), because one of the problems for hoarders is that they hate to get rid of anything that "might have a use." But if they feel it's going to good use, with someone who really will enjoy it (note: whether or not this is true!), they will be able to part with it.

Also I am very respectful of anything that is emotional. Sometimes I'll say "okay, you can keep this, but let's keep it in this box out of the way, so you can enjoy your space." I got some large attractive plastic bins (black and white and I switched around the lids so they look a bit more decorative) and in went all his "collection" (in his case, Matchbox cars, don't ask). I also have all kinds of other boxes that I stack up in his closet.

On the other hand, I am VERY firm with things that are clearly garbage (my brother has a terrible inability to throw anything away, including old packaging, newspapers, etc). Have black garbage bags and firmly put the items in those bags. Once they're out of sight it's easier.

But --saying this twice because it's important--if he gets stressed or emotional, it's okay to just let something be. You can often come back to it later and get rid of it then.

If you can get him going on letting things go, it does actually get a momentum. My brother, who never used to be able to part with literally ANYTHING, now is much more ready to say "Ah, get rid of it," or "give it to the thrift store." He sees how much nicer it is to have a clean, uncluttered space.

Then the key is to remove it yourself. Take the various "donate" and "toss" items out to your car and dispose of them (however you want, btw, you can feel free to toss them). He will actually appreciate it as things get more organized and less cluttered.

[u/Cool-Alfalfa → u/CatCafffffe]

Thank you for this long reply, avoiding excessive emotion will be a priority. Good point about putting rubbish straight into black bags. You sound like a very compassionate person in how you help your brother.

[u/CatCafffffe → u/Cool-Alfalfa]

Aww thank you. Yes, I really try to help him and he is very appreciative. You are a compassionate person to help you mom and dad too! (ps if you can manage it, another trick, best used with collected papers & such, is to say "let me take this and go through it & I'll bring back anything important." Then you can go home and quietly toss everything--BUT, important: bring a few things back to prove that you're honoring your word!)

[u/Cool-Alfalfa → u/CatCafffffe]

Your advice was very useful, I used black bags, let him go at his own pace and accepted that there would be some attachments I don’t understand. 

Today went better than expected in some ways, with a few exceptions, he was happy to toss the genuine rubbish and I convinced him to part with a large pile of useless items and duplicates.

Unfortunately a few boxes went into the designated “junk room” but at least they left the study so I’ll take it as a semi-victory for now.

The study is still messy by my standards, there’s some junk left and the books and papers lack organisation but it no longer looks like a hoarder’s study.

Thank you again for highlighting the importance of compassion in this process, I made him cups of tea as we sorted and drew attention to how the bookshelf was now accessible to easily store his history books and how I could now reach his late parents’ oranaments to dust them. We then drove to the dump together listening to his favourite station.

We are both tired but it was worth it and my mother is delighted at the improvement. A step in the right direction.

[u/CatCafffffe → u/Cool-Alfalfa]

Oh, this is so wonderful to hear!!! I'm so happy! This is ENORMOUS improvement. You can slowly chip away at the remaining "junk." And maybe organize the so-called "junk room" but getting some nice storage bins, etc, which really help make things not look so junky.

It ends up being quite a lovely day, doesn't it? That's what happens with me and my brother. I bring him a nice homemade sandwich and drinks, same thing, and we stop occasionally to just visit, and yes, show him how he can now enjoy the things he really enjoys. Your cups of tea sound PERFECT! (I will also mention however that I'm EXHAUSTED for the whole next day, so that's totally normal if it happens to you.) What an excellent job you did!

So glad to hear this. Thank you so much for coming back to post this!

[u/Cool-Alfalfa → u/CatCafffffe]

No problem, I’ll be taking it easy tomorrow for sure.