r/idiocracy • u/Appropriate_Fly3242 • Jul 03 '24

Dude uses a gator as a can opener The Thirst Mutilator

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508 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

145

u/alankutz Jul 03 '24

Florida man advanced studies program.

6

u/Xxxjtvxxx Jul 04 '24

As a Florida man sitting in my living room drinking a beer getting ready to smoke a joint, i thank you for the belly laugh.

60

u/Jeeper08JK Jul 03 '24

"hmm that tastes just like those 3 frogs I just ate"

79

u/Traditional_Fox_4718 Jul 03 '24

This is what America means to me

15

u/ReverendBread2 Jul 03 '24

This is about all America means anymore

59

u/NatterinNabob Jul 03 '24

I'm not even mad, that's amazing

26

u/ScottyArrgh Jul 03 '24

I want to be like "oh noooes dude you can lose your hand....bro noooooes...." but let's be honest, he knew exactly what he was doing. This wasn't his first rodeo. Impressed.

19

u/Loodlekoodles talks like a fag Jul 03 '24

That's peak masculine right there

9

u/TerseFactor Jul 03 '24

Amazing way to get salmonella

14

u/whatvtheheck Jul 03 '24

[ Removed by Reddit ]

2

u/LouiePrice Jul 04 '24

Welcome to cosco i love you.

2

u/TerseFactor Jul 03 '24

Who you calling a Nancy, slick? Thems fighting words if I ever herd right there

1

u/skaldrir69 Jul 04 '24

Brought to you by Carl’s Jr.

1

u/NatterinNabob Jul 03 '24

sure, for the extra drinking it

46

u/WinOld1835 talks like a fag Jul 03 '24

And that's how Gator AIDS made the jump to humans.

22

u/noturaveragesenpaii Jul 03 '24

GatorAIDS

-1

u/Sorry_Consideration7 Jul 03 '24

FSU made it first : Seminole Fluid

14

u/Alt_aholic Jul 03 '24

The thirst quencher

11

u/Wrong-Marsupial-9767 Jul 03 '24

Thirst mutilator

7

u/gsbudblog Jul 03 '24

Its got what plants crave

3

u/Salt_Sir2599 Jul 03 '24

I here this in that twangy old dudes voice in the commercials

14

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Country boy will survive…

13

u/SplinterRifleman Jul 03 '24

Florida men are a different breed

3

u/DecentExplanation750 Jul 03 '24

That's actually a comforting thought.

10

u/InfiniteConfusion-_- Jul 03 '24

Fred has died

11

u/ConfidentDuck1 Jul 03 '24

of dysentery.

9

u/Rickeyp8 Jul 03 '24

Alex I will take new pandemic for 500

5

u/DenialNode Jul 03 '24

He now has leprosy

6

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Gator was like, "what the hell just happened here"

7

u/mygoditsfullofstar5 Jul 03 '24

Florida Manning like a MFer.

I was expecting a gator to come up from below him to grab his arm. But I guess the other gators couldn't believe what they were seeing either.

6

u/DukeOfWestborough Jul 03 '24

"I gotta go git Trey at the dang ER agin... lost fanger this time"

6

u/80sTurboAwesome Jul 03 '24

Steve Erwin would be impressed 👏

5

u/Pesty__Magician Jul 03 '24

Every geographic area has its own redneck shit. 

6

u/nofucsleftogive Jul 03 '24

But my salmonella was cool.

4

u/Current_Strike922 Jul 03 '24

What a cute little guy! He’s just trying to help out a Florida bro!

4

u/Unluckyluk13 Jul 03 '24

Pretty sure that gator consented to this.

4

u/ZedisonSamZ Jul 03 '24

It worked so….

2

u/Moleout Jul 03 '24

Why was the lil gaytor so chill tho???

3

u/Initial_Selection262 Jul 04 '24

Gators are super chill by nature. Even the big ones will rarely bother you unless you provoke them. lil guy has probably learned to associate boats with food so he swam right up

3

u/Xerio_the_Herio Jul 03 '24

These guys are professionals, do not attempt. Well, either that or morons

3

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Honestly that’s kinda metal.

5

u/ClintEastwoodsNext Jul 03 '24

The gators in Louisiana are pretty chill.

On the other hand, The wild boars are a fucking menace

2

u/Both-Anything4139 Jul 03 '24

Don't cut your lip on the can lol

2

u/Truely-Alone Jul 03 '24

Get a load of the balls on this guy! slow head nod

2

u/Icy_Door2766 Jul 04 '24

This is the American equivalent of the Russian guy playing with a wild bear in the snow while drinking vodka straight from the bottle

2

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24

To be fair to the dude, he knows exactly how to control a gator. There's a spot under its jaw that you can pinch, and they just kind of go comatose. That's what he was using.

2

u/eddiekoski Jul 10 '24

If that guy starts some kind of gator pandemic....

2

u/puns_n_irony Jul 03 '24

Fantastic way to get salmonella or something

2

u/Human-Debate-3488 Jul 03 '24

“News at 6 two local dumbasses devoured by alligator “

1

u/AreyouUK4 Jul 03 '24

Why do americans break the can like that? Surely you can chug the drink normally instead of making a sharp hole on the side?

8

u/Sometimealonealone Jul 03 '24

Not supporting it, but it definitely is faster with the hole 

4

u/Golden-Grams Jul 03 '24

It allows air to flow in the other side, instead of restricting the inflow to the opening. Way faster for chugging.

Edit: also not supporting

1

u/InternationalAnt4513 Jul 04 '24

We call it shotgunning

1

u/Patient_Heron_9078 Jul 03 '24

What a great way to lose a few fingers.

1

u/SkateJerrySkate Jul 03 '24

I love to see it, I don't want to be it haha

1

u/RightInThePeyronie Jul 03 '24

Gator High Life, the salmonella of beers

1

u/CandyRevolutionary27 Jul 03 '24

Theo von a wild boy

1

u/Merc_Twain25 Jul 03 '24

Fuckin Florida

1

u/Thunderbear79 Jul 03 '24

I mean, that was pretty cool 😎

1

u/LukeD1992 Jul 03 '24

One week later:

In today's news, A group of friends have mysteriously died of sepsis days after a fishing trip

1

u/ibraw Jul 03 '24

Surely a salmonella risk?

1

u/Peach_Proof Jul 03 '24

I think the gator was in on it😉

1

u/Objective-Mission-40 Jul 03 '24

We need to remove florida. It's a hazard to itself

1

u/Comfortable-nerve78 Jul 03 '24

Such a Florida thing to do.

1

u/RaisinBrain2Scoups Jul 03 '24

That’s some Louisiana shit

1

u/SmashertonIII Jul 04 '24

Gator thought he was getting a beer out of the deal. What a rip off!

1

u/_TrustMeImLying Jul 04 '24

You like beer, gators, AND SEX?!

1

u/Jbot_011 Jul 04 '24

Hell yeah

1

u/25Bam_vixx Jul 04 '24

He got gator cuddles lol

1

u/BruceDSpruce Jul 04 '24

Budweiser’s new salmonella line …

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24

What is the last thing a redneck says before he dies? Hey guys, watch this

1

u/Beginning_Web3064 Jul 04 '24

Idiot probably drank the parasites that live in that gators mouth

1

u/monkeydude777 Jul 04 '24

That's just fucking awesome dude

1

u/PewPew-4-Fun Jul 04 '24

This is very Florida.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24

Fuck yeah bro, nothing like a clean chug of that Aeromonas beer.

1

u/demoralising Jul 04 '24

'Hmmm. My tummy doesn't feel too good....'

1

u/oyvindi Jul 04 '24

Natural selection at work.

1

u/BrightAlarm9495 Jul 04 '24

Now thr gator has a taste for beer

1

u/pico-der Jul 04 '24

Gatoraid

1

u/TopProfessional8023 Jul 04 '24

Salmonella Light

1

u/StruggleCompetitive Jul 04 '24

Pretty cool tbh. Don't cross the line to Haterville, fellas.

1

u/ThatOneGuy216440 Jul 08 '24

Idk about that. That's kinda cool ngl

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

That’s actually very tits