r/funny Aug 13 '14

Got a little too excited about Shark Week last night

http://imgur.com/gEseeGo
73.2k Upvotes

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900

u/redditor3000 Aug 13 '14

Don't you know we hate shark week now?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5C-DQ0edR0&sns=em

238

u/masterbard1 Aug 13 '14

I had already lost most respect for Discovery Channel. this just pushed them down a bit more.

111

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

[deleted]

55

u/AXP878 Aug 13 '14

I have to give Sigourney Weaver some credit. Although I preferred Attenborough she did a good job. I have no defense for Oprah.

24

u/SirDigbyChknCaesar Aug 13 '14

Oprah did a terrible job. Her cadence and inflections were totally off. Sigourney Weaver did a good job though.

-15

u/jellycupcakes2 Aug 13 '14

I really can't understand ebonics, so the entire time oprah was going on in her swahili ghetto click language, the entire documentary became not worth listening to.

12

u/SirDigbyChknCaesar Aug 13 '14

Well, that got racist fast. Were you being sarcastic? I could completely understand what Oprah said in the presentation, but her delivery sounded like she just showed up and read through the narration once without practicing a controlled and pleasant delivery.

0

u/kshep9 Aug 13 '14

Made me laugh

0

u/RiskyChris Aug 13 '14

It made sections on Africa a little more immersive.

2

u/MericaMan4Life Aug 13 '14

You can defend sigourney, she fought aliens.

You can't defend oprah, she brought dr. Phil.

87

u/HideousNomo Aug 13 '14

As an American I think it's safe to say that most everyone agrees. Except maybe my mom

5

u/masterbard1 Aug 13 '14

As Colombian I say I want the original voices on anything! even if it's a language I can't understand I want the original voices of things.

-2

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

[deleted]

2

u/masterbard1 Aug 13 '14

You'd be amazed on how safe Colombia has become. The cartel days are from the 90's you'd love it here. I know I do.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

My mom thinks that whole mermaid thing a few years ago is real....... pshh moms. smh

86

u/Diiiiirty Aug 13 '14

American here. I bought the Planet Earth blu-ray from Amazon, advertised as the British version. I got it and it was the Oprah version (I refuse to call it the American version because 99% of Americans hate the Oprah dub).

Anyways, I contacted Amazon and told them about the mistake, and they replied saying something to the order of, "Wow, I can't believe we'd do something so...terrible. Keep the Oprah version and we'll send you the Attenborough version. Consider it an apology for subjecting you to that travesty." They ended up sending me the proper version and I gave the Oprah version to my brother, who immediately said, "Dude...the Oprah version? Really?"

43

u/Sha-WING Aug 13 '14

You must hate your brother something fierce.

11

u/Diiiiirty Aug 13 '14

It wasn't like a christmas gift or anything. It was a situation where he was at my apartment, we were talking about it, and I said, "Hey Amazon sent me two of these. You want this?"

14

u/swank_sinatra Aug 13 '14

"Hey bro, want some dumb bullshit that you'll hate cuz I definitely do?"

"......yes."

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

It's freeeee

5

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

[deleted]

1

u/Diiiiirty Aug 13 '14

I actually did that for the Fresh Water episode (by far my favorite one, BTW) when I was stoned in college. One of my most memorable smoke sessions ever.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

Best comment I've read all day, keep it up.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

Should have just put them in the AOL CD drawer.

1

u/joesaysso Aug 13 '14

I thought Sigourney Weaver dubbed the American version!?

1

u/powercow Aug 13 '14

I wasnt even aware. I have no issues with Oprah, enjoy her on some things, but that is almost a crime against humanity. Its like the lady who restored the jesus painting

1

u/jbeenk Aug 13 '14

-1

u/Diiiiirty Aug 13 '14

I'll see if I still have the email in my gmail archives. What a stupid thing to call bullshit on...

18

u/ernie1850 Aug 13 '14

Because whenever Oprah speaks, children around the world can understand, and be rid of their famine. When Oprah walks, the she leaves a path of gold in her wake. When Oprah smiles, the world smiles.

  • quote from Oprah.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '14

Because whenever Oprah speaks, she has to refer to herself in the fucking third person.

2

u/amorousCephalopod Aug 14 '14

Fuck Oprah. She needs to treat her minge with a little more love.

2

u/Rufus2468 Aug 14 '14

What a tremendous cunt.

21

u/grogleberry Aug 13 '14

It's not as if he has some weird regional accent or anything.

If we had to pick a voice to represent the English language it would be David Attenborough (with Morgan Freeman as a close second, of course).

33

u/ErnestScaredStupid Aug 13 '14

Not Gilbert Gottfried?

1

u/Big_Amish Aug 13 '14

You know that's an inflection and not how he normally talks, right?

1

u/daviator88 Aug 13 '14

The most frightening part was seeing him talking as himself for the first time after being so familiar with Iago for years.

1

u/ErnestScaredStupid Aug 14 '14

Yes, I'm aware. It's called a joke.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

attenborough is definitely up there, but i think the top "best english language voice" spot is a three-way tie.

i mean, if you made a tape of morgan freeman, jeremy irons, and alan rickman reading the phone book, it would be the number one best-selling therapeutic sleep aid ever.

1

u/EleanorofAquitaine Aug 14 '14

Jeremy Irons...I could listen to that voice all day.

2

u/XianL Aug 13 '14

They did WHAT?! Holy shit. Why would they do that?! He's the British God of Nature Documentaries!

1

u/__Literally Aug 13 '14

He's everyone's god; check your privilege.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

A Brit injecting off topic nationalism into a meaningless discussion. How rare.

1

u/fujiman Aug 13 '14

As an American, I made sure to get the BBC blu-ray. Sir David Attenborough is the best part about those documentaries.

29

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14 edited Apr 03 '18

[deleted]

14

u/Diggey11 Aug 13 '14

So good job Discovery Channel PR Team?

2

u/masterbard1 Aug 13 '14

oh man Verne Troyer is Awesome! he can take all my upvotes.

1

u/XianL Aug 13 '14

I lost my respect for the channel when American Chopper and the like started taking over as reality shows become popular.

Crocodile Hunter was "reality", but at least it was educational.

1

u/masterbard1 Aug 13 '14

that's the problem with channels like Discovery and History. they make these shit shows with shit budgets, add some drama and boom! retards watch it and since the population is mostly retards, then boom we got a successful TV show. and it has spread through all the networks. now all we have left is a few channels that spew out a bit of good content, but it's rare and often not viewed by enough retards and it gets cancelled. so there we have it. the TV as we know it has become shit. that is why after my last TV died I decided to not purchase a new 1 for 2 reasons. 1 I have better things to spend my money on and 2 there's never anything to watch other than reality shows!. fuck that I'll stick with Netflix and Piratebay.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

I grew up watching Discovery, I watched it so much as a kid that I had probably seen every show they upwards of dozens times. I would get excited when they'd launch new programming. It was all awesome programming, lions, dinosaurs, wilderbeests, hyenas, cheetahs, gorillas, insects, komodo dragons, etc. As a kid this was the best thing ever, I still remember crazy scenes like the dragons taking down a deer they'd stalked for weeks waiting for the gangrene to cripple it enough to catch.

It makes me sad the direction that TLC, Discover, and History have taken over the past 10-15 years. Now it's all reality bullshit and fucking ancient alien theories.

Damn shame they lost their vision.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

Give me the gist of the video please, can't watch youtube right now.

1

u/masterbard1 Aug 13 '14

it talks about how most of what discovery talks about during the shark week episodes is a lie and made up even though Discovery claims their shows are not made up.

31

u/Lord_ThunderCunt Aug 13 '14

Seriously. Somebody message me when I can learn something from shark week again.

17

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

With youtube, every week can be shark week, have at it.

3

u/Lord_ThunderCunt Aug 13 '14

Thank Dawkins for the internet!

Now excuse me while I open mussels on my belly.

5

u/mikeylee31 Aug 13 '14

RemindMe! Never. "Educational Shark Week."

2

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '14 edited Aug 14 '14

RemindMe! When shark week is educational again "Message Lord_Thundercunt"

Edit: ATTENTION ALL: Shark Week will become educational again on Friday 8/15

2

u/DroopyMcCool Aug 14 '14

RemindMe! Never.

25

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

Not nearly as bad as spider week though.

26

u/BCouto Aug 13 '14

Followed by Fire week.

2

u/Faryshta Aug 13 '14

Nuke them from orbit week

2

u/smallpoly Aug 13 '14

Water week and flood insurance week have remained unpopular though.

1

u/WarAndRuin Aug 14 '14

Everything was calm until that week

25

u/cd1310 Aug 13 '14

but, but we love verne troyer right?

39

u/joshclay Aug 13 '14

What if Verne Troyer came out and endorsed Comcast? Reddit would implode with mass confusion.

12

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

"Comcast has great customer service and Weird Al is overrated." - Verne Troyer

18

u/joshclay Aug 13 '14

"Chris Pratt isn't very funny or handsome and I do all my shopping at Walmart while listening to Chris Brown on my Zune." - Verne Troyer

2

u/ImARedHerring Aug 13 '14

Ouch, right in the Zune!

1

u/joshclay Aug 13 '14

I'm allowed to make fun of Zune. I was a proud owner of a 120GB Zune.

1

u/lazy_rabbit Aug 13 '14

Me too. What issue do we have with Zunes, though? :(

1

u/pointer_to_null Aug 13 '14

If it makes you feel any better, your Zune probably gets more use than my iPod classic.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

Good job asshole, just punched my dog!

29

u/TinyNuggins Aug 13 '14

Eh, we'd probably throw him under the bus immediately. As good as Reddit is at loving people, we're wayyy better at hating them.

2

u/Roederoid Aug 13 '14

Kind of like /u/unidan (now /u/unidanx)

1

u/Dustin- Aug 13 '14

I just went through his history. Holy shit people are brigading the fuck out of him.

0

u/joshclay Aug 13 '14

We? I think you meant "Reddit sheep."

1

u/ZenBerzerker Aug 14 '14

What if Verne Troyer came out and endorsed Comcast?

He would never stoop so low.

13

u/BrianDawkins Aug 13 '14

2

u/Beefourthree Aug 13 '14

Hump day.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

Tuesday - foreplay day.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

Got to agree Tuesday looks hotter

14

u/cocorebop Aug 13 '14

Is reddit having an identity crisis or what?

60

u/CodeMonkeys Aug 13 '14

No, Reddit is having 15-20 million or so unique users per month, whereas it takes 3-4 thousand likes to get something popular.

15

u/ProbablyPostingNaked Aug 13 '14

A lot more than that. That is just the visible number, not the actual amount of upvotes.

3

u/jsmooth7 Aug 13 '14

I'm not so sure. My one and only post that made the front page got ~ 500 thousand views and roughly 3000 upvotes. That would be a little more than 1 out of 200 viewers upvoted, which sounds about right to me.

1

u/ProbablyPostingNaked Aug 13 '14

"About right" would be the defining phrase here. The numbers aren't completely off. Just not exactly how many people upvote vs. downvote.

1

u/jsmooth7 Aug 13 '14

Yeah that is true, the numbers are fuzzed by Reddit using some secret algorithm. But I've heard some people say that votes count logarithmically and it takes 1000 of votes to add up to 1 upvote on the front page. That definitely isn't true.

1

u/ProbablyPostingNaked Aug 13 '14

That seems high illogical.

1

u/Aurailious Aug 13 '14

That not 3000 upvotes. That is 3000 net upvotes. People are still downvothings too.

Plus fuzzing has to be taken into account, which will throw off all the numbers.

1

u/jsmooth7 Aug 13 '14

It was 96% upvoted, so that won't make that big of a difference. And yeah there is vote fuzzing which is why I'm only using rough numbers.

1

u/98smithg Aug 13 '14

You are not counting the down votes.

1

u/jsmooth7 Aug 13 '14

It was 96% upvoted and had 2900 points, so I think "roughly 3000" is close enough.

1

u/Ah-Cool Aug 13 '14

Yeah a post of mine that made it to the front page had roughly those same numbers. Although now that I've looked up the stats from it on imgur, I'm kind of weirded out at the fact that the post still gets ~100 new views every day when it was posted almost a year ago.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

Yes, but a lot less than that actuality matter in getting to the front page. As long as a post gets good momentum within its first ten minutes, orbs very likely to be successful.

0

u/ProbablyPostingNaked Aug 13 '14

Yea... You get 10+ upvotes in the first 10 mins & the orbs are likely.

1

u/w8m8transl8 Aug 13 '14

w8 m8 1ll transl8

a lot more dan dau. dah is just da vsible number m8 not da actual amunt of upvotes.

0

u/WorstCase0ntario Aug 13 '14

How does this work? I never understood why they don't show the actual numbers.

0

u/whatasavings Aug 13 '14

So that vote spammers can't tell if their bots are working or not. This causes spammers to waste their time and makes voting bots less useful.

1

u/cocorebop Aug 13 '14

Just seems strange to me, since the video about how bullshit shark week is was on the front page yesterday. I guess you're probably right though.

1

u/kshep9 Aug 13 '14

This ain't facebook, yo.

2

u/CodeMonkeys Aug 13 '14

Fiiine, upvotes. HAPPY?

1

u/hoikarnage Aug 13 '14

We are just torn by our love for little people in costumes and our hate for the fact that nearly every "educational" channel has been taken over by shitty reality tv shows and programs that just blatantly spread lies and misinformation.

12

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

I have this terribly cynical notion... what if that's the whole reason why this post is on the front page now?

What if this is just a PR stunt by the Discovery Channel??

Gasp... but that would mean... Verne Troyer was in on it! He's helping them lie to us about sharks?

Verne... We trusted you, man :'(

1

u/jaguarsharks Aug 13 '14

Exactly. Reddit has a powerful influence, and mainstream media knows that. They saw a potentially brand damaging, negative post about their channel and simply hired Troyer, famously a Redditor, to do some damage control.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

Yep.

I really don't like dishonesty or marketing, so I'm not enjoying the direction the internet has been taking... and I have a feeling it's just going to get worse.

2

u/d_ckcissel285 Aug 13 '14

The alien sharks show was the first time I've learned something on Shark Week so far this year.

2

u/md_love Aug 13 '14

Hmm.. I like this guys videos. Short & sweet, and informative. Straight to the point with no dicking around too.. Good for people like me with short attention spans.

2

u/Zephorian Aug 13 '14

Holy crap that guy has an annoying way of talking

2

u/1sagas1 Aug 13 '14

Do you think he know that he has a vocal fry and that it's fucking annoying?

1

u/TechnoTrain Aug 14 '14

It doesn't annoy me and most of the time I don't even notice it when it's subtle, but this dude's whole voice is fry.

Listen to that. It's like he's suffocating.

1

u/409coffeemaker Aug 13 '14

Don't ruin his fun by feeding him with lies.

1

u/otakuman Aug 13 '14

Can't blame him. He's been in cryo freeze for 3 decades ;-)

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

I have never really been very pleased about periods

1

u/pauletta1728 Aug 13 '14

That was a pretty insightful video hanks for sharing

1

u/pauletta1728 Aug 13 '14

That was a pretty insightful video hanks for sharing

1

u/redditor3000 Aug 13 '14

Thanks for the thanks.

1

u/98smithg Aug 13 '14

I like shark week, I don't care if everything isn't corroborated by some brainiac as long as I am learning something cool that I can tell my bro down the pub then it doesn't matter how 'true' it is.

1

u/bertrenolds5 Aug 13 '14

Yep, discovery making up fake programming and making it seem real is stupid. What about the mermaid special, god that was terrible!

1

u/ScratchMax Aug 13 '14

I already hated shark week....

1

u/LovelyTMcBee Aug 13 '14

My dad was just telling me about the episode he watched on Shark Week about this 100+ year old great white that's 40ft long and has quite the appetite for humans. It apparently fought a submarine to get to 3 people it wanted and swallowed people whole. Not to mention that it didn't even need to swim anymore and would just float vertically in the water and wait for his prey... It was "caught on footage" so it must be true, right?

I couldn't believe a single word of it because if nothing else, it isn't how sharks act. This makes so much more sense now hearing that they're making stuff up. This makes me sad :/

I can't have Robin Williams die and shark week be a lie all in the same WEEK! WHY ARE YOU TESTING MY EMOTIONS CRUEL WORLD? WHY??!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

This needs to be the top comment. Verne here is just solidifying the bandwagon which people jump on to.

1

u/LiefKH Aug 14 '14

Somebody seriously needs to redub this.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '14

He was probably paid by Discovery to make everyone forget.

1

u/jacobo Aug 14 '14

damnnn the guy from the video has an annoying voice

1

u/CreamedButtz Aug 13 '14

Why would you phrase it like that? You make it sound like completely fictionalized "documentaries" they air without saying "THESE ARE NOT REAL" shouldn't be a problem.

0

u/steakmane Aug 13 '14

He should be promoting this instead

0

u/TheRealManniMonster Aug 13 '14

Like we hate my ex! Gah!

But seriously... I never watched shark week so I didn't know this was going on. That really sucks. Thanks for the informal video. With so many people seeking the truth these days, you would think science channels on TV would be honest and educational. You have to resort to YouTube science channels that are serious about science if you want any good info.

0

u/YT4LYFE Aug 13 '14

Just because that post was very popular doesn't mean it represents a huge shift in reddit user's opinions on Shark Week.

I personally never liked it because I realized that even from the first season it was just manipulation of the fear of sharks for ratings. Sure it was more informative than it is now. But the premise was still bullshit.

0

u/EarlyKyler Aug 13 '14

I'll watch the rest of this video, but only after the narrator finishes puberty.

-6

u/pinata_penis_pump Aug 13 '14

Reddit has the STOP LIKING WHAT I DON'T LIKE mentality. Sure, some of Shark Week programming is probably fake, but it's still entertainment. You're under the assumption everyone who watches Shark Week wants to be educated like it's some college course. I want to be entertained by sharks, which is what they're doing.

9

u/Rayneworks Aug 13 '14

But then the shows should be on SyFy, not Discovery, which is ~supposed~ to be about truth and education.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

truth and education

That shit don't get ratings tho homie... People want shark attacks, and then slow-mo replays of shark attacks.

2

u/AdiposeTissue Aug 13 '14

The "Life" and "Planet Earth" documentary series are the two highest rated things of all time on Discovery. None of these fake documentaries are even close.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '14

Planet Earth

Isn't that the one where they recently dubbed over Sir David Attenborough's narration and replaced it with Oprah Winfrey?

I just think Discovery has entirely lost the plot at this point.

1

u/AdiposeTissue Aug 13 '14

Sigourney Weaver did the commentary for the Discovery Channel version.