I had my heart absolutely broken by the person I thought I was supposed to be with (this is in my late 20s so it certainly felt a bit more powerful in the moment). I ended up building one of those nitrogen set ups with the turkey bag. I started the gas and sat in my bed listening to a playlist of my favorite artists, and... nothing. I don't really remember if I ever passed out or if I was just in a weird mental state, but when I "came to" i was fine, if a bit dazed. I had no idea why it didn't work, but when I checked the bag, I saw a big hole and teeth marks. My cat, at some point between me making the bag and using it, had been playing with it in my closet. I'd love to think he was trying to stop me, but he probably just liked the way chewing on it felt. He has ruined MANY bags this way lol. I immediately went to the store to make another one, but on the way there I realized I'd have no way of really saying goodbye to my cat. He'd wonder where I was and what I was doing for the rest of his life. I couldn't stand that thought. I also realized that if I'm at the stage of my life where I'm willing to die, I might as well take some risks with my life. I made a big move to a new state, and over the past 3 years I've found a community that I love and an environment I thrive in. I met a girl and we've been together for a few years now. We have a dog and two cats, one of which is the boy that saved my life. It's a really annoyingly cheesy saying, but "this too shall pass" really applies here.
:EDIT: First off, sorry for the typos, was on my phone when I commented. Fixed what I saw. Secondly, I promise I'll reply to some of the direct messages in a bit, finishing with some work. Thank you for all the support, and for those who mentioned that this comment has helped you in any way, you are fucking awesome and are a net positive in the world regardless of what others have led you to believe. There is beauty in the world and peace of mind, even if it takes a change in environment and perspective to find it Keep on living and I know it seems lame but "this too shall pass." Also I'm not trying to come off as a life guru, I still have my bad days and make mistakes, but overall I promise you, it will get better.
hey man i know this is kinda off topic and you don’t need to answer but lately i have been struggling with some issues regarding death, my mind goes back and forth between accepting it and not, so i thought id ask how do you manage that and how do you look at it i guess? now that you’re in a good spot in life have you changed your mindset on death?
Hey no worries! It's something I think about more and more as I get older. I don't know if there's anything after death, or if my atoms will just get recycled and help contribute to more life in the future. All I can do is enjoy the time I have to the extent I can so that when the end comes I won't feel so much regret at having wasted so much time. I've made a family out of my friends and community, and I hope when the end comes I've built that family up enough so that I have some friendly faces to fall asleep to.
hey thanks so much for the reply, you worded that very well and that is essentially what everyone has been telling me but for some reason my mind keeps making it into a sad thing, like because you love life so much and are enjoying it so much it almost makes it harder to leave it? idk i’m just rambling but i think that’s my mind doing that to me which is why im going to see a therapist, but most people from near death experiences, even people who were announced clinically dead and were revived said that they never felt any worry, only peace, which makes me feel better and then obviously after that we will never know until we get there but i look at it as the next stage of journey that is life
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u/Teh_Pagemaster 1d ago edited 1d ago
I had my heart absolutely broken by the person I thought I was supposed to be with (this is in my late 20s so it certainly felt a bit more powerful in the moment). I ended up building one of those nitrogen set ups with the turkey bag. I started the gas and sat in my bed listening to a playlist of my favorite artists, and... nothing. I don't really remember if I ever passed out or if I was just in a weird mental state, but when I "came to" i was fine, if a bit dazed. I had no idea why it didn't work, but when I checked the bag, I saw a big hole and teeth marks. My cat, at some point between me making the bag and using it, had been playing with it in my closet. I'd love to think he was trying to stop me, but he probably just liked the way chewing on it felt. He has ruined MANY bags this way lol. I immediately went to the store to make another one, but on the way there I realized I'd have no way of really saying goodbye to my cat. He'd wonder where I was and what I was doing for the rest of his life. I couldn't stand that thought. I also realized that if I'm at the stage of my life where I'm willing to die, I might as well take some risks with my life. I made a big move to a new state, and over the past 3 years I've found a community that I love and an environment I thrive in. I met a girl and we've been together for a few years now. We have a dog and two cats, one of which is the boy that saved my life. It's a really annoyingly cheesy saying, but "this too shall pass" really applies here.
:EDIT: First off, sorry for the typos, was on my phone when I commented. Fixed what I saw. Secondly, I promise I'll reply to some of the direct messages in a bit, finishing with some work. Thank you for all the support, and for those who mentioned that this comment has helped you in any way, you are fucking awesome and are a net positive in the world regardless of what others have led you to believe. There is beauty in the world and peace of mind, even if it takes a change in environment and perspective to find it Keep on living and I know it seems lame but "this too shall pass." Also I'm not trying to come off as a life guru, I still have my bad days and make mistakes, but overall I promise you, it will get better.