r/Eugene • u/HalliburtonErnie • Jan 12 '23

RANT THREAD META

WINCO IS DISCONTINUING THE DISCOUNT FOR USING YOUR OWN BAGS EFFECTIVE 2/1.

USPS CHARGES $1.10 FOR ONLINE CHANGE OF ADDRESS.

MY VERY WORN CONVERSE LET IN WATER FROM EVEN THE SHALLOWEST PUDDLES.

MY WRIST IS SORE, SO I HAVE TO USE MY PEPPER GRINDER WITH MY NON-DOMINANT HAND ON TOP, WHICH FEELS AWKWARD AND IS SLIGHTLY MORE TIME CONSUMING.

JALAPEÑOS AND AVOCADOS CAN BE A CRAPSHOOT OF TASTELESSNESS THIS TIME OF YEAR.

204 Upvotes

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97

u/DreadPirateZoidberg Bamboo bike Jan 12 '23

IF YOU TAILGATE ME ON A RESIDENTIAL STREET I WILL JUST DRIVE SLOWER. THE SPEED LIMIT IS 20 AND THAT’S WHAT I’LL DO.

28

u/11B4OF7 Jan 12 '23

IF IM GOING 10 OVER AND YOU TAILGATE ME, WE NOW GOING 10 UNDER AND IM TAKING OFF NY CLOTHES IN CASE YOU WANNA FIGHT ME

30

u/HalliburtonErnie Jan 12 '23

I LIKE BEING IN A HURRY, BUT IF YOU HONK AT ME 0.0003 SECONDS AFTER THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN, I WILL GENTLY LAY MY DICK ON YOUR WINDSHIELD AND SING ALL 7 VERSES OF AMAZING GRACE AT HALF TEMPO.

3

u/HokaininPfunk Jan 12 '23

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE READ TONIGHT! THANK YOU FOR YOUR AMAZING WAY WITH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

0

u/beanolc Jan 12 '23

THIS LEGIT MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD! THANK YOU FOR THE VIVID IMAGERY!

1

u/Im_Not_A_Robot_2019 Jan 13 '23 edited Jan 13 '23

COME ON ERNIE, DON'T TRASE US, PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.