r/nottheonion • u/Double_Rutabaga878 • 3d ago
Rudy Giuliani poses as Santa with woman on knee to sell coffee
https://www.the-independent.com/tv/news/rudy-giuliani-coffee-christmas-advert-b2669329.html884
u/MM556 3d ago
Every day the US looks more and more like some kind of dystopian futureĀ
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u/craniumcanyon 3d ago
Nation full of morons who canāt think beyond their next Facebook post or Joe Rogan podcast.
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u/HBeez 3d ago
Product of an education system that keeps them that way.
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u/eerun165 3d ago
No child left behind
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u/Khaldara 3d ago
I.E āClass must be tailored to the dumbest MF in attendance.ā
āOur vision is a nation meticulously educated at the level of at least one Marjorie Taylor Green per classroom.ā
- The GOP
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u/perplexedparallax 3d ago
Not dumb, just differently intelligenced. Self-esteem is our primary concern.
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u/APRengar 3d ago
Daily "Reagan cut public education and idiots were saying 'sky is still blue, you are all overreacting' a day after it passed. When obviously the time we'll ACTUALLY feel like the effects are when those kids who were not properly educated became adults who actually had to run the world. We're at that point now" reminder.
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u/craniumcanyon 3d ago
It just needs more Jesus. /s
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u/TheWorclown 3d ago
āNo, not that Jesus. My Jesus doesnāt like the poor. Or foreigners. Or gays. And lets me beat my wife.ā
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u/hexairclantrimorphic 3d ago
And lets me beat my wife.ā
Your wife lets me beat off to her, just gotta pay for her only fans.
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u/Alaishana 3d ago
Product of hubris.
There is nothing more destructive than to think 'We are the best".
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u/BifronsOnline 1d ago
American here. Can confirm, we are all fucking dumber than shit. I hate it here.
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u/raziel1012 3d ago edited 3d ago
If I need to see right wing idiots I can watch the news or links in reddit or comments on youtube news channels, if I need to see left wing idiots I can watch reddit.Ā
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u/TheSeekerOfSanity 3d ago
Dystopian present.
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u/richieadler 3d ago
The US has been a dystopian nation for many countries for the past 50+ years.
Now you're starting to live indoors what you dished on other countries during all that time.
... Nah, I'm finding difficult to feel empathy for you.
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u/LoveDemNipples 3d ago
Itās the dystopian Robocop future. *looks into camera āIād buy that for a dollar!ā Robot cops not far behind
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u/The_Kurrgan_Shuffle 3d ago
Idiocracy IRL
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u/nardlz 3d ago
I could really go for a Starbucks, you know?
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u/jpc27699 3d ago
Supreme Court litigation is basically turning into "your honor, the plaintiff doesn't have any money"
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u/notapunk 3d ago
Someone accidentally spilled coffee on the simulation machine and it has been glitching pretty hard ever since. Pretty sure they're just going to have to reboot it at this point.
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u/fillinthe___ 3d ago
Whatās sad is the amount of people this took to pull off (including 3 people in the video with him, camera people, editors, etc.). I get that Rudy is desperate, but how sick / dumb / deranged do you have to be to support a man who canāt even PAY because he owes so much money in lawsuits.
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u/IllegibleLedger 3d ago
Well at least weāll always be able to look fondly back at our dystopian past
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u/Which-Moment-6544 3d ago
Just a year ago, rudy was living his best life popping viags and sexually harassing to his hearts consent.
Poor old boys tricks caught up to him FAST. Even his friend donOld won't help him out.
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u/Common_Resolution_36 3d ago
Lol he was arrested at his own birthday party. Loser.
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u/aircooledJenkins 3d ago
He was served papers at his party. Wasn't arrested then.
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u/greebly_weeblies 3d ago
After taunting them, making up bullshit "rules" on service, thinking he was out of reach.Ā
Classic. Bet they lol'd as they handed them over.Ā
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u/Helgafjell4Me 3d ago
It's been a few years.. Rudy has been in the gutter since Trump's loss in 2020.
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u/sithelephant 3d ago
Yeah, no. Gutter involves actually being worse off than the median person, in financial terms. He is warm, in private accomodation and he can eat beef, he ain't in the gutter.
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u/TheFatSlapper 3d ago
Don Pablo coffee as the supplier, apparently also bankrupt according to some random article.
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u/bbuerk 3d ago edited 3d ago
The way they say āposes as Santaā makes it sound like heās trying to pull off identity theft
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u/WakeoftheStorm 3d ago
To be fair, I've never seen him and the real Santa in the same room at the same time
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u/jordan1978 3d ago
This guy single-handedly ruined the name Rudy.
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u/gingerzombie2 3d ago
Speaking of, his name is literally Rudolph. If they wanted a holiday themed ad, it's built right in. Wasted opportunity.
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u/itchygentleman 3d ago
I feel bad for the kids named after him from when he was a legendary NYC mayor. He couldve retired and stayed that bad-ass mayor from 9/11, instead he's this shell of his former self.
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u/takeitinblood3 3d ago
How does he have money for this? The lawyers need to work harder seizing his assets.
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u/oundhakar 3d ago
He'd better declare his earnings from selling the coffee. In fact, I hope he manages to sell a lot, so that his earnings can be garnished.
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u/The_Iceman2288 3d ago
We all know what the inevitable next step for Rudy is - šµšŗļøā¬ļø
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u/snuggl3ninja 3d ago
I thought the title was a typo as he would be better suited at promoting coffins, the absolute Ghoul of a man.
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u/Rosebunse 3d ago
Don't insult Ghouls like that! They're normal people just like you and me! It isn't their fault they survived nukes and lost their noses! And it's also rude to the weird little guys who hang out around graveyards and eat corpses. They're just doing their thing.
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u/bookwing812 3d ago
I've said this before, but every penny of what he makes here ought to be going to Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss
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u/fortifyinterpartes 3d ago
Still needs $145 mil to pay Ruby Freeman and Wandrea Moss. The guy is beyond broke.
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u/SarcasticBench 3d ago
Not making fun of the woman but I'm sure she's heavier than that back slap he got a couple of years ago that almost killed him. And he's 80 now.
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u/firstnameXlastname 3d ago
Is he getting paid for that? Cause I'm pretty sure he still owes people money
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u/Rosebunse 3d ago
What a terrible day to have eyes
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u/Throwawayac1234567 3d ago
he allowed trump to motorboat him drag before, this isnt far off, and he was in borat too.
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u/New_Improvement4164 3d ago
Coffee huh? Is that that black s*** that was running off his head? Did they dry it and scrape it off and can it? Maybe not but I bet it still tastes the same.
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u/CharmedMSure 3d ago
This seems insanely unreal to me. Maybe I need to drink more coffee this morning.
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u/Jedi_Ninja 3d ago
Hopefully, if any idiots actually buy this crap all the profits go straight to the ladies he owes all the money to.
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u/crusty54 3d ago
I bought some of his coffee because I was really stoned when I first heard of it, and I thought it was funny. 6/10, not very good.
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u/Darklord_Bravo 3d ago
I can't even make a joke. It writes itself every time he does something considered newsworthy.
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u/daveydat1 3d ago
I wouldn't be surprised if this comes out as a scene in a new Borat movie pretty soon. It's absolutely ridiculous
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u/corrector300 3d ago
is there some rule preventing him from just setting up a gofundme and living off maga
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u/monkeysandmicrowaves 3d ago
I don't believe in karma, but it's nice when it happens to work out that way.
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u/Professional-Pay1198 1d ago
What following Trump has done to "America's Mayor" is going to happen to all who follow him.
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u/UbiSububi8 3d ago
Have you heard the one where Rudy Giuliani, Mike Lindell, and Elon Musk are all put on a rocket and shot into the Sun?
sometimes fantasies do come true
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u/quotidianwoe 3d ago
Isnāt he busy avoiding turning over his property to wait for his ex-friend Trump to pardon him?
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u/gidthafugout 3d ago
I remember thinking in 2001 that if he played his cards right he might be president one day. How things have changed.
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u/Elegant_Accident2035 3d ago
So, he's got a job? Then they can go after his pay.isnt it that simple? Am I missing something?
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u/HaroldsWristwatch3 2d ago
This is how you attack liars - sue them for slander and defamation! Every time! When they are penniless, this shit will stop.
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u/Electricpants 3d ago
GoP stunts look like they are designed to trick your grandparents.
DNC stunts look like they are designed to sucker your parents.
When do we get to the part where the adults start talking about real issues and creating actionable plans?
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u/BooobiesANDbho 3d ago
The coffee drips down the side of his head.