r/cleandadjokes 22d ago

🏆Joke of the Year 🏆 Every morning, I tell my family that I'm going jogging and then I don't go.

1.4k Upvotes

It's a running joke.


r/cleandadjokes 6h ago

What do you call a ballerina who's become a vampire?

79 Upvotes

Nosferatutu.


r/cleandadjokes 3h ago

I was getting into my car the other day and a man asked, “Can you give me a lift?”

26 Upvotes

I said, “Sure, you look great, chase your dreams, go for it!”


r/cleandadjokes 15h ago

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?

133 Upvotes

Hailing taxis……


r/cleandadjokes 8h ago

Did you hear about the lumberjack with a penchant for telling absurd jokes?

34 Upvotes

He was a silly Feller!


r/cleandadjokes 6h ago

I don't usually tell people how I feel

21 Upvotes

but it's usually with my fingers.

Also without gloves I feel better.


r/cleandadjokes 6h ago

Why couldn’t the Dalmatian parents find their puppy?

8 Upvotes

He was already spotted!

(Written by my 8-year-old daughter)


r/cleandadjokes 23h ago

"Dad", my son asked me, "Where do you find all of those awful 'Dad' jokes?"

156 Upvotes

In a dada base.


r/cleandadjokes 19h ago

My child is non-binary

49 Upvotes

I don't dare ask them whether they are analog, octal or decimal.


r/cleandadjokes 23h ago

I covered my entire house with gift wrap.

71 Upvotes

I want to live in the present.


r/cleandadjokes 1d ago

First person: I’m building a model of Mt. Everest. Second person: Is it to scale?

215 Upvotes

First person: No, to look at.


r/cleandadjokes 1d ago

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor?

126 Upvotes

"Make me one with everything."


r/cleandadjokes 1d ago

Did you hear about the forest ranger who saved a large buck from falling off a cliff by holding on to its antlers?

141 Upvotes

He was holding on for deer life


r/cleandadjokes 1d ago

A guy goes to the psychiatrist wearing a trash bag.

12 Upvotes

He says, “Boy am I GLAD to see you!”.


r/cleandadjokes 10h ago

A baby seal walks into a club

0 Upvotes

...


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

Why do chicken coops have two doors?

190 Upvotes

If they had four, they'd be chicken sedans.


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

Flowers

28 Upvotes

My wife was mad saying I never bought her flowers. I didn’t even know she sold flowers


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

Why are cat burglars so hard to convict?

65 Upvotes

Pawsible Deniability.


r/cleandadjokes 1d ago

A young buddhist monk asked an old buddhist monk:

0 Upvotes

-can I ask you: how low should I bow my head when meditating, to reach Nirvana ?

-old monk: "hello, hello, hello, how low" ?

-young monk: "I found it hard, it's hard to find Oh well, whatever, nevermind"

-old monk: eh, these young monks change their mind so quickly, he "smells like teen spirit"

-young monk: that"s not true!

-old monk: "* A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial*"

Quotes taken from the song " Smells like teen spirit" by "Nirvana" 🎼🎵🎶🎸🥁🎸

https://youtu.be/hTWKbfoikeg?feature=shared

written by David Grohl, Krist Novoselic, Kurt Cobain (+1994), All rights reserved © BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

ps. please pray 🙏for California and all other places which need rain 🌦️, and for the victims of the fires and other catastrophies...


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

I love my dentist.

136 Upvotes

Every year I give him a little plaque.


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

How do you cool down a chicken when it’s too hot?

5 Upvotes

Dip it in Ranch!


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

I don’t get people who can’t sleep.

137 Upvotes

I can do it with my eyes closed.


r/cleandadjokes 2d ago

What sort of cakes do snowmen like?

37 Upvotes

One with lots of icing……….


r/cleandadjokes 3d ago

I’m addicted to brake fluid

74 Upvotes

But I can stop any time.


r/cleandadjokes 3d ago

The bicycle company Schwinn recently announced they're hiring

131 Upvotes

They're looking for a spokesperson


r/cleandadjokes 3d ago

Did you hear about the snowman spy?

65 Upvotes

He has a license to chill.