r/declutter • u/Cool-Alfalfa • 2d ago
Decluttering a hoarder’s study tips? Advice Request
My father has reluctantly agreed to let me declutter his study.
It is stuffed with old machinery, houseware, technology etc - half the room is inaccessible.
Do you have any good tips on being ruthless when disposing of unnecessary items?
So far I have:
- If you haven't used it in a year it can probably go
- If you haven't "got around to fixing it" in a year you probably won't
Thank you
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u/JanieLFB 2d ago
We were organizing a shed my brother that just thrown things into. I sat Mom in a chair by a window for a breeze. The new shelving unit was next to her. I handed her a box of assorted stuff and asked her to sort. Trash can was between her feet. She has three comfortable levels of shelves to place things upon.
She even had a spot for her ice water!
We got a ton accomplished. I brought over boxes. She sorted. I carried away trash. I moved good stuff to other spots.
I hate to see what it looks like now. My brother didn’t learn his lesson and he still just opens the door, tosses, and slams the door.
OP, I hope you have a pleasant time with your father. Keep him talking about random stuff. Take water and bathroom breaks. Maybe go out to eat at the end of the workday.
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u/Cool-Alfalfa 1d ago
Thank you, I made him cups of tea whilst we sorted and we took a long break for lunch. He has some unusual attachments to some things but generally did a good job of letting stuff go. We drove to the dump together listening to his favourite station and when we got back I highlighted how easy it now is to store and access his history books. Keeping it productive but pleasant is important I’ve learned.
Your method of helping your mother sounds a very good one.
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u/GenealogistGoneWild 2d ago
Papers are no longer important after X years. Pick a number.
If it has dust on it, you weren't using it.
If you have to move something else, to get to it, you weren't using it.
If it is on the floor, and broken, you weren't using it.
If I have to google to find out what it was used for, you no longer need it.
If you own a newer better model, you no longer need it.
I can do this all day. :)
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u/shannofordabiz 2d ago
Keep the boxes after you empty them so it looks like not a lot has gone. Have the front boxes full of the stuff he really wants to keep. Clear space behind the wall of deception using more empty boxes
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u/Cool-Alfalfa 2d ago
That is an interesting approach, he does like to keep empty boxes so shouldn’t be too hard to achieve. Thank you.
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u/Pennyfeather46 2d ago
Respect the hoarder’s wishes by letting him have the last say in disposing his stuff. He will want to touch everything so he might be better in his favorite chair while you bring him some bins. Let him take as many breaks as he needs.
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u/Cool-Alfalfa 2d ago edited 2d ago
Good point, I will be taking a firm* but kind approach and avoiding obviously emotional items on the first round. It will certainly take several sessions, likely over the course of a few weeks to get the room to a reasonable state.
*I don’t say this to be mean, my father is the sort of person who does not listen to an overly passive communication style and I am clearing the hoarde primarily for his (and my mother’s) benefit.
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u/CatCafffffe 2d ago
If you can bear it, OP, the way I do this with my hoarder brother (probably your Dad's age) is I let him sit in his recliner and I bring over a bin and literally take out things one at a time and let him decide. I also point out that there are other people who would love to have this thing (if it possibly can be said), because one of the problems for hoarders is that they hate to get rid of anything that "might have a use." But if they feel it's going to good use, with someone who really will enjoy it (note: whether or not this is true!), they will be able to part with it.
Also I am very respectful of anything that is emotional. Sometimes I'll say "okay, you can keep this, but let's keep it in this box out of the way, so you can enjoy your space." I got some large attractive plastic bins (black and white and I switched around the lids so they look a bit more decorative) and in went all his "collection" (in his case, Matchbox cars, don't ask). I also have all kinds of other boxes that I stack up in his closet.
On the other hand, I am VERY firm with things that are clearly garbage (my brother has a terrible inability to throw anything away, including old packaging, newspapers, etc). Have black garbage bags and firmly put the items in those bags. Once they're out of sight it's easier.
But --saying this twice because it's important--if he gets stressed or emotional, it's okay to just let something be. You can often come back to it later and get rid of it then.
If you can get him going on letting things go, it does actually get a momentum. My brother, who never used to be able to part with literally ANYTHING, now is much more ready to say "Ah, get rid of it," or "give it to the thrift store." He sees how much nicer it is to have a clean, uncluttered space.
Then the key is to remove it yourself. Take the various "donate" and "toss" items out to your car and dispose of them (however you want, btw, you can feel free to toss them). He will actually appreciate it as things get more organized and less cluttered.
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u/Cool-Alfalfa 2d ago
Thank you for this long reply, avoiding excessive emotion will be a priority. Good point about putting rubbish straight into black bags. You sound like a very compassionate person in how you help your brother.
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u/CatCafffffe 2d ago
Aww thank you. Yes, I really try to help him and he is very appreciative. You are a compassionate person to help you mom and dad too! (ps if you can manage it, another trick, best used with collected papers & such, is to say "let me take this and go through it & I'll bring back anything important." Then you can go home and quietly toss everything--BUT, important: bring a few things back to prove that you're honoring your word!)
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u/Cool-Alfalfa 1d ago
Your advice was very useful, I used black bags, let him go at his own pace and accepted that there would be some attachments I don’t understand.
Today went better than expected in some ways, with a few exceptions, he was happy to toss the genuine rubbish and I convinced him to part with a large pile of useless items and duplicates.
Unfortunately a few boxes went into the designated “junk room” but at least they left the study so I’ll take it as a semi-victory for now.
The study is still messy by my standards, there’s some junk left and the books and papers lack organisation but it no longer looks like a hoarder’s study.
Thank you again for highlighting the importance of compassion in this process, I made him cups of tea as we sorted and drew attention to how the bookshelf was now accessible to easily store his history books and how I could now reach his late parents’ oranaments to dust them. We then drove to the dump together listening to his favourite station.
We are both tired but it was worth it and my mother is delighted at the improvement. A step in the right direction.
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u/CatCafffffe 1d ago
Oh, this is so wonderful to hear!!! I'm so happy! This is ENORMOUS improvement. You can slowly chip away at the remaining "junk." And maybe organize the so-called "junk room" but getting some nice storage bins, etc, which really help make things not look so junky.
It ends up being quite a lovely day, doesn't it? That's what happens with me and my brother. I bring him a nice homemade sandwich and drinks, same thing, and we stop occasionally to just visit, and yes, show him how he can now enjoy the things he really enjoys. Your cups of tea sound PERFECT! (I will also mention however that I'm EXHAUSTED for the whole next day, so that's totally normal if it happens to you.) What an excellent job you did!
So glad to hear this. Thank you so much for coming back to post this!
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u/TheSilverNail 2d ago
Most old technology is worthless unless it's like a first-gen Apple computer. Some think that if you plug it in and it works, it's valuable. Nope. Nobody wants a VCR. For old tech and electronics, recycle it all at a place like Best Buy if possible.
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u/jesssongbird 2d ago
Grouping the things together by category helps. We tend to underestimate how much of a certain type of thing we really have when it’s all spread out. Seeing the things all in one place is enlightening. Then I help the person decide on where those things will be kept. And we put away the best stuff until it’s full.
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u/Cool-Alfalfa 2d ago
Thank you, I can already see he has 3 waste paper bins. Soon to be 1 if I have anything to say about it haha.
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u/JanieLFB 2d ago
Hmm. Sounds like he is ready for “donate”, “trash”, and “belongs in another room”!
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u/StrongTechnology8287 2d ago
There's a YouTube channel called Midwest Magic Cleaning where the guy specializes in cleaning rooms/houses like this. He has a method that he shares for what he does first, second, third, etc, to get through all the stuff. He doesn't just throw everything away, either - he sorts it out so that the valuable stuff can be saved. Might be worth checking out.
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u/Live_Butterscotch928 2d ago
Haven’t watched him in awhile but he cracks me up. That said he demonstrates compassion and good explaining of his thinking and methods.
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u/restlessoverthinking 2d ago
If he's been keeping it for a 'just in case' scenario and it can be bought for $20 or less then let it go.
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u/Massive_Durian296 1d ago
try to keep things light and breezy, without focusing too long on any one item. for me, if i can quickly decide on something, it usually ends up getting tossed. if i start putting too much thought into it, i start justifying keeping it. like someone else said, its about momentum. try to get him to make decisions quickly, and he'll get on a roll, and wont be bogged down so much by the "well, what if i end up needing this?" type reasoning