Md. man charged after pouring whiskey into holy water during Christmas Eve service, deputies say

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First, just after 5 p.m., the sheriff’s office said Von Goetz entered Holy Angels Catholic Church during mass, approached the altar and dropped an onion in the aisle.

Bonus onion.

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u/Lem0n_Lem0n 18h ago

He forgot to cut the onions so people would tear up thus making it hard to see him

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u/WoolshirtedWolf 16h ago

Onion propped up his Merkin flaps.

6

u/Thin-Dragonfruit247 16h ago

oh the layers…

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u/fastinserter 9h ago

What a faux pas, onions haven't been stylish on belts for a long time.

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u/RustyShack1efordd 19h ago

He also threatened churchgoers with onions lol.

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u/SemiAutoAvocado 14h ago

As was the style at the time

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u/HellYeahBelle 18h ago

A congregant then escorted him out of the church, but Von Goetz was equipped with even more produce, and he was prepared to use it, according to deputies.

St. Mary’s County. As a Marylander, this sounds about right.

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u/CrudelyAnimated 18h ago

“I had an onion on my belt. That was the style at the time.”

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u/RustyShack1efordd 17h ago

🤣

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u/Reasonable_Spite_282 18h ago

Before it he said “this one’s for my homie Jesus. big ups. rest in peace bro. I love you dog”

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u/supercyberlurker 19h ago

I wonder if, statistically speaking, the alcohol from the whiskey made the holy water more sanitary.

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u/Big_Rig_Jig 17h ago

Only statistically speaking, yes, undoubtedly.

Again only statistically speaking, if you add whiskey there will be less whine in the Catholics.

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u/AGrandNewAdventure 15h ago

Will there be, though?

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u/Big_Rig_Jig 15h ago

Speaking strictly as a recovering Catholic, there will actually be more whine. Statistics can lie after all.

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u/All_will_be_Juan 17h ago

It was water when I started pouring I swear

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u/interprime 18h ago

Hey, this happened in the county I live in.

I’m going to the wrong church.

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u/rmarkmatthews 17h ago

What’s the charge? Attending a mass? A succulent Catholic mass?

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u/milkymaniac 18h ago

The site showed me an ad that said "lose weight by mixing this into your water" lol

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u/belliJGerent 18h ago

This is terrorism!!

/s

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u/fromwhichofthisoak 17h ago

Since when is making holier water a crime

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u/anotherpredditor 18h ago

What Catholic had an issue with that?

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u/gentlybeepingheart 18h ago

A year or two ago some Scottish students gifted Pope Francis a bottle of whisky and Francis went “This is the real holy water!” while on video.

Then the Vatican made a weirdly big fuss over it and cut that part out of the video and apologized for it being unprofessional or something lmao.

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u/myeff 18h ago

The first human pope in decades (a "bad pope" according my grandma, due to a whisper campaign by the old guard).

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u/speculatrix 10h ago

Can confirm, I have taught rabidly zealot Catholics in my family. I have asked them why their ~~franchise~~ church hasn't schismed like it did before and appoint a different pope but they didn't want to go that far.

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u/fantasmoofrcc 12h ago

Wait, the pope gets paid...money? I figured at best the Pope was semi-pro.

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u/mshelbz 18h ago

It was the cheap shit

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u/PhilosopherFLX 18h ago

MD? 20/20?

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u/arcxjo 18h ago

Whatever happened to separation of church and state? There's no way this can be a crime:

Thursday, the sheriff’s office charged Von Goetz with several crimes, including assault, disorderly conduct, threat of mass violence and defacing religious property.

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u/RustyShack1efordd 17h ago

Mass violence with produce!

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u/Spaceman_Spiff85 17h ago

Didn’t know a sheriffs office could actually charge people. Did they charge him with instigating global warming as well?

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u/MindfulPsychic 13h ago

That’s terrible. Meatloaf said “I can do any fantasy you got and hose you down with holy water if you get too hot” so that means a fantasy would never end. This is definitely a felony and God’s gonna be pissed off too, but there’ll be a lot of drunk priest.

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u/mslauren2930 17h ago

So what was the crime exactly? You don't drink the holy water unless you're... well... probably drunk.

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u/gentlybeepingheart 11h ago

Later that Christmas Eve night, deputies said Von Goetz went to midnight mass at St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church in Leonardtown, poured whiskey into the holy water and threatened to harm parishioners. As congregants there escorted him out, Von Goetz tried striking them with his whiskey bottle, according to the sheriff’s office.

I assume the actual charge was for the threats and trying to physically assault people.

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u/mslauren2930 10h ago

Ah okay. I missed that part.

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u/haplessclerk 12h ago

Yeah, I was thinking, what's the point in that, it needs to go into the wine.

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u/sulivan1977 18h ago

At the first baptist bar and grill, the only church in the bible belt that smells like whiskey still.

Rest in peace little Tim Wilson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYmAU3BXIpU

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u/Naive-Marzipan4527 14h ago

Charged… with being awesome?!

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u/MattiasCrowe 17h ago

Jesus walked in, turned water into whiskey, and they arrested him

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u/speculatrix 10h ago

Maybe the man's lawyer should appeal for ~~Clementines~ clemency?

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u/ChaseTheMystic 5h ago

He turned water into whiskey, it's a Christmas miracle

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u/argama87 1h ago

You've heard of water to wine, now witness water to whiskey!

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u/argama87 1h ago

Added some extra spirits to the holy water.

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u/Impressive-Pizza1876 18h ago

Doin gods work , I say . God let it happen , it men that stopped this saints.

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u/bluenoser613 15h ago

Best mass ever!

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u/ConclusionAlarmed882 18h ago

Horsewhipped?! They should given him a medal!

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u/wwarnout 18h ago

"...into 'holy' water..."

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u/UncuriousGeorgina 17h ago

Sharing the Christmas Spirit

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u/franchisedfeelings 18h ago

Oh please - bid deal - so what.

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u/badmoviecritic 12h ago

But isn’t whiskey considered to be holy—uisce beatha?