r/LeopardsAteMyFace 1d ago

Elon takes his big red ball and goes home…Loomer loses check.

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u/SassTheFash 1d ago

Ikr? With that kind of money you can just tell an underling “find me the objectively most talented blowjobist in Amsterdam and pay her to follow me around all month and drop to her knees the second I glance at her. And next month find me the tightest vajayjay in Berlin who’s willing to be duct-taped to my mattress for all of April.”

But this is another example of “it’s not about sex, it’s about power.” It’s not enough to pay someone to sex you up, it’s about having enough wealth to demand sexual favors of anyone who wanders into your field of view.

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u/Equivalent-Bet-8771 1d ago

it’s about having enough wealth to demand sexual favors of anyone who wanders into your field of view.

So that explains Trump being First Lady now.

I feel queasy.

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u/SassTheFash 1d ago

Tossing Elno’s salad with jelly would be more dignified than what will actually happen.

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u/Equivalent-Bet-8771 1d ago

John McAfee brunch special?

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u/SassTheFash 1d ago

What’s going to happen politically is going to be viler than any physical sexual act yet imagined. I don’t care if it involves pliers and a blowtorch, politically it will be worse.

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u/Equivalent-Bet-8771 1d ago

Well okay then I'll buy the premium popcorn.

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u/a_minty_fart 1d ago

You're going to hell for that

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u/Nefandous_Jewel 1d ago

Truth is like that

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u/a_minty_fart 1d ago

Hey, I'm going to hell for laughing.

Saint Peter: "Well, looking like everything checks out... Wait a second..."

Me: "?"

Saint Peter: "December 26th, 2024 you laughed at a reddit post. It wasn't a chuckle. We could have looked past that. You fucking chortled for a solid 27 minutes. What the fuck dude?"

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u/foodandart 1d ago

You: "I mean.. you know.. it did merit that.. Come on, look at the situation of the peoples involved.."

Saint Peter: Checks papers, arches eyebrows and gives a snort. "Okay u/a_minty_fart.." laughs hard, "You're good.. pass on through.."

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u/Happy_Mask_Salesman 1d ago

10 minutes later:

Saint Peter: -- and if you think that the... wait, are you even listening to me?!

*stopped giggling about remembering the joke after 3 minutes and switched to laughing about not having to stop to inhale in this out of body experience for the past 7 minutes of unhinged mirth *
Its not what it looks like!

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u/No_Significance_1550 1d ago

He just pulls the diaper over to the side…..

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u/supersonicdutch 22h ago

It's not the comment I mind, it's the visual stuck in my head now that's causing me problems.

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u/shadowpawn 1d ago

just think of the happy ending you would be getting $$$

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u/DataCassette 1d ago

Elon bought MAGA for a song, and now Trump will do the visas no matter what the Confederate peasants have to say about it. This is Thiel's oligarchy, Trump is just their dancing monkey.

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u/JohnGillnitz 1d ago

I prefer syrup.

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u/deSpaffle 1d ago

Does he even have sex with women? I thought he just pays them to be artificially inseminated. Its part of his weird breeding kink.

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u/SassTheFash 1d ago

Thanksgiving must’ve been awkward, when he reflexively nuts at the sight of a turkey baster.

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u/Toonces311 1d ago

Best use of "reflexively nut" ever. Well done sir.

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u/FridayLevelClue 1d ago

Well, he probably didn’t have any family around, just sycophants, so not too awkward.

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u/Szygani 1d ago

How very Pierce Hawthorne. "I also leave you a cylinder of my sperm"

https://youtu.be/rShi7_za-qQ?si=kjsRDVn_WuKUBFFq

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u/WutUtalkingBoutWill 1d ago

That's literally it. It's all about power because there's nothing else to accomplish. When you have everything you could possibly want. You eventually wander in to the world of things you can't just buy. You need to get that itch. And that's what that creepy fat fuck does.

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u/Chemical-free35 18h ago

This is the absolute answer these wealthy abominations seek only the lust of power after gaining wealth, and in most cases weight

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u/BaconBrewTrue 1d ago

If what I've been told is true his mistake was asking. You are supposed to just do it, grab em by the pussy when your rich they let you do it.

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u/Madrugada2010 1d ago

"Blowjobist" - that's stellar.

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u/Fake_William_Shatner 1d ago

It's probably they want to FEEL like they charmed someone,.. or just getting what is hard to get at the moment.

These people are bottomless pits of need.

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u/Iamthewalrusforreal 1d ago

You can find anything you want in Amsterdam.

Buddy of mine on an Amsterdam trip declared "I want a blowjob and a haircut." Okay. "No, I mean at the same time."

I never asked because I didn't really want to know, but he did show up later that afternoon with the worst fucking haircut I've ever seen.

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u/Klokinator 1d ago

the tightest vajayjay in Berlin who’s willing to be duct-taped

But that's the thing. They don't want 'willing'. When you're that rich, women throw themselves at you. It's no fun. They want a challenge. They want unwilling participants. And even if the participants are unwilling, so what? Billionaires exist in the first tier of justice while poors exist in the fifth.

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u/masterstoker 1d ago

You have really thought this through. What's up for May and June?

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u/SassTheFash 1d ago

Most talented Australian courtesan in “axillary intercourse.”

That means sticking it in her armpit.

Being rich can get boring, gotta spice things up.

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u/pmw3505 1d ago

It’s about power, he wanted to exert what he thought was power over her thinking she wouldn’t refuse and she did. It’s less about the handjob and more about the control over people.

Also why the fuck would someone want a horse? Especially if they live in a city. Wtf you gonna do with that? Spend a ton of money to move into rural area so you can pay to have a stable or barn built and then have to commute to work today on top of all the new horse related costs? That’s a gift that costs you more than you get from it lmao

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u/TheStarkfish 1d ago

That's called sex trafficking. It's one of the few crimes that is still frowned upon in billionaire circles. I'm sure they're all doing it, but it's a gamble: do you end up getting away with it like Gaetz or going down for it like Diddy?

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u/SassTheFash 1d ago

Musk can also literally fly to an area with licensed sex workers the moment he feels horny.

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u/hobbbes14 1d ago

That's how you get "Kelly and the Big Stud"

"What? Kelly can be a guy's name too."

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u/Netizen_Sydonai 1d ago

You might get some Diddy charges for that; sex trafficing and transportation go engage in prostitution.