r/AITAH • u/New_Material_7896 • 1d ago
UPDATE: AITAH for not dropping out of a house party despite it making my ex's new fiancé uncomfortable?
Thank you for all the lovely suggestions in my previous post, which is why I am doing an update.
I did go to the party. Honestly, after reading that yes, my ex had in fact lost his mind, I decided not to bother Peter or his gf; my friend, and just go and mind my business. It's not like my ex and his fiancée would come and scream the house down on seeing me. Again, I guess I didn't mention in my last post, and the reason I was more mad at my ex, was because I have a very serious boyfriend. The idea that my ex's fiancée would think I'd go anywhere to spite my ex despite having a boyfriend was really insulting.
We went to the housewarming, and I ignored them. I don't care, we are all adults, and I am not going to fuel drama. And my ex and his fiancée (her especially), made a fool of themselves, and at some point, even I felt bad because I saw how desperate she was for my ex's friends to respect her or take any ONE of her sentences seriously. Whoever, she tried to talk to ignored her or straight up walked away. Again, Peter and my ex's friends are a different group, and I'm not friends with them. But the way my ex let his friends treat his fiancée made my blood boil.
I mostly hung out with my friends (Peter's GF's friend group), and I didn't speak or look at my ex once. One time he said hi, and my boyfriend said hello back, and we didn't see him near us for the rest of the night. His fiancée just asked me if my dress 'wasn't a bit too modest'. And Peter told her, everyone there followed the dress code; casual-elegant, (don't ask me, I didn't make the rules), but she didn't. My boyfriend already loathes my ex, so we did not mingle near them again.
Overall, I had a good time, we even got to leave early and have some more time to ourselves, watched a movie, and had a good time at home.
However, what pissed me off was how much of a shitty fiancé he was, and how much his fiancée was trying to fit in, and failing, and he wouldn't even help her. My boyfriend isn't just a 'bookish' person, and he doesn't fit in with some pretentious people either, and he is very blunt, so some people don't like him. Plus, he loves video games, and comics, and has hobbies (trekking, diving) which scare me. But we compromise and learn to adjust to each other's interests. Plus, if someone treats my bf even a little like how they treat my ex's fiancée, I'd cut them off, no questions asked, and I am already LC with a few friends who judged and made comments about him in the past.
I really hope she leaves him, if she has any dignity, or he gets his shit together. All in all, not my problem.
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u/PapitaSpuds 22h ago
Sounds like she’s projecting and trying to place blame elsewhere for the fact that her man doesn’t respect her. Continue keeping clear of their toxic dynamic.
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u/ConstructionNo9678 18h ago
That's because if she directs the blame where it needs to go, her choices are much more limited. Either she breaks up with him, or she accepts that this will always be part of their relationship dynamic. Trying to control external factors like OP showing up is a distraction.
It's kind of sad how little self-respect this woman has; it seems like she's chasing scraps of attention from Peter and these friends. That isn't OP's problem though, it's something she needs to work on herself.
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u/SurroundMiserable262 22h ago
You handled this perfectly.
Part of me felt like she didn't want you there because she didn't want the reality check because she has now had the opportunity to see how you interact with people, how your boyfriend interacts with you and how people interact with her boyfriend. And the paradox between your situation and her situation.
It's a shame you blocked them because i imagine if they were messages in backlash to your success vs hers they would have been glorious to read.
But importantly. You don't care in fact you have empathy for her. That's great. Shows how beautifully you've grown over two years.
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u/SoraSirenn 1d ago
it was okay to attend the party. It's a housewarming, not your ex's personal event!! NTA at all.
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u/panachi19 23h ago
NTA. Best to just stay out of it
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u/BUTTeredWhiteBread 12h ago
I would be INCAPABLE of staying out of it lol. I would reach out to this girl and be like "babes, you deserve so much more"
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u/panachi19 12h ago
Eh, it’s been my experience that when you jump into those situations, especially uninvited, they either become YOUR problem or blame you for the outcome. Gave up on all that a long time ago.
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u/Suitable-Park184 17h ago
NTA for attending. But I think all of your friends sound like pretentious AHs. A dress code for a housewarming??
And being rude and ignoring someone’s partner because they’re not smart enough or interesting enough?
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u/MsMourningStar 11h ago
Having an excuse to dress up is fun, plus they’re theater kids so it just amplifies that. I doubt anyone would’ve commented on her outfit if she hadn’t tried to throw shade at OP. She made herself look bad.
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u/xMorphinex 14h ago
From your first post, I could tell the ex and his gf were going to act up. The update did not disappoint.
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u/Lonestarlady_66 12h ago
I hope for her sake that she leaves him also. She may be a perfectly lovely person away from him. He seems like the real AH here.
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u/Cursd818 9h ago
If someone made a comment on my dress like that, I'd have just looked at them and gone, 'Wow, that was rude,' and walked away. I'm impressed to see how you rose above their immaturity.
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u/Away-Understanding34 19h ago
Good for you and I think you handled this really well. Also, at the risk of sounding condescending, I am proud of you for feeling empathy towards his fiancee. She probably acts the way she acts because she's not treated well by him and that makes her insecure. It's definitely not your problem though. Wishing you peace and love in the New Year!
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u/LeeLeeOnTheRun 12h ago
You know what? Your genuine sympathy for her is pretty cool. She's definitely got a crappy fiancée problem and you could have been petty, but you weren't. You'll sleep better at night and have fewer ulcers when you take the kind road in life.
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u/Colourfulchemist 12h ago
I see! The missing missing reason rears its ugly head!
It's obvious to everyone that OP has a "serious boyfriend" instead of a dignified fiancé like their ex because they are still pining over him. How pathetic, you tried to deceive the Internet but the truth always comes out in the end!
/s
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u/Connect_Engineer_289 16h ago
OMG, your ex sounds like SUCH a jerk letting his friends treat his fiancee like that. It's like, the bar is in HELL. Good for you for ignoring the drama and your bf sounds way better anyway.
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u/Glittering_Job_7996 16h ago
Thank you for the update!!!
You dealt with this with class and let them embarrass themselves
Also the comment about your dress is so strange to say… she was itching for something to insult you with
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u/MrLegend_hims3lf 21h ago
This doesn’t belong here…this is a girl still comparing her ex to her current boyfriend. Sorry, but nothing here makes sense…there was no drama, just you being annoyed.
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u/Shelly_895 19h ago
Why does an update need drama?
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u/MrLegend_hims3lf 14h ago
If the new girl was making drama…yeah that would be something and OP reacted in a way wondering whether she was right or wrong…there’s nothing here to say if she’s TAH or not 🤷🏼♂️ Might say she is as she’s obviously not over her ex and compare her new BF to the ex.
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u/Shelly_895 14h ago
there’s nothing here to say if she’s TAH or not
That's not the point of updates, though. You judge OPs on the original post. The point of an update is to inform you what happened afterwards.
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u/BigZog420 18h ago
OP jealousy and bitterness is a terrible look on you. It’s not even clear what you’re jealous about, but it’s clearly something.
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u/Misommar1246 23h ago
You sound really smug, I think your ex dodged a bullet.
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u/Temporary-Laugh-227 23h ago
Did you not read the first post ? I don’t think she sounds smug at all! I think she was put in a tough spot by her D-bag ex and she is trying to handle it best she can.
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u/Thanautopsis 22h ago
Honestly, all of these people sound exhausting.
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u/AstronautImportant44 20h ago
I read the first and second posts and I'm relieved that I don't know any of these people. I think Op's boyfriend from what she described is the least annoying
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u/BUTTeredWhiteBread 12h ago
OP's BF sounds fun. OP sounds OK I guess, but her friends are terrible and she should reevulate that.
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u/dreca 17h ago
You say you’re ignoring them, but you spend a lot of energy being mad at your ex and how he treats his new girlfriend.
Get over him, or admit you’re not over him.
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u/New_Material_7896 17h ago
Wow.
Because having empathy if a person, no matter how they act, is being treated poorly, means that I have not moved on.
Caring about how others are being treated doesn't always come with ulterior motives, and my being mad at my ex for being a shit human being towards his fiancée, has nothing to do with my non-existent feelings for him, but everything to do with being uncomfortable with another woman being insulted in front of you.
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u/dreca 16h ago
You want credit for empathy, but you didn't do shit to help the other woman. You ignored her; except for noting how they made "fools of themselves." You watched as everyone she attempted to talk to at a party ignored her or straight up walked away. You're pissed your ex treated a woman badly, but never once thought to bring her into a conversation, or talk to her at all. But hey, "not your problem."
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u/New_Material_7896 16h ago
The one time I engaged in conversation she made a passive comment on how my dress was "too modest", and rolled her eyes when my friend was on my side.
Somehow, I didn't think she'd like it further if I kept on bothering her, nor was I going to be in the line of her passive-aggressive jabs.
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u/PristineArmadillo812 22h ago
Something about the first story and the 'modest dress' comment has me thinking the new fiance was an affair partner and she's always been insecure about OP. She's been competing with you longer than you realise probably.