r/AmIOverreacting • u/ExpressionOk5930 • 22h ago
AIO by telling my husband to see a therapist after I caught him jerking off by peeping in my mother's room when she was changing? šØāš©āš§āš¦family/in-laws
EDIT: This has been an overwhelming experience for me posting this. Everyone is telling me that I am not getting the severity and should leave him or tell my mom. I'm going into a downward spiral of thinking that maybe if I gave in to his fantasies earl8, he might not have turned this way. I know it's probably not right to think this. But it keeps coming to my mind all the time I rejected the things he suggested in bed. It's time for me to go home from work now and I feel like a 1000kg stone on my chest.
I'm 26F and he's 27M. This happened when my mom was staying with us for a while. My dad passed away druing covid before I married my husband, so my mother stays with us and my siblings alternatively.
I haven't told my parents or his parents about this yet. But I'm very very angry and shattered.
He says it's normal for guys to have such thoughts about females, even relatives. Idk what to do. He acts like nothing happened.
I know I shouldn't have, but I went through his phone secretly the next day and found a hell lot of a mother-in-law p*rn(some of it non-consensual category).
I have been thinking if I don't satisfy him physically. I am kind of conservative when it comes to all this stuff. He says that because I don't do things he wants me to do he has to look for other outlets. He keeps making a point that he was just watching and didn't do anything.
I work from the office and he works from home so I was scared when I left home this morning.
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u/FLVoiceOfReason 22h ago
NOR, this is not normal at all.
Warn your mom, she should be made aware of his actions.
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u/ExpressionOk5930 22h ago
I'm too embarrassed to tell her. How do I even say it idk. The person I married has the hots for you. It makes me sick in my guts.
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u/dncrmom 20h ago
You tell her that you are contacting a lawyer & seeking divorce advice then explaining what happened. You should feel sick thinking about your husband, he did something so unforgivable you need to end the relationship. I fear what would happen if you had daughters. You are way under reacting.
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u/FLVoiceOfReason 22h ago
It wonāt be an easy convo but she has the right to know so that she can decide how much physical distance to keep with him, based on his surprisingly ICK intentions.
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u/ExpressionOk5930 22h ago
We're from a very conservative family. His side of the family is very well to do. My mom feels that we got very lucky as a family that he decided to marry me. She'll probably just shrug it off and ignore it like it's no big deal. For her he is like a knight in shining armour who chose her loser daughter somehow.
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u/Intrepid_Head3158 21h ago
Ok what do you think tho? You really think all this conservative stuff matters when heās acting like that? Do you wanna be participating in this circus by enabling him?
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u/ExpressionOk5930 21h ago
Noo
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u/niki2184 20h ago
Honestly if I would have caught my ol man doing something like this, that would have been it. No amount of money would have been able to keep me. Thatās one of the biggest icks ever. You keep saying yall are conservative. So what. What he done is fucking disgusting.
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u/the_greengrace 19h ago
You are not a loser. With all conpassion, be careful how you speak about yourself, to yourself. You deserve kindness, we all do.
Don't put others' comfort or needs above your own. It sounds like it's become a habit for you to do so (feeling guilty about not putting your husband's "needs" ahead of your own, for example). That usually comes from a dysfunctional upbringing, but bad habits can be broken. It sounds like your mom didn't raise you to feel valued, and that sucks. Don't take her errors on as your faults. Repeat after me: other people's errors are not my faults.
Now- your husband. One, those are not "needs" he's talking about they are wants. Two, yours are just as important as his. Three- no, not "all men" are like him, not "all men" are attracted to their MILs or family members. He's full of shit. Not "all men" are boundary violating creeps who sneak peeks at unsuspecting family members while they are vulnerable. You are NOR.
Four- he is responsible for his behavior. If he decides to do something gross and inappropriate, that's on him. It has nothing to do with what you did or didn't do with him in your shared sex life.
Five- consider getting out of this messed up situation.
Right now you're reactive. Now, it's time to get proactive.
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u/FLVoiceOfReason 22h ago
Your mom sounds like a wonderful person. She has the right to know, however.
Best of luck in this delicate situation, friend.
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u/ExpressionOk5930 22h ago
Thanks. I don't know if I'll gather the courage to tell her. I'll try.
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u/FuckinFruitcake 18h ago
havenāt commented in a while but felt i need to say this. your mom deserves to know regardless of whether she is a bad person or not. she has been victimised by your husband without her knowledge, and this could escalate. you need to gather the courage to tell her, and need to evaluate whether you want to be with a predator because thatās what he is. heās not just having āfucked up fantasiesā, heās acting on them and refuses to acknowledge that sexually violating your mother is not okay and has an impact on you too.
edit: you asserting your boundaries and saying no to stuff in the bedroom is okay, and it is not the reason why heās this way. he clearly has an unhealthy relationship with sex, and saying yes to stuff you donāt want couldāve led to a violation of your sexual boundaries.
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u/TicoSoon 18h ago
Let's be clear. If you DON'T tell her, you are allowing her to be sexually molested. She did not consent to being viewed while naked, especially hot as a spank piece.
Are you seriously sitting here clutching your pearls about telling her over the fact that your husband is the perpetrator of sexual assault and SHE is the victim?
That absolutely makes you the asshole. Until you tell her, you are not only complicit in his assault, but you're encouraging him to continue assaulting your mother.
You're NOR but you are an AH.
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u/Fuzzy_Medicine_247 19h ago
She's literally at risk of being raped by your husband. He's so warped that he thinks what he already did is no big deal at all, and he fantasizes about raping her.
It is not right for her to be staying with him for even one more day. You shouldn't stay with him either.
Consider that maybe you are not sexually connecting with him because a normal relationship is not what he even wants. It's his shortcomings as a husband that are causing the problem, and he's blaming you.
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u/raydators 20h ago
Mom will be excited that a younger man finds her sexually attractive.. and it's not abnormal. If women knew of all the sexual kinks men have they'd be stunned . She even admits his many attempts to get her involved . Honestly , it would be weird if he wasn't attracted to a semi nude female in his house. My opinion is the daughter needs to loosen up. It just sounds like he's a normal male,who's sexually attracted to most of the females he comes into contact with . Just like 9/10s of the males . Sounds more like pent up frustration from suppressed desires . And that's on the daughter . I'm sure the situation is embarrassing , but abnormal , no.
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u/EllisR15 12h ago
You DO NOT speak for most men. You speak for yourself you sick fuck. Don't lump us all in with your degenerate ass. We don't all perv on our MILs.
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u/Dayman_Nightman 20h ago
Get proof. Get divorced. Get half his money. That non consensual stuff is too much.
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u/Weary_Cup_1004 12h ago
Please know what he is doing is very violating and wrong.
what you said about your own sexual preference is valid! You dont like "out there" stuff and porn and that is 1000000% valid and positive and you are not less of a wife for it. You deserve to be with a man who accepts your sexuality exactly as it is and loves you for it . Those men exist! And you deserve to never be abused and you deserve the dignity of not having a peeping tom for a husband.
I wish conservative families would take it way more seriously when the predators are within their own midst. Because its terrifyingly too common that they shelter and give a pass to men who do this to their own families.
You and other women deserve to be as safe in your home as you expect to be in a public restroom.
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u/DesperateToNotDream 11h ago
It sounds like you have low self esteem, raised by a mother who doesnāt respect or value you, and married to a predator who chose you because they could easily manipulate and take advantage of you.
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u/syrencallidus 10h ago
I'm sorry you're young. But a man who will masturbate to an unconsenting and illegal act!! (Peeping tom) will escalate to RAPE when this little sneaky act no longer gives him the thrill.
Everyone is talking about other stuff, but this needs to be said to you clearly cuz ur still kinda defending him. And I get it. I really do. I was trapped for 15 years with someone similar. Someone who recorded in a bathroom because "he wanted to see which cat was peeing on the rug" and it only got worse.
Just seriously. He will rape someone. Do you want to feel responsible for that too because you couldn't satisfy him?? Of course you don't, that's the abuse talking. Abuse isn't always ugly or mean, it can be twisted and sneaky.
I hope you can free yourself and keep your family safe. I made it out, and it's hard, but you gotta do it.
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u/Apprehensive_Bake_78 9h ago
Will she feel the same way when she knows he's been looking at mother-in-law rape porn?
Your mother did not consent to be stared at while she was changing. Sounds like he likes that part too. She is potentially in danger.
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u/niki2184 20h ago
Donāt you dare think you should have given in to doing stuff you are not comfortable doing!!!! Thatās not ok! If heās gonna pressure you then tell you heās gotta find other outlets tell him bye!!! Someone who loves you and actually cares about you would do whatever they needed to make you content and feel safe.
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u/-Gadaffi-Duck- 16h ago
This is non consensual voyeurism, A CRIMINAL SEXUAL OFFENCE.
No matter what, under no circumstances is committing sexual offences an acceptable outlet and especially not just because he has a fetish.
Your husband has committed a SEXUAL OFFENCE against your mother. You need to inform your mother and leave your SEX OFFENDER husband.
He is a SEX OFFENDER plain and simple.
Now do you understand the gravity of the situation? has the light now come on?
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u/christmas_bigdogs 18h ago
He doesn't have the hots for her. He has violated her privacy by watching her change and has masturbated to the image while leering. This is disgusting. It is a violation. She is not safe. You are hiding this knowledge because you are 'embarassed'? Stop centering yourself for one minute and prioritize your vulnerable widow mother who is being violated in your home.
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u/LulaPaceFortune14 18h ago
Not sure about your location but this is a crime in some countries. Your mother has been violated. Get it together, tell her and pack his bags for him.
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u/GPTCT 19h ago
Iām a guy, and this is one of the most insane things Iāve ever read.
I know this is going to sound horrible, but is this an older person fettish or is she young and put together?
I only ask that to understand his crazy mind. Does he find her attractive as a person or is it just a mother in law thing.
Sorry I am so dumbfounded my mind is going wild.
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u/PatientTailor6273 22h ago
Woahā¦ WHAT?
And when you call him out he gaslights you? This is serious OP. This is way beyond guys having thoughts about Ā females.
So, if itās so very normal, tell him youāre going to tell your mother that you found him masturbating over her while she was Ā getting changed and that he wonāt have a problem with it because itās just what guys do.Ā
And see how he reacts.Ā
NOR - currently under-reacting by a mile.Ā
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u/Leading_Durian5855 21h ago
He's trying to convince you it's normal...your husband likely has more sickly desires that you have no idea about and he is just trying to slowly work his way into making you tolerate and allow them. It's disgusting. His actions aren't normal. Intrusive thoughts are normal, feeding into them is not. Acting in them is not. You don't want to have children with this man. You are under reacting. You need to see a therapist to help you manage your response because you likely have a weird future to navigate while you are with him
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u/adiosfelicia2 20h ago
Telling mom - it's not about you or how it makes you feel, mom is a woman alone in a house all day with a man, with no idea that he's been secretly watching her and jerking off. She has a right to know.
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u/christmas_bigdogs 18h ago
And she has no idea that his porn focus is themed around her (including rape porn)
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u/Initial_Buy_4278 21h ago edited 20h ago
You are NOR. Infact im shocked you are not disgusted enough. OP your husband is a creep/pervert. This is divorce worthy. It is no different to a stranger masturbating to a woman getting dressed in a change room. You thinking you could have saved him if you gave into his fantasies shows you are taking on the blame. Distance yourself from creep. So gross.
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u/BayAreaPupMom 21h ago
It may be more than he has "the hots" for her. This sounds like predatory behavior. Don't leave your mom alone in the house with him. Your husband could be dangerous. You are way under reacting.
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u/Babysista 21h ago
The fact he says this is normal shows his distorted sense of whatās normal does he think rape is also normal bc thatās what you say he looking at
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u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla 21h ago
This is gross, I rarely say leave based on one post but seriously this is messed up, I would leave over this
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u/Wymas123 22h ago
For God's sake tell your mom. He is a disgusting pervert. Spying on your mom and looking at rape porn. What are his plans when you leave the house? He sounds unhinged if he is trying to say that his behaviour is normal. You need to tell your mum before the creepy fucker sexually assaults her!
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u/Intrepid_Head3158 22h ago
Itās not normal heās a weirdo, donāt let him gaslight you. Disgusting
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u/PrincessReptile 22h ago
NOR. This man needs serious help. And, honestly? I would be considering divorce if a man I married was perving on my mother. It's illegal and gross.
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u/lavanderblonde 21h ago
This isnāt normal and heās gaslighting you into thinking it is. Heās a weirdo and a creep. Iād have kicked him out of the house so fast. He needs therapy.
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u/CatCharacter848 20h ago
If you were staying at a friend's or relative house, how would you feel if their husband was doing this and you hadn't been warned????
What would you say to your friend or relative?
It's truly disgusting on your husbands part and NOT normal.
How can you have any respect for him, and why would you stay with him?
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u/Tiny-Journalist-9015 19h ago
Under reacting. I would divorce my husband in seconds flat. This behavior is not normal and very likely illegal. So something did happen and I absolutely believe this isnāt the first time he did this. Itās just the first time he got caught. If he would do this to your mother, I really donāt think much would stop him from doing this to other women. Are you going to be the wife that stands by him as he gets arrested for this? How are you going to look that woman in the eye knowing what he did to your mother? How are you going to look your mother in the eye for that matter? These are the questions you need to think about. You know the right course of action as difficult as that may be. He betrayed you and your family. Not only that- heās making you think itās your fault.
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u/AlphaBravo69 19h ago
You poor thing. By the way, men have killed their spouses for less. He is just as anxious as you are disgusted and may try to get rid of you. So start telling people and leave him right away.
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u/normllikeme 21h ago
This is extremely weird. And Iām weird myself. This one would never cross my mind let alone act on it.
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u/Ok_Membership_8189 21h ago
I think you should see the therapist to get support with this incredibly challenging situation that you donāt seem to understand the severity of.
We donāt tell others to get therapy: we get it ourselves. Thatās really a rule of therapy.
How do I know? Iām a therapist.
Good luck. This sounds challenging.
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u/ExpressionOk5930 21h ago
Okay. Thanks a lot. Can I talk to you? I'm overwhelmed by people telling me that I am not getting the severity of the matter. I am having a panic attack in my workplace reading the comments here. I understand that people are trying to help but I am f*cked.
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u/Ok_Membership_8189 21h ago
Oh my goodness.
Reddit can be really intense. But also useful!
I canāt do therapy with someone I meet on Reddit because itās not likely that Iām licensed where you are. But therapists are everywhere. I might be able to nudge you in the right direction to help you find one. Where do you live (country, and if US, state)?
A therapist is really a person who acts as a support to you, and respects your dignity, autonomy and privacy. Even therapists have therapists. They can be so helpful in life.
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u/ExpressionOk5930 20h ago
I'm from India. But what do I do now. Do I tell my mom or do I wait till I see a therapist?
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u/Ok_Membership_8189 20h ago
You have to decide whatās best to do. Sit with the decision. You can make the choice yourself truly.
I have a therapist friend in India. Sheās in Mumbai and has a practice. She can do telehealth over Skype or in the office
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u/Jazzlike_Lie_607 19h ago
Ew NOR youār husband is a degenerate is is trying to gaslight you into accepting his degeneracy. He probably also has a porn addiction ā¦
Iād leave if I saw what you saw. Tell everyone I know and shame him. Disgusting.
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u/Jazzlike_Lie_607 19h ago
To add ā¦ if you were to have daughters ā¦ should be comfortable with him around knowing he thinks itās okay to wack off to relatives.
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u/Admissionslottery 18h ago
I just read your update. You still blame yourself? Please call a therapist today. He is a sex offender and you are a victim.
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u/dfwcouple43sum 18h ago
You canāt police someoneās thoughts. I donāt agree with him when he says āitās normal,ā but thatās what is going on in his head. Whatever.
But youāre missing the bigger deal here. He was peeping! What a violation of someone. In no way shape or form is that acceptable
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u/honeyeloo 22h ago
Iām very sorry for you, your anger is more than justified. Itās not normal to have such thoughts about women and relatives. Donāt let him gaslight you. The p*rn part is also worrying, especially if you mention non-consensual categories. He needs help, but that doesnāt mean you have to handle such a situation. Itās pure disrespect and you are not overreacting.
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u/ExpressionOk5930 22h ago
I have been thinking if I don't satisfy him physically. I am kind of conservative when it comes to all this stuff. He says that because I don't do things he wants me to do he has to look for other outlets. He keeps making a point that he was just watching and didn't do anything.
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u/honeyeloo 21h ago edited 21h ago
I fully understand you, especially if youāre more conservative about this stuff. Donāt ever lower yourself and think you donāt satisfy him physically. If there was a real issue linked to physical intimacy, he shouldāve communicated about it calmly with you, instead of doing those things and looking at horrible shit online. The bare fact that he instantly feels the need to justify it by saying itās because you donāt do things just proves the point. And talking about this by saying āhe has to look for other outletsā shows a lack of respect towards you and women too. Itās not because he didnāt do anything physically (in his opinion) that what heās watching is ok. I send you a lot of support, I know how difficult a situation like this is. I experienced it
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u/ExpressionOk5930 21h ago
Thanks a lot for the support kind stranger. I'm sorry you went through something similar. What happened?
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u/honeyeloo 21h ago
Itās normal. I know thereās more dimension to a situation like this, especially if youāre married. Easy way would be to say donāt tolerate such a behavior and leave him. But I know itās not always that easy. I just hope you can see your worth and understand you donāt deserve that. i experienced the p*rn part, even in my family, and being a woman with a very low self esteem, it hurts and destroys you. My own dad also did this to my mom and I saw the whole situation. My mom never left and thereās not a day in my life where I donāt feel sad for her. She couldāve left but she stayed. I canāt stand seeing married people being disrespected like this. When you will decide to tell your mom (because I know itās not easy either) be fully honest and donāt lighten his actions. I wish you the best
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u/christmas_bigdogs 18h ago
Under reacting I can't believe this has to be said but...Ā Protect your mother. Inform her about what you saw. Kick the peeping Tom out. Don't let him manipulate you into bedroom activities out of fear he will be a predator to your family members or cheat on you if you don't say yes to his sexual demands.Ā
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u/Amazon_Fairy 18h ago
Tell your mother. It is betrayal for anything less. Get her to safety, and pull your house out of the loop until you get rid of this creepy guy. Itās ānothingā now, previously it wasnāt even this? Do you honestly think heās searching nonconsensual porn and isnāt going to do more? I think youād be devastated if he SAād your mom. Youāre looking at his sickness like itās your fault, it isnāt, this is completely on him, and itās abhorrent, probably illegal behavior.
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u/burnt-onions 9h ago
I was SAād as a child. His excuse was he wasnāt being sexually fulfilled by his wife. Hopefully this has put it into perspective for you. Sexually violent men have a habit of blaming other people for their violence. This is not your fault. This doesnāt happen to all sexually frustrated men. You are not responsible for his sexual urges and actions. He has acted on these urges already, without consent. It only gets worse from here. You are not overreacting. Itās time to act.
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u/Cyclic_Hernia 21h ago
It's normal to have those thoughts (not about relatives however...) but it is absolutely not normal or acceptable to masturbate while secretly watching them change
I wonder if he'd be as passive if you guys had a daughter who had a boyfriend and that boyfriend jerked off while watching you change.
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u/Particular-Set5396 20h ago
Tell her. Report him to the police. Get a divorce. This is very fucking serious.
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u/nikkiilette 21h ago
What if he rapes her?! Warn your Mom asap, or have her go back to your siblings. How dare you not warn her about this creep.
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u/ExpressionOk5930 21h ago
Shit please don't say that please I'm overwhelmed by people telling me that I am not getting the severity of the matter. I am having a panic attack in my workplace reading the comments here. I understand that people are trying to help but I am f*cked.
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u/sejenx 20h ago
You aren't getting the severity of the matter. Your husband is a massive creep. He is a garden variety peeping Tom who cannot withhold his sexual urges if you caught him masturbating while peeping on your family member. What's worse, is he's trying to justify this behavior. He sounds like he is one step away from committing sex crimes that would put him on a list and prohibit him from being around children FYI.
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u/grumpy__g 18h ago
Donāt make that a you problem.
Itās a him problem. Imagine having a daughter and her bf did that. How would you feel? Disgusted? Ashamed? Worried? Sad?
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u/Used-Pin-997 18h ago
NOR. Does he think about or fantasize about your mother when having sex with you?
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u/IRollAlong 17h ago
gross, get away from that . do you really wanna be watchin MIL porn so he can get it up? A fetish is a fetish , they dont go away and you dont want none of that .
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u/MolinaroK 17h ago
NOR. He has a serious problem. Not even he horniest of normal men would rub one out to their wife's mom.
That's seriously messed up. I would be afraid of him.
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u/Able-Ad3292 21h ago
NOR. Your husband's behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful. Peeping on your mother and watching disturbing content is crossing clear boundaries. His justification is concerning and shows a lack of respect for you and your family. Youāre right to be angry, and suggesting therapy is a good step. His lack of remorse and dismissive attitude is alarming, and you need to seriously assess if you feel safe and respected in this relationship.
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u/M-Bug 21h ago
He says it's normal for guys to have such thoughts about females, even relatives.
It's fucking not.
Break it off.
It's one thing to have certain kinks you could talk about fulfilling these with your partner and a whole other thing to watch someone irl and jerk off to them.
The latter is fucking creep behaviour and is far from being normal.
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u/yumyum_cat 19h ago
Itās not normal for guys to fantasize about relatives anymore than it is for females to fantasize about relatives. Iām sorry but your husband is a sexual predator. He may not act on it but he wishes he could. Do you want to wait until you have a daughter? Get out now
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u/Just_Me78 18h ago
Definitely overreacting, it is quite normal activity for your husband to perform such an act, particularly if as you say, you have been prudish and Vanilla in the bedroom which has forced him to view porn and a particular porn category has influenced his mind.
Said no one ever!!!!!
Your husband is doing some whacked out shit and your mum needs to know about it.
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u/No_Scientist7086 19h ago
NOR - But you and your family sound gross. Your mom would be excited that a younger man finds her attractive, by jacking off to her naked body without her consent? Give me a break. And itās ok bc heās rich? Girl, please. You all sound crazy. He picked the right family, I guess.
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u/longnailboy 19h ago
this isnt normal in any way wtf. he has issues, and i think it would be good to distance urself from him
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u/rottywell 19h ago edited 18h ago
NOR.
āHe said itās normal for-ā
No. Itās not. Dead that right there. IT IS NOT. It is also not normal to act on it ANY way. This is not okay in anyway.
OP. Your husband committed a crime when he peeped.
He got caught and instead of being apologetic, guilty and ashamedā¦.he said what now?
He is telling you he has done this before to either you mom or other women/family members. He is hoping youāre naive enough to believe him and/or too ashamed to leave him or telly your mom(you honestly donāt need to out that in her head).
He is hoping youāll think itās normal so you will give him a pass for future situations(in his mind). Your husband js not okay. You need to start looking into divorce.
Btw op, he sexually assaulted your mom.
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u/Quirky_Ad_1596 18h ago
You arenāt getting the severity. You should leave him and tell your mother. No amount of āgiving in to his fantasies earlyā would have made a difference to this kind of behaviour from this kind of person. He would most definitely have āturned this wayā. You had your reasons for ārejecting him in bedā, you donāt need to bend on that for anyone at anytime. Get rid of him and that ā1000kg stoneā will leave with him. Nothing about any of this is ānormalā. Watching and getting off on NON-CONSENSUAL in-law p*rn is highly problematic. Now, you live in fear of leaving him at home, with YOUR MOTHER, while you go to work. Itās all so damn wrong, and well past time to put a stop to all of it. What are you waiting for? To find him doing this kind of shit to your niece, your sister, your kids? Nope. Leave leave leave him yesterday.
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u/Say-More 17h ago
Itās Reddit so Iāll askā¦ are you absolutely sure thereās no chance anything could be happening between your mom and him. And no, donāt do a knee-jerk response of āshe/he would never!ā Look at Reddit, it happens more often than it should. A lonely widower and a wealthy, white knight of a manā¦ he works from home and sheās there. Crazier stuff has happened. And heās obviously put a lot of thought into it.
Girl! Itās not about what youāre willing and not willing to do in bed. Heās still responsible for his choices. However, if you can get to the bottom of this and save your marriage you may need to find a sex therapist that can help you guys with your incompatibility. Just food for thought!
Good luck!
Updateme
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u/moonsonthebath 17h ago
this is one of the topics that disgusts me the most. If youāre masturbating to your partnerās friends and family that is so sick and def sounds like a porn addiction at that point..
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u/Sleepygirl57 17h ago
Iām a very much donāt judge peopleās kink person. Iām judging! Girl you need to leave him and tell your mom why. No good can come from this!
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u/melodycricket 16h ago
In addition to everything else, You should get an appointment with a therapist and explain whats going on. He or she could give you a recommendation on what type of mental health specialist or therapist your husband should see asap.
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u/Poo_Poo_La_Foo 16h ago
I think that indulging in fantasies online and actually acting them out in real life are wildly different things.
But he has crossed a line here - peeping on someone is gross and illegal. Imagine how she would feel if she knew!
I would check his phone to make sure he's not taken non-consensual pics of your mum. And ask her not to stay again until you've sorted whatever you're going to do next...
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u/lonelyfairie 16h ago
Not normal at all, and having fantasies and being a perv to a family member at two very different things.
Your mother has the right to know this and decide if she even wants to stay in your house.
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u/Alternative_Sea4882 16h ago
You need to dump him. Now. Also, what if he does this to someone else and gets caught and arrested. Do you want that liability?
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u/Brilliant-Car-2116 16h ago
Wow. NOR.
But itās not like you should divorce him over it. He just needs to get it under control.
Probably needs to go easy on that porn. Iām guessing heās watching a lot of stuff like familyxxx, familystrokes, etc. that shit will fuck you up if you watch too much.
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u/SpamLikely404 15h ago
Iām gonna say that I donāt think youāre gonna tell your mom about it. I wonāt shame you for that. But I do believe you need to leave him. Heās from a rich family? Chances are he thinks he can get away with whatever he wants. Right now, heās just creeping on her changing. Later, it will be more. Leave him before this gets really bad.
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u/emryldmyst 15h ago
Nor
You're under reacting and if he doesn't see he did anything wrong then you have some HUGEĀ problemsĀ
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u/TemperatureTop246 15h ago
When youāre -always- the one who needs to change, I can guarantee youāre not the one with the real problem. He is manipulating you. You ānot meeting his needsā isnāt about you, itās about his inability to be responsible for his own actions and behaviors. He doesnāt want to take responsibility. Iād be looking for ways to part ways and get him tf out of your life.
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u/Icy-Doctor23 15h ago
Heās a perv
He needs a therapist asap
Donāt allow mom to stay there for the foreseeable future
I would consider separating from him until he sees it an issue himself
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u/HighElf_Queen_Jen 14h ago
Your husband is sick and probably capable of forcing himself on your mom. Run your mom is in danger. If youāre not going to leave him the least you can do is keep your mom safe by keeping her out of your home and away from your pervert husband.
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u/PaleDifference 13h ago
Voyeurism is a misdemeanor but still a crime. He could face jail time if she catches him doing it again and presses charges. Heās an idiot.
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u/Glittering_Muscle885 12h ago
Heās a creep and you feeling like it could be because you didnāt āgive inā is evidence that heās been working you over psychologically. Bad news bears, trust your instinct and protect yourself and your mother from any further damage at his hands.
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u/Candymom 11h ago
Regarding your edit: it is NEVER your fault that someone else acts inappropriately. Please just get out of this relationship. Itās going to get worse.
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u/inplightmovie 11h ago
Itās really sad that youāre convinced this has anything to do with you. Itās NOT because you said no to things in bed. Heās got a PROBLEM. Itās one thing to have a mother-in-law fantasy kink but to INVADE HER PRIVACY FOR HIS SEXUAL GRATIFICATION is PEEPING BEHAVIOR which leads to much scarier things!!!
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u/DesperateToNotDream 11h ago
You donāt have a single care for your mother, how this makes her feel or her safety.
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u/indigo348411 10h ago
He's deep in sex addiction behavior and probably will need to hit rock bottom before he realizes what a nightmare he's bringing to reality with everyone in his family. Yoi
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u/DVGower 10h ago
You are UNDER reacting. This is perverted and disgusting and itās NOT normal for men to have sexual thoughts about their mother in law. But he didnāt just have THOUGHTS. He invaded your motherās privacy while she was undressed and jerked off to it! You CAUGHT him.
If your poor mother is still there, take her and get a hotel room, IMMEDIATELY. Then call a divorce lawyer.
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u/SourSkittlezx 10h ago
NOR
You need to tell your mother.
He is watching NONCONSENT style porn with MILs and he is peeping on her without her consent. He is literally committing a crime against your mom. Itās her right to know and press charges if she wants to.
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u/mom_in_the_garden 10h ago
Nothing you did or failed to do caused this. Leave him. File for divorce. This is the tip of the iceberg. You say heās well off. You arenāt a prostitute. Your mother isnāt one either, so his family wealth has nothing to do with this. Get out. Live a good life. I hope you find a good, loving, respectful man, if that is what you want.
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u/Spare_Neighborhood_7 10h ago
It's normal to have spicy thoughts about attractive women, but it's definitely not normal to act on them in most situations.
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u/Stinkylilfrogbitch 9h ago
This is NOT your fault AT ALL.
Your husband is a creepy fucking weirdo and that has nothing to do with how often or not heās getting his dick wet. Your MOTHER could be in danger. Is she ever left home alone with him? He is watching porn about raping MILs. Really think about that.
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u/Tabby_Mc 9h ago
Dear lordy, you're not reacting enough! His behaviour isn't normal, it's nothing you did, and it makes your mother the victim of a non-consensual sexual act. He's a skeeve and you deserve better.
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u/Apprehensive_Bake_78 9h ago
Your husband was masturbating while looking at your mom. You know he looked up videos showing mother-in-laws getting raped. This is.. Holy shit. It's already over friend. Please make it official. Don't waste the next few years trying to make this work anyway.
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u/Superb_Cartoonist_93 9h ago
I'm fucking dying this the funniest I've seen all day šššššš lock that man up.
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u/Chair1234567890 8h ago
He was standing outside her room jerking off? Like in the corridor? Is he 13 years old? I agree he needs therapy. I donāt think youāre over reacting but I donāt think you need to blow up your marriage over this like everyone is saying either.
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u/Dracekidjr 8h ago
You are right to have boundaries. Your husband pushing the envelope and you declining them are not the reason for his sexual deviancy. This is beyond creepy and into scary.
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u/accounting_student13 8h ago
Will he be doing the same with your teenage daughter? You know, "It's normal for guys to do that, even with relatives." His words.
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u/Curly_Sherlock 7h ago
āHe says itās normal for guys to have such thoughts about females, even relatives.ā
Please, I am begging you, DO NOT have kids with this man. If he thinks thatās acceptable, just wait until he has little vulnerable dependents at his disposal. Youāre underreacting. Your poor mom deserves to know so that she can take your home out of the rotation.
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u/ohnoMercury 5h ago
NOR It is completely impossible for this to be in any way your fault. Donāt let him con you into thinking that. This is so far over the bounds of decency I doubt itās possible to recover.
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u/residentvampyre 2h ago
Liking the idea of something and wanting to watch a p*rn version is fine. Its a fantasy, and doesn't hurt anyone.
What he did was technically sexual assault, harassment at a minimum. Your mom deserves to be in a safe space, and if he is doing that out of convenience, then there's likely a history of this behavior.
You need to leave, tell your mom what happened, then tell the police, then his parents.
This is DANGEROUS and can lead to something worse if it isn't stopped now.
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u/Round-Ticket-39 21h ago
Females? Are you bot or male? Anyway he is not goat or other animal he should contain himselfmor lock himself in dungeon as final monster for some brave adventurer
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u/justthankyous 19h ago
It is not normal for guys to have thoughts like that about relatives. Healthy men are capable of compartmentalizing and distinguishing between women they are attracted to and women who are just friends or relatives. People can have kinks and they largely don't have control over what those kinks may be, but they can separate those kinks from their interactions with real people in their lives.
Your husband's kink has nothing to do with you or whether or not you are satisfying him sexually. That's ridiculous. It's one thing for you both, as a couple, to have an understanding about him watching porn because he maybe has a higher libido than you do or you aren't interested in roleplaying his mother in law or non-consent kinks in the bedroom. It's another thing entirely for him to let that sort of activity bleed into real life like this.
Your husband spying on your mother is kind of a big deal, it's a violation of her trust. He knows she doesn't want to be spied on, he doesn't have respect enough towards her to care.
I agree therapy is the bare minimum of what should happen here.
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u/Neat-Particular-5962 15h ago
Ahh the hot mother in law, had one of those before. Would have totally smashed post divorce.
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u/SeaLow5372 22h ago edited 18h ago
NOR. You're under-reacting, in my opinion. I was so disgusted it took me a few seconds to type a response.Ā