r/nottheonion • u/devicto89 • 2d ago

B***h, new laws!' California shoplifting suspect surprised stealing is now a felony

https://www.fox13news.com/news/new-laws-california-shoplifting-suspects-surprised-stealing-felony
20.5k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

View all comments

Show parent comments

3

u/Halcyon520 1d ago

Did you get to tell them “what cha doing? Move along sir/mam”

All seriousness would love to hear some stories!

2

u/SynthsNotAllowed 1d ago

Not really. Often stood outside waiting for the LP to confront them outside. If the LP was far enough behind, we could distract the thief by starting up a conversation with them. I once asked one what time it was just after looking down at my watch and they sat there staring at me like I was an alien until the LP came out and coaxed them inside.

Stores without LPs or LPs that couldn't do apprehensions would call us for walkthroughs. You generally know who you got called for when first thing you see is some random chick with a bag of one clothing item abandon it and nope out the store soon as you enter.

Less funny stories include a time my supe got attacked when he came across 2 burglars hitting a food place and one charged at him with a pry bar. My supe was the most physically capable mallcop on payroll and actually won the fight. The other burglar fled, but prybar guy got held down until the cops came. I don't remember if the store had an alarm or if the janitor found the scene and called it in, but it was a while.

I once responded to a gunshot when members of 2 rival gangs met and one gang wanted to act like hot shit in the mall. He put one in a chokehold with a gun to his head. He ended up doing a negligent discharge because poor trigger discipline and the other dude started resisting. Bullet ricochetted around the hall and almost hit a bystander in the head and everybody scattered. Never skipped wearing body armor again after that.

Sadly not too many funny stories or happy memories and a lot more stories about unraised kids bringing school drama to the mall, addicts doing wild shit, pimps trying to recruit girls, homeless people having bad life moments and having to kick them out, less/non criminal guests being obnoxious buffoons, and store employees along with us getting attacked.

1

u/Halcyon520 1d ago

Well that was very interesting to read.

I never worked in any kind of enforcement (except as a soccer referee and the personalities and general humanity you bounce around with sound similar but with the volume dialed way down)

I was expecting some stories of dumb criminals getting their just desserts for just being bad and dumb. But it sounds like the experience was a balancing act of brushing up against unfortunate people and still treating them with dignity or at least understanding their circumstances.

I try to be a reasonable person but I have my biases and often default to being harder on petty criminals with out so much as a thought about the how or why. You gave me a pause in that, the line unraised kids was a powerful one.

Be well and have a great start to 2025