r/nottheonion • u/devicto89 • 2d ago

B***h, new laws!' California shoplifting suspect surprised stealing is now a felony

https://www.fox13news.com/news/new-laws-california-shoplifting-suspects-surprised-stealing-felony
20.5k Upvotes

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137

u/JimboTCB 1d ago

Would you steal a meal from Neal McBeal the Navy SEAL?

148

u/Possible_Bullfrog844 1d ago

Single Female Lawyer, fighting for her clients 

Wearing sexy mini skirts, and being self reliant

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u/Lsfnzo 1d ago

Ally Mcbeal?

19

u/AFewStupidQuestions 1d ago

The real deal, ya feel?

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/illicitsammich 1d ago

No, McNeal, the single female lawyer

4

u/Mine-Shaft-Gap 1d ago

We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. I will rate it a C+. OK, not great. We will not destroy your planet.

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u/secamTO 1d ago

Hey, I'm pretty good!

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u/Lobo003 1d ago

Way to over act zoidberg.

10

u/Infinite_Regret8341 1d ago

I would steal a meal from Neal McBeal the Navy Seal. Do so with much zeal don't know what's the big deal? Unless someone squeals and finds the peels could care less how he feels.

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u/Barl0we 1d ago

I’d have to check Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog first!

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u/rexraided 1d ago

Dollar general won't call the cops unless it's over $20!

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u/Content_Geologist420 1d ago

Its not stealing if the muffins ARE PLACED IN THE PRODUCE SECTION!

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u/-Raskyl 1d ago

Totally depends, but probably maybe yes

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u/Giant_War_Sausage 1d ago

Absolutely! It’s the real deal!

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u/Nolsoth 1d ago

My old workmate spent a week in the brig for whacking his CO after his CO took his cookie in the galley.

Don't steal Marines Cookies is the lesson I learnt.

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u/Captain-Stunning 1d ago

Did Neal McBeal the NAVY SEAL call dibs first on the meal?