r/nottheonion • u/devicto89 • 2d ago

B***h, new laws!' California shoplifting suspect surprised stealing is now a felony

https://www.fox13news.com/news/new-laws-california-shoplifting-suspects-surprised-stealing-felony
20.5k Upvotes

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u/AequusEquus 1d ago

You wouldn't download a seal

80

u/BurtMacklin____FBI 1d ago

I for one, would absolutely download a seal.

30

u/V65Pilot 1d ago

My mechanic told me I'd blown a seal. I told him to forget about my sex life and fix my damn car.

6

u/Jusby_Cause 1d ago

While they were doing that, I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar. A real dive. But, I knew the owner. He used to play for the Dolphins. I said, “HI GILL!”

You have to yell, he’s hard of herring.

3

u/V65Pilot 22h ago

Ahh, nice to meet a fellow Redditor with a classy taste in music.

9

u/EyeAmKnotMyshelf 1d ago

It's so intriguing to me to see which advertisements end up "living rent free" in our heads due to a combination of absurdity and nostalgia.

2

u/AequusEquus 1d ago

GEICO cavemen, AFLAC duck, silly rabbit Trix are for kids, etc

What's also interesting is that since I cut the cords, I no longer absorb commercials through osmosis

4

u/Disastrous_Bite_5478 1d ago

I would download a seal, a car, fucking green eggs and ham if I could. Where do you think I get my RAM?

1

u/strangecloudss 1d ago

https://downloadmoreram.com/

In case your first source runs out brother.

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u/AMZNGenius-Detective 11h ago

Loose seal! Lucille!