r/dndmemes • u/RattyJackOLantern • Aug 28 '24
Things were toned down in Pathfinder 2e when Goblins became a core ancestry option lol. Goblin Deez Nuts
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u/Shadowlynk Paladin Aug 28 '24 edited Aug 29 '24
Dunno if this is new to the revisions, but there's an entire line of goblin racial feats in PF2E dedicated solely to making your goblin into a little lump of rubbery chaos. Climb and jump for less fall damage. Reduced damage from a hit if you let the enemy send you flying instead. Eventually you just take no fall damage and bounce like a Gummi Bear high on Gummi Juice.
So yeah, I gotta respect the chaos gremlin energy there.
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u/Rethuic Druid Aug 28 '24
To be fair, those feats are still allowed even if they don't have a post-remaster version. You're allowed to use old stuff, but it's suggested you use remaster content where it applies
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u/DaedricWindrammer Aug 29 '24
grumbles in pfs oracle player
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u/Rethuic Druid Aug 29 '24
Yeah... Pathfinder Society is a bit restrictive and Oracles definitely got the weird straw. I think the Cursebound stuff is good... but the positive curse effects should've stayed.
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u/DaedricWindrammer Aug 29 '24 edited Aug 29 '24
And battle is just... atrocious now. How the hell did that focus spell get printed in the same book as the tengu weapon familiarity feat?
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u/fastrunner3451 Psion Aug 28 '24
Tok Knee-Stabber hitting bar after bar.
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u/RattyJackOLantern Aug 28 '24
Yeah it's a traditional goblin war chant in Pathfinder. I left out the first verse for space. It goes-
"Goblins chew and Goblins bite.
Goblins cut and Goblins fight
Stab the dog and cut the horse,
Goblins eat and take by force!"
If you're wondering why it mentions dogs and horses specifically it's because they have a religious hatred of them. They see them as a mockery of worgs, which they ride.
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u/LupinThe8th Aug 28 '24
Most PCs are basically chaos gremlins anyway, making goblins playable is a natural progression.
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Aug 29 '24
Goblins are playable in D&D if you got Volo's Guide to Monsters, objectively the best D&D rulebook.
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u/AlphaBreak Aug 28 '24
Pathfinder goblins made the spoon gun. That's all the evidence I need for their superiority
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u/Xifihas Druid Aug 28 '24
Is the spoon gun a gun that shoots spoons, or a spoon that is a gun?
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u/dirkdragonslayer Aug 28 '24
It's a spring-powered hand cannon that fires spoons (and whatever other cutlery or objects you can stuff down the barrel). Basically this means it's a shotgun that can choose whether it does piercing, slashing, or bludgeoning damage
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u/AlphaBreak Aug 28 '24
Taken straight from the pf2 content site, archives of nethys:
"No one's entirely certain who developed the spoon gun, but all authorities agree that it was probably a goblin. Essentially a terrible idea in firearm form, the spoon gun is a spring-powered hand cannon with a modified grip that uses miscellaneous knives, forks, chopsticks, and spoons as ammunition. Users typically upend the entire contents of their cutlery drawer into the gun, aim it in the general direction of the foe, and hope it hits something."62
u/GoodGuyPokemoner Aug 28 '24
Loving the sarcastic acknowledgment of this weapon's pathetic existence. "It certainly is one of the weapons of all time."
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u/blizzfreak Aug 29 '24
Pathfinder goblins remind me a lot of Magic: The Gathering goblins. Goofy as hell, but ingeniously creative in the ways they cause destruction.
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u/No_Ad_7687 Barbarian Sep 01 '24
They have also invented a comically large gun, that can simply explode in your hands
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u/floggedlog Bard Aug 28 '24
As a longtime dnd player that pathfinder version is what they used to be before the monster lovers showed up. It’s also still how I run them Imagine goblin hunter without the grape.
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u/Marco_Polaris Aug 29 '24
Claim to be monster lovers
Immediately start making the monsters less monstrous.Many such cases.
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u/Flyingsheep___ Aug 29 '24
-People want to play monster races because they are cool monsters and it's different than playing a regular race
-Make the monsters feel identical to the non monsterous races
I can't see the logic...3
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u/DefinitelyNotSascha Wizard Sep 01 '24
Yeah, Goblins are just evil little shits in my book. They're much closer to actual monsters than to civilised/sapient humanoids in my mind. My prototype for them is the Bokoblins in Zelda.
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u/Flyingsheep___ Aug 29 '24
I've noticed that WOTC and DND culture is very big on "Grey-gooifying" their content. Goblins can be skrunkly little creatures that run around in caves, eat rats, raid merchant carts for their onions and are a menace, instead it's always "erm any race can be however you want, we can't prescribe things to them." I DESPISE the concept that lore and interesting setups for things get in the way of DMs, it costs me nothing to ignore the lore, it costs me a lot if they intentionally dull down the lore to be boring to the point I don't want to use it.
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u/DuskEalain Forever DM Aug 29 '24
This is really it too, I hate how "we're giving our players more freedoms!" has really just amounted to "we're cutting content from the books and making worldbuilding entirely the DM's job!" (And this is somehow a good thing because now SauskeXNarutoXXX can make his Buzzwax the Fart Goblin build 2 levels earlier than he could before.)
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u/apple_of_doom Bard Aug 29 '24
Yeah and here's the thing paizo also made goblins more accepted in society 2e they're a core ancestry/race now.
Thing is that they kept the fact that they're skrungly adhd creatures that hate writing, dogs and horses but love fire, singing and biting. It's just that they can genuinely be friendly, kind, exhuberant and extremely creative people as some are slowly domesticating themselves somewhat even if most are still the stereotypical depiction. Like goblin wizards exist and because they still hate words so they make pop up books it's great.
You can make monsters weird and still keep them as not inherently evil PC options.
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u/arcxjo Goblin Deez Nuts Aug 29 '24
Like goblin wizards exist and because they still hate words so they make pop up books it's great.
That seems like a great idea for a kobold ... "Good news, everybody! I found a scroll. Oh, look, it has a little fireball when you unroll--"
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u/w1ldstew Aug 29 '24
Playable Kobolds exist in PF2e too!
They’ve just been expanded as creatures that pursue following other powerful beings, not just dragons, so you get some funny little feats that keeps them gremlin-y.
For example, they can pathetically Cringe before a mighty creature to reduce damage they take.
And there were two new Kobold heritages added: one works for the celestial bureaucracy in fantasy Asia and the other has a thing for wanting to be like a Kaiju.
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u/arcxjo Goblin Deez Nuts Aug 29 '24
the other has a thing for wanting to be like a Kaiju.
Fucking swolebold FTW
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u/w1ldstew Aug 29 '24
Its definitely a disappointment.
D&D tries not to offend people by sanitizing everything.
PF2e tries not to offend people by celebrating everything.
Easy to imagine which one comes off as more enjoyable. (Especially since fantasy TTRPG platters just LOVE to be “different” and “play against type”.)
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u/KonoAnonDa Warlock Aug 29 '24
I love how D&D tried to make goblins orange or yellow skinned, yet every mfer that makes a goblin PC just gives them green skin anyways.
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u/Matti_McFatti Aug 29 '24
"aquatic goblins are known to ride medium sharks" is one of my favorite quotes from 3.5 UA
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u/aravarth Aug 28 '24
What about the Mind Goblins
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u/RozeGunn Aug 29 '24
Why'd you ask me what a mind goblin is if you can't articulate what a mind goblin is?
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u/OpossumLadyGames Aug 28 '24
Pathfinder goblins are Warcraft goblins which are dragonlance gnomes
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u/Crioca Aug 29 '24
Warcraft goblins are Warhammer Fantasy Battles goblins.
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u/OpossumLadyGames Aug 29 '24 edited Aug 29 '24
Main similarity is being short, green, and with orcs. They're crazy, quirky inventors and tinkerers who are always looking to make something novel/inventive like airships and what not. That's tinker gnomes.
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u/Crioca Aug 29 '24
Goblin Doomdiver.
Also Warcraft was originally planned to be a Warhammer game.
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u/OpossumLadyGames Aug 29 '24
Warcraft gobbos aren't suicidal psychos and make airships and stuff. That's tinker gnomes. Warhammer gobbos aren't gonna do that.
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u/Crioca Aug 29 '24
Warcraft gobbos aren't suicidal psychos
Uh, goblin sappers?
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u/TheMightyMudcrab Aug 30 '24
Think the suicidal ones died during Warcraft 3 so most of them are now relatively sane. Least that's waht I think the lore said.
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u/ProfessorZik-Chil Paladin Aug 29 '24
Pathfinder goblins channeling Tolkien goblins with that hunting chant.
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u/JonTheWizard Murderhobo Aug 28 '24
Which are easier to make cute?
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u/Rethuic Druid Aug 28 '24
You can make Pathfinder goblins in the same way you can have pugs be cute. Ugly, but endearing... at least until the goblin pulls out knives and starts screeching.
DnD goblins... with the official art, it's a bit harder. They can be cute in the way a short person can be with some effort, but I'm guessing that's not the kind of cute you're looking for.
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u/JonTheWizard Murderhobo Aug 29 '24
When I say "cute" I mean "doesn't look like they fell out of the ugly tree, hitting every ugly branch, then was chained to the bumper of the ugly truck and dragged down Ugly Street for fifty ugly miles."
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u/Robrogineer Warlock Aug 29 '24
That rhyme makes me think of Down Down to Goblin Town from the 1977 animated adaptation of The Hobbit.
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u/RattyJackOLantern Aug 29 '24
Love that adaptation and the music in it. To my mind the above Goblin war chant sounds like it's set to the tune of "That's what Bilbo Baggins Hates" from the same production.
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u/CpnLag Murderhobo Aug 28 '24
Pathfinder gobos are great, but they're all second to MtG goblins.
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u/UshouldknowR Aug 28 '24
Which Mtg goblins though? The ones in Mercadia are extremely different from the ones on Tarkir.
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u/apple_of_doom Bard Aug 29 '24
Shout out to my homie Nok-Nok. He killed everything for me in the pathfinder kingmaker video game.
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u/One-Cellist5032 Aug 29 '24
Say what you will about Pathfinder as a system (too crunchy for me), but their Goblins, and I’d say most if not all of their monster designs, are peak in the tabletop industry.
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u/TeaandandCoffee Paladin Aug 29 '24
They do what to puppies?
Loads sword with righteous intent
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u/RattyJackOLantern Aug 29 '24
Yeah they hate dogs. They even have a special type of shortsword they call a "dogslicer" https://www.d20pfsrd.com/equipment/weapons/weapon-descriptions/dogslicer/
They also hate horses and kill both when they get a chance. There's a quasi-religious reason for this as they see them both as mockeries of worgs. (Which goblins ride.) But it's more instinctual because Golarion Goblins don't have much in the way of codified religious doctrine. Since they believe that books steal words from your mind and any goblin who becomes literate is exiled from their tribe/goblin society*.
As you note this makes you feel even less conflicted about slaughtering them when a horde attacks your town.
*That is in 1e, there are a lot more somewhat "civilized" goblins in 2e.
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u/w1ldstew Aug 29 '24
I had an idea for an Inscribed One Goblin Witch with a pink dog/horse-hybrid as a familiar.
Literally everything he hates in one thing.
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u/goblin_munda Aug 29 '24
i love goblins i appreciate all the pro goblin talk in the comments you dont see a lot of that nowadayz!!!
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u/RattyJackOLantern Aug 29 '24
If you haven't yet check out r/goblincore for more positivity of the goblin aesthetic and ethos!
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u/your_local_dumba3s Aug 29 '24
(Inb4 'you need homebrew to fix 5e')I have homebrewed goblin statblocks that focus on kiting and refusing players mobility, inspired by battle brother where goblin are absolute nightmares
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u/TheNicholasRage Cleric Aug 28 '24
I mean, they're exactly the way you run them as a DM, it doesn't really have anything to do with the system.
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u/theEwatra Aug 28 '24
PF make it perfect for playing goblin slayer pc
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u/apple_of_doom Bard Aug 29 '24
Ironically there is genuinely a growing minority of societally acceptable goblins on Golarion. Most are still very killable but some are sorta domesticating themselves in the "they shit in your garden instead of on the carpet" kinda way.
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u/ThyPotatoDone Artificer Aug 29 '24
I mean, I have played goblin slayer PCs in 5e, they’re just, y’kno, mostly pretty evil war criminals.
EDIT: the characters, not the goblins.
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u/TheMightyMudcrab Aug 29 '24
Can they still feat into being able to fit anything inside them? iron gut gave them hentai physics.
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Aug 29 '24
Something i love about dnd is that I can still throw lower level monsters for the party to fight and have them not be an absolute cakewalk. Its really freeing
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u/arcxjo Goblin Deez Nuts Aug 29 '24
A few shadows can TPK a level 4 party with ease.
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Aug 29 '24
Yeah they can also pretty easily kill just about anything with their strength drain but their strength drain mechanic is fun so who cares? Do people not read the monsters they use?
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Aug 28 '24
[deleted]
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u/RattyJackOLantern Aug 28 '24 edited Aug 28 '24
Never played PF2e, I'm a PF1e GM / aberration.
I know they had to alter Goblins to make them more acceptably playable as a core race for PF2e though (I believe there's some lore excuse about a god altering a lot of them) because as shown in 1e every town would chase them out on sight. Since their 3 biggest hobbies are killing dogs, killing horses and setting things on fire.
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u/NinjaLayor Aug 28 '24
They even have a song for it (my GM had a fittingly horrible singing voice for it in Runelords)!
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u/apple_of_doom Bard Aug 29 '24
I mean the altering is just "they pack bond real easily" like they're great friends but they might still set something on fire if they don't have a handler and have trouble learning the rules (as in law). Most are still what they are in 1e it's just that there's a growing minority of boblins domesticating themselves a bit maybe.
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Aug 28 '24
Generic fantasy "zany lil' green guys" Goblins are so passé.
D&D "horrible lil' shits the color of spicy-mustard" (though this meme depicts them as Githyanki chartreuse for some reason) are where it's at.
The only time it's acceptable for a goblin to be green is if they're trying to kill Spider-Man, and in that case it's so abnormal that the name had to call it out.
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u/1zeye Goblin Deez Nuts Aug 29 '24
Dnd goblins are better because they aren't generic bald green guys. Also, glowing red eyes should only be for paranormal creatures like demons or devils
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u/DracoLunaris Aug 29 '24
goblins are technically demon spawn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_GpjNwg4Zo
pf2 gobbos are better, being actual people
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u/Tusslesprout1 Aug 29 '24
Aren’t they the spawn of lamashtu literally the mother of all monsters in pathfinder making them more monster then well people?
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u/LupinThe8th Aug 29 '24
According to their own mythology, goblins are the result of four demigods who originally served Asmodeus, known collectively as the Goblin Hero Gods, or the Barghest Gods. Their real names are Hadregash, Venkelvore, Zarongel, and Zogmugot. They discovered that when they killed people, the blood would turn into these little maniacs called goblins, and quickly made them their worshipers.
Lamashtu saw this and went "Neat!", and got the four to abandon Asmodeus for her by building them their own realm to rule. So she didn't create the goblins herself, but she basically acquired their religion in a corporate merger.
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u/StarOfTheSouth Essential NPC Aug 29 '24
Lamashtu saw this and went "Neat!", and got the four to abandon Asmodeus for her by building them their own realm to rule.
Minor correction, she did not "build them their own realm to rule", she cut a chunk out of Hell and dragged it across the planes so that she could duct tape it onto the Abyss/Outer Rifts.
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u/1zeye Goblin Deez Nuts Aug 29 '24
Still. It's too generic and overdone.
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u/Flyingsheep___ Aug 29 '24
How is making the goblins generic nonmonsterous creatures generic? I swear most of the stuff I see regarding the monster races has them just being identical to regular races.
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u/Coebalte Aug 29 '24
NOOOOOOOOO!! YOU CAN'T JUST SAY A WHOLE RACE IS EVIIIIIILL!! THAT'S RAAAAAAAACIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!!!!!!
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u/YkvBarbosa Forever DM Sep 01 '24
My dudes, stop downvoting this poor unfortunate soul. It was sarcasm (I hope tho I at this point don’t trust humans to have a brain anymore)
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u/Darkbeliar Aug 29 '24
Only if you use lore accurate goblins. Luckily us DMs have imagination and creativity to deviate from official material and use it just as a refference which we also apply to rule sets which is also encouriged by DMG.
Love 5e Love DMs
We are quite great
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u/toomanydice Aug 28 '24
I loved how in pf1e goblin pcs could choose from numerous physical traits for bonuses including overly large ears, mouths, or just an overall big head.