r/asktransgender • u/Twinky_ig • 1d ago
Am I asking for too much?
I just told my partner of 4 years what I have been thinking about for a Chosen name. The response... not negative, but not what I wanted...
I just wanted an "Awww that's pretty" or "I like it honey" or "Let's try it out"
What I got what, "Idk whatever, it's not my choice." Which I get it isn't, but... I love her... I want her to love ME. She's been with a man for 2 years, and I've been Non-binary for another almost 2 years and now I'm almost 27 this summer, she is 26 on the 7th. And I want to be a girl.
I just want a little positivity and to feel like my voice is heard.
I just don't want to ask for more positivity if she is just not ready for this all yet. It has been spurred on almost. I always said no to these feelings even when 2 years ago she caught me trying on her underwear. She has asked ms point blank and I would say No. No I don't want to be a girl. That's silly. I WOULD NEVER.
Yet now...
I realize the voice telling me these things has always been there and it won't stop unless I head HER call. I want to be a woman. I wish I could have hacked into my genome as a child and made myself into what I wanted to be. But back then. I didn't even know I was allowed to think like that let alone that Trans women exist or have existed for all of time.
I just want to be called Elara I love that name.
I thought it meant one thing, but it means "Hazzlenut" which I'm allergic to nuts and I found the irony funny. So I like it.
Am I just crazy?
2
u/ComplaintOwn9855 1d ago
You're not crazy, and you should talk to her about it.
Be open. Say something like "hey, I didn't really get the reaction I was expecting when I told you my new name, is there something wrong? Can we talk about it?"
In my experience, every time someone tells me something along the lines of "you do you" or "it's your thing, not mine", it's a way for them to be suppportive while suppressing their true feelings. Which is never good.
The way I see it, we, as trans, have deeply interalized transphobia that we all need to work through as part of our journey. If WE do, us, the very people transphobia is about, how can we expect cis people to not harbour some transphobia as well? I genuinely believe any couple with a newly-trans person in it will have to deal with these questions sooner or later, and the sooner the better.
1
u/Blahaj500 1d ago
Ugh, I get that. I don't even care if it's a lie, because at least that means you care enough about my feelings to lie to me about how you feel lol
When I told my mom, she flat out said she didn't like it, but that she kinda liked my least favorite shortened forms of it.
4
u/tminus7MT 1d ago
You’re not crazy. That wasn’t a thoughtful response to something that felt really vulnerable for you. It’s okay to talk to them about that.