We frequently get posts like “I feel bad in this way or that way, how do I stop feeling like this?”

If you feel regret or guilt or anxiety, that emotion is telling you something. There is something you need to fix, some wrong belief or erroneous action you need to correct.

Emotions are data. Don’t ignore your data, use it. Understand your feelings and use the information they give you to improve your character.

I badly want to improve myself through Stoicism but idk how to start

My brother got into a fight with my family and I because he found out some things we did in the past that go against his beliefs (drinking, smoking, etc). He became really paranoid, saying that we have been lying and hiding things from him for several years. He refused to forgive my sibling and I for these past mistakes and got angry at my mom for being understanding and forgiving.

Today, he packed all of his things and left the house. He said he won’t speak to any of us ever again and that if we try to contact him, he will change his number.

My brother and I have always been the closest of friends. We went through everything together. My heart is shattered into a billion pieces and I don’t think I will ever recover. I thought about dying today. Someone please tell me how to cope. Please.

Earned $600 from selling a few things, really needed the cash and I realized shortly after I earned it that it fell out of my pocket, most likely when I was grabbing my phone. I’m usually very careful with securing cash and always put it in my wallet or a safe place, somehow I really messed up today. Any advice on the best ways to accept this L and not let it ruin my weekend/week?

I am a 17 year old male from India . I have failed my college entrance examination. I don't have enough courage to prepare for the next attempt which is in april I gave it my all of what I had, But I got hospitalised in september, lost the momentum..and Now, I have nearly no hopes at all.. I spent 2 years of my life and a toal of 5000 hours for it, I failed again and again in mock tests but tried again and again, still the final result remained the same and it feels hopeless now..Left social media, Left every thing.. Now, I don't know what to do

Other engineering private colleges are just a waste of money in my country I spent alot of my parents money for preparing for this exam

There are two levels of this examination.. One is simple, other one is one of the toughest examinations. It's for thr elite university in India I was preparing for the hard one for that much time, but I couldn't complete my syllabus .. Now, I couldn't even get through the first one which is for second best university of my country Easier one has two attempts in a year One was in January, the other one is in april

How can I get enough courage to get back up and prepare for the next attempt I just feel worthless and feel like my life has no meaning

Hello. I recently made a decision to pursue a phd abroad. It was a very prestigious programme and I thought it was my professional dream. My boyfriend’s dream was to go to Australia, and so we decided we were going on different paths and therefore had to split up. However, there was a sense that we would rekindle things at a later point.

As soon as I began the phd, I realised I had made a terrible mistake. I immediately wanted to quit the phd and follow my boyfriend over to Australia. However he had since accepted the break up as conclusive and was enjoying his new single life.

Things got quite toxic between us and what was a lovely relationship became quite nasty. I have since quit the phd, back at home, heartbroken etc. I have lost what I thought could be my life partner and professional dream.

I have been stuck in a cycle of regret, rumination and feel like I didn’t ’value’ the relationship as much as I should have, and had I really considered going to Australia with him, none of this would have happened & we would have stayed committed. I can’t make sense of the person who made this decision because of how I feel now. I keep imagining the alternative life with him as the ‘right’ path.

I have now been diagnosed with depression and feel very stuck.

Does anyone have personal anecdotes on how your ‘mistakes’ led to actually better outcomes but you couldn’t see it at the time? OR does anyone have any advice on how to process regret?

THANK YOU

Looking for a Stoic sub that has less “how to fix my specific problem” and more discussion about the philosophy. The flairs aren't cutting it. More wisdom and learning on a generalist level. Any thoughts?

In my life, I have very much to be grateful for, and I remind myself of that every day. However, I find that on some days, it’s much harder to find that feeling of gratitude. How does one stay grateful and not lose sight of what they should cherish, even through tough times?

Hi there! I’ve been thinking about building an app to help with something I’ve been struggling with: keeping my ideas organized and seeing how they shape my personal philosophy. I get overwhelmed by all the thoughts and beliefs bouncing around in my head, and it’s hard to see how they connect or change over time. Imagine a tool that helps you organize your ideas, summarize your core beliefs, and update your philosophy as you grow.

I’d love to hear your thoughts:

• Do you ever feel this way too? Would you find an app like this helpful? Why or why not?
• What features would you want? For example:
  • A way to summarize your core beliefs into something simple and clear (like a philosophy elevator pitch)?
  • Tools to track how your philosophy changes over time (kinda like a personal dialectic)?
  • Prompts to help you question your own thinking (like Socratic dialogue or Hegelian synthesis)?
• Do you already use any tools for philosophical stuff or self-reflection?
• Would you pay for this? If so, how much?

I’m just tossing this idea around and want to make sure it’s something people would actually use before I start building it. Your feedback would be awesome, thanks in advance!

I'm a 29M. I went to film school, I've only ever had an interest in doing something with video.

I'm not trying to brag, I'm fact it's more embarrassing than anything because of how it represents my character, but in school, and even beforehand, I was more naturally gifted in this area than a majority of my peers.

But I have amounted to nothing.

In fact I am unemployed at the moment.

I can't ever seem to stick to a long term goal... every time I come up with one it seems to be an entirely new direction and then sort of just fades away.

What do I do? I'm so tired of not building anything substantial.

Has anybody ever gone through this and figured a way out? I would love to know.

A child of change.

There is so much on my mind. There always is. I can’t ignore the social decline that our entire world climate has brought and is continuing to push. Not you as a person, just people in general. I see people talk about activism. The organizations I have seen all seem like glorified boys clubs. You join and do minor crimes in the name of change or freedom. I can see I way I believe things will change for the better. My problem is that my thoughts feel ignored. On large people, both IRL and online. Don’t respond to me. This is probably because I’m socially awkward. Also because most people don’t want to think about the power dynamic of a random group of people. They also don’t want to consider thoughts such as. I am my own master. I control everything I experience. Not that I can make it all good. More that I can have a genuine smile on even after experiencing something terrible or tragic. This ties into stoicism if you saw that connect. I digress. My point is it feels hard in my daily life to find any person who sees the world like me. Every person who I seek advice from. Even ai therapists tell me I’m not alone. If that’s so where are you? The children of change. People who understand that change is the only constant in life. Who lean into that. People who have endlessly open minds and like to be proved wrong. People who accept that we are inherently flawed but want to be better. I see all kinds of people. Alas I can’t find anyone who wants a world even remotely like the one I want. I don’t expect any responses, honestly i expect this post to be removed. That’s happened every other time Ive made a post. Maybe I’m just cynical. I am. I’m just making another attempt to see who else is sick of this world and wants to do more than just know the issue. Or find a bandage for the current problems we face.

I'm 31, with a family to support, and I've failed a crucial exam twice by a narrow margin. The exam is costly, and traveling to another country for it adds to the expense. To make matters worse, my relatives and friends know about my failures, which has drained my motivation to study. Despite having a decent salary from my hospital job, the pressure to pass this exam weighs heavily on me. With a kid to care for and a working wife, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I want to try again, but I'm struggling to find the enthusiasm to start studying. Can someone offer guidance on how to regain my motivation and confidence to tackle this exam once more?

Are you also that someone who is really obsessed with the idea of traveling, living the dream, experiencing every kind of life on earth? You’re trying to improve/get better everyday, study, journal, meditate, grind, upskilling and all that but still not making anything? All these gurus, courses, online infos, sources, free guide and stuffs which is kind often times overwhelming and annoying. You try a bunch and get tired of it, you’re passionate and kind of a resonance man that is the idea of jack of all trades, master of none kind of thing. You do and have interests in a but of everything. Hence— Still you also invest in resilience, mindfulness, faith, and learned to be patient for what you deserve?

Hi, me too, I really want to have a friend/accountability partner who push each-other, a reminder, learning, growing together and basically just locking in and have these deep conversations and stuff about life, money, relationships, everything. 👋🏼

Can anyone recommend books that introduce stoicism to middle-school aged kids?

On greed 

 “Who has the greatest possession? He who wants least”  

• Publius Syrus 

Napoleon Bonaparte sat on his peak of power in 1811 he had conquered Europe in his successfull campaigns in Austria. He won spectacular battles in Austerlitz, Jena and Ulm. He had brought Europe on its knees and yet he was the poorest ruler of all Europe, why? Because it was not enough. He always wanted more and more power and when he got it, it wasn’t enough. He started to lose his mind the more and more power he got. His campaigns only got worse and worse, he had lost his way of fighting (if you look at his Russia campaign) all because of one thing, GREED.  

It is the same story with Alexander the great, he came to India and still wanted to continue even when his soldiers where hungry and tired after fighting for years.                  It comes to backbite you almost always and in Alexanders case it did too, with his soldiers allegedly killing him. His greed was never satisfied which Plutarch highlighted “When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer." 

Greed has always been a problem in generals and kings. Its always the overreaching and they almost never stop at the intended goal. “But now is the chance to get all of it” and then you overreach and lose ALL. Seneca put it very beautifully like this “It is not the man who has little who is poor, but the one who hankers after more.  

All these examples of people which never conquered the most important territory; the territory of the mind. publius syrus puts it ”would you have a great empire?Rule over yourself” 

You may think you are not greedy yourself, you just haven’t got the chance to show it. All of us have tendencies of doing greedy things but you think you can bend human nature? No you haven’t just got the chance to do it yet in high stakes situation. Of course you will feel the urge to do it sometimes but what matters is not if you get impulse but what you do with the impulse. Do you invite the spirit of greed or do you conquer the greatest empire... 

Was he a Stoic? In his book he said to make a virtue of necessity; when confronted by matters beyond your control, to use that as an opportunity for personal growth and moral development.

I feel like I am pretty stoic in some ways. I accept things as they happen. I find others can overreact to situations but I’m a lot more composed and rational most of the time. I just find that I get frustrated with people sometimes. Let’s say my in laws for instance, we get on and are civil to each other but some of their direct/indirect comments can get to me and I sometimes wish I didn’t have to put up with it but I feel hopeless that I have any control. In the moment I think “just ignore it and focus on moving on from it” I suppose. I am pretty conflict avoidant and I worry that if I say something then it’ll just cause tension and create hard feelings or make future interactions more awkward. I feel like I’d be more likely to back down first if it did turn into a heated exchange for instance. The in laws are just an example. I sometimes ruminate on stuff people said and get frustrated with something if I find it insulting which can happen more often than I’d like. For instance the in law example again my MIL will make a comment about how my wife is dominant in our relationship because of one tiny interaction which I know isn’t particularly true but I get frustrated by it and I’m even thinking about it weeks later.

I know ideally assertiveness is the best way but I don’t think that approach will work in most situations I find myself in because the atmosphere is quite lighthearted and fun and I don’t feel comfortable pleading with someone to “play nice” because I don’t think it’s my style. I would rather be the person that people don’t criticise or down play me (usually in a bantery way) and perhaps if they do I could joke back in a way that outdoes them if that makes sense? I’m sure I show assertiveness in ways I don’t even realise sometimes and it’s not always a conscious decision. I’m not good at putting on a facade though and I would rather just be the person that comes naturally to me. I want to change how I perceive things at least which stoicism is about right?

I (19M) have ADHD, so I’m basically destined for a life of suffering and that I have accepted. With this disorder, my social skills are very low tier and I often struggle in social situations. Usually, interactions with strangers are awkward and I can never stop overthinking after. The interactions just keep replaying in my head after they happen and it’s very uncomfortable. I don’t know if any of you are in the same boat as me, but I may need some confidence or some other way to think about all this. Any suggestions?

"Shit happens" is a false statement, Things happen and you assign your own value judgement that its "shit".

Fortune is not permanent but so is hardship. The direction of the wind may appear random. But it is the result of a huge casual chain of events starting right from big bang. The direction of the wind is an indifferent neither good nor bad. But you can assign different value judgements to it based on various scenarios. Its extremely cold and wind is blowing in your direction? You say its bad. Its extremely hot and the wind is non existent. You say its bad. Its a sunny day and a cold wind passes by. You say it is good but the guy with cold and fever standing by you says its bad.

The wind doesn't care about you. It just blows not randomly but due to very specific events leading up to its causation. Similarly events happen in the universe of which you may or may not be a part of. For the events which you are a part of, You may perceive it at that moment in time as favorable or not favorable. But the event happened without any concern for you well being. It just happened. Did it happen due to bad luck? Did it happen as a punishment by some just god or unjust demon? No. You would be an idiot to think like that. It happened due to a very long causal chain. And it would certainly happen once again if you restart the universe with exactly the same state and parameters right from big bang just like if you rewind a movie and play it, The same things happens in the movie. Only a fool would wish for different things to happen. Only a fool would think "I could have done X". You definitely couldn't have done anything. If a simulation is run from the beginning of the universe with the same state of the universe when it was created. The same things would happen in a deterministic universe. You know the wiser choice now, But you never will know it yesterday.

"But what about the chaos on a quantam level, that is truly random. This implies determinism is not true". Ah idiot, You think the universe has randomness?? Just because you cannot find order you assume it to be chaos?? That is a self centered and shallow view. One day humanity will find the calculations and laws governing the quantam world. That day no one can refute the claim that the universe is truly deterministic.

In short.

I am a 20 year old man and a kissless virgin. All of my friends and acquaintances have girlfriends/boyfriends while I haven't even held a girls hand. Currently I am feeling self conscious and kinda embarassed about my dating inexperience.

How to use Stoicism in this situation? What about in the future? Lets say someone makes fun of me for being inexperienced, or I get rejected by a girl for being inexperienced. How to apply Stoicism in my situation?

I'm in heartache right now, the person that I'ved loved for so long is now in a relationship with another person, also a friend of mine. But through the fog of pain I'm pushing through it and choosing not to be bitter or angry at them or at the world for not being with the person that I want to be with. I recognjze that it's not anyone's fault, these are just the circumstances of life right now. I'm in pain but I'm actively choosing to still be a good person.

I always remember a phrase from a former colleague at his last day on my office: “My happiness doesn’t rely on my workplace; it depends on me.”

He was the most stoic person I could imagine, and that phrase, it always drills my head, day and night.

Every day I try to seek that piece of mind, or at least control the emotion, and I always put those words on my mind, to follow.

Hi Stoics, I need a advice I might face some false allegations against me in court. Thinking about it makes me nervous and I do overthinking I am new to stoicism. Please help.

J

I was sitting inside during the afternoon right next to the beach and I bought epictetus works 2 days I go. I got fed up of bed and took a fairly long walk with a journal , the enchiridion, and a pen to study and journal. It was perfect and I was making notes on how you should practice your philosophy but then my pen started giving up and I kept on trying to write and I was getting more and more angry(I have the paper still and can show it as proof ) and then I realized that the pen was external and out of my control and I should focus on what I can and that was reading the book I had.And then I went to reddit

Sorry if this doesn't have to do witch Stoicism at all or if I'm misinterpreteding.Can you let me know if om interpreting it right