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u/FrontWalk2352 5h ago
You look like a gay bodybuilder that does squats only
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u/Scorpiobehr 4h ago
Squats on Santa’s lap hoping Santa would pitch a tent..
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u/iamthepaulruss 2h ago
What fresh hell did this gif fall out of 😂
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u/Scorpiobehr 1h ago
Dunno.. thought of throwing a hot dog down a hall, stuffing his cave with a hot dog.. it was as close as I could find lol
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u/LandscapeMany73 5h ago
Even Santa thinks your penis looks small.
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u/numbskullerykiller 5h ago
Bro you have tony stark upper body with the sidekick from home improvement legs. LMAO! Like your bottom half is a polish bus driver. WTF?
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u/BlueJeans25 2h ago
I’ve seen rugby locker rooms with less leg action this Lower leg fucker
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u/Early_Law_5703 5h ago
You’re a prior fatty. I can tell by your fat arms and fat legs.
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u/Successful-Limit-869 4h ago
You can also tell by the way he still dresses in baggy clothes.
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u/Prestigious_Nebula_5 5h ago
Good catch! I can see the excess thigh skin flabs dripping out from the shorts.
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u/Accordian-football 5h ago
Why is Santa looking at your cock
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u/riiizzz23 5h ago
Idk why but I laughed out loud cuz he literally is looking right at his dick, like laser focused
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u/Personal-Magician75 5h ago
Only consensus I have with those black sneakers and white socks is that a late onset of autism is incoming
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u/Many-Tale9112 5h ago
You look like the last half of a VH1 Behind the Music episode about a boy band member who struggled after the band broke up and found himself blowing trannys to support his habit. Congrats on getting to a sustainable path in life.
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u/Nohateheretoday 5h ago
It's hard to describe but your jawline looks as though sucking a fat cock is part of your morning routine.
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u/Whoopeestick_23 5h ago
Guy thought he was gonna come in here getting the Luigi Mangione treatment. They can’t touch me thinkin ass.
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u/JeffersonFriendship 5h ago
You’re definitely “the worst person I know” to multiple people, and “my attacker” to many more.
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u/Emotional_Ticket1063 4h ago
Holy shit the Santa is laughing as much as I am seeing that picture. This dudes face looks copy/pasted on. Why do you have short little hobbit arms and wide birthing hips/legs combo? God was having a laugh when he made you.
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u/Holiday-Carry-9654 4h ago
Please….just wear pants. Your legs are huge, but no muscle at all. The calfs are making me feel ill by the flab & lack on shape. Do better.
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u/NewbOwner8585 3h ago
You take way too much time on your face and no where near the amount of time you should spend on your fat body
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u/No_Sweet_5308 3h ago
One the first day of Christmas, Santa gave to me - excess skin and zero personality.
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u/northwoods_faty 2h ago
You look like your mom still says, "You got your bag handsome? Have a great day at school!"
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u/pli_pli_pli_pli_pli_ 2h ago
It’s crazy how handsome you are but also how much these pictures scream virgin
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u/MedievalPeasantBrain 5h ago
You are supposed to sit on Santa's lap! If you can't feel his boner probing your sphincter, no presents for you
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u/RocketMasterAmit 5h ago
I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.
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u/KurtRambisSpecs 4h ago
Look like type of guy who would text the gender to everyone at the reveal party.
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u/DayskiiDingoFan 4h ago
You are that insecure about your looks you still need reassurance from your Grandma. But she is right, you Will find a nice Girl one day, even if that's not what you want.
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u/sportstvandnova 4h ago
I saw the first few pix and was like pfft what could anyone roast this guy on. Then I saw the white socks and black shoes.
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u/giant_spleen_eater 4h ago
This guy got plastic surgery on the face to look like the chad meme but forgot to do anything about the body
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u/allislost77 3h ago
Absolutely closeted. Will marry a pretty woman and have two kids, get caught getting fucked by your male best friend. Brush it off to only double down and continue with date women, because you don’t want to let your dad down… but you are always eager to go down on daddy’s
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u/Fabulous_Camera8612 2h ago
As boring and predictable as it sounds, you’ll probably get eaten by German online friend. It may make the news
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u/JackSchwitz 1h ago
I don’t think this dudes alive. Same face in every photo it’s weekend at Esteban’s.
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u/iamwhatiamlooking4 1h ago
Idk how to explain it but your like the most ugly handsome dude I’ve ever seen
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u/PinkPhoenixRising 1h ago
Why is it OP's head looks like it's photoshop'd onto the adult-sized, sasquatch-haired, toddler-esque, man-child body sitting next to Santa?
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u/Alert_Fox_9950 55m ago
Let me guess: you're only waiting tables and living out of your Camry until you "get discovered" and you promised yourself that your appearance on 'Santa's Casting Couch' was a one-time thing
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u/pickachuiisajew 4h ago
The gayest body building final fantasy character I've ever seen. This guy works out with a cock ring on.
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u/bobfugger 3h ago edited 3h ago
You mean with a cock ring in, not on. It’s on the other dude.
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u/nousername206 5h ago
almost perfect… but he a redditor
rizz -100%
ladies perfect man but as always. gay
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u/Tiny_Yulius_James 5h ago
You look like if you smile you will be Luke Perry in that eipsode of the Simpsons
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u/Medi_Okie 5h ago
Do you own a pick up truck? Totally unrelated have you ever been to bourbon street?
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u/Heavy-Persimmon-7995 5h ago
Brother, stop trying to grow a beard. You know it, i know it, and you won’t accept it. It looks like trash. The sharp cuts and lines will not hide the fact it’s patchy as all hell and you cannot grow one. What’s with the head tilt in these pics? You take enough selfies you have it figured out? Weird. Your eyebrows need a professional to attend to them as well. You’re gonna have to fire your boyfriend from that job, so here’s to hoping you don’t hurt his feelings!
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u/cobycoby2020 4h ago
You look like an off brand, off putting C list celebrity that you remind everyone of but cant think of the name.
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u/Ok-Golf-9502 4h ago
Your face looks attractive to me. Feel good about that? Well guess what. I’m a dude, you damn homo
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u/dognapperthrowaways 4h ago
you look exactly like my cousin that wet the bed until he was 14 i had to do a double take
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u/Invader_Gir_1 4h ago
Why didn't you sit on Santa's lap? Were you afraid "Christmas" would come early.
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u/the_projekts 4h ago
You're so desperate to get your tiny penis 🤏 touched 🤚 by an uncle. You headed to the mall to get touched by Santa🎅
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u/ScotchandRants 4h ago
Have you been watching the expanse recently? Seems you have taken to the James Holden squint a bit too much and now your face is stuck like that....
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u/Effective_Hunt119 4h ago
Even Santa knows no one can help someone that dead inside. But hey, at least the kids waiting in line know what depression looks like.
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u/Temp_acct2024 4h ago
I know you’re a big boy but we need you to tell us where Santa Touched you, with his weewee, okay? We can’t help you if you don’t tell us.
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u/robeywan 4h ago
If Lewis Hamilton didn't like driving and instead liked marketing and premature ejaculating.
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u/Impossible_Crew6446 4h ago
Did your boyfriend tell you you're cute when you tilt your head or is there a repetitive motion injury to your neck some how ?
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u/bobfugger 3h ago
Are you the third and obviously fugliest Property Brother? Man, and that’s saying something. Because the world needs more of that shallow gene pool out there throwing it about. 😒
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u/JohnWad 5h ago
You dress like a 56 yr old bird watcher