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u/MisterBurnsSucks 6h ago
When you go outside in the winter, your most pressing concern is which trench coat to wear and which manifesto to put in your pocket 😒
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u/Budget_Tradition_225 5h ago
If you can play that guitar backwards you might get your wife, dog, and kids back!
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u/RancidMandMs 6h ago
You look like the best sex you ever had was when the neighbor’s dog dry-humped your leg.
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u/DesertWanderlust 6h ago
Your facial hair looks like when Cartman glued pubes to his face to try and look older.
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u/Whoopeestick_23 5h ago
In 5 years, people are going to look back at you and say “there were signs.” This comment thread will probably be the beginning of your villain story.
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u/IskanderR12 6h ago
You look like what would happen if the plot of "Elf" revolved around a human left among leprechauns.
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u/TehSeksyManz 6h ago
"It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the Hey There Delilah again." is what you say to the children that you have trapped in your pit.
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u/Suspicious-Table936 5h ago
That guy on the quad at a college campus who plays wonderwall by oasis all day long
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u/GuyBannister1 5h ago
Everyone probably groans when they see you coming with the guitar you can't even play right.
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u/Sirwilliam63 5h ago
“Would someone please help me with the instructions on this electric razor? It just keeps ending up in my ass”
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u/Superb_Complex_2440 5h ago
You look like what would happen if the guy from Ratatouille morphed into the rat itself.
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u/Falconsnipes_ 4h ago
You definitely poop and then look at it afterwards for approval before you flush
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u/Western_Presence1928 4h ago
You look like you need to stay 500 feet away from schools and playgrounds.
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u/numbskullerykiller 4h ago
I've never seen a loser werewolf before, like you're hairy but sad, when the full moon comes out you change from a loser to a bearded loser. Even a monster curse is wasted on you. If someone set you on fire inside a fireworks store no one would even notice. And I don't know you did it, because usually instruments make someone a little interesting but the guitar only makes you seem even more generic. The only thing NOT mediocre about you is your accomplished mediocrity.
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u/feetiedid 2h ago
Letting your neck hair grow doesn't make up for a lack of any facial hair. It doesn't give the illusion of a full, voluminous beard. It's just a flappy patch of neck hair under the face.
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u/jordy_marshmello1 43m ago
I get the feeling you still insist on calling it Asperger's and you're waaaaaay too proud of it
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u/maximilticket 8m ago
I don't even want to say anything because you look depressed and on the verge of a mass pew pewing
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u/creosoterolls 6h ago
I’ve seen better beards on Democrat women.