r/RoastMe 12h ago

45 and feeling old. Roast me!

5 Upvotes

16

u/alwaysfatigued8787 6h ago

45 years old? You don't look a day over 60.

7

u/OkMobile5574 6h ago

59 and ejaculating dust

1

u/LunaMagicc 5h ago

His robot vacuum cleaner did suicide twice in a row.

6

u/creosoterolls 6h ago

I couldn’t think of anything bad to say. Then I saw the Jeep.

3

u/Emotional_Ticket1063 4h ago

Sums it up right there, they are awful on so many levels. Close down main streets for a bunch of morons to drive their over priced vehicles to end up at a bar somewhere? Sure, why not, no one else uses the roads. Jeep folks are essentially keeping STD clinics in business. I want to kick them all in the teeth.

1

u/Laura_Biden 28m ago

Nothing on the green sneakers or pyjamas? Or bandana and awful sunglasses?

3

u/fm837 5h ago

Hide the Pain Hair No.

3

u/Emergency_Scholar237 6h ago

Your head looks like someone steamed all the wrinkles out of a ball sack

2

u/whofarting 6h ago

You ever just look in the mirror and think about how much your family could inherit if you sold your organs?

2

u/Paco-Pinguino 5h ago

These are all so lame.

2

u/ChubbzElvis 5h ago

Your bald head makes it look like the last time you were fucked was by genetic

2

u/Imaginary-Candle4988 2h ago

You look to sweet to roast tbh

2

u/_TeddyBarnes_ 2h ago

Hide the pain Harold look

1

u/TemuBoyfriend 14m ago

LOL i couldn't put my finger on it but yes!😂

3

u/Darth_Stroyer_ 6h ago

you are so fucking old, if I saw you behind me in the checkout line, I would let you go ahead of me.

3

u/Gordon_Townsend 6h ago

45 and looking old... No argument here, gramps!

2

u/InfiniteQuirk 6h ago

“You’re the only person I know who can trip over a wireless network.”

1

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1

u/InfiniteQuirk 6h ago

“You’re about as sharp as a marble.”

1

u/PaganPsychopath 6h ago

You look like you found the fountain of youth but forgot to take it off opposite mode

1

u/Proper-Reputation-42 5h ago

45 and looking old

1

u/NoLandscape404 5h ago

Shonny jinns

1

u/tautjes 5h ago

you must be the son of hide the pain harold

1

u/NackBlapkins 5h ago

45 and looking 85

1

u/faucetpants 5h ago

Hopefully, your parents are already dead and don't feel the disappointment of the day they retired your mother's vagina.

1

u/youdontneed2likeme 5h ago

Why are your pictures frightening to look at? I feel fear looking into your old eyes.

1

u/dirtypilgrimpunch 5h ago

This guys just aching to tell us how Jesus gave him grace after his brutal divorce when he found his wife sleeping with the UPS guy

1

u/GolfGodsAreReal 5h ago

I'm 62 so thank you for making me look young.

1

u/OneMinuteManny 5h ago

You don't just feel old.

1

u/Heavy-Persimmon-7995 5h ago

I’m sure you thought having a beard when you started losing your hair would make you feel better or look better, news flash, it doesn’t. Do us all a favor and wear a hat so we don’t have to look at that egg shell. While you’re at it, throw on a mask to cover up them yellow ass teeth you’re trying to whiten up. Some advice, you need to evenly apply the whitener. Yknow, so you don’t get it all uneven and looking like shit like.. well like yours do lmao. Top it off with some shades, cover up them dead ass eyes. Good lord, your marriage sucks the life out of you enough, don’t gotta attack me with them bug eyes.

1

u/Capable_Claim_2859 5h ago

Man Johnny Sins has been looking rough lately. 😬😬😬😬 I guess he finally caught herps.

1

u/Capable_Claim_2859 5h ago

Your head looks like a penis.

1

u/Early_Law_5703 5h ago

I’ll never understand why bald men have beards…. And wtf is up with that grey in your beard…. You feel old because you look old AF!

1

u/TheOpalHut 5h ago

Wrong app m8 This isn't Grindr

1

u/YoghurtChance97 5h ago

Guess we found johnny sins gay older brother

1

u/Wild_Can_64 5h ago

You're looking eerie is what you're looking, does your face ever try out new expressions or are you a store mannequin?

1

u/Money-Scientist4345 5h ago

You look like the overly enthusiastic gym teacher who spends his free time coaching girls softball just to get a whiff of the locker room after practice.

1

u/PopSmokeLulz 5h ago

You look like my dad 20 years ago minus the success

1

u/Arrr_kelly_clarkson 4h ago

I’ve been using your products for years Mr. Clean

1

u/Gongoftheli13 4h ago

You look old

1

u/derat_08 4h ago

You're only as old as you fee.... Er nevermind... Just 45 you say?

1

u/Conscious-Permit-466 4h ago

You need pubes transplanted on your head.

1

u/BatHickey 4h ago

Where were you on January 6th?

1

u/Invader_Gir_1 4h ago

Eat it or starve must be your motto when you dig into those dog treats behind you.

1

u/liamwill 4h ago

Feeling old…. And looking old

1

u/pickachuiisajew 3h ago

This guy's teeth are so white they have a credit score of 800

1

u/TKHodgson 3h ago

You saying were born in ‘45?

1

u/macksp 3h ago

Hey there, Arizona. 

1

u/Detachabl_e 3h ago

This is what it looks like when a half orc passes his deception check and now everyone in town thinks he's just a single dad that didn't get custody.

1

u/WalkwiththeWolf 3h ago

Sign above the door "Eat it or starve".

Food on the counter "Beggin' Strips". Not a dog to be found though.

1

u/Flight_305 2h ago

You painting that piece of furniture behind you blue to “rescue it” is sure  the most interesting thing you will ever do. 

1

u/kbeckerburbs4 2h ago

My “Every guy who owns a Jeep is a douchebag” theory is still alive

1

u/phesago 2h ago

Loved you in Nosferatu

1

u/BIGLARRRY 2h ago

LEGOHAIRLOSS

1

u/TicketPlenty2024 1h ago

Sold crap adjustable mortgages on 2008

1

u/dawgmama62 1h ago

How long ago did you leave the elfin brotherhood?

1

u/j_malky87 1h ago

It’s not that your old. It’s just that your body is haunted.

1

u/DemonDuckLucifer 48m ago

You look like Mr. Clean's less successful brother.

1

u/Laura_Biden 27m ago

The bandana 🤣

He tryin to be Aaron Eckhart in Erin Brockovich but lookin' like a police officer who's trying to ingratiate himself into a biker gang?

1

u/SigorneysBeaver 26m ago

You look like you ask for forgiveness after a self suck session

1

u/WinthorpStrange 25m ago

You look like the guy that takes giant stinky shits at work and heats up fish and goat cheese in the work microwave.

1

u/TemuBoyfriend 16m ago

You look great, dickhead. 😁

1

u/Worldly-Conflict-620 14m ago

Fed ex-husband material

1

u/MisterBurnsSucks 6h ago

Put your fucking Christmas decorations away... 😒

1

u/MoonBaby812 8m ago

A young Nosferatu.