Your comment hit me hard. I need advice. My wife also abandoned me when our first son was not even 1 year old. I had some major issues like chronic unemployment, cannabis use, video game and porn addiction, and I would sometimes leave our home for days when I was feeling overwhelmed. I loved Jesus and had only been a Christian for about a year, but these ‘lifestyle choices’ were deeply rooted remnants of my past.
I despaired and struggled against them our whole marriage (which only lasted a year and a half and most of it was during COVID/2020). I got testicular cancer at 28 which required intense chemotherapy and she left me shortly after I got the first clear scan. I repented as hard as I possibly could while still recovering from the chemo that destroyed my body, made apologies to her and her whole family (whom she instructed to shun me) and am now free from all of the vices I mentioned above. I run my own small business and studying on the side, and it’s enough money to support a family. I am also much more grounded in God’s Word and good doctrine, and am in fellowship with a good church. I begged for reconciliation from the moment she told me over the phone she was getting a divorce. She would not agree to even a single meeting or counselling session. I found out only a few months later she was already with another man (the same one she was dating before me) and telling him she loves him.
Now our son is 4 years old and she is dating a different person (I only hear about this through our son, I do not ask for this information). I recently initiated proceedings for a parenting order as she was also withholding contact with my son.
I don’t know what to do. She is the love of my life and was my best friend. My favourite times were when it was just the two of us driving in the car across the country and would just get to talk for hours. I have stayed celibate and now wear my wedding ring on my right pinky finger as a symbol of the consecration of my body and sexuality to Christ. I have maintained and she knows my stance of my heart for reconciliation without actively pursuing it (wanting to respect her choices as God does with us) for over 3 years now. But I truly feel abandoned and our son comes from a broken home. It breaks my heart every time I have to say goodbye to my son, seeing the look on his face, and send him back ‘home’. I never asked to be a part-time Dad, and I feel very lonely. She recently gave me her wedding and engagement rings back by secretly dropping them in my car when I wasn’t looking after dropping my son off.
I know God hates divorce, but I did not agree to any divorce proceedings and she got one anyway. I don’t want to be alone my whole life and desire a faithful companion and a family. But more than my own desires, I want God’s Will for my life and what He wants me to do. I live to serve Him and please Him in everything I do.
What should I do? Continue to be lonely in the hopes of reconciliation while she dates other men? Wait for her to get married and then start dating again? Just starting searching for a wife now? Any insight and advice would be much appreciated, thank you.
You need to seek God's counsel on your situation. I know that God set me and my now husband free from our previous marriages. We were both open to reconciliation but were rebuffed by our former spouses. I did not take divorce lightly, but at a certain point you've done all you can do. Neither you nor God can change the heart of your spouse. He knows your own heart and will account that to you as righteousness. May God bless you on your journey out of the wilderness.
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u/everdishevelled Anglican Communion 6d ago
He's abandoning you. You can shake the dust off of your feet and remarry. I know thisis not easy for you, but there is hope and freedom for you.
Resources for you: https://www.flyingfreenow.com/ https://lifesavingdivorce.com/