r/LosAngeles Dec 23 '23

Just be kind on the road. You'll never know how crazy people really are. PSA/Tip

It's easy to get pissed and wanna honk and/or give offensive hand gestures to people who cut you off, break hard, speed, etc. Learned the hard way today that I gotta let my ego take a hike when driving on the road. I'm not the center of the universe, so for anyone cutting me off on the road, I'll just be glad that I'm not in their position where I'd need to do such maneuvers.

It's unfortunate that we live in a time and place that giving into these aggressive impulses could actually end up costing our life.

As someone who impulsively honked at someone for doing something that was clearly illegal (cutting me off, driving over double yellows to cross over to a gas station opposite side of the road), I had no idea this dude was going to end up busting a U turn to pull up on me and yell profanities at me. He made clear a willingness to kill me and my dog, while claiming his gang's name. It was clear he was on something, such glazed, aggressively angry eyes. It was also clear that he was a gang banger. I didn't want to evoke his aggression further because he was suspiciously leaning into his passenger seat as he looked left and right. I avoided his suggestion to pull over to "get down" with me and just kept cool and stated that I didn't want any trouble. He then called me a few names and peeled off and sped away. Of course, I called the cops and gave as much detail about this guy and his car so I'm not sure how that was handled.

Just be kind to each other on the road. A short fit of anger is useless, even if the other person is wrong. Road rage can get to such an irrational level only because you'll never know how insane another person could be. Not worth flipping the bird or any of that sort over. Most importantly, it's not worth protecting your ego over. Just be kind and keep it cool.

252 Upvotes

124

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '23

It's good for you, too, to just chill. When I used to get angry at people, it made me feel bad as well ... even if they are an idiot

43

u/upupupdo Dec 23 '23

Yeah - learning to let go is hard. But very rewarding when the skills are developed.

7

u/Jumpy_Floor7660 Dec 23 '23

How does one develop these skills?

18

u/upupupdo Dec 23 '23

Being around people with similar outlook really helps.

And working on it like say training for a marathon. Eventually it becomes 2nd nature. And extremely rewarding.

10

u/Agile-Department-345 Dec 23 '23

Your brain is currently wired to react a certain way to certain situations. So reacting with rage to incidents on the road is automated.

You just have to make the decision to tell yourself it's not worth it EVERY time something happens and your brain kind of rewires. It took a long time for me but I'm a much happier person, enjoy my commutes a lot more.

I had a friend visit from out of town and she was FUMING from the passengers seat. it was wild to see how far i've come. When she asked me why I wasn't mad, I told her that I live in a city where I have to drive all damn day, it's not worth raising my BP and has really improved my quality of life.

6

u/tessalasset Santa Monica Dec 23 '23

Dude exactly. It’s just not worth the energy. I’ll get mad if someone pulls such a shit move that it genuinely surprises and scares me. But for the most part I just let people do their thing and stay back a bit. I kind of play it like a game. Sometimes I win, often times they win. But I get to decide how I’m going to react to it. The person who cut me off is never going to think of me again. Why should I bother allowing myself to get into a bad mental state because of this random stranger I’ll probably never see again? I just choose to react differently. Amusement is good. “Ooooookay, buddy. You lucked out this time. Good job not fucking with the flow of traffic, I’ll give you that.”

And the key to not being surprised by their actions is to just watch. Watch everything in front of you, behind you, to the sides if you. By the time they make their dumb move I’m anticipating it and preparing my reaction already. It turns driving into a game of concentration and Tetris and I kind of enjoy it.

2

u/Agile-Department-345 Dec 23 '23

I think this applies to most of life's annoyances. It gets to you as much as you let it get to you.

2

u/tessalasset Santa Monica Dec 23 '23

Absolutely.

10

u/aeplus Dec 23 '23

A lot of exposure. In the last 30 years, I've never had a commute that was less than 20 miles one way. And, those 20 miles could be anywhere between 20 minutes and 90 minutes.

Like on the road, for example, I noticed I'd be tense if I was tailgating someone, because I'd be on the look out for if the car in front of me would slam their brakes, which they can at any time and it would be my fault for following too closely. Tension and stress sometimes leads to outbursts and overwhelmingly negative reactions when things don't work out the way I want.

Now, I just follow the 3-5 second rule. People, cut me off all the time, and sometimes they return back to their lane when they realize the car in front of me isn't going any faster than I was. That's my little bit of schadenfreude.

4

u/irkli Dec 23 '23

Anticipate a situation -- you are now so prepared -- and when you start to get angry think about this.

You'll be angry, and know it's stupid. Dillemma. Resolve by the thing with the best outcome.

It's ok to Yell inside your car, lol. Just not at them.

2

u/GeneseeTed Dec 23 '23

Some great replies here. I will add that meditation helps. Think of it as exercise for your brain.

12

u/TilikumHungry Dec 23 '23

A lesson I am learning more and more as I get older. It is always better to control your anger and find healthy outlets for it

9

u/atomicavox Dec 23 '23

Years ago I honked the shit out of a car that pulled out in front of me at the last second. Only for it to be an old lady who I definitely scared and made upset by my honking. I felt terrible after and look twice now to make sure it’s not an old person if the opportunity presents itself. I feel bad for them. They’re probably just trying to go to the grocery or CVS and have all these shitbag drivers (looking at you BMW and Teslas) to deal with everywhere.

8

u/goldenplayingcards Dec 23 '23

Old people making unsafe decisions that endanger everyone shouldn’t be allowed on the roads. If you drive, it’s your responsibility to make sure that you and the cars surrounding you are safe, and you have every right to honk at someone that’s cutting you off

33

u/retrotechlogos Dec 23 '23

Man one time I was circling around my neighborhood looking for a spot at night, and as I was backing out of a driveway to turn around, I didn’t see someone coming. He honked and I stopped of course but then he decided to get out of his car and start screaming at me. I was terrified. Eventually he leaves and I’m like ok… that’s over… lemme continue looking but then he FOLLOWED me for another ten min and I couldn’t shake him off. I was too scared to park and get out of my car. I didn’t even engage or anything but people are literally batshit out here sometimes.

11

u/beamish1920 Dec 23 '23

About 20 years ago, someone followed me from Mar Vista for reasons I will never quite understand. We were at a 4-way stop on a big hill, and I guess he thought that by attempting to sneak around me, he was entitled to go first, but he started driving parallel to me and glaring as we went south to Venice Boulevard. I tried to stay calm and head towards a police department, but I managed to evade him after a few miles. Just bizarre

30

u/beamish1920 Dec 23 '23

I lightly honked someone on Barrington between Pico and Olympic for driving a bit erratically. Goddamn rageaholic did a U-turn, pulled up next to me, and got out next to my driver’s side door. I truly thought he might shoot me or was crazy enough to punch the glass. Never been so scared before in my life. The moron didn’t care that there were dozens of pedestrians on the street and many cars that encircled us. He also left his horrified-looking girlfriend/wife in the front passenger seat of his car.

I won’t honk anymore, either. However, you’re absolute shit if you honk someone for not making a right on red

7

u/CyberMindGrrl Dec 24 '23

I hope she dumped his ass afterwards. That is a HUGE red flag for future domestic abuse.

63

u/917caitlin Dec 23 '23

I will never again even honk at anyone in this city. I was driving my daughter to a friend’s house one night and on the way a man was in the road peeing and fully exposed (a few houses from the mayor’s house actually!) he stepped more into the street sort of in front of me (and my 14yo daughter) and I just honked out of surprise and sort of “what the hell, dude.” He got in his truck and started CHASING us! It was so scary because in my mind he could easily have had a gun and started shooting with my kid in the car. We passed my daughter’s friend’s house so he wouldn’t know where we were going and I eventually lost him but that just made me realize how many absolute psychos are out there.

19

u/beamish1920 Dec 23 '23

A guy actually flashed a gun during a road rage incident that my partner experienced when she was a child and driving with her father about 35ish years ago

1

u/iamearlsweatshirt Dec 24 '23

Shit, that happened in front of me on the 405 the first month I moved to LA. Was quite the welcome to the city 😆

18

u/BadNoodleEggDemon Dec 23 '23

100%. Flipped off and honked at a tow truck driver once after he reversed full speed through a stop sign and almost took out my car. He chased me and tried to run me off the road. Eventually cut me off, blocked me, got out of his truck, and tried to fight me. I maneuvered out of it and drove away.

Plenty of people on the road have nothing to lose and there aren’t enough LEOs on the road to deter this kind of thing.

12

u/Ahtotheahtothenonono Dec 23 '23

I used to be a profanity screaming bird flipping driver but with my own similar experience (dude sped around me, got in front, then hit his brakes to get me to rear end him) and reading about all these road rage murders I too have had to check my ego. But in a weird way, it gave me some clarity: yeah that asshole was annoying, but stewing angrily in my car only affects me. People absolutely need to drive better but it’s not worth my life for a moment of fury, yknow?

17

u/sezdaniel Pico-Union Dec 23 '23

Yeah there's so many shitty, rude, entitled, etc drivers, but it's best not to piss people off. I can't help but verbally berating bad drivers, however they can't hear me in the car so 🤷‍♂️

I was waiting for someone to stop blocking my driveway so I could get thru my gate and someone behind honked at me... I was annoyed bc it wasn't my fault I was stopped in the road and I'm sure he could see that... I flipped him the bird as my gate opens and I see him passing then abruptly stop and back up. I pull down my driveway and when I get out he's parked in my driveway, out of the car and starts yelling at me trying to start a fight. In my own driveway!

He's calling me names for 'hiding behind my gate' (which is automatic and he let close in front of him, thankfully I guess) and generally cussing me out causing a scene. I continued walking inside with my food (hungry, no interest in fighting big shouting guy) while briefly, confusedly explaining why I flipped him off. But in the end he's still the bigger asshole and I don't wanna deal with people like that, especially not if I was just out on the road with no metal gates keeping them away!

16

u/Kazinski Dec 23 '23

The strangest thing is when people who cannot physically harm you do this... an old man did this to me, instead of a gangbanger like with you (besides scratching me with his nails fucking a)

The cops will do nothing. Even in Simi, where this happened, they did nothing lol. Apparently if he crosses county lines they will not search for him, even if he physically assaults you. I'm guessing in LA it's worth. You could probably die and they would do nothing lol.

12

u/beamish1920 Dec 23 '23

If you tell the cops the person intimidating you is on drugs, they might get interested-they love stealing narcotics and selling it themselves

6

u/ezikeo Dec 23 '23

Alot of people are unhinged and ready to lose it all over small petty situations. Its always better to just brush it off and look the other way.

6

u/Help_An_Irishman Dec 23 '23

A friend of mine who's since moved to Colorado once had a couple gangbangers pull an uzi on him and point it at him while trying to align their truck next to his car on the 101. Big ass gun just hanging out the window pointing at another driver.

Fucking lunatics out there.

10

u/TimmyTimeify Dec 23 '23 edited Dec 24 '23

Has anyone see the pedestrian video recently? I think the issue that I have with posts like this is that people think that “not getting angry” = “not being able to be politely confrontational”

People are so afraid of stochastic violence these days that our ability to confront and resolve antisocial behavior is at an all time low.

7

u/Nikopoleous Dec 23 '23

This is why I wish we had better public transit. Driving brings out the worst in us.

3

u/APPLEBEES_BOOKCLUB Dec 23 '23

I had a car almost hit me while I was WALKING and dude raged out with a baseball bat when I gave him the what for

3

u/Nikeheat305 Dec 23 '23

Yet another reason public transportation FTW 🙌🏿

8

u/Ok_Mouse1870 Dec 23 '23

Highly recommend talking about them in baby voices from the comfort of your car! “Oooh you’re such a big boy, zooming so fast!” etc. helps with an outlet for the frustration and they’ll never know!

6

u/Inner_Bat_7338 Dec 23 '23

See, I just am not going to keep allowing assholes to be assholes. Yesterday a semi tried to swerve into my car for MERGING NORMALLY at an onramp. Traffic was at a standstill and he was trying to close the gap on me. I waved my hand in a “seriously, guy?” Way and he laid on the horn for a full minute, rode my ass, and got into the exit lane so he could try to ram me. No joke. I had my kid in the car. People will do anything for any reason.

5

u/domenator2000 Dec 23 '23

Crossing a double yellow into a driveway or business is actually legal

4

u/BudFox_LA Dec 23 '23

So true. We share the roads w psychopaths. Not worth it…

2

u/Minxbrat7771 Dec 24 '23

Tried to tell this to my boyfriend after he was aggressive and flipped off someone who cut him off in downtown LA and was met once again with the accusation of being wildly out of touch with reality and overthinking things to the point of absurdity because apparently it's 100% never going to happen to him, it's literally impossible. Ha

1

u/SolaVirtusNobilitat Dec 23 '23

I like to point and laugh at rude or aggressive drivers. It's easy to meet anger with more anger but being laughed at is a social situation most people run away from as fast as humanly possible. I find this to be especially true for road ragers as most of their self worth derives from how everyone else sees them in public.

5

u/Moneypenny_Dreadful Dec 23 '23

Oh dude, no - I was merging into one of the left lanes on the 405S at the same time some guy was merging to the right. It was one of those ‘whoops, didn’t see you there buddy’ moments but he got big mad and honked at me and flipped me off. I just laughed at him and did the ‘cry baby’ gesture.

That fucker followed me 10 inches from my bumper all the way from Sherman Oaks to my job in Marina. During morning rush hour. For close to 45 minutes, at <20mph over the pass, gesturing and yelling as I sunk lower in my seat hoping he’d lose patience and exit.

It wasn’t until I turned into the office parking lot that he finally sped off. I’ve never been so scared. (Well, except for the time that I asked somebody to leash their agressive dogs and they followed me home and threatened to rape and kill me in my driveway. People are fucking unhinged.)

1

u/Goodfella0328 Inglewood Jan 29 '24

You really posted this thinking you’re somehow in the right? Are you actually braindead?

You nearly crash into someone’s car because you weren’t paying attention and have zero road awareness, go “teehee oops sorry”, they rightfully get mad (as literally anyone would) and flip the bird (a relatively tame reaction compared to what some other lunatics would have done).

Instead of just apologizing with a quick sorry as any decent person who almost caused an accident would do, you mock him, then surprise pikachu face he gets even more angry. You’re a fucking idiot and people like you really shouldn’t be allowed to drive.

0

u/dolomick Dec 23 '23

Just got back from Todos Santos and didn’t hear one honk in an entire week. I think its a big city thing? I do hate asshole LA drivers and I typically honk out of instinct - and the idiots usually get upset when they were the ones at fault, it’s crazy.

-1

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '23

[deleted]

4

u/Just_a_Marmoset Dec 23 '23

It wasn't always like this... it's gotten much worse over the last couple of years. This just happened last week:

https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-12-18/parents-grocery-store-4-year-old-boy-shooting-killed-road-rage

-1

u/princessindo Dec 24 '23

In my experience, the people in LA that are the quickest to the horn are the weakest. Older ladies, older men often driving large vehicles which may serve to make them feel empowered. On numerous occasions I’ve ridden with physically weak, frail persons who drove aggressively. Constantly honking at other vehicles to insure, the other driver knew they were upset by the other driver’s perceived mistakes.

-2

u/veronicamayo Dec 24 '23

One time I was driving out of downtown LA on the 110, to the 14 via the 5. I was just minding my business on the 14, passing a slow trucker whose vehicle was belching black smoke. Anyway, I passed the truck, but he immediately somehow sped up and passed me again. Every time I tried to pass him, the driver stymied my efforts. I couldn't get around this awful, smoky truck. Eventually, I found a long curve and was able to get around him. I slammed on the gas and left him behind - or so I thought. No fewer than 10 minutes later, this smoky truck appeared in my rear-view mirror, blaring his horn while tailgating. I escaped again.

I was scared, so I stopped at a diner and ordered lunch, but when I glanced out the window, I saw that same truck in the parking lot. I basically freaked out at this point. That driver could have been any one of the eccentric characters dining in the booths or at the bar.

I headed back to my car to flee. As soon as I hit the road, I noticed that very same truck following me -again. I couldn't shake this psycho. I felt like I needed to call the cops, but my cell phone gas no signal, though I spotted a touristic rest stop with a pay phone.

I ran to the phone and began to dial 9-1-1, but that psycho, right before I was able to be connected to a dispatcher, that psycho drove his semi at full speed toward the phone booth. I was able to avoid being hit, but the poor phone booth was destroyed. I was able to get back on the road. This was now an extraordinarily real danger.

Ten minutes later, I pull over to end this. There's a canyon below the road. I wait for the trucker to come, and he does, but somehow, in the act of trying to run me over and push my car off the road, he himself ended up flying over the cliff's edge, immolating in a tremendous fireball on impact.

1

u/CyberMindGrrl Dec 24 '23

My housemate is absolutely guilty of Horn Abuse. I'm not talking about an angry toot or honk. I'm talking about THIRTY SECONDS of horn to the point where everyone in a 2 mile radius is staring at us.

1

u/scro-hawk Dec 25 '23

Not to be pedantic but i see this misconception everywhere and feel it is important to correct when I see it.

The markings as specified in subdivision (a), (b), or (c) do not prohibit a driver from crossing the marking if (1) turning to the left at an intersection or into or out of a driveway or private road, or (2) making a U-turn under the rules governing that turn, and the markings shall be disregarded when authorized signs have been erected designating offcenter traffic lanes as permitted pursuant to Section 21657.

Making a left over 2 solid parallel yellow lines is permitted, its when you see TWO sets of 2 parallel lines that cannot be crossed ever.

What that person did was not illegal, however, honking at them to show displeasure is not following the rules of the road, which is the horn is used to avoid a dangerous situation.

Anyhow, i know I am being a pedantic ass at the moment, but traffic is bad enough and knowing the rules of the road and what is legal can only help.

Sorry it happened to you, tho, I am sure it was scary.